Author: Michael

Husband, dad,(ex)programmer, comic collector and proud Yorkshireman. I have no idea why im here or why im writing but i rather enjoy it. no great fan of punctuation;

Colleen’s Tanka Tuesday: MYSTERY and ATTRACT

A tale of fear and things that go bump bump bump in the night

Colleen’s Tanka Tuesday

This week the challenge was to use synonyms for MYSTERY and ATTRACT.  I used

Erectile issues

manhood diminished. Scared and

grave, consumes Blue pills

Now can’t sleep on his stomach

Wife hangs her towels on it

Colleen’s 2019 Weekly #Tanka Tuesday #Poetry Challenge No. 119 “Mystery & Attract,” #SynonymsOnly

 

A limerick about delicious dirty left over animal bits

Mmm all the good bits.

A sausage fan Frankie Maloney

Had a craving for fresh made polony

From pigs trotters and snout

Chickens anus and trout

And some testicles , preferable pony

I think Americans call it Baloney though right? Not Polony. Same thing I believe…Either way it is #leftoverdirtyanimalbitstastic

Diet O’Clock – 20th of January – Back on the horse

And a pear martini in a pear tree…

Actually, looking at how I ballooned over xmas you’d have thought I’d eaten the horse. Mmm…Large sizzling horse steaks with a braised rib and a side of cheek.  Sorry, you know I wouldn’t eat a horse it’s not like Im Kazhak.  Or, god forbid, French.

I am sure other nations enjoy a little equine entree but I’m happy with my ignorant stereotypes.

Anyway, it turns out that over the month of December, as I flitted from one cocktail to the next like an inebriated humming bird I managed to put on around 6 and a half kilograms.  I think thats about 15 pounds n american money.  In a month.

Okay so there really were rather a lot of cocktails.  And puddings.  And meat and treats and little pigs feets and sweetest of sweets and …well there was just a lot of everything.  I watched the scales creep ever upwards until I had undone aout a third of what I had achieved in the previous six months forever telling myself that next week I would get back to it.

Next week drifted into the week after and then the week after that and I suddenly found myself feeling rather sluggish and weary and feeling little of the benefits that the weight loss and lifestyle changes had brought.  Clothes felt a little tighter, sleep wasnt as good and I was forever telling myself that tomorrow would be better.

But to cut a long story short it was back to the shops with a renewed focus and I stocked up and set about the task of trying to right things again.  Two weeks later I have shifted two thirds of what I put on and am feeling wholly better for it and ready to keep going.

Annoying though isnt it how easy it is to put on and how hard to get off.

Beyond the night sky

In space nobody can hear your thrumbus go sploosh…

I wrote a bunch of prompts you can read about the process here.  This is my response to one of them.

Gentrax wiped his brow as she entered the room.  There was a look in her eye and a sway in her gait that told him that it was time.  She was ready.  As she crossed the floor towards him he gulped and stared and watched with a hunger at the way Dorenta’s thrumbus pulsated with vivid green’s and blue’s.

Tonight would be the night that their clanbond would finally be fulfilled and he would take his rightful place in the glorious caves of the forefathers .

Standing before him she spread wide her trill and licked her lips.  The moonlight flooding into the room through the opening high in the cave ceiling made her scales flash irredescent.  “Present yourself” she said with an intensity in her eyes that left him breathless.

Gentrax stood from where he lay on the mat of rushes that he had spent the afternoon preparing.  His chest rose and fell and his skellit rattled, warm and moist, and she circled him drawing a clawed talon across his splintle.  He bit his lip as pleasure flooded through his body.

“Are you my betrothed?” she asked standing so close that he could almost taste her.

He answered as taught by the shamen.  “I am your betrothed and my body is yours.”

Gentrax smiled as she cupped his floosh, gently at first, and then squeezed until he winced.

“Impressive” she said as her thrumbus turned a dark crimson.

She was pleased , Gentrax told himself,  and if she was pleased then surely he would prove worthy.  She released him and then pulled him into her forcefully.  Her body hypnotic as she moved, as if to the very rhythm of the passage of time itself.  The curves of her body brushed against him and his tongue snaked from between his lips hungry for the taste of her.

“I am yours” he hissed as she lay on the rush bed and becloned form him to join her.

His skellit was already in full bloom, the lips pink and full.  She presented her trill, it’s small sharp teeth glistening in the moon light.  “Lie with me” she demanded.

Gentrax prostrated himself next to her and felt the weight of her against his back.  Pleasure coursed through his body as his floosh opened wide and its musky aroma filled the cave.

“You are ripe indeed” she said as she took his skellit deep inside her.  He felt the small teeth grip him tight and the mox of pain and pleasure left him breathless.  Her talons dug into his shoulders and he cried out as he felt her trill sever his skellit.

“Sweet delight” he mumbled as she rose up over him, her thrumbus now inky black as the night sky.   Talons pushed further into him and he began to bleed, the thick green life blood seeping through the reeds and onto the dusty cave floor.

“You are my betrothed” she roared as his eyes widened and his floosh exploded from between the spines on his back, his precious life giving nectar pooling between his scales for her to devour.

She licked her lips and leanign forward hungrily consumed it before again leanign over him, her mouth next to his ear.

“You have served me well my love” she said, her voice low and little more than a whisper.   Her jaw widened and her eyes rolled back into her head as he smiled knowing that he had proven worthy.

As she removed his head he rejoiced as he knew his race was run and tonight he would join the forefathers.

 

 

Oh look a haiku. No, actually dont.

I promise I wont do more of these…

Gym kit malfunction

who’d ever have imagined

hidden in small shorts

 

I know I am a grown man and that I should know better.  I know I can produce things of a more edifying nature.  I know should be a better example to my children and generally a better human being but alas I am not.

Look what dad made boys!  Don’t tell mum!

gymwillu.gif

 

 

 

So, I Was Thinking… — Everyone Else Has the Best Titles – REBLOG

Come on you lot follow Linda and get on board with this 🙂 

A few of my fellow bloggers and I have been lamenting the fact that we haven’t spent as much time on WordPress lately because life has gotten in the way. We just can’t seem to write or read as many posts as we’d like. It seems that none of us wants to give in to […]

via So, I Was Thinking… — Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

 

The Last Summer

As summer’s end draws near my thoughts turn once more to you. 

I wrote a bunch of prompts you can read about the process here.  This is my response to one of them.

As summer’s end draws near my thoughts turn once more to you.  Though my memories fade into sepia tones you remain as vibrant as the day I first laid eyes on you.  So full of life you sparkled like the stars and oh how I recall that first time I saw you and just being in the same room as you simply took my breath away.

I remember your smile, and oh god the way you smelled.  Vanilla and violets, you left me heady and desperate for more of you.  Something.  Anything.  Intense and raw and without constraint we lived and  loved I swear even now were you here my heart would near burst at the sight of you.  No matter how many summers pass into autumn I remember you so very clearly still.

When all else has faded to grey I know I will still have you, and our sweetest of moments will linger, and I will close my eyes and see you lying beside me, the morning sun on your pale skin as you sleep.

Time steals such precious moments as thrill our hearts today and I hold evermore tight as all else slips from my grasp.  The way you move and the sweetness of you voice.  Even more sweet embrace after such longing when apart.

All these things are treasures beyond compare and bring such joy, though sadness often lingers close behind.  Green to gold the seasons turn and as I sit looking out I see the tree, old and gnarled and bark scarred as deep as my soul.  The place where you sat so many lazy crazy days.

The place where you now rest.

A symbol of my obsession, of my regret, and where hidden you lie alone in cold, hard ground.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let the limericks flow

Poor him. poor hobo. Poor you.

A young fellow who’d never been kissed

Felt aggrieved at the things he had missed

So went out on the town

A few shots he drank down

Humped a tramp n got aids rather pissed

_______________________

Okay so I realize that escalated rather quickly. Limericks have a way of doing that though. Lines one to four flow just fine and before you know it this poor virgins giving hand jobs to homeless people under a bridge.

And all he wanted was some love.

Dirty bugger

🙂

Screw you haiku. The musical.

The circle of life!

New year new me

New me much like the old me

Sod it why bother

 

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Sometimes I wish I could draw because when i was doing this I suddenly imagined a man on the toilet offering a huge hot dog up in tribute very much in the style of the beginning of the lion king.

Why?

Well to evoke thoughts of the circle of life an all that kind of thing of course.  Surely that makes sense…

Hmm maybe I could add a crocodile,…

asdgfasdgasghrg.png

Yeah now I’m feeling it.  Ooh how about a bat.  Bats are animals.

 

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Oh yes…Fuck you Elton John.

Hakuna Matata!!

 

Fatties in Space – Part 5

I missed them so they’re back for another brief outing. as a prelude to something else.

Part 1 is here, Part 2 can be found here and part 3 is right here. Oh and here is part 4…

It’s best to read those first if you like poems and such about fat people shagging in space. Yes I know that’s not a real thing but its just a bit of fun. Use your imagination. 🙂

Time advances, desire, smoulders where once was fire

and our couple are settled, content

And theyre into a groove, life, careers on the move

at they end of their day both feel spent

And they slip into bed, where once passions burned red

a nice book, cup of tea, striped pj’s

And he turns, to suggest, and caresses her breast

but alas now asleep, snores away

And he gives her a nudge says “I ain’t packed your fudge,

sixty nined or devoured you for weeks.

Ive not sampled your breasts dumped my load on your chest

left hand marks on your plump bottom cheeks”

She insists thats it’s fine, they’ve just not had the time

but tomorrow for sure, it’s a date

so he lies in the dark seems they’ve just lost their spark

rubs one out as he just cannot wait

Then he ponders their lot, wonders how they’ve forgot

the wild nights here on earth and in space

and he vows to do better, make his heart’s true love wetter

falls asleep as he caresses her face