Just a little something to lighten the mood…
The serious art of the haiku defiled with everyday shenanigans. Or is it senryu? Meh…
Brown boats in the sun
Slowly I watch them pass by
Sewer overflow
Gold summer showers
Trickling down orange skin
hospitality
Still drunk eyes open
the stranger in the bed wears
the face of regret
Eighties Hub insists
Got aids from a toilet seat
A likely story
Here you go, another one.
If read it right then no explanation, no people no something else. Anyway I think I’m meant to do a black and white photo a day for a week. Okay there’s a few people if you look closely. I’m not great with boundaries you know that…
Day 3
Day 1 of the black and white photo challenge
If read it right then no explanation, no people no something else. Anyway I think I’m meant to do a black and white photo a day for a week.
Day 1
There is one about a panda which could have been special but mostly it is just a bit dirty. The rest are just crass.
There once was a chap from Milan
Had a thing for his best mate Paul’s gran
Craved her wrinkly bits
And her pendulous tits
of her saggy old thighs, a big fan
An irregular builder from Goole
Bought a potion to soften his stool
He strained with a large load
And his bowels did explode
Don’t gamble with farts, that’s the rule
A woman from Selby quite cute
Survived mostly on vege’s and fruit
But most every fart
Would result in a shart
Just imagine the stress of each toot
A lonely young chap from Uganda
At the zoo fell in love with a panda
Craved its fluffy white thighs
And it’s come to be eyes
Got him rather aroused, double hander!
So when is a haiku about a disease you picked up overseas not actually a haiku?
When I started this writing lark I was rather conscious of befouling the wonderful art of the haiku. Mine are rather non traditional and as far as haiku go really only conform to the syllable construct. Thanks to Colleen I have since discovered the senryu which is probably more akin to what I’ve been writing,
Senryu (also called human haiku) is an unrhymed Japanese verse consisting of three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables (5, 7, 5) or 17 syllables in all. Senryu is usually written in the present tense and only references to some aspect of human nature or emotions.
So without further ado a few senryu. Given I’m enjoying some time in Portugal I thought I would write about diseases picked up whilst abroad.
Oh throbbing red lump
Wriggling underneath the skin
Bursts spewing spiders
Delights of Delhi
Arse on toilet head in sink
Don’t drink the water
Ladyboy surprise
Guess I;ll try anything once
Sphincter quite destroyed
Amsterdam delights
Toasted, red lit buxom wench
Need penicillin
You should Kendra because she has stuff worth reading and a fabulous way of saying it. She also has a brilliant grasp of profanity and I casually suggested she do a spoken word kinda thing with one of her posts and guess what…she only bloody well went and did it.
Listen to Discount Rap (per Michael’s request for something very sweary) by Kindra M. Austin #np on #SoundCloud
Minuscule Japanese poetry
Not really written much lately. Let’s get back into the swing of things with some light Haiku work.
A slave to loves need
the heart wants what the heart wants
mistakes made in haste
Guess it’s a start
Son has stomach ache
he thinks it’s a heart attack
Just needed a poo
another?
I hope for the day
Donald needs a new heart, gets
a poor black muslim’s
How wicked I know. Aslan will surely punish me. Bed I think…good night.
Small Japanese poem GO GO GO!
Thanks to Colleen It’s that time again. Small Japanese poem GO GO GO!
First up a 3/5/3
Lost in mist
unfamiliar shapes
boat shipwrecked
Now the traditional haiku
Cold mist rolling in
Reality obscured
vague shapes in the dark
or
Twisted eerie shapes
cold Mist enveloped spectres
heart racing in chest
Tanka with different spelling and meaning because why not?
Dirty ex girlfriend
I missed your shape when you left
and the way you moved
But you spent all my money
I think hookers are cheaper
I did a few serious ones before that…you know I cant be serious for long.
Okay, my first Cinquain now. Sorry.
Donald
Orange tosspot
Bumbling, hating, grabbing
spewing filthy oral garbage
Twat
An open letter from the killer clown community
Photo courtesy of carloyuen@pixabay
A 6 sentence story.
“Now remember” said Jefferson as the ramp in the belly of the Calista retracted, “you are to follow protocol at all times – understood?”
“Copy that” Helliwell responded smiling, “you worry too much boss, prelim reports that this place is completely lifeless – something wiped out everything sometime in the last 5000 years.”
“There” said Helliwell pointing excitedly to a small shimmering pool in the dusty planet surface, “that’s got to be what command have sent us up here for – water!”
Taking a small bottle from his belt Jefferson bent down to take a sample, and as he made contact with the substance he collapsed instantly, falling into Helliwell and causing him to crash to the surface.
Hours passed, and both men lay motionless in the ochre dust, twin suns passing overhead as dust devils danced across the desolation.
As darkness fell both men suddenly began to move and stood slowly, their eyes now completely black : “Fitssssss like a glove” Jefferson hissed as Helliwell turned to look at him pointing to the Calista and smiling, “It’ssssssss Time to go find a new planet to devour”
Charlie’s Journey – OWPC Challenge
A Donald inspired tale of madness
https://unchartedblogdotorg.wordpress.com/2017/10/01/its-the-six-sentence-stories-cue-of-the-week-5/
“Look at me boy” he snarled as Harley walked past, launching into another rant. “He will chastise you 7 times and you shall eat the flesh of you sons and daughters” he screamed.
In response to M’s writing prompt “A pinch of happiness”.
Harley was very much a man of habit. Each morning he would wake up at 6.45, hit the snooze button three times and then promptly into the shower where he would always use an exfoliating scrub. He liked the way it made his skin look.
He would then dress quite impeccably in a dark suit and pastel shirt, followed by a light breakfast of toast and orange marmalade whilst he checked his social media accounts and sent a good morning message to his partner who worked the early shift at the local hospital. A quick wash and dry of the plate and knife later and he would set off for work at precisely 7.45 a.m.
Monday to Friday the short walk to the underground was always punctuated by a stop off at the ‘Roasted Bean’ where he would have his usual skinny latte. He would smile at Rose, a pretty freckle faced girl, who would recognise him in the queue and ask how he was and he would always reply that he was fine thank you.
He was a good and kind man, loyal to his friends, faithful to his partner and wholly the sort of person you would very much like to live next to and he very much enjoyed his morning routine. It made him feel safe and in control. What he did not enjoy though was the short walk from the roasted Bean to the underground.
Every morning, stood on the corner just a short walk in the direction he was headed, stood a man who was very much everything that Harley was not. Under the dirt and long matted beard he was probably in his mid-fifties, but his blackened teeth and dark sallow eyes made it hard to tell. He would stand quite still holding a small polystyrene cup hoping for a few spare coins from the passers by, his clothes stained and torn and the stench of a lifetime of living on the streets filled the air around him.
As the morning masses streamed past with blank faces he watched them go by, mumbling to himself under his breath, only ever becoming animated at the sight of Harley. His eyes wide, spittle rained from his rancid mouth and he would spew a tirade of Old testament hate and bile as Harley approached, only stopping once Harley had crossed the busy road and disappeared down the tube station steps.
Harvey’s stomach lurched. “Here we go” he thought to himself.
“The people of Samaria must bear the guilt because they have rebelled against God” he shouted, pointing at Harley, “they will fall by the sword and their little ones will be dashed to the ground and their pregnant women ripped open!”
An old woman in a brown coat crossed the street to avoid him. Harley had tried that in the past but the man always followed him and he had given up. He had even tried different routes but the man always seemed to be there waiting, no matter which way he went.
Harley kept his eyes down and continued walking. The man seemed particularly vile today.
“See the day of the lord is coming” he continued as Harley drew close, his eyes wide and wild and a cruel smile spreading across his face “a day of wrath and anger and the infants will be dashed to pieces before their eyes and their wives will be violated!”
Harley was now directly opposite him. The stench of piss filled his nostrils.
“Look at me boy” he snarled as Harley walked past, launching into another rant. “He will chastise you 7 times and you shall eat the flesh of you sons and daughters” he screamed.
Harley’s heart raced, his fists clenched. He never responded, ever, but today felt different. He turned and look damn you”ed at the man, continuing to walk slowly backwards.
“Shut the hell up!” Harley shouted back, “leave me alone damn you.”
The man laughed loudly and took a step towards him. “Happy shall they be who take your little ones and dash them against the rock” he shouted grinning broadly and stabbing a filthy finger in Harley’s direction.
Harley continued moving backwards as the man sped up walking towards him.
“You’re mine boy” he yelled.
Harley was about to tell the man to go fuck himself but the words never got from his brain to his mouth. He heard a scream as he stepped backwards from the step and fell into the road.
The last thing that went through the mind of Harley Silver before his light was extinguished forever was the cackle of the man’s laughter.
It was different though, and for the briefest of moments he thought it sounded almost happy…
Photo courtesy of Leroy Skalstad @ Pixabay
More stuff? It isn’t all like that…Blanketed in bliss
Faeries: The long winter – Part 2
Another day another limerick.
On being someone’s prison wife…
A posh boy addicted to coke
Stole a car and ran over a bloke
When the cops found him out
“My dads rich” he did shout
pretty mouth like his, jail is no joke
Happy Sunday!
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Why? Why not? It’s been a good few hours since I published a limerick…
Given that it is Sunday, I thought I’d just try a few more limericks as have had a load rattling around in my head and as much as I like the lunch time limerick I have more vomiting forth that a single one a day…
A serial killer called Ned
Obeyed voices that screamed in his head
Then one day he just changed
And is no more deranged
Now writes food blogs on WordPress instead
(yeah…you know who you are don’t you 😉)
There once was a doctor from Goole
Specialised in the gastric, no fool
Made a fortune in bums
Bowels, Intestines and tums
And continuing study of stool
Sorry, it is not my fault Goole and stool rhyme…
A Bethlehem chap, healed the blind
Said be nice to each other and kind
Romans proved they were boss
Nailed him up on a cross
But was raised from the dead, never mind
Maybe one more
Chap from Mosul played drums in a band
so the Taliban cut off each hand
But it all worked out fine
Said his wife, “it’s divine
Cos for scratching my back your hook’s grand”
Right think that’ll do. I’ve used the hooked hands twice this week. Hmmm.
Have a good Sunday.
More goodness?
Another day another limerick.
Okay, enough offending people. Back to life and stuff…
A cheeky young fellow from Rhyll
Thought his girlfriend was still on the pill
shed forgotten to take
What a costly mistake
Now they’re 18 with twins, what a thrill
Tomorrow…something else
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
More haiku, and today I will be using the phrase “Dead hobo doorway”
The haiku, so proud, tight, formal. So little saying so much. Mostly though I like to defile them with the ridiculous.
The snap of the glove
Not completely unpleasant
Prostate checked out fine
Left his phone unlocked
Wife browses the internet
Sweating profusely
Waves crash like thunder
grey skies, cold waters, time flies
Makes me need a wee
Red dress and pale skin
Heads turn, hearts race, open mouthed
Wardrobe malfunction
Cold blue winter skies
Crisp snow covers city streets
Dead hobo doorway
More stuff from my brain meat…
Charlie’s Journey – OWPC Challenge
Deep and insightfully insightfulnessness
Another day another limerick.
One last one I think, as if I haven’t offended enough people already this week.
A Jewish lass, Emily fisk
put her eternal life greatly at risk
with shrimp mussels and cod
she’d offended her god
Now each day she eats hot lobster bisque
Bit ropey but it’ll do…
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
Continue my limericks on the fall from grace…
A Hindu lass hailing from Neath
caused her family much heartache and grief
and dishonour and shame
to the family name
As she sneakily gorged on roast beef
Back tomorrow with one last one I think
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Edgar stood looking up at the dark building stretching up into the night and thought how very much like stars the tiny windows looked, and he thought of his Grandfather.
The challenge was to write something using the photo using between 75 and 175 words. I came in at 173. You can see the challenge details here.
Edgar stood looking up at the dark building stretching up into the night and thought how very much like stars the tiny windows looked, and remembering his Grandfather he smiled. Even though it was so long ago he could still recall how he would sit on his lap and listen to the stories about the times before the stars went out.
In fact, before he was recycled he spoke of very little else, his mind frail and his memories just fragments of what they had once been.
In those last days he would sit on the small balcony overlooking the sprawling choking metropolis, his long empty flowerpots a reminder of a time when the sun still shone, and he would curse those that had thought only of themselves and had let this happen.
Still smiling he slowly climbed the cold stone steps for his own recycling appointment, his heart full of the memories of that wonderful old man, and wondered whether he might soon see him again where the stars still shone brightly.
More stuff?
Deep and insightfully insightfulnessness
https://flashfictionforaspiringwriters.wordpress.com/
Photo courtest of Pamela Canepa
I blame the United Nations for the quality of these haiku…
So sat at lunch Tuesday 19th of September and I thought I would scribble a few haiku, as one does. Unfortunately on the TV behind me is Donald Trump at the UN and my intention to write of nature and butterflies and waterfalls and all manner of gorgeous natural wonderment ended up as what you read below. I’m not even American so not sure why I care, perhaps it is because he is so vile. Anyway, lesson learned is that your environment can have a huge impact on what you are able to write.
I then spent much of the rest of the day swearing at inanimate objects.
Donald at the UN
Flapping gums and tiny hands
Blah blah blah blah blah
Cuddly Korean
With your nuclear arsenal
And your dog soufflé
Rancid politics
Women ought to be in charge
Men are such morons
That is all I managed before punching a kitten in the face and making a pregnant lady cry, so foul was my demeanour.
More stuff?
Charlie’s Journey – OWPC Challenge
Another day another limerick.
On the matter of losing one’s faith…continued
A Muslim chap hailing from York
had a secretive yearning for pork
so he gave up the life
shaved, de-shrouded his wife
gorging bacon and beans with a spork.
Tomorrow there will be beef…
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
On losing one’s faith.
A handsome poor priest name of Chad
Found that boobies they made him most glad
So he gave up the life
Found a super hot wife
With big lips, curvy hips and rich dad
Tomorrow…something about Pork…
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
It was suggested I do some saccharin sweet limericks…Ill give it a try I guess. Feels a bit weird to be honest.
To my children
Each morning I look at your smiles
even though you both put us through trials
how your mother she bore you
I simply adore you
so does mum though you did give her piles
that could be a hallmark moment!
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
A jolly fat bellied chap , Nick
Christmas Eve of the children got sick
so he went to the pub
had some drinks and some grub
cancelled Christmas next day, what a dick
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
A limerick, at lunchtime. The clue’s in the title really…
A hillbilly chap, quite obese
one day coverered his sister in grease
from her toes to her head
then he took her to bed
she gave birth to his daughter and niece
maybe another incest based limerick because they fun
I once went to school with a lad
who had a quite young looking dad
turned out his mums lover
was his hot older brother
that’s just wrong, quite disturbing and mad
Anyway, have a good Saturday, not going to be writing much else today got a lot to do…
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
A limerick, at lunchtime. The clue’s in the title really…
A sturdy young chap, Roger black
Hard liquor each night he knocked back
Young vibrant and bold
But then he got old
Now he’s fat and addicted to crack
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
A limerick, at lunchtime. The clue’s in the title really…
A cuddly bus driver from cleaves
was beset by a posse of thieves
stole his clothes, bus and phone
left him stranded alone
and his modesty covered by leaves
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Afterwards 