He thinks he’s funny
But he gambled on a fart
Faecal stained trousers

I should know better. I do.meh…
He thinks he’s funny
But he gambled on a fart
Faecal stained trousers

Just some random waffly bits in response to a prompt
In response to Fandango’s FOWC prompt “Quandary“
If you had a telescope, a particularly powerful telescope, and you knew exactly where to look, and you were somewhat lucky and wholly tenacious, and you pointed it in the direction of the Horse Head nebula at just the right time on just the right day then, without doubt, you would still have absolutely no chance of seeing the SS Quandary.
And if you could not see the Quandary, you could most certainly not see her Captain as he stood proudly on her deck, legs akimbo and hands on his narrow hips. The Quandary shuddered and lurched, the auto-grav screaming against the deafening cacophony of sirens. Yet, resolute, he stared out from the bridge, watching as enemy fighters ripped gold and crimson slashes in the vast blackness of space.
He followed a photon torpedo as it tracked through the darkness in front of him, fast in pursuit of one of his combat drones.
“Funny old word ‘Photon,’ he said to himself, tightening the thick black belt around his waist and straightening his crisp white uniform trousers before pulling his jacket tight by the lapels.
“Photon, pho…ton, photon, photon, phooooo ton,” he said to no one in particular, the word bubbling around inside his mouth. He beckoned to a young ensign who was sat at a console to his right, punching away at something that was almost certainly futile and would not make one jot of difference when it came to their impending doom.
“Yes Captain Myers?” said the ensign, looking up from his screen, the pale light of the monitor splashed across his pallid skin.
“Photon, ” said the Captain, “funny old word isn’t it.”
The ensign shifted uncomfortably. It was obviously not a rhetorical question, and given the captain’s tone he assumed the answer was in the affirmative.
“Er, yes, yes it is,” the ensign replied, one eye on the captain, the other on his screen. It was mostly a sea of red and red was never a colour you wanted to see on anything when you were being attacked by an armada of ships that seemed intent on your destruction.
The captain chuckled to himself, silently mouthing the word over and over as he walked slowly forwards towards the vast window that stretched one side of the deck to the other.
The ensign settled back into his seat and returned to his screen. What little colour there was in his face drained as he watched a rather large something beep slowly as it tracked across his screen.
“Sir, ” he said nervously, “Sir, there is something you need to see.”
“Really?” replied Myers slowly as he watched fighter after fighter evaporate into a million glistening shards before his eyes. “Are you sure? It’s just that…”
“Yes sir,” interrupted the ensign. “you need to see it now sir, it is….”
“Oh, no need,” said Myers as he stiffened to attention, his eyes fixed on the thing that was winding it’s way through the drifting mass of debris towards them.
He half turned towards where the ensign sat, the ship shuddering once more and huge geysers of steam bursting from the floor as the lights flickered and dimmed.
“See, look there he said,” pointing out towards where the thing screamed towards them. “Photon…”
Popped over to the east coast…
Where: Scarborough, East Yorkshire, England
When: 29th January 2022
Why: Went to watch rugby And decided to pop into town after for fish and chips.
With: Me, my youngest, Tom, and his friend Henry.
It is a 2 hour drive in the van to Scarborough so we set off pretty early in an absolute Gale and got there just in time to watch the rugby match. The result was somewhat disappointing as we lost but it was good to be outdoors Even though it was blowing so hard and at times was difficult just to stand up straight.
We decided to head down to the beach front in Scarborough to get some fish-and-chips which were absolutely fantastic then we spent a little time in the arcades and having a walk about and we finished off with an ice cream and some lovely views of the Bay in the dark. We didn’t really have a great deal of time to spend because we had to make a 2 hour journey back home but it was a great way to spend the day.
I probably spent as much time sat in the Van driving as I did watching the rugby and eating delicious fish-and-chips but I don’t mind that it’s all part of the fun. We didn’t take the dog though because whilst he can make a 2 hour journey there have been a lot of problems with animals getting sick having gone in the water on the East Coast so we decided to keep him safe.
Mostly it was just a rather nice trip out in the sunshine and the blowing winds and a great excuse To have my favourite lemon ice cream.


















For what she was about to receive…such great bounty indeed!
Pyromaniac nympho called Linda
Took a lad home that she met on Tinder
Took some candles to bed
How he screamed as he fled
Burnt the poor fellows cock to a cinder
Stick with it…get to the end.
Waiting, like a man at the gallows
I wait and wait, and watch your desperate dance
The chance to leave this place I seek
But this is not my choice, but yours
And time ticks slow as cold seeps in
My coat pulled tight ‘gainst coming night
That perfect refuge still evades
And so you lead me to the dark
On and on, beyond the vale
of day and dusk and all that’s bright
A merry dance, and I must give
My all to follow where I’m sought
I try to fight against the pull
Insisting our time has run out
And beg, please free me from this duty
As slumber calls me slowly home
Just over here, you beckon me
As helpless I can not refuse
This is my lot, my place to be
I beg my dog, please do your poos
AB
Only faith and hopes
Does span the bridge of excess
When yule tide passes

It’s that time again
Once a virginal lassie from Bury
To her boyfriend she offered her cherry
“Damn wrong hole” she did cry
“You’re two inches too high!”
“Does it hurt?” he asked, she replied “Very!”
Rivelin Valley, Sheffield. Water, water everywhere
Where: Rivelin Valley, Sheffield, South Yorkshire, England
When: 24th January 2022
Why: Used to live there a lifetime ago, and Mrs Afterwards often reminisces how she took her old dog Chester there to play in the river…
With: Me, Mrs Afterwards and the dog, Theo
Its only about 40 miles and around an hour from halifax, so off we went. The weather was decent enough, grey and calm, and not cold at all – which is great for January.
The Rivelin Valley has a river that runs for miles, with decent paths around it to make it a pleasant and easy walk. The thing that makes it stand out though, is its history of water wheels and industry – all long gone now – dating back to 1581. There are loads of remnants of what was once a thriving area, and it’s amazing to think that for hundreds of years this was an area synonymous with the production of knives and forks that were shipped worldwide. Sheffield steel reached every corner of the globe for hundreds of years and remains a mark of quality to this day.
We all had a great time, especially Theo who got to jump into lakes, puddles, rivers, pools and bogs. So excited was he that I could be oft heard swearing at him as once again he nearly pulled my arm out of the socket as he lurched after one thing or another.
And to top it all off, at the end of what was nearly 2 hours of walking, was a great tuna melt and some rather good chips. Oh, and a Ribena. I think it tasted all the better for being hungry after the walk. Definitely worth the 4 or so hours door to door…

























Love sees not the faults
and deaf to accusations
turns blind eye again

Wordy words and waffl
If I could write your story would I change your final pages
Fix your broken heart and put together pieces that you hold
And would I right the wrongs you suffered with new chapters at my will
Tell your story as you dreamt it, as the sun sets growing old
Would I fill your days with laughter, love and care free evermore
With each line crafted for your pleasure and the joys of life unfold
Or cave to writers block that chokes and cruelly robs me of these words
And like embers once so bright now turned to ashes grey and cold
So dot the i’s and cross the t’s then put this pen of hope away
Or maybe leaves the pages blank, and let that story stay untold
For who am I to tell your story, it is yours alone to tell
So live, write it in your own words, I surely should not be so bold
A weekly Limerick to help you with those get well soon cards
Heard you had quite a tiff with your Zip
And the skin on your knob it did rip
And you screamed like a child
And your eyes they bulged wild
Left a rather deep gouge in the tip
photo courtesy of pixabay
My weekly dose of drivel
Alone she stands, a beacon, calling loud into the night
And to her warm embrace she beckons, drawing in with love and light,
Her warmth and tender words, they promise rest and fretless sleep
Through crashing waves, and razor rocks they flood into her keep
Her eyes as dark as deepest seas, upon which they once sailed
Her pallid skin, her blood red lips, the cross on which impailed
They pledge their love and service for the promise of life’s rest
And at last find solace in the embrace of her breast
Until the end of days, beneath the waves, they serve the throne
Lost to the world and those they left that toil the sun, alone
And in her wake they trail as slow she gathers for her store
Until their memories have faded, and at last they are no more
AB
A lesson in the importance of being sensitive
She, orphaned at birth
Revealed, he comforts with sex
Moderate language

Meat based frolics
Once a perverted butcher called Pete
Did despicable things with his meat
It would so make you quiver
As he frolicked in liver
Rubbed his sausage with rancid pigs feet
Ogden Water, Halifax.. Bright blue skies and blustery winds.
Where: Ogden Water, Halifax, West Yorkshire, England
When: 16th January 2022
Why: Took the dog for a walk there, but wanted to take a different path…
With: Just me and the dog, Theo
Ogden water is one of the local Reservoirs, and near to where the kids go to school and perfect for a lap with the dog. Usually I just have a leisurely stroll through the woods around the waters edge, and Theo gets rather excited at the ducks and gulls that wait to be fed by passers by.
Today though I went a different route and passing by Boggart wood and over the victorian promenade I carried out along a path I have see a few times before, but never taken.
Before I knew it my head was freezing cold (as I had neglected to bring a hat), and it was blowing a gale – but wow what a view! Looking back down the valley towards Halifax, everything glistened under the crisp blue skies and the moors stretched invitingly before us as the golfers battled the winds some way below.
The dog had a fantastic time as he darted from bog to bog, the wind seeming to excite him terribly. I only wish I had allowed more time because I think I could have made a full day of it! I certainly will next time…















And that brings that to an end…
About a year ago I decided to leave my Xmas tree up and decorate it with other things throughout the year and that I would only take it down when the world got back to normal.
The tree is down, but I realise that this is not the normal we left behind…
I just felt the tree thing had ran its course and it was time to move onto something else. A few folk have already remarked that they miss seeing the tree, and it is a little bare in here, but I am deciding still on what to do next. Watch this space I guess.
It certainly proved a talking point on the millions of zoom calls I had to endure the last year, and it was fun coming up with new ideas so yes, I will miss it.
God I should have left it up shouldn’t I…hmmm
Oh well…onwards and upwards!
If you’re curious, these are the trees:















It’s just made up okay, for shits and giggles. Honest. Plus I get to use the dildo bike gif again.
Once a cyclist of note, name of Mike
Big old smile as he peddled his bike
Look of bliss on his face
For the seat he’d replaced
With a dildo, he really did like!

Feel free to use it if you know someone in need!
You poor thing, heard you’re feeling unwell
That it’s itching and starting to swell
Hope you feel well real soon
And it doesn’t balloon
And explode with a pungent vile smell
My weekly dose of drivel
She slips her hand, soft, into his and tender does suggest
that had she known him years ago then all would now be best
Sweet promises that seek to mend the things that cause such rot
With shallow smile he nods, and lies, for he believes her not
Like knotted roots, the tangled web of thoughts run deep and wide
And in the dark he chooses what she seeks to coldly hide
For these things make us who we are, and stoic he persists
Lives the ruin he will not give up, that blinds like winter’s mists
Ruining diminutive Japanese poetry one picture at a time! All credit goes to Prince on this. R.I.P
If you know, you know…
Anticipation
Satisfaction guaranteed
Cruel reality

A tale as old as time…
Once a waiter from Greece, tanned and handsome
Held the hearts of the tourist quite ransom
How the ladies would swoon
And his tips would balloon
But was into dads, grandads and grandsons
Emley Moor Transmitter, Huddersfield. My what a big one you have…
Where: Emley Moor Broadcast Mast. Huddersfield, West Yorkshire, England
When: Monday 10th January 2022
Why: Because I can see it from my house and wanted to see it
With: Just me and the dog, Theo
I can see the old transmitter tower when I walk the dog, which is next to the red lights you see in the picture below. From a distance it has a fabulous Mordor/Lord of the rings vibe to it…
Pre digital, this is where we received out TV signals from and it was once the 6th highest structure in the world. Ive never ben so today me and the dog got in the van and drove out. It is only about 30 minutes drive through Brighouse and over to Huddersfield.

Mostly its a whopping great tower. Big. Really big. You can pull over in a layby and have a peek but you cant get that close (though one day a year you can apparently go up it) and once you’ve appreciated the general bigness you;re kind of done really.
Did I mention it’s big?






We had some hot chocolate and a few ginger biscuits and looked for a nice walk, but despite how out of the way it is up there the walk options are limited so we had a bit of a ramble, a few more biscuits and then headed home.
It’s impressively big but a tad underwhelming as once you get there there’s not a great deal you can do. The views are pretty though. And it’s really big. If you like big stuff…









MMMMMilky goodness
A milk maid most fair and sublime
Drove the local boys wild all the time
They would every night dream
Of her heavenly cream
And her milking technique, quite divine
By request…you know who you are.
A fellow oft found at the gym
Had a penis quite small and real thin
Though he had such great bulk
In bed his wife would sulk
And declare, “is that it? Is it in?”
Ny what a big…er…hole you have…
A promiscuous lass from Aruba
Who’s vagina was shaped like a tuba
Massive labia, so wide
Men would rattle inside
on the plus side, you don’t have to lube her