Lust filed chap bought a doll on the net
So lifelike, it would even get wet
With its well modelled bits
Butt hole, front bum and tits
He declared, “It’s the best you can get!”
Limerick…filthy
Dirty…
Tag: humour
Aah such a sweet limerick
Work is work…
An industrious hobo from Kent
.
had no home, not a box nor a tent
.
sold his bottom for cash
.
round his mouth, nasty rash
.
on cheap liquor his takings were spent
.
Yeah, screw you Haiku
Shall we??
A few that were lying about…
Secret Santa? No?
You make baby Jesus cry
Ebeneezer scrooge!
Doing shots, fun times
Chug chug, life of the party
threw up on the bed
Got the kids a dog
cavorting, barks of delight
urine stained carpets
Taking out the trash
cabbage juice on my good shoes
bloody cheap bin Bags
Screw you haiku. Yeah I love you baby!
The heart wants what the heart wants…
Destined, sweet embrace
.
Two hearts entwined eternal
.
Love transcending time
Things that make me smile
An acquired taste I imagine
A Limerick maybe?
Room for a small one?
A quite ravenous chap from Burundi
Gorged on pastries most weekdays bar Monday
when he’d feast on pork chops
steaks, pies chips and roll-mops
and leftovers he’d kept from last Sunday
Mmm Bacon…limerick time
If only pork wasnt so yummy
A young Muslim was really quite shaken
When he realised he rather loved bacon
He tried to be devout
But he rather loved snout
Judgement day he is sure to be shakin’
Wednesday, so that must mean a limerick.
Once a couple in search of some spice
thought that swinging might maybe be nice
turns out wasn’t for him
though his wife, with a grin
partakes every weekend, sometimes twice.
A limerick about something
One about having your hands cut off by the taliban.
Chap from Mosul played drums in a band
so the Taliban cut off each hand
But it all worked out fine
Said his wife, “it’s divine
Cos for scratching my back your hook’s grand”
Maybe one more, eh?
There once was a doctor from Goole
Specialised in the gastric, no fool
Made a fortune in bums
Bowels, Intestines and tums
And continuing study of stool
Unnecessary limericks
Another day another limerick
A serial killer called Ned
Obeyed voices that screamed in his head
Then one day he just changed
And is no more deranged
Now writes food blogs on WordPress instead
Oh poor adopted child. Lets celebrate with a limerick.
It is never too late to send children back. Apparently.
“You’re adopted” says father to son
“and I’ve just had a chat to your mum
It’s just not working out
we don’t want you about
this parenting lark’s just no fun.”
Maybe one more
Dentist time, open wide!
A cross eyed young dentist called Steven
had teeth that stuck out, most uneven
he could not understand
when he smiled, shook their hand
His customer got up and were leavin’
Dont act surprised, limerick time.
It’s all you get until the end of June. Just limericks. Because why not.
A butcher from Leeds who loved pies
Cant resist them, though trust me tries
Now his belly’s quite round
and his man boobs profound
and you should see the size of his thighs
Limerick. Oh Don’t act surprised.
Explosive stuff
Friend of mine met this lass, not realising
That her bum was quite uncompromising
During candle lit sex
Massive fart, and then next
thing her sphincter’s on fire, unsurprising
Screw you haiku. Oh yes.
Close and intimate
personal care neglected
Sweet ardour dampened
STD Limerick?
That will need antibiotics I imagine.
There once hailed a young man from Dublin
saw the doctor who said “It’s quite troubling,
that it’s looking most queer
could be syphilis I fear
as it’s covered in puss and is bubbling.”
Haiku maybe?
That’ll teach him
Piss soaked socks, last straw
Desperate times call for the most
desperate of measures
Screw You Haiku
A little light haiku relief…
Proof that haiku do not always have to be serious…
The life of the clown
by day bringing joy, by night
he’s under your bed
night time toilet trip
lights out, think I saw a clown
run back to bed scared
Long hair and tight jeans
he watches her walk and lusts
bugger, it’s a bloke!
hot tea before bed
up three times throughout the night
Damn old man’s bladder!
Yawn, another limerick etc etc.
A rude one about a woman and her need for a particularly large penis.
A cavernous lass, quite pedantic
who insisted on cocks most gigantic
No nine inchers for her
(unless girth) she don’t care
Only upwards of twelve get her frantic
Limerick ?
I should be better than this, I know…
A closeted fellow called Bryan
Said he didn’t like cock but was tryin’
So so hard to resist
Tip the size of a fist
Big thick shaft, massive balls, oh he’s lyin’
Limerick ?
A limerick for you
Friend of mine tells of this chap she dated
Whos bum play need could not be sated
She’d spend hours, days, weeks
Hard at work ‘twixt his cheeks
Soiled the bed when he ejaculated
Surprise!! Yet another one of these
Don’t go acting all surprised.
A squirty young lass took her lover
Off to bed only there to discover
He was epileptic, and thrashed
During sex, how she splashed
Up the walls, on the floor and bed cover.
New Year. Same old limericks
Why the devil not, eh!
A DIY lover, Matilda
Had a thing for her hot neighbour Builder
Stay composed? Oh she failed
When he hammered and nailed
And to watch him fill holes, nearly killed her
Yawn, another limerick.
A rude one about a woman and her need for a particularly large penis.
A cavernous lass, quite pedantic
who insisted on cocks most gigantic
No nine inchers for her
(unless girth) she don’t care
Only upwards of twelve get her frantic
Afterwards 