Author: Michael

Husband, dad,(ex)programmer, comic collector and proud Yorkshireman. I have no idea why im here or why im writing but i rather enjoy it. no great fan of punctuation;

1500th Post

I think I speak to you lot more than I do to my Mrs!

About 18 months ago I started this blog with some trepidation.  I had no idea what to expect and how it would be received, and beyond that first post I had little idea what I wanted to say.

This is my 1500th post since then…

It has been an odd journey so far, and most enjoyable, and in many ways I feel like I have only just started.  There have been ups and downs, good months and bad, but every day I have found it to be a rewarding and fabulous experience.

I have met some wonderful people along the way who have inspired and entertained me and there are many who I look forward to visiting and who’s visits I enojoy immensely.  You really have no idea what you’re going to find in the blogosphere which is part of the fun I think.

From a creativity perspective I think I am still workign on where I want to go.  I love my limericks and my non-haiku, and anything that will entertain and delight and whilt that is mostly all I seem to be posting right now but I have also written so many stories and tales that I have surprised myself with what I had rattling around in my head.  The nature of what I have shared has surprised me too, and even now I am still uncertain of where I want thigns to go but I am not worrying about it particularly and simply wish to enjoy wherever it taks me.

I think this year could be even better from a creativity perspective and I will endeavour to share as much as I can and I look forward ot meeting more of you and getting to know you even better.

Thanks for all your support!

Michael

Oh and if you’re interested in stats…

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A limerick about Aquaman

Sploosh!

Once a lass who loved marvel most dearly

And insisted “beats dc quite clearly!”

Loves them now though i bet

Aquamam got her wet

Made her sploosh as she writhed quite severely

Wrote that one for the wife and her friends who have a film club and who normally enjoy highbrow kind of stuff and the good romcom but recently felt that they would rather enjoy Aquaman. For a bit of a change u know.

Funny they weren’t fussed about superhero stuff before.

Screw you haiku…Yup another

That all went a bit weird

Basks in summer rays

Like oak turns with seasons end

Into autumn gold

 

I did the drawing below and I was going for this idea of a chap on the beach lookign all goldenand tanned but it just looks like a big man baby wearing a nappy from one of those fetish films I have never accidentally watched late at night and then spent hours down a dark and nasty internet rabbit hole.

You’re mistaking me for someone else.

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I’ll have mayo with my that yes please.

Amazon takes care of all your condiment needs.

For those Amazon users amongst you will be quite familiar with how it likes to offer you suggestions on purchases that compliment the things you may have just bought.  For example, you might purchase a pair of sunglasses and it will intuitively suggest that you might also like some sun cream based upon the purchases of previpous shoppers.

Anyway so today I decided to dabble a little and placed an order for a variety of items that they will deliver each month for me.  Cat food, washing powder, loo roll.  The sort of heavy or bulky stuff that makes my grocery shop easier and I dont mind having extra of if I don’t use it all.  I then thought I would also order some soap as I want to use that instead of shower gel because of all of plastic bottles we end up using.  Doing my bit for the planet and all that.

So I proceed to check out and Amazon kindly offers me a suggestion of a complimentary purchase based upon me wanting to bulk buy 18 bars of Dove soap.  I know you want me to get to the point and I will but I’m going to continue the build up here a little.  I could make you guess couldn’t I, and you’d perhaps suggest shampoo or a nice loofer and if you did you would be most wrong.

No.  There was nothing of a sanitary nature at all.  Seems that according to Amazon that people who buy soap also often purchase mayonnaise.

Mayonnaise?  I shit you not.

This obviouly triggers me and I am thinking of all the things one might do with mayo that would mean you needed a jolly good wash afterwards.  There was the usual spreading and licking at first but then I got distracted by the thought of it being in a jar perhaps and at that point you’re going to need a spoon to get it out and I’m just not sure many men could pull off standing naked at the foot of the bed, legs akimbo, spoon in one hand and mayo in the other.  Unless you forego the spoon and just dip your…Actually no I just dont think it has the consistency of a sensual food and youd end up looking like you had some sort of creamy fungal growth and then it would drip onto the carpet and if it’s the good stuff made with oil then it’s probably going to need wiping up sharpish and at that pouint flacidity kicks in and I dont think there could be many sadder sights than a balding fat man with a flacid cock covered in mayo while the mrs  berates him for making a mess of the nice new bedroom rug.

Then again I suppose I could ask the wife to position a nice Turkey leg betwixt her bosoms and let me dollop a load on it.

Or maybe not.  Anyway, to prove I am not lying see below…

screenshot_20190109-112634_amazon shopping8480679343968039888..jpg

What Teddy saw. 8.

The one with the teletubbies.

Part 1 Part2  Part 3 Part 4 Part 5  Part 6  Part 7

Well the Christmas season  came and went here in somewhat of a blur, I am sure I speak for all of the other toys when I say thank fuck for that.  As I am sure you can imagine the holidays brings a real nervousness to the toy box as you never quite know whether youre going to be usurped by this years newest fad.

A couple of the old timer hand me downs still speak with a real fear of the Christmas of 1997.  There was a real blood bath once all the new toys were in the box and when the dust settled mid January all that was left were those Teletubby bitches, a few toy cars and a couple of books.  You couldnt move for a bloody lala or a po wherever you went it was hell I tell you.  Oh and trust me that Tinky Winky…nasty piece of work.  He came across all sweetness and light but he was a real twisted bastard and had a thing for Barbie’s smooth bits.  #MetooBarbieSmoothBits.

Another plus was the great time the children had as Mr dressed up as Santa for them though Mrs seemed pretty keen on the whole thing too and couldnt do enough to help. I even heard her asking him to empty his sack for her one night though from all of the noise they were making I am surprised they didn’t wake the kids up.

Happy New year from the toy box.

 

Mmmmmilky

The post that is not a post.

M has served up another delicious portion of prompts for January over here.  This is in response to: “Milky white peaks charmed their senses..”

Okay so I started this but stopped because mostly it just made me sound like a perverted 15 year old.

I figured milky white peaks would be a fantastic name for a cowgirl you know, red shequed shirt with a white frill across the front, snug jeans and perhaps some rhinestone boots.  She was going to have an ample busom and there would be campfires and horse wrangling and baked beans eaten from a frying pan and oh the tales they would tell of her milky white peaks.

Then I realised that I was just thinking about Dolly Parton and it just felt wrong to write about her millky white peaks because she is like 72 and that is older than my mum and I don’t really want to think of either in any sort of…well just no.

Not that I would think of my mum like that.  or Dolly.  Good god what is wrong with you people.  It was just an age thing…

Anyway…I’ll try again tomorrow and hopefully this whole sordid episode will be behind me by then and I will feel a little less uncomfortable with myself.