Today it’s alphabet soup. This is not written for anyone or aimed at anyone but instead a piece that I should be better than. It’s just a list of profanities listed alphabetically and loosely rhyming. Imagine it as maybe a breakup letter written to someone or a poem written for a colleague when you’ve left work.
A is for arsehole and B is for Bastard
C for Crap and perhaps sometimes C*%T
And D so for Dickhead or maybe a Douche
E’s for effing, please don’t take affront
Fuck is quite obvious, Goddamnit is G
Hard-on might be a stretch, cut me slack
Idiot will do me when searching for I
J for jackoff said behind your back.
K for Knob really suits you Its british for cock
L for Lobcock. It’s bad – look it up
Mother fucker a classic you sure must agree
Youre a Nupson if not, useless tup
Onanist that’s describes you a tosser for sure
And a prick if you really must know
Q I aint got a thing cos I’m not homophobic
Rimjob suits you cos you really blow
Shit-face, spanner and sod I have next on my list
And then twat ‘cos its obviously so
Uropygium, bird’s anus – I looked that one up
Vaffanculo – Italians will know!
Wanker, wally and whore seem to work pretty well
Xanthippe, Yarak and Zatch work real well
Now go google and find out just what they all mean
And when done kindly then go to hell.