One about a ladies cavernous front bum
A voluptuous temptress from Cuba
A vagina shaped quite like a tuba
And she would not delay
To allow you to play
Her, so wide was she, no need to lube her
Just work on the speed of that last line…it works I assure you .
Sorry. Hope youre not having breakfast…
A horny young lad from Korea
69ing, though had diahhorea
In the midst of the fun
Felt a stir in his bum
Filled his partners mouth, nose, eyes and ear
One about sexy shaped vegetables…
A purveyor of veg called Anette
Who in lockdown saw veg and got wet
Courgette, egg plant and marrow
Carrots thick, long or narrow
Got her hot, cucumber so made her sweat
Happy Saturday you filthy animals 🙂
Once a pig loving lass from Majorca
Who’d scoff trotters, chops, Bacon and loin, her
Cravings got her so wet
for scotch eggs she’d forget
all her morals and for snout she’d pork ya
Just a little something for you.
An amorous lad, Jeff from Devon
Met a girl and he promised her heaven
Fraught with amorous sighs
Reached aroused twixt her things
Turns out not quite a Kate, but a Kevin
Go on, treat yourself.
Married chap with a thing for his gardener
Found his long garden hose quite the hardener
He would gaze at it’s girth
As it watered the earth
Made him wander and betray his partner
Oh it will do. Hardly great but these are tough times…;)
Once a chap who was self isolated
Day and night himself hard violated
He developed a cough
And his penis fell off
And his sphincter was annihalated
Pretty sure this is a thing. Bet there are web sites dedicated to it.
Once a fellow who gladly would savour
His gaseous girls rectal flavour
Inhaled her bottom gusts
and they filled him with lust
Made more foul by the beans that he gave her
____________
Here’s a follow up, a 2 for 1
____________
A foul smelling fan, name of Martin
Got turned on when his wife started farting
He’d breath in butt aroma
Made him quite a loud moaner
He’d explode when her butt cheeks were parting
_________
Sorry
Not sorry
February had 29 days, March 200 and April has 625. I have no idea what day or month it is to be honest…
This poor lad I know, self isolated
Spent his days watching porn, masturbated
Till his bits were quite raw
And his arms were real sore
And his balls were all red and inflated
One about butt hair
A hirsuite young temptress from Dover
You would see each time she was bent over
Not only her thong
But butt hair, thick and log
Which she styled in a fancy comb over
Go on, treat yourself
An oft aroused lass from Aruba
Had a vagina shaped like a tuba
Should the wind blow just right
It would play silent night
And in bed there was no need to lube her.
It’s Friday. Why not.
A food fetish fan from Bermuda
Had a wife but he wanted one ruder
Who’d rub guac on his nips
Place asparagus tips
Deep inside him then smear him in gouda.
One about leaking boobs
Breast feeding mum, Julie pickles
Had huge boobs but quite lopsided nipples
Left one gushed like a geyser
Gave her baby a seizure
But the right, rather small, only trickles
Just because…
Horny fellow who’s wife had Corona
Insisted she feast on his boner
How her cough made him jump
bit his cock off, a stump
is all thats remains of dick former
Okay so tenuous last line there…it si what it is…Perhaps too soon to be joking about such things but if you dont laugh sometimes you’ll end up losing your bloody mind.
And yet another lost in drafts…
Once a fine undertaker named Pete
Had a secret, though kept it discrete
Until caught late one night
Cleaner shaken, the sight
Of him rubbing himself on dead feet.
Aren’t they the best type?
Forgetful chap who was inclined
To place objects inside his behind
Ended up youtube famous
For his cavernous anus
Left him gaping, but he did not mind
Let this be a warning to us all…
New years eve, chap had drunk some, well plenty
“Happy new year he cried, twenty-twenty
will be my year for sure”
then passed out on the floor
Shit his pants. Drink slow, quite elementary…
Ooh, bulgy!
There once was a lady from Bruges
Winter sports she loved, most of all luge
Got a thrill from the speed
and her sensual need
was fulfilled by tights shorts and men huge
Ooh excuse me
A legumephile lady of Queens
Just could not get enough of the beans
Kidney, Fava and more so
Haricot, Black and Pinto
Flatulent, blew a hole in her jeans.
…About Gender reassignment
A broad shouldered young fellow called Fred
“Bod’s a male, I’m female in my head”
He quite firmly asserted
Has his penis inverted
Keeps his balls in a jar near his bed
Its been ages, just getting back into it again…
Once a buxom lass sweetest Consuela
Seeking love, left her home, Venezuela
A Romanian chap
Who she met, gave her clap
Well endowed, called him, Vlad the impaler
Bad Michael!
A fellow that I know who sweats
quite profusely as he has tourettes
does not know where he’ll be
when it escapes him you see
and will shout out quite loud “SHITTWATFUCKCOCKEATMYBUMBOOBSLICKMESPANKMECALLMEJULIEFRONTBUMJIZZTITS”
.
.
.
Okay I know, ity doesn’t rhyme 😉
Happy Monday!
It’s been a few weeks…here you go.
There once was a slut from Tunisia
Had a quite awful case of amnesia
Every morning emerging
From her sleep a fresh virgin
Then go search for a fellow to please her
It is Monday after all. Just about. It just about rhymes. Kinda.
Eproctophilia out in the garden
met a flatulent lass “Beg your pardon”
She proclaimed, did a toot
He breathed in her bum fruit
And it gave him a fart fuelled huge hardon
Look I know, takes some effort reading it but it just kind of slipped out. Reminded me of the time I did those haiku about fetishes and then when I was teaching in that time and left the research on the laptop when I plugged in in front of about twenty 10 year olds.
You know what time it is!
There once hailed a young man from Dublin
saw the doctor who said “It’s quite troubling,
that it’s looking most queer
could be syphilis I fear
as it’s covered in puss and is bubbling.”
Afterwards 