one before bed time?.
Alone she stands and silent mourns
Snow whipped about her feet
Dreams buried in a grave of lies
Air foul where once was sweet
And tears streaming down her cheeks
Fists clenched, jaw resolute
A rage inside pushed deep down low
Her screams once wild now mute
The trust now lost the joy departed
Cold earth on loves corpse piled
No rose she lays no prayers she speaks
Wipes her face, then turns, and smiles
Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.
This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle. Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.
There once was a waiter named skip
tried so hard, customers did not tip
paid the bill, left and sneered
got run over, car veered
ran them down, both now dead, what a trip!
Remember, always tip!
photo courtesy of pixabay
Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.
This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle. Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.
As it is Saturday I will, rather than do full limericks as I have been doing all week, just give you a taste of the opening lines I did not use this week. I don’t think they need explaining…
So your penis got caught in your zip. (I’d lined up rip, snip, bleed and seed to go with it)
What this gun? Oh don’t worry it’s fine
Heard you got back from hols and have aids
Saw your wife wow her butt has got huge
Anyway…have a nice Saturday wherever in the world you are!
photo courtesy of pixabay
There once was a lady called Mary
Who’s back was incredibly hairy
and her arms legs and tush
shoulders chest neck and bush
in a two-piece was really quite scary
Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.
This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle. Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.
Heard your wife ran away with your brother
and your father changed sex, extra mother
and your sister got nicked
down the docks sucking dicks
you caught an STD from a lover
Such bad luck you poor thing I feel sad
oh no wait, I dont feel slightly bad
cos you bullied at school
were an absolute tool
hope it’s syphilis and it drives you mad
photo courtesy of pixabay
Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.
This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle. Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.
Such a shame that you’ve lost all your cash
on the markets, who knew that they’d crash
I cant lend you some, no
and this just goes to show
just be careful with that kind of stash
photo courtesy of pixabay
Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.
This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle. Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.
Heard your kids been excluded, the fool
broke the pesky no strong liquor rule
when young yours were devine
so much better than mine
as you said every time outside school
photo courtesy of pixabay
Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.
This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle. Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.
There once was a lovely young lad
found his missus in bed with her dad
said he “Babe it’s quite gross”
she replied “were just close”
that they never had kids he’s quite glad
photo courtesy of pixabay
Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.
This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle. Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.
Heard you’re no longer with John my ex
it tuns out he just used you for sex
you poor thing you must hurt
you’re just boobs in a skirt
loves young dream all now totally wrecked
photo courtesy of pixabay
Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.
For that special someone who your husband ran off with…
Heard you’re pregnant and feeling quite ill
happy days, eat for two what a thrill
Once you’re big as a horse
he’ll skip town, well of course
he’s a dick, should have stayed on the pill
Or on the same theme…
Heard the test came back, it’s gonorrhoea
and a pretty bad case, you poor dear
still I’m sure your new new life
with your whore of a wife
is quite great. ***Sits back opens a beer***
Oooh this could so be a new thing. Might do a range of greetings cards.
photo courtesy of pixabay
Only occasionally did the fat bottomed girl come to ride him, so for the most part he was rather content.
“Good morning Horse” said Chicken, scratching around in the dry earth for something to eat.
“You’re up early” Horse replied curiously, ambling slowly to the fence and shaking his head. “I don’t usually see you around here.” He munched on a particularly sweet clump of grass at the foot of the paddock fencing. Chickens usually stick to their own end of the farm he thought to himself.
“I didn’t sleep well” Chicken replied, “they stole my babies again yesterday, bastards they are!”
“Again?” Horse responded quizzically, “Do they steal your babies often?” This sounded rather terrible he thought.
“Every time!” Chicken responded, quite upset. “And it isn’t just me. Every morning they turn up and take our babies away and there is nothing we can do!”
Horse considered this for a while. “Nothing at all?” he asked still chewing.
“Not a thing!” Chicken replied. “Have you seen the size of them?”
“They Don’t look that big to me” he replied slowly, swishing his tail.
Horse didn’t object to them particularly, they fed him when he was hungry and in the winter he had a blanket to cover him when it was cold. Only occasionally did the fat bottomed girl come to ride him, so for the most part he was rather content.
“Obviously they don’t look big to you!” Chicken scolded “Look at you, you’re huge!”
“Hmmm.” said horse, he was not one to anger quickly but this sounded most wrong.
“Juliette once tried to give them a good scratch and she got her neck wrung” Chicken continued most animated “how would you like it if someone was stealing your babies and wringing your neck!?” she demanded.
“Most disturbing” Horse ruminated. “Most disturbing indeed.”
Horse considered the situation for some time. He chewed and he thought and he thought and he chewed. “And it’s the fat bottomed girl that steals the babies is it?” he asked.
“Indeed it is, indeed it is!” Chicken replied most upset, “every day she steals my babies!”
“Hmmm” Horse said again. “Not good , not good at all” he mumbled to himself. “Stealing babies indeed.”
“But nothing can be done” said Chicken sadly, “nothing at all!”
Horse said nothing and resumed his breakfast as chicken wandered back to her side of the yard, pecking and scratching and muttering under her breath as she went.
Days and weeks passed, and weeks turned into months and Horse did not see chicken again, but he did not forget the story she had told him of the fat bottomed girl and how she stole Chicken’s babies.
A thin layer of snow lay upon the ground the day fat bottomed girl came to see him. It had fallen unseasonably early he thought as she fastened his blanket on nice and snug. “I hope it isn’t going to be a long winter” he thought to himself.
The girl with the fat bottom only screamed ever so slightly as he kicked out at her as she walked behind him, and as she lay on the ground, blood pooling in the snow about her head he thought of Chicken and her babies before returning to his breakfast.
Want to read more of my stuff?
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/
Photo courtesy of Jennifer Nichole Wells
Afterwards 