Category: limericks

This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle.  Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.

There once was a waiter named skip

tried so hard, customers did not tip

paid the bill, left and sneered

got run over, car veered

ran them down, both now dead, what a trip!

Remember, always tip!

photo courtesy of pixabay

This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle.  Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.

As it is Saturday I will, rather than do full limericks as I have been doing all week, just give you a taste of the opening lines I did not use this week.  I don’t think they need explaining…

So your penis got caught in your zip.  (I’d lined up rip, snip, bleed and seed to go with it)

What this gun?  Oh don’t worry it’s fine

Heard you got back from hols and have aids

Saw your wife wow her butt has got huge

Anyway…have a nice Saturday wherever in the world you are!

photo courtesy of pixabay

There once was a lady called Mary

Who’s back was incredibly hairy

and her arms legs and tush

shoulders chest neck and bush

in a two-piece was really quite scary

This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle.  Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.

Heard your wife ran away with your brother

and your father changed sex, extra mother

and your sister got nicked

down the docks sucking dicks

you caught an STD from a lover

Such bad luck you poor thing I feel sad

oh no wait, I dont feel slightly bad

cos you bullied at school

were an absolute tool

hope it’s syphilis and it drives you mad

photo courtesy of pixabay

This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle.  Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.

Such a shame that you’ve lost all your cash

on the markets, who knew that they’d crash

I cant lend you some, no

and this just goes to show

just be careful with that kind of stash

photo courtesy of pixabay

This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle.  Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.

Heard your kids been excluded, the fool

broke the pesky no strong liquor rule

when young yours were devine

so much better than mine

as you said every time outside school

photo courtesy of pixabay

This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle.  Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.

There once was a lovely young lad

found his missus in bed with her dad

said he “Babe it’s quite gross”

she replied “were just close”

that they never had kids he’s quite glad

photo courtesy of pixabay

This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle.  Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.

Heard you’re no longer with John my ex

it tuns out he just used you for sex

you poor thing you must hurt

you’re just boobs in a skirt

loves young dream all now totally wrecked

photo courtesy of pixabay