Revenge Limericks

Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.

This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle.  Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.

 

There once was a waiter named skip

tried so hard, customers did not tip

paid the bill, left and sneered

got run over, car veered

ran them down, both now dead, what a trip!

 

Remember, always tip!

 

 


photo courtesy of pixabay

Revenge Limericks

Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.

This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle.  Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.

 

As it is Saturday I will, rather than do full limericks as I have been doing all week, just give you a taste of the opening lines I did not use this week.  I don’t think they need explaining…

 

So your penis got caught in your zip.  (I’d lined up rip, snip, bleed and seed to go with it)

What this gun?  Oh don’t worry it’s fine

Heard you got back from hols and have aids

Saw your wife wow her butt has got huge

 

Anyway…have a nice Saturday wherever in the world you are!

 

 


photo courtesy of pixabay

Revenge Limericks

Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.

This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle.  Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.

 

Heard your wife ran away with your brother

and your father changed sex, extra mother

and your sister got nicked

down the docks sucking dicks

you caught an STD from a lover

 

Such bad luck you poor thing I feel sad

oh no wait, I dont feel slightly bad

cos you bullied at school

were an absolute tool

hope it’s syphilis and it drives you mad

 

 

 

 


photo courtesy of pixabay

Revenge Limericks

Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.

This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle.  Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.

 

Such a shame that you’ve lost all your cash

on the markets, who knew that they’d crash

I cant lend you some, no

and this just goes to show

just be careful with that kind of stash

 


photo courtesy of pixabay

Revenge Limericks

Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.

This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle.  Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.

Heard your kids been excluded, the fool

broke the pesky no strong liquor rule

when young yours were devine

so much better than mine

as you said every time outside school

 


photo courtesy of pixabay

Revenge Limericks

Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.

This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle.  Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.

There once was a lovely young lad

found his missus in bed with her dad

said he “Babe it’s quite gross”

she replied “were just close”

that they never had kids he’s quite glad

 

 

 


photo courtesy of pixabay

Revenge Limericks

Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.

This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle.  Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.

Heard you’re no longer with John my ex

it tuns out he just used you for sex

you poor thing you must hurt

you’re just boobs in a skirt

loves young dream all now totally wrecked

 

 

 


photo courtesy of pixabay

Revenge Limericks

Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.

 

For that special someone who your husband ran off with…

Heard you’re pregnant and feeling quite ill

happy days, eat for two what a thrill

Once you’re big as a horse

he’ll skip town, well of course

he’s a dick, should have stayed on the pill

 

Or on the same theme…

Heard the test came back, it’s gonorrhoea

and a pretty bad case, you poor dear

still I’m sure your new new life

with your whore of a wife

is quite great.  ***Sits back opens a beer***

 

Oooh this could so be a new thing.  Might do a range of greetings cards.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


photo courtesy of pixabay

One Word Photo Challenge: Horse

Only occasionally did the fat bottomed girl come to ride him, so for the most part he was rather content.

“Good morning Horse” said Chicken, scratching around in the dry earth for something to eat.

“You’re up early” Horse replied curiously, ambling slowly to the fence and shaking his head. “I don’t usually see you around here.” He munched on a particularly sweet clump of grass at the foot of the paddock fencing.  Chickens usually stick to their own end of the farm he thought to himself.

“I didn’t sleep well” Chicken replied, “they stole my babies again yesterday, bastards they are!”

“Again?” Horse responded quizzically, “Do they steal your babies often?”  This sounded rather terrible he thought.

“Every time!” Chicken responded, quite upset.  “And it isn’t just me.  Every morning they turn up and take our babies away and there is nothing we can do!”

Horse considered this for a while.  “Nothing at all?” he asked still chewing.

“Not a thing!” Chicken replied.  “Have you seen the size of them?”

“They Don’t look that big to me” he replied slowly, swishing his tail.

Horse didn’t object to them particularly, they fed him when he was hungry and in the winter he had a blanket to cover him when it was cold.  Only occasionally did the fat bottomed girl come to ride him, so for the most part he was rather content.

“Obviously they don’t look big to you!” Chicken scolded “Look at you, you’re huge!”

“Hmmm.” said horse, he was not one to anger quickly but this sounded most wrong.

“Juliette once tried to give them a good scratch and she got her neck wrung” Chicken continued most animated “how would you like it if someone was stealing your babies and wringing your neck!?” she demanded.

“Most disturbing” Horse ruminated.  “Most disturbing indeed.”

Horse considered the situation for some time.  He chewed and he thought and he thought and he chewed.  “And it’s the fat bottomed girl that steals the babies is it?” he asked.

“Indeed it is, indeed it is!” Chicken replied most upset, “every day she steals my babies!”

“Hmmm” Horse said again.  “Not good , not good at all” he mumbled to himself.  “Stealing babies indeed.”

“But nothing can be done” said Chicken sadly, “nothing at all!”

Horse said nothing and resumed his breakfast as chicken wandered back to her side of the yard, pecking and scratching and muttering under her breath as she went.

Days and weeks passed, and weeks turned into months and Horse did not see chicken again, but he did not forget the story she had told him of the fat bottomed girl and how she stole Chicken’s babies.

A thin layer of snow lay upon the ground the day fat bottomed girl came to see him. It had fallen unseasonably early he thought as she fastened his blanket on nice and snug.  “I hope it isn’t going to be a long winter” he thought to himself.

The girl with the fat bottom only screamed ever so slightly as he kicked out at her as she walked behind him, and as she lay on the ground, blood pooling in the snow about her head he thought of Chicken and her babies before returning to his breakfast.

 


Want to read more of my stuff?

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

 

Photo courtesy of Jennifer Nichole Wells

One Word Photo Challenge

 

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/Amble/