A Late Night Limerick

Okay back to more pleasant things!

Normal stuff again, nothing weird to see here thank heavens.

There once lived a lady named Jane

Who so loved to dance out in the rain

Got a cold, then a sniff

then pneumonia, quite stiff

now lies dead and no coat was to blame.

photo courtesy of pixabay

Fastidious Matters – Room 101

…Spencer licked his lips watching, eyes wide…

Thanks to Michelle for the prompt


Spencer licked his lips watching, eyes wide.  His student drew the knife across her naked stomach as she strained against the ropes, issuing a muffled scream.  The blade flashed in the candle light and he stopped over her heart.

“Slowly” he cautioned.  “Carve the pentagram.”

Spencer inhaled, the blade tip digging into her skin.

Writhing she screamed, the blade slipping causing a long gash to her armpit.

“Bloody hell” spencer roared, his student wincing, “please be more careful!”

He paused.

“Okay, do over.  Get a fresh one and be careful this time, it’s not exactly easy finding a virgin these days!”


Photo courtesy of pixabay

Orion’s belt – Room 101

Another Room-101 flash fiction piece told in 101 words.

Thanks to Michelle for the prompt


“You smell like strawberries” carl said smiling running his hand through her hair.

Helen’s heart raced being so close to him, lying in the grass, head on his chest.  They’d only been together for a few months but she’d never felt like this before.

He raised a hand and pointed to a cluster of stars.  “See there, straight up from that tree, the three stars in a line? That’s Orion’s Belt.”

“Where did you learn about that?” she asked, sighing.

“My dad used to take us out camping as kids, he loved the stars.” He said wrapping his arms around her.

____________________________

 

I know, no twist or anything macabre or weird or twisted or offensive.  I’m half way through this challenge I think and thought I would make the lack of a twist the twist.  I could have had him be an alien, or murder her or have a satellite fall on them or worse but some days, it’s just nice to be nice 😊

 


Photo courtesy of pixabay

Breezy Blunder – Room 101

Chief Hennessy wiped soot from his face.  “Thanks Kate, as far as preliminary reports show looks like a mains gas escape.”

Thanks to Michelle for the prompt


“Chief, Kate White Channel 8 News, can you tell us what happened?”

Chief Hennessy wiped soot from his face.  “Thanks Kate, as far as preliminary reports show looks like a mains gas escape.”

“Any reports of casualties?” she pressed.

“I can confirm two deceased occupants found on the premises.”

Two hours earlier

 “Bend over more” Ben howled holding the lighter to his brother’s bottom.

“It’s coming, light it, light it” Tobias shouted, eyes popping as he strained.

“You smell that?” Ben said suddenly looking about, his smile gone, lighter still burning.

“You smell this?” Tobias laughed, letting out a huge fart…


Photo courtesy of pixabay

A Late Night Limerick

Okay back to more pleasant things!

After the last two days limericks I feel the need to just step back a touch and calm things somewhat.

There once was a gran who made mittens

Tiny things that you put upon kittens

Super cute, fluffy sweet

They’d cavort at her feet

If you see them you’d ‘Awwwww’ rather smitten

 

 

photo courtesy of pixabay

Insignificant artefacts – Room 101

“On my mother’s life” Jeb answered “got them from a friend’s friend who works on the hill, 100% percent kosher.”

Thanks to Michelle for the prompt


“How much?” asked the hooded stranger.

Jeb smiled. “For you friend, twenty sheckles”.

“They’re the real thing?”

“On my mother’s life” Jeb answered “got them from a friend’s friend who works on the hill, 100% percent kosher.”

“Ok, I’ll take them” he said handing over a small cloth coin pouch.

Jeb turned, popping his head through the adajcent doorway.

“Malech, bring me the you know what’s.”

Both men stood, waiting while Malech went into the back, grabbed a random pair of heavy iron nails and wrapped them in a bloodied scrap of cloth.

“There you go boss” he said handing them over…


Photo courtesy of pixabay

Flaming Arrows – Room 101

…”I thought they’d make a lovely couple” Cupid said folding his arms defiantly….

Thanks to Michelle for the prompt


“Cupid what are you doing” J shouted grabbing the bow.

“I thought they’d make a lovely couple” he said folding his arms defiantly.

“You know who they, why would you do that?”

Cupid paused, his eyes narrowing.

“Do you know what it’s like watching all these people living and loving?” He snapped, “I have nothing, no-one.   I haven’t even got a decent change of bloody clothes, I’m done!”

J looked down at the couple in the coffee shop queue, separated at birth now unexpectedly reunited.

“Just wait until they find out she’s pregnant”  Cupid laughed,  “they’re gonna need some serious therapy”


Photo courtesy of pixabay

A Late Night Limerick

You people out there doing this…STOP! It’s just wrong!

This might make you gag a touch.  It’s apparently a real thing.  I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean it but I will probably publish it anyway.  It’s not my fault people are weird.  I just write about it.

 

A young chap who worked at the zoo

Had an odd fascination with poo

He would take hand fulls home

Have a sniff, gasp and moan

Cavort naked, all caked such a thrill

 

 

photo courtesy of pixabay

Killing Curiosity – Room 101

Another Room-101 flash fiction piece told in 101 words.

Thanks to Michelle for the prompt


“Peter, Mate” said Barnabas looking confused “they’re never ever going to believe all of this surely.”

Peter laughed.  “Trust me, they’ll believe anything we tell them.  They fell for that stuff about coming back from the dead didn’t they.”

Barnabas  looked uncomfortable.  “They’re not stupid they’ll find out, then what?”

Paul put down his quill.  “Tell you what we’ll do” he said scratching his chin, “we’ll tell them if they don’t believe it then they’ll …” Peter paused searching for words.

“Suffer for eternal damnation?” offered Barnabas

“Oh that’s good” said Peter making a note on his parchment grinning “that’s real good.”

 


Photo courtesy of pixabay

Screw you haiku

Just a little something to lighten the mood…

The serious art of the haiku defiled with everyday shenanigans.  Or is it senryu?  Meh…

 

Brown boats in the sun

Slowly I watch them pass by

Sewer overflow

 

Gold summer showers

Trickling down orange skin

hospitality

 

Still drunk eyes open

the stranger in the bed wears

the face of regret

 

Eighties Hub insists

Got aids from a toilet seat

A likely story

 

Still of night – Room 101

“So this is it then?” Clarke asked, though he knew the answer that would come.

Thanks to Michelle for the prompt


“So this is it then?” Clarke asked.

“Yes” the voice replied, “this time tomorrow it’ll all be over.”

“For everyone?”

“Everybody Clarke, this is how it ends I told you that.”

“After all we’ve achieved though?”

The voice paused.  “I think perhaps it’s for the best.”

“If you ask me it’s a real waste” Clarke said pointing to the ribbon of fire that filled the sky before him. “Just look at that sunset.”

“That’s a sun about to engulf the planet Clarke” the voice said quite calmly.

“Oh shit yeah” Clarke replied.

“Now go home and say goodbye” the voice said.

 


Photo courtesy of pixabay

Golgotha

A 299 word piece I wrote for the Carrot Ranch Rodeo #2 based on a joke I heard once.

Gathering storm clouds obscured the sun as a small crowd gathered at the foot of the low hill.  The sky darkened, distant thunder rumbling across the arid landscape as the crowd spoke in hushed tones.

“Some say he’s the son of God” said a portly bearded fellow wearing a long brown robe.

A crooked shrew of a woman picked up a and threw it towards the hill.  “I heard he’s a dirty boy that likes prostitutes” she shouted.  The crowd grumbled their disapproval.

The man on the cross lifted his head, blood trickling down his face.  Sallow eyes scanned the crown and he attempted to speak.

“Speak up boy we can’t hear you” shouted the portly chap shovelling a handful of olives into his mouth.  A legionnaire moved towards him to hear what was being said as lightening again lit up the sky.

The man on the cross spoke again, his face contorted in agony.  The legionnaire stood for a moment listening then turned to the crowd as another stone landed at his feet.  The shrew of a woman elbowed an elderly man at her side.

“Stop throwing stones” she said sharply.

“Philip” shouted the Roman as he scanned the crowd.

No one moved.

He shouted once more and a young bearded man raised a hand cautiously.  The Legionnaire beckoned him forward and he pushed through the crowd as lighting flashed again.

He approached the man on the cross, pulling down the hood on his robe

“Philip” said the man on the cross smiling, life ebbing from his body.

“Yes my friend” he replied.

“There is something you need to know.”

“Please tell me” Philip said.

He mustered a final breath, his lips dry and his voice hoarse.

The crowd listened intently.

“I can see your house from here.”

Beads of Sweat – Room 101

 He ran his tongue slowly across her stomach, bead of sweat pooling on her soft pale skin. 

Thanks to Michelle for the prompt


He ran his tongue slowly across her stomach, caressing her as beads of sweat pooled on her soft pale skin.  He breathed deep, her perfume filling his senses and his heart racing.

“I’ve wanted this for so long” he said tasting her on his lips, “I knew we were meant to be.”

Running his coarse hands the length of her outstretched body he pulled himself on top of her.

“I love the taste of your sweat” he whispered in her ear.

He paused.

“God, what was I thinking” he said licking his lips and laughing “let’s start again.  Dead flesh can’t sweat”


Photo courtesy of pixabay

Incessant Dreaming – Room 101

Each night since he moved in the woman from the picture filled his dreams.  Her red hair, cherry lips and alabaster skin consuming him.  

Thanks to Michelle for the prompt


 

 

Each night since he moved in the woman from the picture filled his dreams.  Her red hair, cherry lips and alabaster skin consuming him.

“Stay with me” she would ask, and he would swear he would remain but with mornings advent they were parted.

“Why do you forsake me” she asked,  “don’t you love me?”

“I do” he insisted, “with everything”.

“Then you know what to do.”

As his limp hand dropped the bottle of sleeping tablets, his life ebbing away, she appeared one final time – her face now a mask of death.

“Sleep” she said smiling, “welcome to my home.”

 


Photo courtesy of pixabay

Ronovan’s Haiku Challenge: Short & Sexy

Haiku challenge using ‘Short’ and ‘Sexy’. I feel I may be being set up…

Hmmm Short and sexy:

skirts, shorts, midgets, dwarfs, elves, fae

hey I’m not judging…

I often do a load of these but today, I think I will leave it at that one. I’m tired and it will only lead to me writing loads of sexy dwarf haiku. I could I want to okay, I’m just not because it could be hurtful and I would never do anything like that…


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Scalloped edges – Room 101

Edmund slammed his fist on the table in frustration.  The edges were always so difficult to get right, and now it was ruined.

Thanks to Michelle for the prompt


Edmund slammed his fist on the table in frustration.  The edges were always so difficult to get right, and now it was ruined.

“One more go” he said to himself angrily holding it up so Melanie could see it from where she sat shackled to the bed.

“Look what you made me do with your crying ” he shouted, eyes bulging.

He picked up the knife from the table, walked across and cut open her shirt, exposing the tattoos that covered her shoulders, back and arms.

His eyes narrowed, nostrils flared.

“How am I supposed to make anything with that” he roared.


 

Photo courtesy of pixabay

A Chance Meeting – Room 101

Waiting for the lights to turn Ichabod felt something pressed into the palm of his hand. 

Thanks to Michelle for the prompt


 

Waiting for the lights to turn Ichabod felt something pressed into the palm of his hand.

“What the…” he mumbled spinning round to see a tall pale man in a long dark coat walk away through rush hour crush.

‘For what you have done, today you will die at 8am’ the note read.

Glancing down at his watch he laughed to himself as he stepped out into the road, and in that moment three things went through his mind.

The first was “It’s already 8:59 you dumb fu…”, closely followed by “Oh bugger, daylight savings”, and the third was the number 34 bus.


Photo courtesy of pixabay