Deepest Desires – Room 101

With the sound of the pub fading into the night she pinned him to the wall biting his lip.  She tasted of whisky and cigarettes,.

Thanks to Michelle for the prompt!

With the sounds of the pub fading into the night she pinned him to the wall biting his lip. She tasted of whisky and cigarettes,

“Is your mind mine?” she asked.

“God yes” he stammered, her hands under his shirt, nails digging into him.

“Your soul?”

“Yes!” he answered, her hips writhing against him.

“And your heart?”

“Take it” he said breathless. His wife wouldn’t know. “Just suck m…”

Fingers suddenly transformed to talons she reached inside his chest and pulled out his still beating heart.

“Men” she hissed taking a bite as he slumped lifeless at her feet. “Quite deliciousssssss.”

Photo courtesy of lightstargod @ pixabay

Unassuming Diversions – Room 101

Just how much can you actually pack into 101 words? let’s see shall we.

Thanks to Michelle for the prompt!


“Sleep you two” Alan shouted smiling.

The twins giggled.  “Yes dad.”

He rolled the conker they’d given him between his fingers and placed it on the bedside table.  As he closed his eyes the dark shell cracked open and a silvery wisp spilled out, circled his head and darted inside his ear

He missed them more than he hated his ex-wife.  Just.  Monthly visits weren’t enough.


As he sat in the back of the cruiser, pyjamas blood soaked he watched the silvery wisp crawl into the ear of the Deputy driving.

“They’re going to love you in county” he snarled.


photo courtesy of pixabay

A couple of Donald inspired limericks

Just a few limericks thrown together whilst I was having my lunch today. Chicken salad, was quite good.

Some days I just want to lash out and the best I can muster is a limerick. Big tough guy eh …

Trump the crazy on tour out in China

Salivates, like he would at a diner

Watch out for him trust me,

He will grab yours you’ll see

then your mums and your grans – loves vagina!

A loony chap, Donald the POTUS

Went to Asia, the land of the lotus

Picked a fight with young Kim

With maniacal grin

Big appeal to the racist white voters

Gun control, says Big Don, you don’t need

Mental health caused these murders. Agreed?

Killed in Church? Thoughts and prayers

All he offers. Who cares?

Well not him nor his NRA pals – Greed!

Cat and Dog

…He waited for cat to ask why today was not a day for napping.  Every day was absolutely a day for napping as far as cat was concerned, and she really was in no mood for dog this morning.

Dog barked excitedly as cat slipped into the room, rubbed herself against the leg of the old oak coffee table and jumped up onto the Old man’s chair.  She curled herself into a ball, took one look at dog and closed her eyes.

“Wake up wake up”dog barked his tail wagging wildly.

Cat opened her eyes slowly and sighed.

“What is it dog” she asked curtly, “I am rather tired and would very much like to take a nap.”

“A nap” dog exclaimed “oh no, no, no today is not for napping” he insisted.

He waited for cat to ask why today was not a day for napping.  Every day was absolutely a day for napping as far as cat was concerned, and she really was in no mood for dog this morning.  She had spent much of the night hunting mice in the barn and wanted to simply curl up and had no intention of asking why today was not a day for napping.

Dog waited for as long as he could, which was not long, before exclaiming excitedly. “It’s my birthday today cat, my birthday”

“And exactly how do you know that” cat asked impatiently.

“The girl with the fat bottom said so this morning” he barked spinning around his tongue lolling from his panting mouth.

“And exactly why do I care” cat asked shuffling into a more comfortable position where she lay.

“Oh because it’s my birthday of course” said dog.

“Yes I believe you said that already” said cat closing her eyes again.

“Oh cat please don’t nap” dog asked “it’s my birthday and birthdays are not for napping.”

“Let me ask you something dog” said cat he eyes still closed.

“Yes yes yes” dog panted. “Ask away ask away.”  He barked and sat quite still next to the chair where cat lay.

“What is a birthday?”

Dog cocked his head to one side, his eyes sparkling and his pink tongue hanging from his mouth.

“Well?” cat pressed.

“It’s…” Dog paused.  He barked and then exclaimed “It’s a birthday of course cat, my birthday!”

“But what is a birthday Dog” cat asked again, now sitting up so as to stare straight at him.  She did love him dearly but he was not the smartest of animals.

“Well…It’s …er…” Dog fell silent and looked rather sad.  “I don’t know” he said the grin gone from his face.  “It just sounded quite wonderful.  My very own birthday.”

“Oh silly dog” said cat making room for him on the farmer’s chair “jump up here and I will tell you all about birthdays and why today is indeed a special day.”

Ronovon’s Haiku Challenge: Spooky & Night

I do rather like a good haiku challenge. Gives me something to defile, because I do rather like a jolly good defiling.

2 words.  Haiku.  Simples.


Spooky chilling ghoul

at night hovers over me

god, put make up on


Spooky spectral fright

whispers in the dead of night

noise under my bed


Spooky tap…tap…tap…

light on cutting through the night

clown at the window


spooky child’s giggles

patter of feet in the night

baby died last year


RonovanWrites #Weekly #Haiku #Poetry Prompt #Challenge #173 Spooky&Night


My Haiku process

I find it hard to do serious haiku, they intimidate me and make me feel rather insecure. So I write these instead…

When I started with my haiku I found it hard to do the serious ones, the ones about nature and such.  The proper ones.  Instead I have always tried to write funny haiku about serious things.  My process is pretty simple, I write down a load of serious awful things just like the list below and then do my best to write something that might bring a smile to your face.  Life can be rather serious, and it really is good to laugh.

  • Getting aids
  • Catching your wife cheating
  • The death of a family member
  • Being diagnosed with cancer
  • Catching an STD



caught aids from a toilet seat

that’s where it’s from right?


caught her red handed

He wants you to say his name?

say my lawyers name!


Granny passed away

to be fair she was quite old

inheritance, YES!


Grim outlook, cancer

live like there’s no tomorrow

cake for every meal


frightfully itchy

the colour just looks all wrong

why is it oozing?









Fatties in Space Part 3 – Definitely still not for kiddies

You’d have thought I’d have given up on this idea by now wouldn’t you. But no. No I haven’t.

Part 1 is here and part 2 is here.  You really need to read those first for this to make much sense.  Not that it makes much sense.


The big day came around, as our pair left the ground

and to space they did head quite excited

soon of gravity free they would quite happily

give into their lust now ignited


Not constrained by their girth or the pull of the earth

they were sure to express their desire

to the chamber they floated, rotund hot and bloated

loins smouldered then soon set on fire


Hungry mouths warm wet lips bulging crotch quite pert nips

they cavorted and drifted through space

arching backs roaming hands loves wet warmth swollen glands

In huge bosom he buries his face


Set free from their weight, she’s the food on his plate

he devours from angles quite kinky

with his mouth he then pleases his tongue he then teases

and lord look where he just stuck his pinky


Heaving flesh they’re entwined to their passion resigned

hungry mouths they consume head to feet

Right way upside down how they both go to town

Like that time at the all you can eat


Now the entree is done and its time for more fun

its the main, shes bent over and waiting

Massive buttocks quite round what a sight most profound

he approaches his mouth salivating


Hands on hips legs akimbo, head thrown back like a limbo

how he handles her bulk into place

with no effort he fills her the pleasure it thrills her

Just like ribs, puts a smile on her face


Then with coital alignment and subtle refinement

its doggy, jack hammer then twister

little dipper, wheel barrow, for her age she’s quite narrow

though the Zebra Lunge gave her a blister


As they peak in their lust one more move is a must

and he grabs her and spins her around

They explode with delight and embrace close and tight

For the pleasure and love they have found


She caresses his chins and quite sated she grins

satisfied for the first time in years

pudding eyes drink her in shes his goddess of sin

such pleasure it brings them to tears


Well I think that is enough really.  I will miss them,








If I was not English

An ode to ignorance

So if I was not English, and I think I will suppose

The type of things I would enjoy, and ponder upon those

For foreign,  people often seem, when seen on the TV

their weird ways, their lovely teeth, they’re really not like me


If French all day Id feast on Cheese and pastries I’d consume

and walk around in open shirts, with frills and pantaloons

turn up my nose at things not french and art I would adore

and get myself a second wife and hide her like a whore


If Spanish I would surely sleep each day from noon ’till 5

I need a nap,  been up since 9, if not I’d not survive

Then mostly I’d eat squid for tea and sip on wine all night

and watch the Brits on holiday  – they drink and puke and fight


If German born Id surely spend efficient time at work

then home for beer and sausage and some sauerkraut, what a perk

in leather shorts I’d strut around, my bare chest on display

and dance to David Hasselhoff, fat bottom I would sway


Across the pond I think perhaps gun toting I would be

it seems it fine if I shoot dead the folk who bother me

Defend myself from innocents not like me, how sublime

I’d get myself grenades and guns, some rockets and a mine



OK, so I will stop that there.  I kind of lost my sense of humour the day that daft twat started shooting people at a country and western concert and found myself hating everyone and everything and just wondering how on earth do we end up doing such awful things to each other.  I got that far before I calmed down a little but still felt all of this frustration at the stupidity of people and then started writing and thought yeah Im just as bad, mocking people so I stopped but I then thought oh heavens just press publish because it is what you felt at the time.  I had this desire to just ridicule and mock, but not too severely.  Passive mockery if you will.

Anyway, it is what it is and I am what I am.  I do find humour in most things and most situations and for the most part think the world is quite hilarious.  Then I started taking myself far too seriously.

you should have seen what I had planned to write about the Chinese and the Italians…awful awful stuff.

Scratch – Daily prompt

Fly me to the moon – Sunday photo fiction

Faeries: The long winter


Limerick o’clock!

Yeah you know what time it is!

A quite lovely temptress from Dover

loved to frolic and roll in the clover

She would lie in the dew

with a fellow or two

caught a chill, went without a pullover


This molester in charge of the States

filled with anger and bile how he hates

The sick and the poor

and the blacks even more

and brown people with Mexican traits


A chap from Niece grew a large beard

said his wife “Love, it looks rather weird,

So perhaps have a shave

and in bed please behave

don’t come near me until that thing’s sheared.”


A butcher from Leeds who loved pies

Cant resist them, though trust me tries

Now his belly’s quite round

and his man boobs profound

and you should see the size of his thighs

Love – FFFAW Challenge

After Dark Haiku – 29/9/2017

Faeries: The long winter









Like at your own risk…

I will admit, pressing the like button on things quite often causes me some consternation

I will admit, pressing the like button on things quite often causes me some consternation, especially if it is something sad.  I want to support and encourage, please do not get me wrong, but it often leaves me feeling rather uneasy.

I am quite sure that it would not be taken this way, but I recall feeling most conflicted recently when a Facebook acquaintance posted that he had cancer but was determined to fight it.  I wanted to applaud his resolve but would not want to give a big thumbs to his loss of a testicle in the same way I would if someone had posted a video of a  puppy falling over in a particularly cute way.  How can I like just part of it?

But beware, the risk runs deeper and you never quite know how your like might be interpreted.  My wife recently liked an article entitled “Child molesters face internet crack down”, and when I first saw it fleetingly it was somewhat truncated and all I saw was “Mrs Michael likes Childmolesters…”

What if the article had been “Big cock fighting ring smashed wide open” or “Many men now using public transport”.  How would I have felt then?

What if I was to like a news article which spoke of the injustice of being unfairly accused of a crime you did not commit entitled “Being fingered by a snitch ruined my life”.  I think it is most sad that this reservation that consumes me recently prevented me from expressing my thanks for the great work the police in America after reading an online article entitled  “Rape and murder incidents on the decline in New York”.

Perhaps I should just leave a nice comment or send a card…


More things from my brain?

Gift and Song – Colleen’s weekly poetry challenge

After Dark Haiku – 24/9/2017

Screw you, one and all.

TJ’s Household Haiku – Earth and Whirlwind

You know the drill.  2 Words, haiku, go!

You know the drill.  2 Words, haiku, go!

Thanks to TJ and his fab prompts!


She feels the earth move

Lost in passion sweet embrace

Whirlwind, take cover!


Obvious wasn’t it.


Whirlwind one night stand

Symptoms indicate it’s crabs

right back down to earth


I know, uncalled for.  


You reap the whirlwind

Emilio Estevez rocks!

Best western on earth


You never saw that coming though did you.  Emilio Estevez in a haiku :).  Can you name the western?

More shenanigans?

Blanketed in bliss

Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies

Charlie’s Journey – OWPC Challenge










These simply aren’t my fault.

I blame the United Nations for the quality of these haiku…

So sat at lunch Tuesday 19th of September and I thought I would scribble a few haiku, as one does.  Unfortunately on the TV behind me is Donald Trump at the UN and my intention to write of nature and butterflies and waterfalls and all manner of gorgeous natural wonderment ended up as what you read below.  I’m not even American so not sure why I care, perhaps it is because he is so vile.  Anyway, lesson learned is that your environment can have a huge impact on what you are able to write.

I then spent much of the rest of the day swearing at inanimate objects.

Donald at the UN

Flapping gums and tiny hands

Blah blah blah blah blah


Cuddly Korean

With your nuclear arsenal

And your dog soufflé


Rancid politics

Women ought to be in charge

Men are such morons

That is all I managed before punching a kitten in the face and making a pregnant lady cry, so foul was my demeanour.

More stuff?

Charlie’s Journey – OWPC Challenge

My neighbour Ifraheem

Footprints – An AFA Challenge


Daily prompt – Thorny

Armitage – Part 1

… I had suggested, and I thought quite wittily, that she fetch me a sandwich and a nice cup of tea …

I am just reposting this so I don’t lose it.  It was my first ever post less than 3 months ago but I really want to use that post as my blog intro and for the life of me I cannot work out how to do that so I am rehousing this one.  Sorry to clog up your feed with it.



I have never enjoyed Tuesdays.  Looking back at the significant moments in my life I am pretty certain that were they plotted on a chart of some description – perhaps a rather nice exploded pie chart –  not one of those milestones would appear after a Monday but before a Wednesday.

I recall quite clearly my first kiss and it was on a Friday afternoon in late summer, as far from Tuesday as one might hope to get.  My children were most definitely not Tuesday babies, preferring instead to squeeze their way into the work on a Wednesdays and Friday respectively and I married for the first time on a glorious Saturday in July and the second time it was a rather bleak Friday afternoon in March.  I could attempt to find a milestone moment on a Tuesday but I shall not because there simply aren’t any.  Of that I am certain.  I do not, therefore, hold out a great deal of hope as I put pen to paper, commencing with it as I am on a Tuesday evening  in early July.

Negative it may well seem, and perhaps I would agree that It is hardly the attitude with which to embark on any new endeavour, but such is my outlook as I sit here in the darkness typing.  “So why type?” I hear you ask.  Well the answer to that is rather quite simple.  My wife suggested it might help me unburden myself and provide me an outlet for things inside that would well be far better out and perhaps prove a route to obtaining a positivity which I apparently quite often lack.   I had suggested, and I thought quite wittily, that she fetch me a sandwich and a nice cup of tea which I was also lacking at that precise moment in time – but I received only one of her special withering looks and spent a rather uncomfortable evening in the spare bedroom  – sandwichless and parched.

Whilst I make no assertions that this is in fact anything other than late night ramblings, were I to consider this something more poetic and meaningful then as creative journeys go this is simply a first step.  Perhaps the journey has not yet begun and this is actually only the packing of a small overnight bag.  If this is the only thing I ever write then it could actually be the metaphorical equivalent of picking up an exotically illustrated brochure from the travel agents which I ended up leaving on the bus home and then deciding that actually I won’t go abroad this year and will instead potter around the house and maybe build a small wall in the garden.

Not that we have a travel agents.  That closed down when the rift opened.  As did most things around here.  If there is one thing that I am certain of it is the fact that unless the univers decides to undo that which it has done then at no time soon will I be packing a bag – whether overnight or otherwise –  to go anywhere because there simply is no longer anywhere to go to.






Gift and Song – Colleen’s weekly poetry challenge

Here we go again.   I am going to be serious this week.  Feel my haiku!

Here we go again.   I am going to be serious this week.  Feel my haiku!  Thanks as ever to Colleen for her prompts.  Check her blog out out here.

This weeks words are Gift and Song.


Intoxicating, lost

in the heady gift of song

melting to her voice


or maybe


thanks, the gift of song

an itunes voucher from gran

My phone’s an android


And back to serious


Song bird, gilded cage

Trapped, craving the blue expanse

I gift her freedom


Then back to silly, using Serenade instead of song


She smiles, crimson cheeks

He serenades from below

Dad’s Chamber pot thrown 


And one last Serious one


truly you’re a gift

you fill my heart with such song

My children my life


Ok ok one last silly one, for balance…


other worldly voice

Children crying dogs howling

clown under your bed


Think that’s quite enough for one  week…

More shenanigans?

More miserable and inappropriate limericks – Not for the kiddies

End of days #writephoto challenge

Badger and Fox

Ronovans Weekly Haiku Challenge

Another week another Haiku challenge which I do rather enjoy.  this week the words to use are TOUCH and MISS.  I might try a few things.

Another week another Haiku challenge which I do rather enjoy.  this week the words to use are TOUCH and MISS.  I might try a few things.

How about a 3-5-3 haiku to start.

You left me

How I miss your touch

I hate you

Okay, now the good old 5-7-5. Perhaps a variation on the first.


How I miss your touch

Taliban cut your hands off

your hooks freak me out


Tanka perhaps, as a variation on the previous piece?

How I miss your touch

Taliban cut your hands off

your hooks freak me out

Up a bit, now left a bit

right there that’s it now scratch hard

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge No. 50 #Haiku #Tanka #Haibun: VOICE & WATCH

My weekly assault of the gentle art of Japanese poetry

This week i shall attempt a haiku, a tanka and a haibun.


New shiny smart watch

controlling it with my voice 

Looking  like a knob 


Not a bad start.  Now lets tanka it up shall we

New shiny smart watch

controlling it with my voice

the king of the geeks!

You know you’re not on Star Trek

Wife looking quite embarrassed


True story…


How about we go full haibun.  Well as best as I can muster.  Still working on this element.  Poem, Prose, Poem for this one.

New shiny smart watch

controlling it with his voice

the king of the geeks!

You know you’re not on Star Trek

Wife looking quite embarrassed


But proud he stands, connected.  One with his devices.  He is man and he is confident – legs akimbo with hands on hips waiting patiently for her to emerge from the changing rooms and to see him with renewed eyes.  He feels taller, chin up, eyes bright as lesser men scurry laden with bags disconnected and alone.  But not he, not today.   Today is his day, and tonight he will delight her because he is connected and he feels alive.

Candles, wine, music

Children fast asleep in bed

warm breath on her neck

“Bloody hell you’re scratching me,

now you’ve laddered my stockings!”


Well I guess its something…sorry Japan


Here you go …something different.

Playground – Daily prompt

Ichabod the first

Partner – Daily prompt

photo courtesy of Thorr_deichmann at pixabay

I tried to say goodbye.

Proof that a dog is indeed mans best friend

Word prompt :  I tried to say goodbye – written in response to Michelle’s prompt at her sites Putting My Feet in the Dirt & Her Writing Haven.  

I tried to say goodbye today

But you wagged your tail and barked 

And followed me as I set off 

And chased me through the park


So back I walked and took you home

This time I would ensure 

the wife who I’d left home in bed

Would all the gates secure 


“You’ll not believe just who got out!”

I shout and summarise 

The story of our dogs escape 

But oh to my surprise…


It seems my pooch has helped me out 

My wife is not alone 

It seems he’s not the only one 

Who rather loves a bone.


I have neither a dog nor a promiscuous wife by the way, just in case you wondered.  🙂

Late night limericks 

A quick dose of inappropriateness

I am away for a few days and the hotel is next to a rather rowdy beer garden whos patrons seem to be having a quite wonderful time.   So in lieu of sleep I will see whether I can manage a few limericks on my phone. 

A baker I know quite sublime 

Made cakes pies and puddings most fine 

Met a lass who he woo’d

with his sensual food 

Said she “Your spotted dick is divine!”



A fellow with wife rather bland 

For insurance he schemed and he planned 

But his plot came to nought 

By the cops he was cought 

Now in prison he gets nightly manned  


Amsterdam…drugs whores and beer

What a weekend he had but i fear 

That his wife will discover 

His large breasted lover 

When the tests come back with gonorrhoea



A hubby his wife sadly binned

But not ‘cos she cheated or sinned

Such a flatulent hag

She’d eat chilli, he’d gag 

As it gave her quite horrible wind 


They seem a little quieter…perhaps they’ve gone for a kebab…
Sleep well!

Screw you haiku – Volume 5

Just a few haiku, but no t so serious…


Dream guy, takes him home

so magnetic and charming

turns out hes married


Passion overwhelms

the neighbours call the police

curtains were open


married ten years

what happened to romance.  She:

close the bathroom door!


Chinese for dinner

kung po pork or king prawn foo?

all tastes same to me


I hate you haiku

syllables, five seven five

screw you I’m doing six


Day one of diet

Went for a massive curry

ill start tomorrow




want something different?

Even more limericks on sombre topics. Probably not for kids…

Faeries: The long winter

Armitage – Part 1

Colleen’s Weekly Poetry Challenge #47: Shadow & Light

Be wary of strangers on the internet, just saying…

The rules of this challenge are pretty simple, create a Haiku, a Tanka or a Haibun on the subjects of Shadow and Light.  I  try these each week, let’s see how this week’s efforts turn out shall we.  I’m going to try be serious, honest.  I know they’re meant to be about nature and such but I do like to use them to try and tell a shortened story too.

Ill start with a haiku…


He craves her darkness

His light consumed by her will

Turns out shes a man


Hmm…not sure where that came from? Maybe some more detail added through the medium of a Tanka, pretty much a haiku with extra lines expressing my feelings on the first 5 lines.  But I don’t think its strictly a rule.


He craves her darkness

His light consumed by her will

Turns out shes a man

A Nigerian you say?

Cannot get his money back 


Ok, so as a story it’s evolving., I am not allowing myself the luxury of a rewrite, I’ll see where it all goes in the Haibun.  Never done one of these before and it’s late so might play loose with the rules a bit.


The endless click of the keyboard, day and night, reaching out with twinkling eyes and sweet smile.  Lonely hearts embraced and dreams force fed foul lies and rancid hope. Offers of that which is lost, never had or which remained unknown are his to freely give and without compassion he loves and lusts and smiles at family photos and brushes his hair from his face and tells you how shy she is.  A first thought with the sun, and good nights murmured into salty pillows bookend the time apart and the minutes until they will be together at last.  They are lines he has used many times over, but well worn and trusted they pull at heart strings and ignite passions satisfied in the night.

He craves her darkness

His light consumed by her will

Turns out shes a man

A Nigerian you say?

Cannot get his money back 

Cold beers, new clothes and food on the table, you are a good boy – you make your mother proud.  Each day is full of promise, each night opportunity presents itself ripe and ready to be plucked and devoured with sweet juice covered chins laughing.  Flights are costly, but can you put a price on love.


Well that all turned out a bit weird didn’t it.  Oh well, it is what it is.  Bed time!

There are some previous efforts here

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge # 45 – #Tanka: Honey and Wine

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge # 44 – #Haiku: HUNT & FIND

Screw you haiku Vol 4

Haiku Horizons prompt: “Taste”

A haiku challenge on the matter of “taste”

A few scribbles in response to the haiku challenge found at the link below.

Fighting with the wife

Me: “You’ve awful taste ! She:

“Yeah I married you!”

Lets try another…

Just a tiny taste

Maybe just one more mouth full 

whole cake devoured

And one last one

First stolen kisses

The taste of her lips on mine

Oh god a smoker


Fancy More?

Pesky butterflies – Weekly Weather Challenge: Hurricane

Badger and Fox

Ichabod the first

Screw you haiku Vol 4

Crude, infantile and fun to write.  Gotta be better than what’s going on in the world right?

Crude, infantile and fun to write.  Gotta be better than what’s going on in the world right?

Cannibals in love

“How do you feel about kids?”

“can’t eat a whole one”

First day of diet

Accidental carrot cake

I’ll start tomorrow

Spicy curry night

poppadoms and spicy dip

explosive repeats

miles from a toilet

buttocks clenched eyes watering

oh look a turtle!

having a fiddle

mood gone, discovered a lump

testicle lopped off

Want to read more of my stuff?  It’s not all like that promise…

A story about a girl

Some sci fi

and something for the kids


FFfAW Challenge – A steaming mug of dark and silky goodness

“No, I am not drinking that!” Gordon insisted, forcefully pushing Colin’s arm away and turning his head in disgust.

The challenge was to write about the picture above in anywhere from 75 to 175 words.

“No, I am not drinking that!” Gordon insisted, forcefully pushing Colin’s arm away and turning his head in disgust.

Howling with laughter he offered the cup again.  “Come on mate” he slurred, taking a drink from the beer in his other hand,  “It’s chocolate honest!”

Gordon gagged as it was again shoved in his face.  “Oh god get that away from me!” he demanded “I don’t care how drunk I am I’m not touching it!”

Colin drank more beer.

“And how the hell did a man of your size even get that in the cup?” Gordon continued most vexed but not really wanting to know.  “you better not have made a mess in there we’ve just had it decorated and the wife will bloody kill me!”

Barely able to contain himself Colin lifted the mug to his lips.  “Okay if you won’t then I will…“

“Nooooo!” Gordon screamed.

“Ooh lovely” Colin said, licking his lips and offering it again grinning. “What did you think it was?”

“You’re such a dick” Gordon replied opening another beer.

175 words

Fancy something else?



Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge # 45 – #Tanka: Honey and Wine

The challenge was to write a Tanka (effectively a haiku with two additional 7 lines tagged on) and include the words “Honey” and “Wine”.


The challenge was to write a Tanka (effectively a haiku with two additional 7 lines tagged on) and include the words “Honey” and “Wine”.  I think the first 3 are meant to set the scene and the next two express how I feel about it.  Not really cracked that bit yet…

I found this one rather tricky.

Sweet honey goodness

runs slowly into my mouth

No diet today

My inner Pooh bear unleashed

Wine fuelled hunger satisfied

Let’s try another


Wine poured, candles lit

Honey, let’s go to bed

Whipped cream, Ice, hand cuffs

This is not like fifty shades

the bloody sheets are ruined


Let’s try a more serious one…


Summer sun shining

Sweet scent of honey suckle

Warm winds on soft skin

Wilful seduction like wine

Warming caress on my lips




Maybe I will try something different next week 😊

Fancy something different?


this people find funny…

and this is quite sad



Stream of Conscious Saturday – Guess

The challenge was to write, unedited, on the subject of “Guess”

Apparently this is the challenge…

“1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.”

There are other rules and stuff which you can find here:

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Aug. 12/17

I intend to give myself a minute to come up with an idea and then just type and see what comes out.  Starting…NOW!

Karl really did not like parties, he was awkward at the best of times and parties tended to make it worse, but Rachel had invited him, and Rachel made his heart beat faster and forget the most basic of words.

Kyle, who as wholly more suited to parties than he was due to his fabulous hair and skinny jeans had always advised him to play it cool with women and to try and make her laugh, though right now he wanted nothing more than to scurry off home and watch TV.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around.  It was Rachel.

“Hey you !” she smiled giving him a hug “I am so glad you came!”

She smelled like vanilla milkshake, and he loved vanilla milkshake.  Not as much as banana but it was right up there.

“Hey yourself” was the best he could muster, holding onto her for a little longer than he probably should have.

She brushed her hair from her eyes and handed him a red cup of what he assumed was beer.

“Oh Guess what” she said excitedly putting her hand on his arm.

This was his chance Karl thought, Kyle’s words ringing in his ears.  He needed to be funny.  Make her laugh, girls loved to laugh right.

“Guess you say” he replied smiling awkwardly “Okay, lets see.  You have me at a disadvantage but I’ll give it a go.”

Karl rubbed his chin feigning contemplation.  Rachel looked a little confused.

“You’re really an alien and you’re here to take over the planet!” he exclaimed grinning.  Oh god please laugh.

Rachel did’t laugh, mostly she looked even more confused”

“No I was going to say…” Karl interrupted before she got to finish.

“Oh no wait, I’m not ready to give up yet” Karl continued.  “I love a challenge.”

Rachel took a drink from her cup and looked past him towards the door.  Karl knew he needed to make her laugh now or he might blow his chance.

“You were going to say that you wanted to get out of here and go somewhere quiet” he said trying his best to be cool and funny and seductive at the same time.

“Er no” Rachel replied taking another drink.  She paused for a moment, and Karl could sense someone stood behind him.

“Hey babe” said a voice which he instantly recognised as Kyles.

Rachel smiled uncomfortably “I was going to say I’d started seeing your mate and he was also coming tonight.”



Not easy that lark, you don’t really know where you’re going…or I didn’t.  I knew I wanted him to crash and burn and it to be awkward and to actually guess when she said “Guess what ” but that was it.  That took about 20 minutes and a few more to correct the typos which I fixed afterwards.  I found myself typing a bit slower that normal though to give myself chance to think…