Screw You Haiku 11/9/17

A little light haiku relief…

Proof that haiku do not always have to be serious…

 

The life of the clown

by day bringing joy, by night

he’s under your bed

 

night time toilet trip

lights out, think I saw a clown

run back to bed scared

 

Long hair and tight jeans

he watches her walk and lusts

bugger, it’s a bloke!

 

hot tea before bed

up three times throughout the night

Damn old man’s bladder!

 

One drink after work

woke up in the back garden

bloody sambuca!

 


More stuff?  Ive tons and tons of stuff!

Jeffrey and Cho – FFFAW Challenge

Lion and Zebra – Daily Prompt – Hidden

Probing – a cautionary tale – Daily prompt

 

 

Your lunchtime limerick 11/9/17

Another day another limerick.

Been a bit busy of late so best I can muster is …another lunch time limerick.  Proof that the limerick form can make sad things less so. 

 

Lovely fellow was left at the alter

loved her still So he just would not fault her

She ran off with her lover

then got aids from another

and then died late last year in Gibralter

 


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

Sparrow and Snake #writephoto

Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

 

Image courtesy of  me

Your lunchtime limerick 10/9/17

Another day another limerick.

Another day another lunch time limerick. 

 

She’s quite gender fluid my gran

so this week she’s being a man

she looks ever so weird

with her moustache and beard

insisting we call her nan Stan

 


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

Sparrow and Snake #writephoto

Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

 

Image courtesy of  me

Your lunchtime limerick 9/9/17

Another day another limerick.

Another day another lunch time limerick. 

 

A cheeky young lass from Djabouti

buxom, curvaceous, such beauty

she was caught in the park

with a ginger lad, mark

who brought sausage and whipped cream, so fruity!

 


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

Sparrow and Snake #writephoto

Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

 

Image courtesy of  pixabay

Your lunchtime limerick 8/9/17

Another day another limerick.

Another day another limerick.  True story and so sad but see how the limerick form makes it just a little less sombre…

 

 

A chap’s lovely young bride named Jane

had a tumor alas in her brain

she died, you can tell

he’d insured her quite well

bought a quite lovely villa in Spain

 


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

Sparrow and Snake #writephoto

Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

 

Image courtesy of  pixabay

Your lunchtime limerick 7/9/17

Looks like lunch time limerick has become a thing…sorry.

What shall we look at today…hmmm

 

A church going chap who loved learning

one day felt a rather strong yearning

he’d enjoyed fifty shades

now feels wholly depraved

and wakes up every day with loins burning

 


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

Sparrow and Snake #writephoto

Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

 

Image courtesy of  pixabay

Deep and insightfully insightfulnessness

Today’s blog introduces my new section, Ask Michael.

Seems that there are lots of blogs offering advice and inspiration so today I thought that I would perhaps try my hand at something a little different.   I have read a lot of the blogs out there so think maybe I might have the knack.

Life not what you thought it would be?  

How about…”All good things come to those who wait.”  Ooh,  how about “Life is what you make of it.”

Now you could sit around waiting for something wonderful though I would suggest you ask yourself if it really is that bad.  Okay, so maybe you’re one of those poor folk with a face full of flies and a sticky out belly button and is born into abject poverty and would prefer a loaf of bread over a fridge magnet quote but given that you are reading this, probably on a mobile phone, then I don’t think you’re one of them.

I imagine you have very few, if any, flies on your face and you probably have Amazon Prime Video and enjoy regular baths.  Maybe it could be better if you had NetFlix, but perhaps  just be grateful for what you have and keep working to try and improve yourself and your life and those around you because it could be a damn site worse and you could be wearing underpants that you got from a Lithuanian charity.

Feeling like a failure?  

Why not hang out with urine drenched homeless people and crack addled prostitutes for an afternoon?  You’ll feel so much better about yourself in to time, and will have a new found appreciation for the meagre amount you have achieved in life.  That is assuming they don’t rob you and steal your clothes and use you as a sexual plaything in a bus station toilet.

Lost your faith?

It will be fine I promise, in fact I would suggest you get out to the pub with a few mates and have some cocktails and shots and do some karaoke.  Chances are that whatever your faith strippers and flaming sambucas are on the do to list so enjoy it while you can.

You can always go back when you hit rock bottom, or at Christmas or on the day of the holy monkey god ascension day or whatever it is people go for these days.  We all know how much people of faith love welcoming back a lost soul, so they will probably have a barbecue for you, which would be lovely I am sure.

Let’s finish on a couple of things you could turn into motivational weight related fridge magnets shall we? 

I may have fat armpits, but at least I do not look like I have aids.

I beat anorexia!

I smell like pies because it makes me feel sexy.

That’s just a sample of my wisdom, and you’re feeling better now I imagine.  Not bad for a first attempt I reckon.  As you can see I am all heart and am here to share your pain.  

Feel free to leave a comment and I will happily advise you how to fix your life.


Fancy reading something else?

Ichabod the first

Badger and Fox

More miserable and inappropriate limericks – Not for the kiddies


Photo courtesy of Geralt@pixabay

Your lunchtime limerick 6/9/17

Looks like lunch time limerick has become a thing…sorry.

Yes, it is that time again…

 

A virginal groom of low worth

just 5 inches, got married in Perth

wedding night, all revealed

with delight his bride sqeualed

was not length that he’d measured but girth

 


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

Sparrow and Snake #writephoto

Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

 

Image courtesy of  pixabay

More and more limericks

I am going to have to admit that I love writing these.  Today I think I shall write about terrible things that happen to good people.

I am going to have to admit that I love writing these.  Today I think I shall write about terrible things that happen to good people.


A woman that I work with a Saint

broke her spine when she slipped on some paint

She’s bed ridden and blue

Her hub said he’d be true

now he’s doing her mum, so he aint.

 

My friend had a wife quite divine

got addicted to cake, crack and wine

really let herself go

and her bottom did grow

only 30 but looks fifty nine

 

An arab chap born in Kuwait

stole the hub of a really good mate

it was all quite a mess

he looked good in a dress

now they’re married, he calls himself Kate

 

My sister got hammered one night

with her boyfriend got into a fight

so she stayed out real late

and then slept with his mate

now she’s single again, such delight

 


4.  I like doing 4.

Want something different?

Playground – Daily prompt

We unlikely few – An Armitage tangent

Probing – a cautionary tale – Daily prompt

 

 

Get well soon limericks 

Get well soon.

To round off a day of mostly limericks one last post.  Inspired by a comment by a reader at http://www.poetrummager.com who suggested limericks could replace traditional get well soon message. Thank you ! 

   

An infected promiscuous mate

Got aids from a lass on a date 

He was once much much bigger 

But now has a nice figure 

Since infected he’s lost loads of weight 

   

I saw your dad this afternoon 

Heard your  stomach looks like a balloon 

And your bottom has leaked 

But your temperature peaked 

So I hope that you’ll feel better soon 

   

Your mum said you just been for tests 

For a lump that you found in your breast

Lets hope its not bad

Cos that happened to dad 

And just after we laid him to rest 

   

I saw your dad at the garage 

said your scrotum is swollen quite large 

Since you went to Bangkok 

I bet it was a shock 

When you saw the quite nasty discharge.

    

Right…that’s a lot of posts for one day, see you tomorrow perhaps.

Photo couryesy of Typographyimages@pixabay

Just one more post…

I have wanted to use the words “throbbing” and “Angela Merkel” in the same piece for some time. To be honest I would probably not bother reading this…

I can’t always muster anything too long when typing on my phone as its far too tricky but Im still awake and seems sleep is some way off.

 It is half past midnight and I am in the Premier Inn in Scarborough with the wife and kids and the cocophony of the blissful sleep of others means that you get one more post.  Pretty place Scarbrough.  I wrote a post or two back why I am awake.

Anyway…my point was that I think I will just wrote one more piece.  Perhaps something dirty about Donald trump and Angela Merkel.

   

Why? Since when did why matter? 

   
How electric was her touch 

proud Donald thought on meeting 

He felt a stirring down below 

As the Fraulein he was greeting 

   

His mind it raced, perfume he smelled 

So buxom quite devine 

Strong back big hands delicious chins 

He craved her “she’ll be mine!”

   

His mind it wandered, pulse it raced 

He hungered for her touch 

His little hands they craved to feel 

Her German curves so much 

   

Unable to control his needs

 he turns Away from twitter 

And sneaks away to please himself 

Whilst hiding in the shitter.

   

“Oh Angela” he cries aloud 

and dwells upon a kiss 

Trousers round his ankles

Face contorted in pure bliss 

   
OK I think I am going to bed this is just getting weird now. 

Photo courtesy of 3dman_eu@pixabay

I tried to say goodbye.

Proof that a dog is indeed mans best friend

Word prompt :  I tried to say goodbye – written in response to Michelle’s prompt at her sites Putting My Feet in the Dirt & Her Writing Haven.  

I tried to say goodbye today

But you wagged your tail and barked 

And followed me as I set off 

And chased me through the park

   

So back I walked and took you home

This time I would ensure 

the wife who I’d left home in bed

Would all the gates secure 

      

“You’ll not believe just who got out!”

I shout and summarise 

The story of our dogs escape 

But oh to my surprise…

     

It seems my pooch has helped me out 

My wife is not alone 

It seems he’s not the only one 

Who rather loves a bone.

   

   
I have neither a dog nor a promiscuous wife by the way, just in case you wondered.  🙂

Late night limericks 

A quick dose of inappropriateness

I am away for a few days and the hotel is next to a rather rowdy beer garden whos patrons seem to be having a quite wonderful time.   So in lieu of sleep I will see whether I can manage a few limericks on my phone. 

  
A baker I know quite sublime 

Made cakes pies and puddings most fine 

Met a lass who he woo’d

with his sensual food 

Said she “Your spotted dick is divine!”

   

   

A fellow with wife rather bland 

For insurance he schemed and he planned 

But his plot came to nought 

By the cops he was cought 

Now in prison he gets nightly manned  

   

   
Amsterdam…drugs whores and beer

What a weekend he had but i fear 

That his wife will discover 

His large breasted lover 

When the tests come back with gonorrhoea

     

  

A hubby his wife sadly binned

But not ‘cos she cheated or sinned

Such a flatulent hag

She’d eat chilli, he’d gag 

As it gave her quite horrible wind 

   

   
They seem a little quieter…perhaps they’ve gone for a kebab…
Sleep well!

Screw you haiku – Volume 5

Just a few haiku, but no t so serious…

 

Dream guy, takes him home

so magnetic and charming

turns out hes married

 

Passion overwhelms

the neighbours call the police

curtains were open

 

married ten years

what happened to romance.  She:

close the bathroom door!

 

Chinese for dinner

kung po pork or king prawn foo?

all tastes same to me

 

I hate you haiku

syllables, five seven five

screw you I’m doing six

 

Day one of diet

Went for a massive curry

ill start tomorrow

 

 


 

want something different?

Even more limericks on sombre topics. Probably not for kids…

Faeries: The long winter

Armitage – Part 1


https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/magnetic/

Even more limericks on sombre topics. Probably not for kids…

Proof that a limerick can make even the darkest of topics more pleasant…

Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world.  Or, I just wanted a tenuous reason to post this on the daily prompt, you decide.

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects.  What do you reckon?


A fellow alas premature

in his loving, his wife quite demure

Said “I need you to last

and not be so damn fast

cos you’re done fore I start, that’s for sure

 

A woman got picked up and drugged

and a fellow got beaten and mugged

but I said to the wife

at least we’ve a good life

she said “you’re cold hearted”, I shrugged.

 

Chap in charge of the choir last spring

said he just loves to make the boys sing

“Do it harder and faster!”

said the old choir master

you really do have a nice ring

 

 

A fellow joined up and no doubt

true patriot so he shipped out

Lost his legs to a mine

had some made now he’s fine

and he always gets parked when hes out

 

 

A cheating wife knocked up oh dear

Told her hub she was faithful all year

But the couple are white

and the kid black as night

so he left her for chicks, meat and beer

 

 


Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/

 

 

 

 

Colleen’s Weekly Poetry Challenge #47: Shadow & Light

Be wary of strangers on the internet, just saying…

The rules of this challenge are pretty simple, create a Haiku, a Tanka or a Haibun on the subjects of Shadow and Light.  I  try these each week, let’s see how this week’s efforts turn out shall we.  I’m going to try be serious, honest.  I know they’re meant to be about nature and such but I do like to use them to try and tell a shortened story too.


Ill start with a haiku…

 

He craves her darkness

His light consumed by her will

Turns out shes a man

 

Hmm…not sure where that came from? Maybe some more detail added through the medium of a Tanka, pretty much a haiku with extra lines expressing my feelings on the first 5 lines.  But I don’t think its strictly a rule.

 

He craves her darkness

His light consumed by her will

Turns out shes a man

A Nigerian you say?

Cannot get his money back 

 

Ok, so as a story it’s evolving., I am not allowing myself the luxury of a rewrite, I’ll see where it all goes in the Haibun.  Never done one of these before and it’s late so might play loose with the rules a bit.

 

The endless click of the keyboard, day and night, reaching out with twinkling eyes and sweet smile.  Lonely hearts embraced and dreams force fed foul lies and rancid hope. Offers of that which is lost, never had or which remained unknown are his to freely give and without compassion he loves and lusts and smiles at family photos and brushes his hair from his face and tells you how shy she is.  A first thought with the sun, and good nights murmured into salty pillows bookend the time apart and the minutes until they will be together at last.  They are lines he has used many times over, but well worn and trusted they pull at heart strings and ignite passions satisfied in the night.

He craves her darkness

His light consumed by her will

Turns out shes a man

A Nigerian you say?

Cannot get his money back 

Cold beers, new clothes and food on the table, you are a good boy – you make your mother proud.  Each day is full of promise, each night opportunity presents itself ripe and ready to be plucked and devoured with sweet juice covered chins laughing.  Flights are costly, but can you put a price on love.

 

Well that all turned out a bit weird didn’t it.  Oh well, it is what it is.  Bed time!


There are some previous efforts here

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge # 45 – #Tanka: Honey and Wine

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge # 44 – #Haiku: HUNT & FIND

Screw you haiku Vol 4


https://colleenchesebro.com/2017/08/22/colleens-weekly-poetry-challenge-47-haiku-tanka-haibun-shadow-light/

Haiku Horizons prompt: “Taste”

A haiku challenge on the matter of “taste”

A few scribbles in response to the haiku challenge found at the link below.

https://haikuhorizons.wordpress.com/2017/08/20/haiku-horizons-prompt-taste/

 
Fighting with the wife

Me: “You’ve awful taste ! She:

“Yeah I married you!”

 
Lets try another…

 
Just a tiny taste

Maybe just one more mouth full 

whole cake devoured

 
And one last one

 
First stolen kisses

The taste of her lips on mine

Oh god a smoker

  

Fancy More?

Pesky butterflies – Weekly Weather Challenge: Hurricane

Badger and Fox

Ichabod the first

An open letter from the killer clown community

In a world where diversity across society is ever increasingly celebrated there remain places where prejudice and hatred still run free.

This is a bit of a stream of conscious Saturday effort, which requires me to simply (with minimal editing) write.  This one went much better than last week and is pretty much unedited.  I would have liked to redo it as I like the idea but it is what it is.

Details can be found here if you fancy having a go:

https://lindaghill.com/2017/07/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-817/


Dear world

In a world where diversity across society is ever increasingly celebrated there remain places where prejudice and hatred still run free.  For every minority welcomed into inclusive arms there are those who day to day must face the very real darkness that lies in the hearts of men.  It is on behalf of one of those most marginalised segments of modern society that I write.

While the LGBTQ population blaze a glittering trail and celebrate their diversity and individuality we are forced to remain hidden under your beds, our history and heritage now long forgotten and all that remains of the joy we once brought is fear.

You have forgotten us, and more than that you have allowed our memory to be twisted until all that remains are your own inner fears and inhibitions which you project onto us.

In sports and entertainment those that are differently able are now held aloft as a symbol of our more progressive ways yet we must hide our difference and we are forced to lurk in the dark recesses of your closets for fear of discovery.

We deserve better for once we were the better part of you, we ewre your joy and your escape and your light in the darkness.  Now, I fear we have become your darkness and we must now arm ourselves to protect all that remains of our once proud people.

My heart’s desire is that once again you will embrace us and allow us to help you regain your innocence.  We are tired of living in the sewers and the garden sheds.  We wish to be released from the shackles of your childhood nightmares and to again bring joy to the faces of small children.

We ask of you to no longer exclude us but to open your arms and embrace our kind, free us from our solitary existence be ask for we are born of you and and deserve better.

Yours Sincerely

Killer Clowns


Fancy More?

Pesky butterflies – Weekly Weather Challenge: Hurricane

Badger and Fox

Ichabod the first

 

 

Https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/solitary/

 

 

Photo courtesy of RyanMcGuire @ pixabay

Screw you haiku Vol 4

Crude, infantile and fun to write.  Gotta be better than what’s going on in the world right?

Crude, infantile and fun to write.  Gotta be better than what’s going on in the world right?


Cannibals in love

“How do you feel about kids?”

“can’t eat a whole one”


First day of diet

Accidental carrot cake

I’ll start tomorrow


Spicy curry night

poppadoms and spicy dip

explosive repeats


miles from a toilet

buttocks clenched eyes watering

oh look a turtle!


having a fiddle

mood gone, discovered a lump

testicle lopped off


Want to read more of my stuff?  It’s not all like that promise…

A story about a girl

Some sci fi

and something for the kids


Https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/spicy/

Pesky butterflies – Weekly Weather Challenge: Hurricane

Now I have heard it said that if a butterfly flaps its wings in my back garden it can cause a hurricane in the Philippines or Singapore or somewhere equally warm and exotic…

Now I have heard it said that if a butterfly flaps its wings in my back garden it can cause a hurricane in the Philippines or Singapore or somewhere equally warm and exotic,

Not wanting to appear ignorant I looked up the source of the saying, and from what I read it can be attributed to one Edward Lorenz, who I am sure is most learned, and is the basis of a chaos theory hypothesis which speaks to the randomness of outcomes given any number of contributing factors.

That is about as far as I got before my ignorance and intolerance of such nonsense got the better of me and I decided that surely it must be complete tosh and it would be most appreciated if people would just stop saying it.

I would like to suggest that Mr Lorenz get outdoors more and get a proper job.  Has he even seen a butterfly?  I can just imagine his lofty minded colleagues patting him on the back and congratulating him on his recent thesis whilst on the inside he is laughing his tits off and wondering how he might get into the head of the English departments knickers.

Okay, now if this is true then surely we need to kill all butterflies.  As beautiful and whimsical as they might seem, they cannot be allowed to run amuck causing severe meteorological events.  That just will not do.

Do butterflies possess some magical storm inducing power?  What about the effect of other winged creatures?  What about bats and eagles?  Could a fly flapping furiously in Egypt cause a light drizzle in Cape Town?  A lot of questions I realise but ones to be answered surely.  Heavens, can high winds in the Sahara be attributed to activities of a small flock of gulls in New York?

Perhaps I am taking it too literally and getting myself vexed over nothing.  I am thinking that I should have continued reading instead of submitting to my ignorance.

There are obviously many things that I do not know, but what I do know that I just went out into the garden with a tea tray and spent a minute wafting it up and down, simulating the force of a thousand angry butterflies.  I do not expect this to have any effect on anything (unless my neighbours saw me then perhaps there may be an awkward aversion of eyes next time we cross paths), but if by chance Manilla is ravaged by monsoons, hurricanes and tidal waves next week then I take it all back.

Frightfully sorry.


Fancy something else?

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/


https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/amble/

 

wp-image-428559791

 

This Week’s Challenges: August 13 – 19 (OWPC & WW)

Haiku Challenge – Hope and Stay

Ronovan’s weekly haiku challenge – Hope and Stay

Let’s start with a haiku or two shall shall we.  The rules do let me play with synonyms which I might explore too.


In my heart you’ll stay

you drift into the darkness

hope of afterlife

 

seems a bit serious..

walked her home tonight

Invited in for coffee

hope she lets me stay

 

another maybe

 

husband caught, hope lost

empty promises to change

if you let him stay

 

All very serious…maybe a Tanka

See Maurice eating

watch him gorge on cheese in bed

eats cake in the night

Where can he get new trousers

ones with the elastic waist

 

Hmmm….not really feeling it. 

 


These ones we kind of funny if you fancy more

 


https://ronovanwrites.com/2017/08/14/ronovanwrites-weekly-haiku-poetry-prompt-challenge-162-hopestay/

One Word Photo Challenge: Hummingbird – Part 1

“Sorry sir” Henderson replied “but we drop out of FTL and go radio silent and now we’re locked in orbit at four times the usual distance instead of heading home.  That’s not protocol.” 

This was written in response to the one word photo challenge which I rather enjoy, and details can be found at the link below.  This week I had to use the word “hummingbird” as inspiration.  It had me thinking of thinking of things of a geostationary nature…

One Word Photo Challenge


 

In the cold of space, 80000 Miles above the Kazakh steppes the Hummingbird emerged from Faster-Than-Light and Captain Jenkins ordered it be placed into geostationary orbit.  Shortly after a call went out across the ship-com for the vessels four most senior officers to come to the captain’s quarters.

“Gentlemen” Jenkins began, “take a seat please”.

The three men pulled up chairs around the table.  Henderson, the Chief Engineer,  waited for Jenkins to be seated before speaking.

“What’s happened sir?” he asked.

“What makes you think something happened Henderson” the Captain asked sharply.

“Sorry sir” Henderson replied “but we drop out of FTL and go radio silent and now we’re locked in orbit at four times the usual distance instead of heading home.  That’s not protocol.”

Jenkins took a deep breath.  “About 30 minutes ago, on approach to FTL drop out point, I received an encoded fragment of a sub-light notification  warning us to stay away from Earth.  Sub-light then went offline.”  H paused before continuing.  “When we came out of FTL I initiated a comms freeze override and engaged full shielding.”

Coles took off his hat and placed it on the table.  “And we know nothing more Sir?”  He was the eldest of his senior officers and a damned good Chief Navigator and the best Comms officer in the fleet.

Jenkins stood and began to pace, he didn’t think as well when he was sat down.  “Not a thing Charles.  I wanted to brief you all before we start full scans.”

“Sir, if I may” Coles interjected.

“Go ahead.”

“We’re ready to go Sir, we can initiate fulls scans as soon as you give the word.”  he stood as if to leave.

“I need to know if we are visible” Jenkins asked calmly, still pacing.  “I need to ensure that should we take down the shields to run scans we maintain minimal risk of exposure.”

Coles put his hat back on and straightened it.  “Sir, From this distance we are pretty much undetectable with shields up.  We will need to reduce shield strength to half to initiate full diagnostics but even with reduced shields we should be hidden from anything but a targeted scan”

Jenkins stopped pacing.

“Okay, let’s do it.  Initiate full planetary scan.”  he continued, turning to Henderson and Carter, who had sat silently throughout .  “Gentlemen, all hands on deck please.  We have no idea what is going on down there.”

Both men replied in unison standing.  “Yes Sir.”

As the three men headed for the door Jenkins called over to Carter.  “Let’s bring the rail guns online Master Chief” he instructed.  “I don’t want to get caught cold”

“Yes Sir” Carter replied and exited after the others.

Jenkins followed his officers and headed to the bridge.  He wasn’t prone to panic or overreaction, but something felt wrong.  “Officers never run” he told himself as he settled into his chair, three large screens in front of him.

“Coles” he shouted out across the deck,  “drop shields to 50% and initiate full Earth side scans please.  And pinpoint the fleet for me will you.”

“Sir, yes sir” came a prompt reply.

Jenkins waited a few moments before the first results started to be returned.   His screens lit up and a cascade of information began to filter through.

“Jesus Christ” he exclaimed as the information began to pour through.  “Coles, are you getting this?” he shouted.

“I am sir” came Coles’ response.  There was a note in his voice that made Jenkins uneasy.  “I’ve validated outputs and there are no errors.”

“Shields back to 100%” Jenkins ordered sharply.  “Henderson, take us out to 160 thousand miles full speed.”

“Yes Sir!” came a response “One hundred and sixty thousand.  Initiating sub light engines.”

Coles walked across to the captain, his face ashen and spoke quietly “Sir, there are no mistakes – those transponder results are unmistakable – that is the entire fleet in pieces down there with zero signs of life.”


 

Fancy something similar?  Try this, or this…


Photo courtesy of Stevebidmead @ Pixabay

FFfAW Challenge – A steaming mug of dark and silky goodness

“No, I am not drinking that!” Gordon insisted, forcefully pushing Colin’s arm away and turning his head in disgust.

The challenge was to write about the picture above in anywhere from 75 to 175 words.


“No, I am not drinking that!” Gordon insisted, forcefully pushing Colin’s arm away and turning his head in disgust.

Howling with laughter he offered the cup again.  “Come on mate” he slurred, taking a drink from the beer in his other hand,  “It’s chocolate honest!”

Gordon gagged as it was again shoved in his face.  “Oh god get that away from me!” he demanded “I don’t care how drunk I am I’m not touching it!”

Colin drank more beer.

“And how the hell did a man of your size even get that in the cup?” Gordon continued most vexed but not really wanting to know.  “you better not have made a mess in there we’ve just had it decorated and the wife will bloody kill me!”

Barely able to contain himself Colin lifted the mug to his lips.  “Okay if you won’t then I will…“

“Nooooo!” Gordon screamed.

“Ooh lovely” Colin said, licking his lips and offering it again grinning. “What did you think it was?”

“You’re such a dick” Gordon replied opening another beer.


175 words


Fancy something else?

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

 

 

Ooh look at me being all topical!

Topical, insightful an getting to the heart of the subjects that really matter

If you’ve read any of me then you may well know I like to dabble in inappropriate haiku and limericks.  I know some of the subject matter is a little awkward but work with me…now and then I stumble upon one that’s actually quite good.

Michael

 

A few limericks to start…

Kim-Jun and Donald so hot

For each other though they insist not

But I reckon they would

If only they could

Not get caught making love high on pot

 

Single dad collects guns for a hobby

Had a son known as Bob, Rob or Robbie

But alas now he’s dead

Fatal shot to the head

From a gun he found primed in the lobby

 

Poverty, nukes, death and drought

Why leave home, I am not going out

At TV I sit glaring 

but I’m really past caring

Time for curry in bed with a stout

 

African crisis I never

have seen such despair no not ever

Drought, pain loss, Civil War

HIV, death and more

But hey, least they’ve got lovely weather

 

And a few haiku for good measure…

 

Eighteen convicted

North East children now safer

Pretty prison mouths

 

Head down crossed the road

He never saw it coming

Bus grill needs cleaning


 

More?  Try this or this

Photo courtesy of pixabay


https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/glaring/