A vigourous jerker from Kent
Found his penis one morning quite bent
Many years of abusing
Always left hand twas using
Left him crooked, lopsided, when spent
Hey you. Yes, you…
A vigourous jerker from Kent
Found his penis one morning quite bent
Many years of abusing
Always left hand twas using
Left him crooked, lopsided, when spent
A glimpse of April through my camera
































Not really. It just rhymed so…well you know how it goes. It’s a bit clumsy but…meh. It’s something.
Our babysitter, mum’s brother Remus
had a rather large, quite hairy penis
As kids I’d share a bath
with my brother, such a laugh
and my uncle would climb in between us
One of these?
At night he whispers sweet reminders
of how it felt, quite swept along.
Returning tides compelled, jump in,
strong currents have their way.
And beaches red at sunset burn
as she returns to land once more
and on her lips his promise lingers
salt stained on her skin.
Until tides turn and whispers fade,
sepia tinged her longing rests
and deep she sighs, sea at her back
and smiling turns away.
The end is nigh!
I’m away in the van out Flanborough way for a few days with the boys and within 5 minutes of arriving the sky turns into something I imagined would surely herald the end of the world.
I got the tent out that fixes to the van but hastily packed it away as there was no chance of getting it up before the storm arrived.
More to follow but just lying awake rather early due to my snoring, flatulent children and my most urgent bladder…
Next time…less beans…


You’re gone, and then you’re back again You’re back, and then you’re gone Reduce your words by lacking pen The hourglass you fractured then But swirling grains of you, I’ve seen before, they never linger long You’re smiling, and then you frown You’re laughing, then you cry Reduce your presence and your sound I search […]
via Reduce — constant Variable
Read it damn it. Read all of his stuff!
It is Monday after all. Just about. It just about rhymes. Kinda.
An adventurous lassie from Derry
To her boyfriend: “Take my anal cherry”
Though he gagged on the fruit
Of her unwashed poop chute
Not to mention it was rather hairy
Just a few libnes…I’m off to bed.
Should I ever turn and find you gone
and memories are all I have
then each as treasure I would hold
each precious as the next.
Each sweet caress and gentle word
heart racing at your touch
and incomplete I recollect
each morning by your side.
For time and tide may senses dull
diminished may I be
you shine as bright as summer sun
and home is where I find you still.
You’d think I would have given up by now wouldn’t you…
Once this bloke I know works in a kitchen
Sausage got his aroused, he was itching
For a night of rough sex
But by morn was most vexed
As his anus was torn and needs stitching.
This is one I did for linda that I will not post here but please go see her and follow her because she is fab. Do it!
https://mainepaperpusher.wordpress.com/2019/04/19/guest-in-jest-93-afterwards/
Families
Okay so perhaps a work in progress title but it got your attention I am sure. Just in one of those moods 🙂 Sorry. Kinda.
Were I at last to recognise the thing that we became
The thorny, bristling, spite filled rage
That spews from me onto the page
And like so many through the age,
At last I give it name.
My not again, my what the fuck, my who the hell was I
Quite compromised, unrecognised
And like those fools, philosophised
That I was there, just drowned by lies
And watched as life passed by.
And then, unshackled, this my thought
Regret no more, not turning back
And craving not the things I lack
now place your lips upon my sack
And kiss them like you ought.
One I wrote for linda…
Prog 886 11 May 1994
Not shown you any of this for a while have I.
I think perhaps I have too much of this art work lark because I found this behind the couch and have no idea when I bought it. The couch is about two years old so I guess I have a rough time frame.
Pretty stuff though. Acetate overlay on four pages of ‘Baberace 2000’ written by Mark Millar and drawn by Anthony Williams with lettering courtesy of the wonderful Ellie deVille. Glorioustically stylistice and so very of it’s time and it remainsl so wonderfully vibrant even after 25 years.
Ive just realised I have another Anthony Williams piece on the wall next to me where I am sat. I will have to show you that another time becasue it is a rather special piece indeed.








Stay well away. You have been warned.
Friend of mine met a girl, dating started
Shit himself when he thought he’d just farted
He was out on a date
Though it turned out quite great
Coprophiliac, got her legs parted
Not sure what a coprophiliac is? Google it. Dare you.
Actually it reminded me of these from years ago…
A rude one about a woman and her need for a particularly large penis.
A cavernous lass, quite pedantic
who insisted on cocks most gigantic
No nine inchers for her
(unless girth) she don’t care
Only upwards of twelve get her frantic
Come on, were all a bit too serious sometimes
In sleep I kiss your lips now cold
and miss the hand I used to hold
but god you made me feel so old
I’m kind of glad you’re dead
Heart’s drift apart when rent asunder
but can you blame you blame me there’s no wonder
from day one it was quite a blunder
should have listened to what friends said.
Mouth full of lies and legs oft parted
and that time you shit when farted
Inside I smiled when you were carted
to final slumber’s bed.
On and on such endless droning
pretty mouth but so much moaning
okay so I quite liked you groaning
when you were giving head.
But time moves on and people change
yeah yeah I know I may be strange
but jesus you were most deranged
and filled us all with dread.
So fare thee well, you did expire
now consumed with roaring fire
toast marshmellow on funeral pyre
I’m glad you’re gone, ’nuff said.
Shall we?
Though chasms divide
Hearts long, sweet caress do crave
Such needs unfulfilled

A limerick for you
Friend of mine tells of this chap she dated
Whos bum play need could not be sated
She would spend hours, days, weeks
Hard at work ‘twixt his cheeks
Soiled the bed when he ejaculated
Just one of these things.
This cliff top wreckage of the place that once our hope protected
I stand and feel the chill of night as shadows slowly lengthen
And as my thoughts are drawn to betrayed memory of promise
Those icy fingers of regret squeeze tight and leave me gasping.
No night, no stars, no restless slumber
Horizon sparks and crackles
Into this tempest I will run
And scream your name one final time.
Lungs bursting, eyes red as the blood
That thunders through these veins
The words are lost as rising waters
Drag your ghost to inky depths.
And on that beach as morning comes and calm creeps with the sun
I turn , soft waves lap at my feet, and look back one last time
There in that place where love once blossomed nothing now remains
Your name now lost upon the breeze that blows upon my face.
We’re all shit in our own unique way.
There are things that I am good at which I am comfortable with. I do a decent limerick, I”m shit hot with spreadsheets , and I make a bakewell tart so good that you’d likely let me touch you inappropriately just for a slice. I think there are others but thise are the ones that spring to mind.
This though is not about my ability to make Microsoft Excel talk to you and tell you it wants to watch you take a pee.
This is about my inability to fold towels.
Well I can fold them but for the life of me I cannot get any of them the same bastard size. It’s never been something I thought about much, intent as I was in the past to stack them in such a way as to make a pretty pyramid akin to the sort you get if you get a bundle as a gift.
God that’s a depressing thought in itself isn’t it. A gift of towels. Reminds me of the Christmas I found myself disappointed I never got any socks. I died a bit inside that day I tell you.
I am also not talking making towels of vastly differing sizes fold to a similar footprint. That would be stupid. Hmm. I think I’m still pretty crabby about it.
No, thing is Mrs Afterwards has this knack of folding all the varied towels and they all end up beign of a similar size and stack wonderfully and whilst she doesn’t admit it I know she is smug as fuck about it. Well I would be if I had achieved such a feat.
Today I decided I would do the same and it did not go well.
Within ten minutes I happened to call a particularly tricky black bath sheet a bastard in front of the youngest, and followed that up by telling all the fluffy white ones to go screw themselves because even the ones of the same size refused to allow themselves to be folded to the same dimensions.
Eventually I rolled them all up instead like in a hotel but they didn’t fit on the stand in the bathroom so redid them just like one of those lovely stacks you get as a gift from your sister when you move into a new home.
Anyway, I imagine it is something passed down from mother to daughter but there is no way I am asking the missus. I’d rather air dry.
That reminds me, does anyone know how to change a duvet cover. Last time I did one I ended up with a prolapsed sphincter and a dislocated shoulder.
More than 600 limericks and first time I have used ‘front bum’.
Yeah I know, surprised me too.
Woman, goodstanding of the judiciary
had a front bum that smelled like a fishery
She would hand down decrees,
Judgements, consider pleas
But if upwind then that was true misery.
Just one of these things.
When skies turn grey, horizon’s shrouded
Compass bearing wayward, lost
I find my comfort wrapped in you
and threads that bind, knit tight.
Drawing close such warmth I find
life’s colours woven through this cloth
though mended, frayed, it’s patched with love
and never out of reach.
This love, this life, our ever more
through storms that roar and rage,
my shelter until morning comes
and sun shines on my face.
Nom nom nom
A quite fresh tasting woman called Coral
Who demanded each morning great oral
Kept herself super clean
Front and back, in between
Douched wih lotions sweet scented and floral
Not sure if this is a thing but I am sure it is somewhere. It works if you get the rhythm. Not that you want to . You’ve been warned.
A perverted yet grateful lass Julie
In bed, poo obsessed and unruly
Do a crap on your chest
In it sign “All the best,
Twas surely a real treat, yours truly.”
Words perhaps? Not Rhymey ones. The other type.
Lips like fire set worlds ablaze
and reckless how they run
those crimson tongues charred ruins make
and promise they turn to ash.
In sweat soaked sheets they smoulder still
the merest spark brings it to life
and lies once more sing sweetest strain
until burnt out flame fades to black.