Lonely farmer confessed one day when boozing
To arousal when livestock perusing
He would moan in his sleep
Dreams of round bottomed sheep
Mornigns wake up quite sticky and oozing
Yawn, yet another limerick.
Thursday baby yeah!
Category: limericks
My First Book – For those who missed it last time…
Seems I wrote one…
You can read about the WHY here…but it’s out there. 300 of my finest limericks. Currently trending at number 359 in the limericks category on Amazon!
After a few people have read it I am probably about ready to admit I am kinda proud of it now. 🙂
Paperback in the UK is here
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1916089011
And in the US here
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1916089011
There are ebook versions too.
Thursday here, so here’s a limerick.
A thing about someone and a thing. Mostly.
Once a fellow a young lass was wooing
Did a fart and alas started pooing
Weel, so much for discreet
Soiled his pants in the street
And it dripped from his pant leg, foul viewing
A Limerick.
Hey you. Yes, you…
A vigourous jerker from Kent
Found his penis one morning quite bent
Many years of abusing
Always left hand twas using
Left him crooked, lopsided, when spent
Limerick?
Not really. It just rhymed so…well you know how it goes. It’s a bit clumsy but…meh. It’s something.
Our babysitter, mum’s brother Remus
had a rather large, quite hairy penis
As kids I’d share a bath
with my brother, such a laugh
and my uncle would climb in between us
Limerick?
It is Monday after all. Just about. It just about rhymes. Kinda.
An adventurous lassie from Derry
To her boyfriend: “Take my anal cherry”
Though he gagged on the fruit
Of her unwashed poop chute
Not to mention it was rather hairy
Well, well, another limerick….
You’d think I would have given up by now wouldn’t you…
Once this bloke I know works in a kitchen
Sausage got his aroused, he was itching
For a night of rough sex
But by morn was most vexed
As his anus was torn and needs stitching.
Inappropriate Saturday Limerick!
Stay well away. You have been warned.
Friend of mine met a girl, dating started
Shit himself when he thought he’d just farted
He was out on a date
Though it turned out quite great
Coprophiliac, got her legs parted
Not sure what a coprophiliac is? Google it. Dare you.
Actually it reminded me of these from years ago…
Here you go, another limerick.
A rude one about a woman and her need for a particularly large penis.
A cavernous lass, quite pedantic
who insisted on cocks most gigantic
No nine inchers for her
(unless girth) she don’t care
Only upwards of twelve get her frantic
Limerick ?
A limerick for you
Friend of mine tells of this chap she dated
Whos bum play need could not be sated
She would spend hours, days, weeks
Hard at work ‘twixt his cheeks
Soiled the bed when he ejaculated
Hey look another limerick
More than 600 limericks and first time I have used ‘front bum’.
Yeah I know, surprised me too.
Woman, goodstanding of the judiciary
had a front bum that smelled like a fishery
She would hand down decrees,
Judgements, consider pleas
But if upwind then that was true misery.
Monday monday
Nom nom nom
A quite fresh tasting woman called Coral
Who demanded each morning great oral
Kept herself super clean
Front and back, in between
Douched wih lotions sweet scented and floral
Yawn, yet another limerick.
Not sure if this is a thing but I am sure it is somewhere. It works if you get the rhythm. Not that you want to . You’ve been warned.
A perverted yet grateful lass Julie
In bed, poo obsessed and unruly
Do a crap on your chest
In it sign “All the best,
Twas surely a real treat, yours truly.”
Oh wow look, yet another limerick.
Something for the weekend.
Horny friend of mine met this girl called Grace
Adams apple and quite stubbly face
Such a shock he received
At night’s end quite deceived
Her explosion all over his face
Surprise!! Yet another one of these
Don’t go acting all surprised.
A good friend of mine took her new lover
Off to bed only there to discover
He was epileptic, and thrashed
During sex, how she splashed
Up the walls, on the floor and bed cover.
My First Book
Seems I wrote one…
I have written before about why I started my blog. For those who missed it one of the main reasons was due to a friend who’s wife, an aspiring writer and a vile human being, insisting that anyone that self publishes does so as an act of vanity which is probably why she had never been published and for the most part refused to work. Writers retreats she enjoyed a plenty I believe.
Anyway, perhaps I ended up proving her point, but I suggested to my friend that I would from that day forth take up writing and publish a book before she did just to prove the point that surely it isn’t that hard and perhaps if she wasn’t such a horrible cow she might have achieved more.
Anyway, the result of that rant can now be found on Amazon in the form of my first book ‘A Collection of Inappropriate Limericks. Its only 300 or so of my limericks but it’s something I guess. Something I made that perhaps my grandkids will hold one day and ask “What the fuck was wrong with Grandad?”
Paperback out now with the E-book to follow on the twelfth mostly because I made a mistake setting it up and couldn’t work out how to remedy it.’
Oh and I dedicated it to her too. Seemed only right.
Paperback in the UK is here
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1916089011
And in the US here
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1916089011
–
UK E-Book can be preordered here for delivery on the 12th of April.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07QF58TYM
The US E-Book is here
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07QF58TYM
Who’d have thought it eh…
Thursday Limerick.
Nasty nasty nasty
Handsome chap who could not afford rent
Hired his bottom out ’till it was spent
He was battered and bruised
prolapsed sphincter quite used
Lost his home still, now lives in a tent.
Wednesday Limerick
Yeah sorry. Really.
Amazonian lass with a fetish
Would see dwarfs and become rather wettish
Pygmies gave such delight
Kept her moist through the night
Watching ‘Wizard of Oz’ left her peckish.
Tuesday Limerick
My least favourite day…
Quite surprised, turned out Kate was a squirter
But only if Ted said he’d hurt her
Straps and chains, pegs and whips
Made it shoot ‘twixt her lips
And her nipples got so so much perter.
A Monday Limerick For You
To help you through the day…
A sensual baker, filth thinker
She would quite often play with her sphincter.
But could not sell her cakes
‘cos suspicious brown flakes
and the smell, frankly none’s more distincter.
Limerick Tuesday.
Not to be confused with limerick every other day of the week…
A woman got picked up and drugged
and a fellow got beaten and mugged
but I said to the wife
at least we’ve a good life
she said “you’re cold hearted”, I shrugged.
Monday Limerick…
It’s somethign I guess.
Jerome, a young fellow from Bruges
had a passion for bobsleigh and luge.
In tight lycra he dressed,
ladies swooned most impressed
as his bulge was eye wateringly huge.
Happy Friday!
Cavernous!
Once a fellow woke up scared n screamin’
as he thought that he’d ran out of semen
with a groan and a thrust
just a moan and some dust
double checked, such relief, only dreamin’
Another Tttttuesday limerick.
Cavernous!
“Check your prostate” my friend’s wife insisted
so he went pants, dropped face red and twisted
he enjoyed it so much
and went home and begged such
that each night he’s oiled up, roughly fisted
A limerick for you
A quickie for you if you’re in the mood…
A buxom young barwench or olde
had a knack of securing men’s gold.
Of her assets quite proud
she’d stand out in a crowd
end even more so when it’s cold.
Afterwards 