Another day another limerick.
On being someone’s prison wife…
A posh boy addicted to coke
Stole a car and ran over a bloke
When the cops found him out
“My dads rich” he did shout
pretty mouth like his, jail is no joke
Happy Sunday!
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Fatties in space returns but not quite as you might have wanted.
You really should read this first before proceeding, but you don’t have to – it will just make more sense if you do..I am not ready for the full story but thought I would start exploring story lines through the medium of poetry.
It’s a tale of the round, and the girthy who found
a real love, one that’s true , one that’s strong
and the passion they share, but they’re rather aware
that they just cannot ‘go’ for that long.
For rotund they both are and alas the pair far
From in shape, ‘less that shape is a ball
He has always been big from when he was a kid
And she got real fat after a fall
So both desperate to please one another and tease
In the bedroom they try to delight
So as well as whipped cream for this sexy young team
Nacho cheese and choc pudding tonight
But they try none the less, she fits into a dress
Far too small for a gal of her size
but he gazes with love, says “it fits like a glove”
Then devours her like burger and fries
He heaves up his full frame, and she calls out his name
legs akimbo his hands on her hips
says “I fancy some kink, here what do you think?”
and eats onion rings from her nips
But before it begins pudding still on his chins
and the nacho cheese on her top lip
his legs started to cramp and she’s barely got damp
he tries hard but he’s losing his grip
“That’s enough” she cries out, “I do not want to shout
But I’ve needs and I need to be drilled”
So she books them a flight, taking off the next night
On the love ship, she will be fulfilled
For it heads into space at a jolly quick pace
They’ll be freed of this gravity curse
Yes it cost all they’ve saved, but they’re feeling depraved
And she wants to dress up as a nurse
So next time I will tell, and use words such as swell
And engorge and perhaps Ill use thrust
And Ill tell a bit more and you might just adore
The next verse in this tale of fat lust
More stuff? No? I understand…
Another day another limerick.
Okay, enough offending people. Back to life and stuff…
A cheeky young fellow from Rhyll
Thought his girlfriend was still on the pill
shed forgotten to take
What a costly mistake
Now they’re 18 with twins, what a thrill
Tomorrow…something else
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
One last one I think, as if I haven’t offended enough people already this week.
A Jewish lass, Emily fisk
put her eternal life greatly at risk
with shrimp mussels and cod
she’d offended her god
Now each day she eats hot lobster bisque
Bit ropey but it’ll do…
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
Continue my limericks on the fall from grace…
A Hindu lass hailing from Neath
caused her family much heartache and grief
and dishonour and shame
to the family name
As she sneakily gorged on roast beef
Back tomorrow with one last one I think
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
On the matter of losing one’s faith…continued
A Muslim chap hailing from York
had a secretive yearning for pork
so he gave up the life
shaved, de-shrouded his wife
gorging bacon and beans with a spork.
Tomorrow there will be beef…
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
On losing one’s faith.
A handsome poor priest name of Chad
Found that boobies they made him most glad
So he gave up the life
Found a super hot wife
With big lips, curvy hips and rich dad
Tomorrow…something about Pork…
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
It was suggested I do some saccharin sweet limericks…Ill give it a try I guess. Feels a bit weird to be honest.
To my children
Each morning I look at your smiles
even though you both put us through trials
how your mother she bore you
I simply adore you
so does mum though you did give her piles
that could be a hallmark moment!
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
In England they were chopping off peoples heads for not liking the right type of Jesus…
Turn on the television and you might think it was the end of the world. I don’t care for religion but know plenty for whom it is most fulfilling and some of them seem rather excited by the prospect of it being the end of days and disappearing into the clouds.
Theres that orange American maniac picking a scrap with that quite ludicrous Korean buffoon, we have terrorists running amok with a new story of some sort of attack in London every few weeks and there are storms with rather unusual names bearing down on one place or another whenever I choose to pay attention to the news.
So, this got me to thinking – is it now really worse than it ever was or have things always been this way? I figured the best way to answer this was some research and a considered response, and then I changed my mind almost immediately and decided to base this whole piece on conjecture and supposition.
So – what conclusion did I come to I don’t hear you ask. Well, I think mostly no, it isn’t worse that it ever was – in fact I think the world’s a better place, or at least no worse that it has been for many a year.
Terrorists? Oh please, we have always had terrorists and people happy to chop off other people’s heads for one god or another. Remember the Crusades? Only difference is that we can live stream if via Facebook now so more people are aware of it.
War? I am certain that anyone who might whip u graph of conflict across the ages would prove my assertion that it’s probably no worse now in terms of one lot of people who want to do something beastly to another lot of people for mostly no reason at all.
Terrible things that happen to children? You think the awful things that have happened to kids only started in the 50’s and 60’s? How do you think your chimneys used to get cleaned? Small hands make light work indeed. Paedophilia isn’t a recent phenomenon I am certain, it’s just out in the open and no longer swept under the carpet.
Global warming? Okay I might give you that one – though if the Donald is to be believed you’re wrong on that point too.
I quite like the world I live in, though I am a white middle aged male living in suburban England. I am not a pot bellied starving African with a face full of flies so I may have to give you that one too though I bet if I wasn’t so lazy I could find evidence that says it’s been pretty horrid in parts of Africa and other places for as long as we can remember. At least now we try and help out and we write catchy Christmas songs to raise money to feed the starving.
People may well be fleeing Africa for the promised land of Europe but it is not that long ago that we were fleeing Europe for America because all of our potatoes had gone a bit manky and in England they were chopping off peoples heads for not liking the right type of Jesus…
And do not get me started on how great smart phones are or the ability to stream Netflix in the depths of inner Mongolia whilst or just how brilliant all the different types of Oreo cookies are.
The world really isn’t all that bad I reckon, and I am pretty sure that if I did some real research I would prove that it used to be pretty rubbish for most people in the last 2000 years. Maybe its now just not as rubbish for more people that it used to be.
I might be wrong but I am too ignorant to ever find out…
More stuff? I have a lot of stuff if you fancy it…
I don’t have a dog called Caper – Daily prompt
Bernard and Charles – Daily prompt
photo courtesy of photoshopper24 @ pixabay
Another day another limerick.
A jolly fat bellied chap , Nick
Christmas Eve of the children got sick
so he went to the pub
had some drinks and some grub
cancelled Christmas next day, what a dick
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
A limerick, at lunchtime. The clue’s in the title really…
A hillbilly chap, quite obese
one day coverered his sister in grease
from her toes to her head
then he took her to bed
she gave birth to his daughter and niece
maybe another incest based limerick because they fun
I once went to school with a lad
who had a quite young looking dad
turned out his mums lover
was his hot older brother
that’s just wrong, quite disturbing and mad
Anyway, have a good Saturday, not going to be writing much else today got a lot to do…
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
A limerick, at lunchtime. The clue’s in the title really…
A sturdy young chap, Roger black
Hard liquor each night he knocked back
Young vibrant and bold
But then he got old
Now he’s fat and addicted to crack
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
A limerick, at lunchtime. The clue’s in the title really…
A cuddly bus driver from cleaves
was beset by a posse of thieves
stole his clothes, bus and phone
left him stranded alone
and his modesty covered by leaves
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
A skinny young postman called pat
Who could eat but could never get fat
Pies and cakes, buns and sweets,
vegetables, breads and meats
Had a tapeworm you see, fancy that
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
Proof that the limerick form can make sad things less so.
A chubby young fellow called Giles
Got a rather bad case of the piles
Doc said “Don’t be so glum –
pop this cream in your bum,
’till they’re gone just sit carefully and smile
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
A little light haiku relief…
Proof that haiku do not always have to be serious…
The life of the clown
by day bringing joy, by night
he’s under your bed
night time toilet trip
lights out, think I saw a clown
run back to bed scared
Long hair and tight jeans
he watches her walk and lusts
bugger, it’s a bloke!
hot tea before bed
up three times throughout the night
Damn old man’s bladder!
One drink after work
woke up in the back garden
bloody sambuca!
More stuff? Ive tons and tons of stuff!
Jeffrey and Cho – FFFAW Challenge
Lion and Zebra – Daily Prompt – Hidden
Probing – a cautionary tale – Daily prompt
Another day another limerick.
Been a bit busy of late so best I can muster is …another lunch time limerick. Proof that the limerick form can make sad things less so.
Lovely fellow was left at the alter
loved her still So he just would not fault her
She ran off with her lover
then got aids from another
and then died late last year in Gibralter
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
Another day another lunch time limerick.
She’s quite gender fluid my gran
so this week she’s being a man
she looks ever so weird
with her moustache and beard
insisting we call her nan Stan
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
Another day another lunch time limerick.
A cheeky young lass from Djabouti
buxom, curvaceous, such beauty
she was caught in the park
with a ginger lad, mark
who brought sausage and whipped cream, so fruity!
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of pixabay
Another day another limerick.
Another day another limerick. True story and so sad but see how the limerick form makes it just a little less sombre…
A chap’s lovely young bride named Jane
had a tumor alas in her brain
she died, you can tell
he’d insured her quite well
bought a quite lovely villa in Spain
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of pixabay
Looks like lunch time limerick has become a thing…sorry.
What shall we look at today…hmmm
A church going chap who loved learning
one day felt a rather strong yearning
he’d enjoyed fifty shades
now feels wholly depraved
and wakes up every day with loins burning
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of pixabay
Today’s blog introduces my new section, Ask Michael.
Seems that there are lots of blogs offering advice and inspiration so today I thought that I would perhaps try my hand at something a little different. I have read a lot of the blogs out there so think maybe I might have the knack.
Life not what you thought it would be?
How about…”All good things come to those who wait.” Ooh, how about “Life is what you make of it.”
Now you could sit around waiting for something wonderful though I would suggest you ask yourself if it really is that bad. Okay, so maybe you’re one of those poor folk with a face full of flies and a sticky out belly button and is born into abject poverty and would prefer a loaf of bread over a fridge magnet quote but given that you are reading this, probably on a mobile phone, then I don’t think you’re one of them.
I imagine you have very few, if any, flies on your face and you probably have Amazon Prime Video and enjoy regular baths. Maybe it could be better if you had NetFlix, but perhaps just be grateful for what you have and keep working to try and improve yourself and your life and those around you because it could be a damn site worse and you could be wearing underpants that you got from a Lithuanian charity.
Feeling like a failure?
Why not hang out with urine drenched homeless people and crack addled prostitutes for an afternoon? You’ll feel so much better about yourself in to time, and will have a new found appreciation for the meagre amount you have achieved in life. That is assuming they don’t rob you and steal your clothes and use you as a sexual plaything in a bus station toilet.
Lost your faith?
It will be fine I promise, in fact I would suggest you get out to the pub with a few mates and have some cocktails and shots and do some karaoke. Chances are that whatever your faith strippers and flaming sambucas are on the do to list so enjoy it while you can.
You can always go back when you hit rock bottom, or at Christmas or on the day of the holy monkey god ascension day or whatever it is people go for these days. We all know how much people of faith love welcoming back a lost soul, so they will probably have a barbecue for you, which would be lovely I am sure.
Let’s finish on a couple of things you could turn into motivational weight related fridge magnets shall we?
I may have fat armpits, but at least I do not look like I have aids.
I beat anorexia!
I smell like pies because it makes me feel sexy.
That’s just a sample of my wisdom, and you’re feeling better now I imagine. Not bad for a first attempt I reckon. As you can see I am all heart and am here to share your pain.
Feel free to leave a comment and I will happily advise you how to fix your life.
Fancy reading something else?
More miserable and inappropriate limericks – Not for the kiddies
Photo courtesy of Geralt@pixabay
Looks like lunch time limerick has become a thing…sorry.
Yes, it is that time again…
A virginal groom of low worth
just 5 inches, got married in Perth
wedding night, all revealed
with delight his bride sqeualed
was not length that he’d measured but girth
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of pixabay
To enjoy with your lunch…
Jerome, a young fellow from Brugge
Had a passion for bobsleigh and luge
In Lycra he dressed
Ladies swooned most impressed
As his bulge was eyewateringly huge
That’s it…just one…already got a blinder in mind for tomorrow using the word “girth”
I am going to have to admit that I love writing these. Today I think I shall write about terrible things that happen to good people.
I am going to have to admit that I love writing these. Today I think I shall write about terrible things that happen to good people.
A woman that I work with a Saint
broke her spine when she slipped on some paint
She’s bed ridden and blue
Her hub said he’d be true
now he’s doing her mum, so he aint.
My friend had a wife quite divine
got addicted to cake, crack and wine
really let herself go
and her bottom did grow
only 30 but looks fifty nine
An arab chap born in Kuwait
stole the hub of a really good mate
it was all quite a mess
he looked good in a dress
now they’re married, he calls himself Kate
My sister got hammered one night
with her boyfriend got into a fight
so she stayed out real late
and then slept with his mate
now she’s single again, such delight
4. I like doing 4.
Want something different?
We unlikely few – An Armitage tangent
Probing – a cautionary tale – Daily prompt
Afterwards 