Saturday fruit-based-sex limerick

Permit me this one I have been frightfully grown up this week.

Once a grocer consumed with dark greed

rubbed bananas when he had the need

squeezed his nuts, groped his plums

slid courgette’s twixt his buns

Watermelon?  He swallowed the seed

 

😉

 

 

A Sunday Limerick.

It’s been a week. Let’s have one shall we…It works if you make Peking rhyme with squeaking trust me…

Once a buggery fan born in Peking

one day woke found his sphincter was leaking

used a cork from some rum

rammed it straight up his bum

worked a treat, when it walked made a squeaking.

January’s Gifs. All rather rude.

Theyre out there embeddded in my bits and pieces…

I’ve rather enjoyed doing some of these this month.  Okay so stand alone these might look odd but I promise that in context they make perfect sense.

 

Screw you haiku

Screw you Haiku. Dirty Bastard.

Another Dirty Friday Limerick.

Oh him again. In limerick form.

 

 

 

Friday limerick. Explicit and not for children

Contains wholly inappropriate language. I mean really bad. The ‘C’ word. You were warned.

A tourette’s suffering fine voiced young fellow

joined a group and sang sweet acapello

Until he stood at the front

shouted “Tit, shit, fuck, cunt”

in a rather deep baritone bellow


I went on a bit of a road trip today to look at a van (which I bought and shall cover in a future post). I was driving along a snowy back water in Cheshire pondering how I might do a gif drawing of a dildo bike with accompanying limerick (watch out for that on Saturday) when ‘accapello’ and ‘fellow ‘ just dropped into my head. That is often the way with limericks atually. I get the three rhying words and that usually ests up the whole thing.

Anyway this one occured to me. I rather enjoyed it and even had a chuckle, but alas I then forgot it. Now this actually happens a lot but I don’t usually mind because there are always more to be had but this one I liked.

After about 45 minutes of racking my brain it eventually came back to me and I am glad it did. Offensive on a number of fronts I am sure but I remain rather proud of it. Oh and there’s one to follow about a Dildo bike. Cannot wait to do the GIF for it!

A limerick because it’s thursday

Old school with nothing weird…kinda…sorta…

Once a man with legs crooked and bowed

staggered drunk late one night down the road

when he started to vomit

got flung over a bonnet

and a semi squished him like a toad


Well I dont know where that came from but it’s somethign I guess.  It’s only a dodgy limerick after all, not like Im out luring kids into vans with puppies and sweets.

 

 

 

A limerick about delicious dirty left over animal bits

Mmm all the good bits.

A sausage fan Frankie Maloney

Had a craving for fresh made polony

From pigs trotters and snout

Chickens anus and trout

And some testicles , preferable pony


I think Americans call it Baloney though right? Not Polony. Same thing I believe…Either way it is #leftoverdirtyanimalbitstastic

Oh look a haiku. No, actually dont.

I promise I wont do more of these…

Gym kit malfunction

who’d ever have imagined

hidden in small shorts

 


I know I am a grown man and that I should know better.  I know I can produce things of a more edifying nature.  I know should be a better example to my children and generally a better human being but alas I am not.

Look what dad made boys!  Don’t tell mum!

gymwillu.gif

 

 

 

Let the limericks flow

Poor him. poor hobo. Poor you.

A young fellow who’d never been kissed

Felt aggrieved at the things he had missed

So went out on the town

A few shots he drank down

Humped a tramp n got aids rather pissed

_______________________

Okay so I realize that escalated rather quickly. Limericks have a way of doing that though. Lines one to four flow just fine and before you know it this poor virgins giving hand jobs to homeless people under a bridge.

And all he wanted was some love.

Dirty bugger

🙂