donald trump – Page 2

A couple of Donald inspired limericks

Just a few limericks thrown together whilst I was having my lunch today. Chicken salad, was quite good.

Some days I just want to lash out and the best I can muster is a limerick. Big tough guy eh …

Trump the crazy on tour out in China

Salivates, like he would at a diner

Watch out for him trust me,

He will grab yours you’ll see

then your mums and your grans – loves vagina!

A loony chap, Donald the POTUS

Went to Asia, the land of the lotus

Picked a fight with young Kim

With maniacal grin

Big appeal to the racist white voters

Gun control, says Big Don, you don’t need

Mental health caused these murders. Agreed?

Killed in Church? Thoughts and prayers

All he offers. Who cares?

Well not him nor his NRA pals – Greed!

Oh Donald…

You’d think Donald would give you an endless source of things to write about right?

If you’ve read me for more than a day or two you know I like to write limericks about Donald trump. Yes I know he’s an easy target, but he provides such wonderful content that I cannot but want to.

Sadly though, it is getting harder and harder to do so. Before I have had chance to write about something the orange baby has done he goes and does something else even more ludicrous.

He recently managed to be quite awful to a war widow expressing that her husband had ‘Known what he was signing up for’ when he joined the military. Bad enough, but then he goes onto one of his stubby fingered twitter assaults to dispute the claims. “Okay” I am thinking, “I can perhaps wax lyrical about this!”. I then realised it was more than likely going to emerge that, by the time I pressed ‘publish’, he would already be on the twitter defending the alleged fake news that he had then thrust his diminutive hand between her legs, licked her mouth with that little pink tongue of his and exclaimed “and now I know what I’m getting into!”

The world’s gone mad I tell you !

Just a quickie

Zoom zoom zoom

I don’t really have time to write this weekend as I am coordinating a rugby festival for 800 children but a few limericks occurred to me today so Ill just get these out of my head as I need to make some room for other things.

There once was a Farmer of note

had a thing, quite obscene, with a goat

Neighbours frowned, disapproved

as they did acts quite lewd

“We’re quite happy” he said, quote, unquote

Wrong I know but stuff happens. I lived on a farm and there was this cow with no ears and one day one of the lads who milked them was found…Actually no I’ll stop there.

A chap I know finds Santa scary

with his beard so big white and hairy

and his bulging great sack

and his lock picking knack

Christmas eve, keeps the lights on quite wary

anyway moving along swiftly. Let’s end with a Donald one. If you’ve read my blog for any length of time you know how much I like to write about him.

There’s this POTUS who loves groping mums

wives and sisters and aunties and nuns

You’ll be next, not discreet

he will send off a tweet

share his conquest of you with his chums

Goodnight 🙂

Screw you haiku volume…6?

Driving made me super gay

Edgar – A FFfAW word challenge

Courtesy of Free-Napster@pixabay

Dear Earthlings

I am not best pleased.

It’s me, the Universe. Call me what you will, Jesus, Allah, Buddah, The Great Nothing, Merlin, Aslan…I do not mind particularly. My closest friends call me Darren.

Not been here for a while, so just popped in to check up on you and I will admit, you never cease to disappoint me. You really cannot be nice to each other for five minutes can you. I turn my back to enjoy a rather lovely supernova sun and when I come back you’re at one another like you always are.

I was going to list the wars you’re waging against each other but you know what, I really cannot be bothered. Please, slaughter away – the sooner you’re all dead the better. I plan to bring the dinosaurs back – they were far cooler than you lot. Oh, I may keep the Japanese – they’re cool too and I think a world populated by dinosaurs and the Japanese would be freaking awesome.

I was going to suggest that it’s about time the Americans took a good hard look at themselves and stopped shooting each other for no good reason but, well, for one they won’t listen because they seem rather fond of such beastly things and secondly, the NRA have sorted me out with a sweet holiday home so I should probably hold my tongue.

Oh, and do not go blaming me for those storms you’re having. Act of god my big fat celestial bottom. If you insist on ejaculating inside one another willy nilly and living wherever you choose with no consideration for common sense and then building homes on coastal swamps and places known as ‘Tornado Alley’ what do you bloody well expect. I didn’t send the storms and I didn’t give your kids cancer either (despite what a lot of the christians reckon) . Bad things just happen okay. It’s part of the circle of Life. You should listen to Elton John more.

I noticed what you’ve done to the polar ice caps too. Great job you dicks. I always liked them, lovely and tranquil they are. Do you not realise what a lovely planet you live on? Perhaps not – given the quite awful manner in which you treat it. I noticed a turtle with a plastic straw lodged in its nose. It’s not funny, stop laughing. You’ve dumped so much plastic in the seas that it will certainly outlast you lot. Good bloody riddance I reckon.

Oh, and special mention to the Americans. Bravo on Donald. As if being disliked by the majority of the planet wasn’t enough you choose that to be in charge. It has actually made my list of top 3 of monumental humanity cock ups. It is easily on par with the fact that the Greeks can’t seem to install decent plumbing – despite their creative genius, and the small matter of JarJar Binks. George..Serious?

I’m going now, I hope you finish each other off some time soon because I can’t wait to see a Ninja riding a stegosaurus, it is going to be frigging fantastic.

Screw you Haiku

100 word Wednesday – The Chase

99 Word Challenge – Sound

Photo courtesy of Werner22brigitte @ Pixabay

Your lunchtime limerick 01/10/17

Another day another limerick.

This week the lunchtime limerick subject will be desire or something kind of inappropriate.

I seem to hate Trump, ghastly man

And I write of his deeds when i can

I should really relax

but he seems to hate blacks

and the poor and the sick and Islam

Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…

I set myself a challenge this week…

Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies

Glorious – Daily Prompt

Image courtesy of me

These simply aren’t my fault.

I blame the United Nations for the quality of these haiku…

So sat at lunch Tuesday 19th of September and I thought I would scribble a few haiku, as one does. Unfortunately on the TV behind me is Donald Trump at the UN and my intention to write of nature and butterflies and waterfalls and all manner of gorgeous natural wonderment ended up as what you read below. I’m not even American so not sure why I care, perhaps it is because he is so vile. Anyway, lesson learned is that your environment can have a huge impact on what you are able to write.

I then spent much of the rest of the day swearing at inanimate objects.

Donald at the UN

Flapping gums and tiny hands

Blah blah blah blah blah

Cuddly Korean

With your nuclear arsenal

And your dog soufflé

Rancid politics

Women ought to be in charge

Men are such morons

That is all I managed before punching a kitten in the face and making a pregnant lady cry, so foul was my demeanour.

More stuff?

Charlie’s Journey – OWPC Challenge

My neighbour Ifraheem

Footprints – An AFA Challenge

Daily prompt – Thorny

Just one more post…

I have wanted to use the words “throbbing” and “Angela Merkel” in the same piece for some time. To be honest I would probably not bother reading this…

I can’t always muster anything too long when typing on my phone as its far too tricky but Im still awake and seems sleep is some way off.

It is half past midnight and I am in the Premier Inn in Scarborough with the wife and kids and the cocophony of the blissful sleep of others means that you get one more post. Pretty place Scarbrough. I wrote a post or two back why I am awake.

Anyway…my point was that I think I will just wrote one more piece. Perhaps something dirty about Donald trump and Angela Merkel.

Why? Since when did why matter?

How electric was her touch

proud Donald thought on meeting

He felt a stirring down below

As the Fraulein he was greeting

His mind it raced, perfume he smelled

So buxom quite devine

Strong back big hands delicious chins

He craved her “she’ll be mine!”

His mind it wandered, pulse it raced

He hungered for her touch

His little hands they craved to feel

Her German curves so much

Unable to control his needs

he turns Away from twitter

And sneaks away to please himself

Whilst hiding in the shitter.

“Oh Angela” he cries aloud

and dwells upon a kiss

Trousers round his ankles

Face contorted in pure bliss

OK I think I am going to bed this is just getting weird now.

Photo courtesy of 3dman_eu@pixabay

My Donald limerick

Not had time to write today, so here’s a quick Donald limerick.

A day in the life of the Donald in limerick form.

l am not particularly interested in politics at all but as far

as reasons to write the golden haired golf playing POTUS

is certainly good value for money.

Oh Donald with golden hair you

must wake up with so much to do

But you sit on the shitter

Posting rantings to twitter

Like some mad man who’s been sniffing glue

This morning you’ll take on the press

Fake News!” blah blah blah…what a mess

And your staff organise

cover ups of your lies

but we know that you couldn’t care less

Then a snack and nap if you can

While you dream up your next foolish plan

“Build a wall!” hear him scream

as he wakes from a dream

Then he bans anyone with a tan.

Now it’s time to try sort out the health

care bill as its wasting the wealth

Of the rich on the frail

And the people who ail

If you can’t then you’ll kill it through stealth
Now some lunch as it’s been go go go

Then there’s pussy to grab don’t you know

“When you’re rich, don’t you see

It is pretty much free

And the women will never say no!”

After Lunch its some golf with your chums

As your right wing pals get out their guns

Pillow case on their heads

Wrapped in sheets from their beds

Picking fights with the cross lefty mums

For the rest of the day you’ll be rooting

For your very good friend Vlad the Putin

As he wrestles with bears

punches babies and hares

and gives puppies a right proper booting

Then pre dinner you’ll probably fire

Some fellow you’d chosen to hire

Just this morning “but hey

they’ve been here like a day

that’s the price for provoking my ire!”
After Dinner its time for some more

planning your own major war

just like George dubya Bush

(Who you secretly crush)

And whö’s father you really adore

Then tucked up in bed as you’ve been

Working hard at just not-being-green

The planet you’ll slaughter

you dream of your daughter

And of making Ang Merkel your queen

Fancy something else?

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

Photo courtesy of Haft

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/organize/

eh7@pixabay

Ooh look at me being all topical!

Topical, insightful an getting to the heart of the subjects that really matter

If you’ve read any of me then you may well know I like to dabble in inappropriate haiku and limericks. I know some of the subject matter is a little awkward but work with me…now and then I stumble upon one that’s actually quite good.

Michael

A few limericks to start…

Kim-Jun and Donald so hot

For each other though they insist not

But I reckon they would

If only they could

Not get caught making love high on pot

Single dad collects guns for a hobby

Had a son known as Bob, Rob or Robbie

But alas now he’s dead

Fatal shot to the head

From a gun he found primed in the lobby

Poverty, nukes, death and drought

Why leave home, I am not going out

At TV I sit glaring

but I’m really past caring

Time for curry in bed with a stout

African crisis I never

have seen such despair no not ever

Drought, pain loss, Civil War

HIV, death and more

But hey, least they’ve got lovely weather

And a few haiku for good measure…

Eighteen convicted

North East children now safer

Pretty prison mouths

Head down crossed the road

He never saw it coming

Bus grill needs cleaning

More? Try this or this…

Photo courtesy of pixabay

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/glaring/