An embalmer who hailed from near Whiting
Found the deceased putrefaction inviting
Caressed post mortem stitches
‘till it stiffened his britches
Found the firm rigor mortis exciting
And another limerick…meh
Nasty indeed
Tag: limerick
I do love me a limerick as you know…
Shall we? It involves body parts and a selection of greases
A stammering tart from Calcutta
Rubbed her bottom with handfuls of butter
Smeared oils on her tum
Grease upon her front bum
“Ch-Ch-Cheaper than lube”, she would stutter
A Friday Limerick
Well it’s Friday here…
Loose bowelled Hermaphrodite from Nantucket
Had a penis so yeah, she would suck it
He would caress her clit
Explode cum, squirt, n shit
Near the bed kept a mop and a bucket
Okay so I realise that that first line hardly flows and is somewhat jarring but how often will I ever get to use the phrase “Loose bowelled hermaphrodite”. And I wanted to combine with the limerick classic location of Nantucket which I seldom use. Just let me have my moment okay 😊
Been a while. Lets have a limerick.
Just to get things started again
Hot curry fan who too loved basmati
Rice, samosas and tasty chapati
He’d add chili’s galore
Declared “Please, please add some more”
Left his anus on fire and quite tatty
Sunday Limerick
Really rather vile
Nasty mortician hailed from Brasilia
Spent his nights sweating hard, necrophilia
When suggested instead
Go for live not the dead
He protested “Ive not heard a thing sillier.”
Wednesday filthy limerick
The yin to my poetic yang…
Friend of mine met a lass from Bermuda
He pursued, flowers, food, woo’d and screwed her
But within ’bout a week
Realised, quite the freak,
As she cried, strap-on lubed, “Let’s get ruder!”
Yet another Wednesday limerick!
This week I shall explore those ‘get well soon’ limericks I so enjoy.
Once a quite lonely farmer from Leeds
On his tractor he rode with dark needs
Dreamt of plouging and plucking
Quite aroused at bulls bucking
Fantasised about sewing his seeds
It’s just turned Friday here so I think that warrants a limerick.
Another day another one of these…
Well off fat lad from New York called Vinny
hookers nightly would rent and wherein he
placed himself , getting laid
but alas he got aids
on the plus side at least now he’s skinny
Limerick. Don’t act surprised.
Because why the devil not eh 🙂
Friend of mine met this lass, not realising
That her bum was quite uncompromising
During candle lit sex
Massive fart, and then next
thing her sphincter’s on fire, unsurprising
Yawn, yet another limerick.
Thursday baby yeah!
Lonely farmer confessed one day when boozing
To arousal when livestock perusing
He would moan in his sleep
Dreams of round bottomed sheep
Mornigns wake up quite sticky and oozing
Thursday here, so here’s a limerick.
A thing about someone and a thing. Mostly.
Once a fellow a young lass was wooing
Did a fart and alas started pooing
Weel, so much for discreet
Soiled his pants in the street
And it dripped from his pant leg, foul viewing
A Limerick.
Hey you. Yes, you…
A vigourous jerker from Kent
Found his penis one morning quite bent
Many years of abusing
Always left hand twas using
Left him crooked, lopsided, when spent
Inappropriate Saturday Limerick!
Stay well away. You have been warned.
Friend of mine met a girl, dating started
Shit himself when he thought he’d just farted
He was out on a date
Though it turned out quite great
Coprophiliac, got her legs parted
Not sure what a coprophiliac is? Google it. Dare you.
Actually it reminded me of these from years ago…
Here you go, another limerick.
A rude one about a woman and her need for a particularly large penis.
A cavernous lass, quite pedantic
who insisted on cocks most gigantic
No nine inchers for her
(unless girth) she don’t care
Only upwards of twelve get her frantic
Limerick ?
A limerick for you
Friend of mine tells of this chap she dated
Whos bum play need could not be sated
She would spend hours, days, weeks
Hard at work ‘twixt his cheeks
Soiled the bed when he ejaculated
Monday monday
Nom nom nom
A quite fresh tasting woman called Coral
Who demanded each morning great oral
Kept herself super clean
Front and back, in between
Douched wih lotions sweet scented and floral
Yawn, yet another limerick.
Not sure if this is a thing but I am sure it is somewhere. It works if you get the rhythm. Not that you want to . You’ve been warned.
A perverted yet grateful lass Julie
In bed, poo obsessed and unruly
Do a crap on your chest
In it sign “All the best,
Twas surely a real treat, yours truly.”
Oh wow look, yet another limerick.
Something for the weekend.
Horny friend of mine met this girl called Grace
Adams apple and quite stubbly face
Such a shock he received
At night’s end quite deceived
Her explosion all over his face
Surprise!! Yet another one of these
Don’t go acting all surprised.
A good friend of mine took her new lover
Off to bed only there to discover
He was epileptic, and thrashed
During sex, how she splashed
Up the walls, on the floor and bed cover.
Screw you haiku!
Damn you to hell
History dictates
No one can ever enjoy
A small black moustache
Thursday Limerick.
Nasty nasty nasty
Handsome chap who could not afford rent
Hired his bottom out ’till it was spent
He was battered and bruised
prolapsed sphincter quite used
Lost his home still, now lives in a tent.
Wednesday Limerick
Yeah sorry. Really.
Amazonian lass with a fetish
Would see dwarfs and become rather wettish
Pygmies gave such delight
Kept her moist through the night
Watching ‘Wizard of Oz’ left her peckish.
Haiku Tuesday Baby!
Better than being punched in the man boobs I suppose…
She with wonky boobs
and he with his wonky eyes,
true beauty beholds.
Tuesday Limerick
My least favourite day…
Quite surprised, turned out Kate was a squirter
But only if Ted said he’d hurt her
Straps and chains, pegs and whips
Made it shoot ‘twixt her lips
And her nipples got so so much perter.
A Monday Limerick For You
To help you through the day…
A sensual baker, filth thinker
She would quite often play with her sphincter.
But could not sell her cakes
‘cos suspicious brown flakes
and the smell, frankly none’s more distincter.
Afterwards 