Mountains must move – Room 101

Maybe a beginning but little more…

 Let’s do one of M’s prompts.

These things tend to be short pieces that may or may not be the beginning of something else.  They dont always finish, they don’t always have a start. I just like to try and evoke a certain feeling or paint a single scene.  Originally they were always 101 words but not worrying too much about word count at the moment.


Even now after all these years Cal could still recall the day everything changed.  It was hard to forget.

Quite clearly he still remembered the panic in his chest hearing his mother calling his name frantically as he rode his bicycle through the tall grass in front of the farm house.  He knew that this was no time to hide, no time for games.

He hadn’t made it back to her before the skies started to darken, and after abandoning his bicycle and setting off at a sprint he saw a look of fear on her face that would never leave him.  As they raced inside the house the sky seemed to explode, crimsons and  oranges painted horizon to horizon and a deafening roar cut through the air, shaking the house to its foundations.

“What is it Mom” he had asked her, “what’s happened.”

Se said she didn’t knew but that they needed to hide and get to the bunker.  He didn’t believe her then but looking back he understood why she had lied to him.

He would have done the same because the lie was better than the truth.  It was a truth very few of them would survive.

 

 

Photo courtesy of pixabay

Gross Saturday Limericks

Need a limerick for someone with a nasty discharge? I got your back…

Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world.  

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects.  What do you reckon?


Stay in bed as I know you’re unwell

there’s a discharge, a rash – must be hell

get some shots, you’ll be fine

it will heal up in time

and perhaps it will no longer smell

 

Oh poor poppit I hope you’re less sick

as the discharge, I believe, is quite thick

hope the swelling goes down

and it’s no longer brown

and it’s no longer oozing, quite slick

 

Heard you caught something nasty my friend

take your pills you’ll be soon on the mend

next time just be aware

take precautions and care

cos it seeping and all red at the end

 

 

 

 

 

 


Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/

 

 

 

 

Sea of Chardonnay – Room 101

Children for sale, get your fresh children here!

 Let’s do one of M’s prompts.  Rusty Bearings.

These things tend to be short pieces that may or may not be the beginning of something else.  Originally they were 101 words only.  I’m less strict about that now.  They dont always finish, I just like to try and evoke a certain feeling or scene.


 

Ada and Sol stood hand in hand and waited.  Before them golden waters stretched away into the distance, the sun dancing across the surface of the lake.  Behind them long grass on rolling hills swayed in the spring breeze generated by the bio-hab.”

“I’ll miss the moon” Sol said, a tremor in his voice.  “Nurse says this is what the Earth used to be like.”

Ada felt the grass between her toes.  She would miss it too.  This was home, all she had ever known.

Nervously they watched the shuttle skim across the surface of the water towards them.  A long white cylinder with small dark windows along each side it caused the water below to ripple as it eased slowly to a halt on the waters edge.

“I want you on your best behaviour” a man’s gruff voice barked from behind them.  “These people have paid good money and they expect only the best do you understand.”

A small hatch opened in the underside of the craft and a ramp descended slowly.  They held their breath as around twenty terrans spilled out onto the grass. Ada felt sol squeeze her hand and she squeezed back reassuringly.  She had always been the strong one.

A small blonde haired boy stood a few metres from Ada started to cry.  “I don’t want to go to earth “ he sobbed. “I want to stay here.”

Ada turned to him and flashed him a smile and nodded.  “It’s okay” she mouthed.

“You’ll do as we say” the gruff voiced man said sharply “you cant get kids of your quality back on Earth.  These people pay top money, now smile.”

 

A get well soon limerick

Silly and crass and most immature

Sometimes a limerick is all you need to say get well soon…

 

Oh poor baby I hear you caught syphilis

from that woman you slept with at Christmas

and gave it to you your wife

and it’s ruined your life

but at least you can boast of your mistress

 

What?  Things like that happen..

 

Heard you’re spending some time on the loo

and your whole house it smells just like poo

and you really cant think

with your head in the sink

as its coming out of that end too

 

True story

 

Heard your boob job it went quite awry

when you look at them you just start to cry

‘cos they’re both different sizes

and they’re full of surprises

as one nipple looks like a pork pie

 

 

 


photo courtesy of pixabay

My Weekly Fetish Haiku 19th of January

Fairly obvious this one I think.

Instead of stopping these it was suggested that I simply do one a week instead.  I’m sure you know which one this is right …

Click.  Weather channel

soaring temperatures forecast

sploosh.  Need new trousers.

 

Actirasty
Yup, turns out some people get all splooshy and feel aroused by the sun’s rays.  Living in England I guess there is very little chance of me exploding all over my good work trousers because of a prolonged period of pleasant weather.  I don’t really know how this one works to be honest.  Is sun burn the holy grail of acrirastists?  Is sun screen a major turnoff?

Maybe this is made up.  But then it can’t be as it’s on the internet and the internet doesn’t lie.

Limericks. Again.

No apologies, they make me happy.

Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world.  

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects.  What do you reckon?


 

A financier born in Sri Lanka

Who wrote poems, quite odd for a banker

he would take such delight

in his form oh so tight

how he revelled in Haiku and Tanka

 

There once lived a farmer called Phil

bought a bride on the web from Brazil

when she landed such shock

massive balls and a cock

it worked out though, shes hung, what a thrill

 

There once was a Vicar from Cannes

who when drunk went to bed with a man

Hes now happy it seems

with the man of his dreams

left the church, toured the world in a van

 

Okay lousy last line there but I wanted them to have a happy ending.  

 

 

 


Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/

 

 

 

 

Rusty Bearings – Room 101

a quick something and nothing.

 Let’s do one of M’s prompts.  Rusty Bearings.

These things tend to be short pieces that may or may not be the beginning of something else.  They dont always finish, I just like to try and evoke a certain feeling or scene.


 

Cal stood on the repair deck of the SS Los Angeles looking out into the inky expanse of space and wiped at the grease on his hands with an old red rag.  He loved rest days when he could just potter around the repair deck and have time to think.

He braced himself as he felt the rumble of the high orbit burners beneath his feet and the ship manoeuvred slowly around until the earth drifted into view.

“Wow” he said to himself shaking his head.  The old girl didn’t look well.

From high above large swathes of once green land were now barren and ocean’s once blue and teaming with life were now darkened with the toxic remnants of the third and fourth great wars.

He placed the rag into his overall pocket as the ships com gave a single beep and crackled into life.

”This is captain Armitage.”  He sounded tired.  Eight years in charge of a destroyer will do that to you Cal thought to himself.  “It is with great sadness that I can confirm that Central Command have today confirmed that the SS Trump has been lost over Mars.  Survivors are not expected.  God bless her crew and God bless America.”  The Comms beeped again and there was silence.

Cal grimaced.  That was four destroyers in the last month alone.  They were losing this war.

Well that’s just super…

Kids. Honestly.

My dear children

I want the best for you but…

some days you are thick

Sorry thats the best I can do.   It is ten to ten and the eldest just told me he needs 6 sheets of filo, ricotta and spring onions for school tomorrow.  I want nothing more to shout and protest and stomp my feet as I was about to get in bed after this post but now I am off to the Tesco just up the road.  If they dont have it then I am going to the store in the next town.  But that’s ok right because I am an awesome dad.

I don’t feel it, I want to make him get dressed and go himself.  Oh, did I mention it’s snowing?  Yeah.  Loads.  Id happily watch him drag his forgetful arse out in a blizzard and drive behind him shouting valuable life lessons out the window.

I can just imagine his snow chilled little face pleading to get in the car as I bellow instructions about how to put up a shelf an how to make a good first impression.

What is more annoying though is that I knew it was food tech tomorrow and forgot to check what he needs.  So really I need to shout at myself.  But I am way past learning.

Stupid idiots the lot of us.  Right, where are my clothes I better get dressed again.

 

More stuff from my brain meat…

Charlie’s Journey – OWPC Challenge

Deep and insightfully insightfulnessness

I tried to say goodbye.

 

Even more limericks on sombre topics.

Proof perhaps that a limerick can make even the darkest of topics more pleasant…

Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world.  

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects.  What do you reckon?


There once was a vet born in France

Gerbils caused quite a stir in his pants

Rabbits caused a cold sweat

And his trousers got wet

Fondles hamsters if hes given chance

 

Once a husband caught aids from a hooker

quite infected but still quite a looker

gave his wife it, she died

and their graves the kids cried

On his gravestone it read, “What a Fucker”

 


Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/

 

 

 

 

Screw you haiku 16 Jan 2017

Feel the balance baby!

 

Monday curry night

Bravado demands more heat

Hot toilet regrets

 

The haiku, so proud, tight, formal. So little saying so much.  Mostly though I like to defile them with the ridiculous.

 

More stuff from my brain meat…

Charlie’s Journey – OWPC Challenge

Deep and insightfully insightfulnessness

I tried to say goodbye.

 

Even more limericks on sombre topics.

Proof perhaps that a limerick can make even the darkest of topics more pleasant…

Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world.  

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects.  What do you reckon?


 

There once was a man from gelong

Who enjoyed to put on his wife’s thong

Slipped and fell, it’s no laugh

Cut his balls clean in half

now soprano at church sing along

 

A young fellow caught wifey in bed

with a big burly fellow called Ted

Who was quite well endowed

and incredibly proud

Took the house, car and both kids instead

 

Once a vicar who rather liked kids

and confessed of the bad things he did

seems that’s all that it takes

when you make big mistakes

guaranteed by the church to keep hid

 


Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/

 

 

 

 

Screw you haiku 15 Jan 2017

Feel the balance baby!

Sweet scent of young love

In full bloom, unwatered

withers to nothing

see I can kinda do a normal one…

 

smile creeps across face

others wear mask of disgust

each loves his own farts

 

Aah that’s better.  A little balance restored to the force…

 

The haiku, so proud, tight, formal. So little saying so much.  Mostly though I like to defile them with the ridiculous.

 

More stuff from my brain meat…

Charlie’s Journey – OWPC Challenge

Deep and insightfully insightfulnessness

I tried to say goodbye.

 

My Weekly Fetish Haiku 12th of January

Fairly obvious this one I think.

Instead of stopping these it was suggested that I simply do one a week instead.  I’m sure you know which one this is right …

 

 

Razor discarded

nature in all her glory 

rum rampant run free

Pubephilia
So turns out it is the arousal to pubic hair.  Now I don’t know not whether folk are excited by particular styles, they might well be, I didn’t research much further than that.  It is fairly obvious the route it would go down, starting at brazilians and ending in the use of the phrase ‘classic 70’s muff’.  I wont waste anyone’s time.

Sandpaper and Sinkholes – Room 101

Jay tapped refresh on his screen and waited anxiously for the numbers to appear. 

 Let’s do one of M’s prompts.  ‘Pinches of positivity’.


 

Jay tapped refresh on his screen and waited anxiously for the numbers to appear.

“Looking nervous bro” Mo said watching him from across the room, a broad smile on his face and his brown eyes sparkling mischievously.

“Whatever” Jay answered as the numbers flashed on the screen.

“What you got then?” Mo pressed getting out of his chair and walking across to try and take a look at the screen. “How many do you have?”

Jay pulled away and pushed the device inside his robe.  “2.4.  Still plenty more that you” he snapped.

“Ah but it isn’t just about numbers, it’s also about quality Jay.”

Mo reached into a pocket and pulled out his own device and thrust it towards Jay.  Initially reluctant he took it and scanned over the stats blinking across the screen.

“1.6 with pretty high dedication scores I will admit” he said sullenly and handed it back.  “I still beat you on wealth and influence categories too though.”

“For now” Mo said still smiling.  “You’ve seen my predictions for the next 80 years right?  Dad thinks I’ve a real chance of catching you, especially now my mortality rates are dropping and you have your European problem to deal with.”

Jay really did find him so annoying at times.

“I have no idea why you’re grinning so much” Jay replied angrily, “Vish has nearly as many as you do and his dedication scores are nearly as high as yours.  Vish what you got mate?”

Both men turned to where a third man was sitting on a small wicker chair surrounded by piles of books and papers.

“Don’t involve me in this “ he shouted back and pulled on a pair of headphones “I want nothing to do with this I am quite happy with what I have.  I’m sitting this out for now thanks.”

Mo laughed and folded his arms defiantly.  “You know I will get his eventually don’t you, there’s just no way you’ll ever get them.  Say what you want, his dedication scores are on the slide almost as badly as yours.”

Jay balled each of his hands into a fist.  He really wanted more than anything  to punch him in the mouth.  He was so abrasive when in one of these moods.  Always so desperate to get ahead.

“You know what Mo” Jay said walking closer, chest puffed out.  “Maybe it’s time we took this to the next level.  Maybe it’s time I put you in your place.”

“Oh and how are you going to do that then?” he asked pushing back.  “You got some secret weapon?  You played the evangelist card in the eighties, you got nothing left.  They were all discredited.  You’re bluffing.  Best you can do is damage control.”

Jay hesitated for a moment, smiled and then took a step back.  He reached back inside his robe for his device and stabbed at the screen.  He smiled and slowly turned the screen in his hand and held it outwards towards his brother.

Mo looked confused.  “You’re playing a Donald?  What the hell is a Donald?”

Alphabet Soup – Room 101. I’d mostly just pass this one by.

This is offensive and crass and pretty childish really and just ignore it.

 Let’s do one of M’s prompts.

Today it’s alphabet soup.  This is not written for anyone or aimed at anyone but instead a piece that I should be better than.  It’s just a list of profanities listed alphabetically and loosely rhyming.   Imagine it as maybe a breakup letter written to someone or a poem written for a colleague when you’ve left work.

This is probably my swearing quota out of the way for the month.Maybe read this instead its wholesome.  And this is very grown up.

 

 

 

 

A is for arsehole and B is for Bastard

C for Crap and perhaps sometimes C*%T

And D so for Dickhead or maybe a Douche

E’s for effing,  please don’t take affront

 

Fuck is quite obvious, Goddamnit is G

Hard-on might be a stretch, cut me slack

Idiot will do me when searching for I

J for jackoff said behind your back.

 

K for Knob really suits you Its british for cock

L for Lobcock.  It’s bad – look it up

Mother fucker a classic you sure must agree

Youre a Nupson if not, useless tup

 

Onanist that’s describes you a tosser for sure

And a prick if you really must know

Q I aint got a thing cos I’m not homophobic

Rimjob suits you cos you really blow

 

Shit-face, spanner and sod I have next on my list

And then twat ‘cos its obviously so

Uropygium, bird’s anus – I looked that one up

Vaffanculo –  Italians will know!

 

Wanker, wally and whore seem to work pretty well

Xanthippe, Yarak and Zatch work real well

Now go google and find out just what they all mean

And when done kindly then go to hell.

 

Pinches of positivity – Room 101

Seems this is my 500th post…

Well this is my 500th post.  Not sure how that happened, I was only really popping in to see what this blogging lark was about.  Oh well, better write something deep and meaningful. Let’s do one of M’s prompts.  ‘Pinches of positivity’.


Lying strapped to the bed Malcolm looked around the room.  Harsh chrome spots reflected on the cold white walls and floor and a single door at the end of the room seemed to be the only way in or out.

He struggled against the wrist and ankle straps but there was no give.

A woman’s voice crackled into life over a speaker, .it was calm and smooth like liquid sugar

“All things are good” it said slowly.  “All things are good.”

Malcolm instinctively tried to ignore the voice but it resonated deep within his mind and filled his senses.

“Everything will work out.” it continued as the words bounced around his head and filled him with calm.  The room drifted into nothing as he closed his eyes.

“This is all you need and you need nothing more.”  iIt said and Malcolm began to mumble the words phrase after phrase.

“This is where you belong and what you need.”  The words left his mouth almost synchronised with voice from the speaker.  He felt warm and safe.

“Everything is fine”

Phrase after phrase flowed into and over him, repeated word for word as he slowly passed into sleep, the words of comfort still dripping from his lips.

As the speaker crackled into silence two orderlies emerged from the door at the end of the room and wheeled his bed back out towards the exit.

“Think he’s nearly?” a barrel chested man asked.  His colleague pulled the door closed behind them.

“Just a couple more sessions and he will be ready for his wedding.”

 

A thought…

Think I need an early night

 

Okay so not so much a thought as the culmination of many thoughts.  Arguments aside over exactly what the best phone is I recently bought me eldest the New Samsung on the basis that he promised to stay off of social media.  Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and whatever else I may choose to broadly lump into that category.  I will then, every couple of years, upgrade him to the newest handset assuming he has stayed off it all.

He happily agreed, and whilst in the future he may not, for now I think it is something worthwhile because I am pretty convinced that the damage done by social media outweighs the benefits.  There will be studies I am sure, but I am not basing it on them I am basing it on my experience and the pressure it puts on people and the need to broadcast ones life click by click.

There is an irony in blogging about this I am sure, and my blogs do post to twitter, but it is something I am happy I did because I think the kids will be better people for it in the long run.  No one needs to know what he had for tea or where he has just checked in to and he does not need to see only the selective best bits of someone elses life to compare his to.

I’d much prefer he simply lives life than spectates…

My Weekly Fetish Haiku 5th of January

I don’t mean offence.

Instead of stopping these it was suggested that I simply do one a week instead.  I’m sure you know which one this is right …

Only got one arm?

tell me you were born like that

I need a moment

Hey I don’t mean me there okay just a metaphorical me in the name of the haiku.  The more I research this stuff the more bizarre it gets.  I get that the heart wants what the heart wants and a very good friend mine, a strapping handsome lad of 6ft plus, is married to a hunchback dwarf.  She is lovely and they have been together forever, have a kid and have always seemed very much in love and rather happy.

Now I dont think he’s with her because of the differences though, he doesn’t seem the type of chap.  Then again I might not know him at all and he might be a right dirty bastard who only wants her because of her hump and short stature and loves nothing more than twirling her around at the end of a long day.

Hmm.  Nah, she wouldnt let him shes rather feisty.  And, if it was a proper fetish I reckon he would need more than one hunchback dwarf in his life.

Oh it’s all very confusing.

 

 

 

Teratophilia is the arousal to the congenitally deformed

A thought…

Think I need an early night

That was a long lon g day.  I slept terribly, the cats eventually waking me at 4am after I had stayed up far too late watching ‘Bright’.  The eldest went to a sleepover and went to bed at 4 and the youngest went to bed at 3.  I said he could watch one tv show in his brothers bed before sleep and forgot about him.

He came down to tell us all about the great TV he had watched at 3 rather wired and a little scared about something creepy but I do not recall what.

We were all reunited at lunchtime to head on a couple of hours drive out to the seaside for the afternoon.  We weren’t beyond the end of the street before the younger was crying because of something the other had thrown, the elder professed his hatred for me insisting I should perhaps stop speaking and the wife’s day was already ruined.

I think we just about pulled it back as the day progressed, mostly because the little blighters fell asleep and I heeded the warning I had been given to ‘leave them alone because I just wind them up’.

Families eh 🙂

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