he watched plumber porn
Connected to the Bluetooth
while folks ate salad
Bluetooth Porn Haiku.
Oh I’m sure every family has been there. No? Oh…right…sorry. Well bet Im the only one with this title in a blog post EVER!
Tag: haiku
Oh look a haiku. No, actually don’t. But do.
Do my creative pursuits know no bounds?
Gym kit malfunction
who’d ever have imagined
hidden in small shorts
I know I am a grown man and that I should know better. I know I can produce things of a more edifying nature. I know should be a better example to my children and generally a better human being but alas I am not.
Look what dad made boys! Don’t tell mum!
Hey! Screw you haiku!
Killing diminuitive Japanese poetry one abomination at a time…
Sweet hyperbole
In pursuit of fair romance
oft on deaf ears falls
Screw you Haiku. Both of you. All day.
This was in my drafts…make of it what you will.
Love sees not the faults
and deaf to accusations
turns blind eye again
Thursdays need haiku
How do I love thee
Doting, heart full of passion
reciprocated?
A poo haiku for you…
I should know better. I do.meh…
He thinks he’s funny
But he gambled on a fart
Faecal stained trousers
Your Tuesday limerick
It’s that time again
Once a virginal lassie from Bury
To her boyfriend she offered her cherry
“Damn wrong hole” she did cry
“You’re two inches too high!”
“Does it hurt?” he asked, she replied “Very!”
Screw you haiku
A lesson in the importance of being sensitive
She, orphaned at birth
Revealed, he comforts with sex
Moderate language
Fetish Haiku – B is for Bondage
Been forever since I did some of these. Found a new list to work to so let’s see where this leads…
Tied self to bed frame
Cuts off the circulation
passed out, lost a hand
Bondage – to bind. It’s right there in the word,
Colleen’s Tanka Tuesday: LOOSE and TIGHT
My ongoing desecration of diminutive Japanese poetry forms
Not done one of these in yonks! Let’s put that right…
This week the challenge was to use synonyms for LOOSE and TIGHT.
clothes baggy like sails
billow in wild winds of greed
tossed as left salad
in exchange for sweet, rich fare
trousers slowly strangle me
__________________________
Fetish Haiku – A is for Acrotomophilia
Been forever since I did some of these. Found a new list to work to so let’s see where this leads…
In Fingerless gloves
Through absence of feet aroused
Smooth, sensual stumps
Acrotomophilia – Arousal to amputees
To be honest I have heard of this one. Apparently some people (and by that I mean men. Pretty much it’s always men right….) Anyway, there’s some good money to be made from rubs from stubs. That what my research leads me to believe.
I need to burn my computer now because I should have known better than to google ‘weird kinks’) whilst not in incognito mode… Okay so I clicked a few links. I’m just naturally curious!
Screw you haiku
Defiling Japanese poetry one picture at a time.
Bleak isolation
Flowery lady garden
Ever worlds apart
Screw you haiku
Ruining Japanese poetry one drawing at a time
Time marches forward
Hearts once one, separated
Distance between us
Screw you haiku
Defiling the ancient beauty of Haiku one poem at a time!
Self isolating
Husbands false expectation
wife contacts HR
Screw you haiku
A warning to try on your jeans once a week
Self Isolating
Mere metres from the fridge
Unrelenting growth
Yup, Screw you haiku
Oh sweet 5/7/5 how I defile thee so willingly
Only faith and hopes
Does span the bridge of excess
When yule tide passes
Screw you haiku returns
With a flacid whimper
Christmas excess calls
There in the shade does not grow
what was once in light
Your Tuesday limerick
It’s that time again
Once a virginal lassie from Bury
To her boyfriend she offered her cherry
“Damn wrong hole” she did cry
“You’re two inches too high!”
“Does it hurt?” he asked, she replied “Very!”
.
.
.
I had to do a wee but of research on this to get the imperial measurements as I am very much metric born and raised. Oh and yes I know, position matters here in the general up and down of things. Look you’ll work it out I am sure…Now my browser needs clearing. See the lengths I go to for your limericky pleasure!
Screw you haiku
The stores are already filling up!
Not yet Halloween
Yet thoughts turning to Christmas
Calm yourself perhaps
Screw you haiku
Another one of these. Art all by my fair hands!
Crisp autumnal days
Filled with rage out on the streets
Dog shit ‘neath the leaves
Screw you haiku
Shall we? Been sooo long since we did.
Autumn Leaves appear
At last Moobs will stop sweating
Fattie hates summer
Another limerick
It’s that time again
A young cow hand alone on the range
Felt a stirring, peculiar and strange
Watched steers evening till dawn
Loved their rumps, and the horn
Well lets just say that it made him deranged
Well, well, another limerick….
You’d think I would have given up by now wouldn’t you…
Once this bloke I know works in a kitchen
Sausage got his aroused, he was itching
For a night of rough sex
But by morn was most vexed
As his anus was torn and needs stitching.
Screw you haiku
Shall we?
Though chasms divide
Hearts long, sweet caress do crave
Such needs unfulfilled
Hey look another limerick
More than 600 limericks and first time I have used ‘front bum’.
Yeah I know, surprised me too.
Woman, goodstanding of the judiciary
had a front bum that smelled like a fishery
She would hand down decrees,
Judgements, consider pleas
But if upwind then that was true misery.
Afterwards 