This week I shall explore those ‘get well soon’ limericks I so enjoy.
You poor lamb – diabetes has struck
Fom the cakes, chocs and sweets, such bad luck
and you lost your big toes
and the tip of your nose
and your lips, finger tips, that must suck
This week I shall explore those ‘get well soon’ limericks I so enjoy.
Saw your dad when I went to the store
saw he’s fetching ointment for your sore
though you need peniciliin
‘cos that lad you’ve been drilling
has been feasting on cock by the score
This week I shall explore those ‘get well soon’ limericks I so enjoy.
Heard you’re back from vacation, unwell
And your wife she suspects, you can tell
Things in Vegas have stayed
But that woman you laid
She had herpes and pube crabs as well
Wholly inapproproiate.
Once a chap with a craving discreet
met this lass, quite demure, rather sweet
seems he got all his kicks
watching her with strange dicks
Now he lends her to men down the street
Shall we? A little nasty perhaps? I bet it makes Linda go eeeuuuwww.
Once a lass, quite aroused by raw liver
and my word how fresh tripe made her shiver
sweet breads made her quite hot
offal? Creams on the spot
A fresh snout made her moist and legs quiver
It is pretty much weekend in most places so why not eh 🙂
Once a seldom clothed fellow from Bude
loved to dance outside schools in the nude
now he’s locked up in jail
as he can’t afford bail
and does jigs for smokes, phone cards and food.
Sploosh!
Once a lighthouse keeper born in Chester
a porn addict and frequent molester
Early morn, late at night
All in yellow, a sight
Pleased himself in his wipe clean sowester
nasty nasty nasty
Lonely farmer, long nights, all alone
watched hot animal vids on his phone
he succumbed to desire
as lambs set him afire
and the squealing pigs so made him moan
It’s just one. It will be fine. No one will know trust me…
handsome chap, sexual health, regards not
Hookers, men, women, wives, banged the lot
quite a shock, he found out
caught aids, siph, clap and gout
now he’s dead, decomposed, not so hot
Hard as the rock he so loves
A geologist thrilled by erosion
ox bow lakes, sedimentary corrosion
quite turned on by ablation
or a wet river basin
limestone layers cause trouser explosion
For that special someone
A new love, mid act of sweet love making
Said “Oh babe yeah so hot, god I’m shaking”
“Not a chance” she replied
“You dont touch either side
now get off ‘cos I’m done with my faking”
How I despise thee….
Cannibals, this fine preacher ensnared
He said “Please don’t eat me” declared
“Eat the sweet bod of Christ,
drink his blood, it’s quite nice ”
How he screamed as his flesh they prepared
Mmmmm bacon….
Once a muslim chap who so loved bacon
So much so that it left his faith shaken
How in god could be trust
When for chops he did lust
And roast gammon…it left him a quakin’
Permit me this one I have been frightfully grown up this week.
Once a grocer consumed with dark greed
rubbed bananas when he had the need
squeezed his nuts, groped his plums
slid courgette’s twixt his buns
Watermelon? He swallowed the seed
😉
Nasty. Real nasty…
A young grocer, reserved and upright
returned late from a hard day one night
Lonely wife had got kinky
left a cucumber stinky
and two aubergines covered in shite
It’s been a week. Let’s have one shall we…It works if you make Peking rhyme with squeaking trust me…
Once a buggery fan born in Peking
one day woke found his sphincter was leaking
used a cork from some rum
rammed it straight up his bum
worked a treat, when it walked made a squeaking.
One about a dildo bike
Once a cock mad na-tu-rist called Mike
bought himself a quite fab dildo bike
Grinning, rides through the grass
as it pummels his ass
Likes it dry, but use lube if you like
Contains wholly inappropriate language. I mean really bad. The ‘C’ word. You were warned.
A tourette’s suffering fine voiced young fellow
joined a group and sang sweet acapello
Until he stood at the front
shouted “Tit, shit, fuck, cunt”
in a rather deep baritone bellow
I went on a bit of a road trip today to look at a van (which I bought and shall cover in a future post). I was driving along a snowy back water in Cheshire pondering how I might do a gif drawing of a dildo bike with accompanying limerick (watch out for that on Saturday) when ‘accapello’ and ‘fellow ‘ just dropped into my head. That is often the way with limericks atually. I get the three rhying words and that usually ests up the whole thing.
Anyway this one occured to me. I rather enjoyed it and even had a chuckle, but alas I then forgot it. Now this actually happens a lot but I don’t usually mind because there are always more to be had but this one I liked.
After about 45 minutes of racking my brain it eventually came back to me and I am glad it did. Offensive on a number of fronts I am sure but I remain rather proud of it. Oh and there’s one to follow about a Dildo bike. Cannot wait to do the GIF for it!
Old school with nothing weird…kinda…sorta…
Once a man with legs crooked and bowed
staggered drunk late one night down the road
when he started to vomit
got flung over a bonnet
and a semi squished him like a toad
Well I dont know where that came from but it’s somethign I guess. It’s only a dodgy limerick after all, not like Im out luring kids into vans with puppies and sweets.
To celebrate the day having a ‘Y’ in it.
There’s this butcher, finds piglets appealing
turns him on, curly tails and hot squealing
how it makes him flip out
when he touches their snout
rubs their bellies, gets hot at the feeling
As all good limericks should be. And some rubbish ones.
Epileptic priest had a dark twisted feeiling
found the choir boys quite cute and appealing
Touched himself, had a seizure
and like a yellowstone geyser
Ejaculated and splattered the ceiling
A limerick of sorts
Married lass with a terrible habit
A few drinks and well, she would grab it
She just could not resist
Wild affairs when she’s pissed
Now divorced sits at home with her rabbit
A limerick
Thetes this chap I know with diabetes
Still insists on his cakes and his sweeties
With delight he’ll devour
Chocolate bars every hour
Gangetene struck, no toes on his feeties
A limerick for you
One a chubby young fellow from niece
Had a craving for lard, fat and grease
A desire for cake
For fried foods he did ache
Now his stomach hangs down to his knees
Well, its something I suppose
Once a big strapping fellow called andy
Saw his wife’s thong n thought “that looks dandy”
He perfected the look
With a shave and a tuck
Now on weekends prefers to be Mandy
Afterwards 