haiku – Page 13 – Afterwards

Fetish Haiku – Formicophilia

I am too scared to google this any more than I have

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun. If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

Formicophilia.

Skin crawling, writhing

slowly up the water spout

delicious creepies

Look I’m not sure if I am being had here but the internet reckons its all to do with become aroused by insects crawling on you. I know, I’m not sure about it but Im not researching any further in-case someone looks over my shoulder and sees what I am googling. Give a new meaning to incey-wincey spider though right…

Fetish Haiku – Emetophilia

I will only do these for a week or so I promise.

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun. If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

Emitophilia

Regurgitating

pulse racing, licking of lips

slow, breathless, retching

Turns out the idea of watching someone vomit is trouser stiffening for some folk. I shit you not. Who’d have thought eh. Maybe your neighbours are emitophiliacs? No? You never know don’t be so sure.

Only another 4 to go after this dont worry.

Fetish Haiku – Forniphilia

I will only do these for a week or so I promise.

Read here if youre wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku.”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun. If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

Forniphilia

Be my slutty chaisse

my dirty coffee table

sweet filthy futon.

Okay so when I first saw this one I read the following:

Forniphilia	Turning a human being into a piece of furniture

I now know it’s more than that but I wrote the haiku before investigating and I kind of reckon I will just leave it at that.

Fetish Haiku – Liquidophilia

I will only do these for a week or so I promise.

I was prompted by one of my regular readers to perhaps explore the world of fetish in haiku form. Well it was something like that, I don’t recall exactly but before you know it I am googling the most astonishing things and writing small Japanese poems about them. I know they’re not strictly haiku – they do though have the haiku structure.

Some of stuff I have heard of but a lot of it took me somewhat by surprise. I am rather concerned over the search history on my phone because it is pure filth. All in the name of research mind.

Anyway, I shall leave it up to you to google the title below if you dare.

Liquidophilia

You filthy bugger

get them out my bloody pint

wet dripping bollocks

Ronovan’s Haiku Challenge: Short & Sexy

Haiku challenge using ‘Short’ and ‘Sexy’. I feel I may be being set up…

Hmmm Short and sexy:

skirts, shorts, midgets, dwarfs, elves, fae

hey I’m not judging…

I often do a load of these but today, I think I will leave it at that one. I’m tired and it will only lead to me writing loads of sexy dwarf haiku. I could I want to okay, I’m just not because it could be hurtful and I would never do anything like that…

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/64808775/posts/1662808990

Ronovan’s Haiku Challenge: Smooth & Hand

After a couple of days off I think I will just ease back into things with some silly Japanese poetry thingies.

I have learned over time that these are more senryu than haiku, but hey-ho they’re mostly the right syllable count, which is something I guess.

Ron’s haiku challenge

Use ‘Smooth’ and ‘Hand’. I snigger.

So bloody childish.

Smooth silken bonds, tight

Powerless, cedes upper hand

Safe-words: ‘It’s too big!”

Smooth hands tell a tale

Soft as a babies bottom

The world’s worse builder

Think that’ll do don’t you…

Ronovon’s Haiku Challenge: Spooky & Night

I do rather like a good haiku challenge. Gives me something to defile, because I do rather like a jolly good defiling.

2 words. Haiku. Simples.

Spooky chilling ghoul

at night hovers over me

god, put make up on

Spooky spectral fright

whispers in the dead of night

noise under my bed

Spooky tap…tap…tap…

light on cutting through the night

clown at the window

spooky child’s giggles

patter of feet in the night

baby died last year

RonovanWrites #Weekly #Haiku #Poetry Prompt #Challenge #173 Spooky&Night

Ronovan’s Weekly Haiku Challenge: Wrong & Touch

You know this will be inappropriate, I cannot help myself and I simply can’t deny the base creature that I am…

I can’t ignore a good haiku challenge. It will be uncomfortable going I am sure, but when it comes to inappropriate touching I will inevitably say things that some will not like.

Disciples of Christ

Touching children. It’s not wrong

if no one finds out

breathless lusting touch

is it wrong if it feels right?

cousin got pregnant

He wants to touch you

wrong? No, no – you asked for it.

Rapey old POTUS

Nope…all just a bit too easy.

RonovanWrites #Weekly #Haiku #Poetry Prompt #Challenge #172 Wrong&Touch

My Haiku process

I find it hard to do serious haiku, they intimidate me and make me feel rather insecure. So I write these instead…

When I started with my haiku I found it hard to do the serious ones, the ones about nature and such. The proper ones. Instead I have always tried to write funny haiku about serious things. My process is pretty simple, I write down a load of serious awful things just like the list below and then do my best to write something that might bring a smile to your face. Life can be rather serious, and it really is good to laugh.

Getting aids
Catching your wife cheating
The death of a family member
Being diagnosed with cancer
Catching an STD

1982

caught aids from a toilet seat

that’s where it’s from right?

caught her red handed

He wants you to say his name?

say my lawyers name!

Granny passed away

to be fair she was quite old

inheritance, YES!

Grim outlook, cancer

live like there’s no tomorrow

cake for every meal

frightfully itchy

the colour just looks all wrong

why is it oozing?

Ronovan Writes’ Haiku Challenge :Lake & Calm

You know the drill. Small Japanese poems using the words Lake and Calm. Go!

Two words, endless possibilities.

Lake: Silver and gold

Calm descends at fall of day

a tranquil mirror

or perhaps a Tanka…

Calm I watch the lake

The body is well weighed down

she won’t resurface

Endless possibilities

Best call the insurance folk

What about

boat adrift, calm lake

waves lapping at the shoreline

drunken fishing trip

Maybe a teeny weeny haiku

calm water

at camp crystal lake

Boo Jason

Happy Monday!

RonovanWrites #Weekly #Haiku #Poetry Prompt #Challenge #171 Lake&Calm

TJ’s Haiku Challenge: Flower & Simply

Dirty haiku about Mick Hucknall

Before you read this you really ought to familiarise yourself with the man that is Mick Hucknall. But be wary of getting too close, he is surely smouldering.

Oh sweet Mick Hucknall

Simply red and solo king

Titian haired flower

Lover of repute

scores deflowered, fiery lord

simply delicious

ladies simply swoon

Flowery ginger bollocks

rampant love machine

flower, oh simply

I want to fall from the stars

straight into your arms

Okay so I never intended to suddenly be writing dirty poetry about Mick Hucknall but hey, that is the lure of the man!

Apparently…

https://amaviedecoeurentier.wordpress.com/2017/10/08/tjs-household-challenge-2/

Colleen’s teeny weeny Japanese poetry challenge

Haiku me baby one more time…

Using the words Ghost and haunt. I shall start with a piece entitled: ‘Drunken Liaison’

I wake up sweating

You haunt my sleep like a ghost

what was I thinking

Let’s try another

I’m the ghost, the dark

dreams haunted, hid under your bed

Gosh it needs a clean

Meh. Maybe a Tanka

She ghosts him, ice cold

he haunts her, stalking every move

restraining order

“Get out of my damn bushes

now I’m calling the police!”

double meh

cold tranquil of night

ghostly noises emanate

haunt me all you like

In the garden you’re buried

such peace and quiet at last

piffle and tosh…

https://colleenchesebro.com/2017/10/10/colleens-weekly-poetry-tuesday-challenge-no-54-ghost-haunt/

photo courtesy of Kudybadarota @ pixabay

Haiku Challenge – Silk and Skin

Haiku, tanka, what more could u want…

Another week another Ronovan writes Haiku challenge. Haiku, Tanka, Haibun…they’re all options.

I do like these, they allow me to explore the good, the bad and the downright ugly when it comes to my ability to write minuscule Japanese style poems.

Lets start with the 3/5/3 Haiku and do something quite obvious.

Silk on skin

a sweet summer breeze

cooling wind

Now for a right old defiling

Silk against my skin

caressing me as I move

I love the wife’s pants

Okay maybe a Tanka now. Thats the old Haiku with two more lines added on of 7 syllables each because …well why the hell not!

Her skin is like silk

Caressing her, pulse racing

winter frosted breath

Oh wait I’m still wearing gloves

Think she needs a new razor

It’s something I guess. Happy Tuesday!

Mouse and Cat

Scratch – Daily prompt

Harold

Screw you Haiku

Daily Haiku’s are so last month. I think it’s time to bring back a more meaty haiku ensemble a little less frequently.

Daily Haiku’s are so last month. I think it’s time to bring back a more meaty haiku ensemble a little less frequently. The deal was to take the rather serious haiku form and treat it with a little disrespect and hopefully a dash of humour.

Secret Santa? No?

You make baby Jesus cry

Ebeneezer scrooge!

Doing shots, fun times

Chug chug, life of the party

threw up on the bed

Oh bugger my subconscious seems to be wandering to Christmas already. No, no, no – that simply will not do!

Got the kids a dog

cavorting, barks of delight

urine stained carpets

Taking out the trash

cabbage juice on my good shoes

bloody cheap bin bags

That’s more like it. tales of the mundane. Maybe 3 more. That’s like a weeks worth of daily late night haiku right there.

Need inspiration

Check Donald T’s twitter feed

juices flowing now

Donald: Players must stand

Women, non whites, poor, sick and

Muslim can kneel though

Oh Orange moron

with your juicy puckered lips

just ripe for prison

I know, enough is enough.

Your lunchtime limerick 30/9/17

Late night limericks

My neighbour Ifraheem

After Dark Haiku – 30/9/2017

Lets see whether a daily haiku works shall we?

Each night, around midnight a haiku based on things close to my heart.

Vile orange Donald

Where would I be without you

Haiku-less for sure

I imagine this will be the pretty poor standard, so don’t get your hopes up.

Want to read something different? These are all quite funny I think.

More tea vicar ?

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge No. 49 #Haiku #Tanka #Haibun: Soar & Wait

Screw you, one and all.

After Dark Haiku – 29/9/2017

Lets see whether a daily haiku works shall we?

Each night, around midnight a haiku based on things close to my heart.

Scratching on window

Should not have gone to watch IT

I swear it’s a clown

I imagine this will be the pretty poor standard, so don’t get your hopes up.

Want to read something different? These are all quite funny I think.

More tea vicar ?

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge No. 49 #Haiku #Tanka #Haibun: Soar & Wait

Screw you, one and all.

After Dark Haiku – 28/9/2017

Lets see whether a daily haiku works shall we?

Each night, around midnight a haiku based on things close to my heart.

Christmas wrap for sale

Screw you, I’m not buying it

It’s still september!

I imagine this will be the pretty poor standard, so don’t get your hopes up.

Want to read something different? These are all quite funny I think.

More tea vicar ?

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge No. 49 #Haiku #Tanka #Haibun: Soar & Wait

Screw you, one and all.

Haiku Challenge – Sweet and Scent

Haiku, tanka, what more could u want…

Another week another Ronovan writes Haiku challenge. Haiku, Tanka, Haibun…they’re all options.

I do like these, they allow me to explore the good, the bad and the downright ugly when it comes to my ability to write minuscule Japanese style poems.

Lets start with the 3/5/3 Haiku and do something quite obvious.

Oh Sweet blossom

a springtime bouquet

scent divine

Normally I like to defile the haiku and try and make them humorous because they can be such frightfully serious things.

Sweet scent alluring

filling me with a hunger

she smells like sausage

We all like sausage right? Apart from vegetarians obviously. And quite a lot of religious types. Okay, I like sausage.

She smiles sickly sweet

Best friend, her scent alluring

then texts your husband

We all know the type right.

Okay maybe a Tanka. Thats the old Haiku with two more lines added on of 7 syllables each because, let’s be honest, 17 syllables is just not enough sometimes.

Bright summer bee buzz

sweet floral scent delicious

white clouds in blue skies

plaid picnic blankets outstretched

warm sunshine on soft pink skin

It’s something I guess. Happy Thursday!

TJ’s Household Haiku – Earth and Whirlwind

After Dark Haiku – 25/9/2017

Screw You Haiku 11/9/17

After Dark Haiku – 27/9/2017

Lets see whether a daily haiku works shall we?

Each night, around midnight a haiku based on things close to my heart.

Golden autumn leaves

Disguised, they stick to my shoes

Bloody dog owners!

I imagine this will be the pretty poor standard, so don’t get your hopes up.

Want to read something different? These are all quite funny I think.

More tea vicar ?

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge No. 49 #Haiku #Tanka #Haibun: Soar & Wait

Screw you, one and all.

Spirit and Joy – Colleen’s Weekly Haiku Challenge #52

My very serious attempt at a Haibun is in there somewhere!

Courtesy of Colleen Chesebo, another weekly Haiku Challenge. It is the 52nd weekly anniversary, so I’m going to have a crack at the haiku, the Tanka and the Haibun. Congrats Colleen!

Haiku

Moved by the spirit

Preacher shouts loudly in tongues

Joy makes us donate

Let’s build on that with a Tanka

Moved by the spirit

Preacher shouts loudly in tongues

thrashes on church floor

he having a seizure? No?

apparently that’s god’s joy

Haibun. I think this is how they go based on what I have read. They can vary.

As I watched him lowered into the ground I remembered the things I no longer have and am for that I am grateful. At peace, I remembered and was thankful for those who’s beliefs and behaviour has guided me and helped me find my own path. As I say goodbye Late spring sun shines dappled through the trees and the distant laughter of children at play serves to remind me of what matters most.

Returned to the earth

A life so well lived and loved

memories abound

A breeze promises rain and as I walk away I am content knowing that there were few regrets and the echoes of life will ring on until they are no more and replaced by those influenced by what has gone before but has been forgotten.

Light fades at days end

Sleep and pass into darkness

a job so well done

See, I can kind of do serious 🙂

Something different?

Harvest – 99 Word Challenge

Like at your own risk…

A Pinch of Happiness

Pic courtesy of Pixabay.