Category: limericks

Death limericks…sad face.

Sad face emojo goes here

4 for the price of 1

A lass I once worked with called Jane

Had a tumour removed from her brain

She went to celebrate

Thinking yeah this is great

But got hit on way home by a train

…

My friend knew a girl, quite the dancer

Really hot so he thought he’d romance her

Woo’d her hard, they got wed

Had two kids then dropped dead

Nobody knew she had brain cancer

…

Mum loved chicken and steak, cheese and bread

Quite often ate cake in her bed

Scoffing chocolate and sweeties

Got real fat, diabetes

Lost 3 toes then one summer fell dead

…

Old dame lived alone in a flat

Had no family or friends fancy that

Fell, banged her head on the ground

Three weeks later was found

Decomposing, face chewed off by her cat

…

4-Some of Saturday night limericks

A bank robber from Toremelinos

stole to get cash for his penis

to enlarge was his wish

but the products are pish

now he’s locked up in jail with men, heinous

‘My Friend’ watches far too much telly

middle aged, double chins and round belly

legs and arms got quite thick

now he can’t see his dick

and his man boobs they jiggle like jelly

A husband one day proclaimed dead

seems his wife shot him right through the head

on his phone saw a text

“Banged your sister, you’re next!”

really made quite a mess of the bed

Farmers wife with a craving for men

got caught cheating again and again

hub quite angry threw fits

then he chopped her to bits

fed her parts to the pigs in his pen

If youre craving more dirty limericks

feel you need more?

You can read about the WHY here…but remember, this is out there. 300 of my finest limericks. Currently trending at number 359 in the limericks category.

Paperback in the UK is here
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1916089011
And in the US here
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1916089011
There are ebook versions too.

Some rather rude limericks.

Three for the price of one. A truly filthy bargain.

Okay…three for the price of one today…There was a young fellow from China
Met this lass with a massive vagina
he would rattle inside
she would say “It’s so wide,
try my butt hole, you wont find one finer”For every vagina based limerick I feel it should be balanced out with a penis based one. Just for good measure.A well endowed fellow called Scott
has a dick he could tie in a knot
animals he could make,
dogs, swords, flowers or snake
some girls found it incredibly hotAnd one more for good measure…lad I know, poor thing – anus quite wrecked
he hit forty so prostate got checked
turned out loved it so much
craved it poked, drilled and touched
far more pleasure that one might expect

Some utter filth…a reminder of just why. And how. meh…

Somethign from the archives

If you’ve read me for any length of time you know I love limericks. Why? Because they’re such whimsical fun.

Mostly they just kind of appear in my head you know, without much effort. I will think of a theme, find a couple of words that rhyme and they just magically appear. Or maybe I have a start or an end line that makes me chuckle and I take it from there.

Now, there are a lot of limericks I do not write that rattle around brain. Some are just awfully filthy and/or just go too far in terms of good taste and seem rather crass. The English language is somewhat to blame too, because how am I supposed to not think of the obvious when suck, luck and fuck all rhyme.

You try not to write a limerick about Donald trump having his bottom fiddled with when famous and anus also go perfectly well together. it is not an easy thing and I am a weak man. Mostly I like to write those ones on public lavatory walls or teach them to other people’s young children.

Alas I must though have some sort of filter because whilst I don’t mind offending people it should never be done just for the sake of offence.
Anyway, here are a few of the starting or ending lines from some of them them – feel free to perhaps make up your own using them.

Some starts
A well endowed teacher called Rick
An uncle quite fond of incest
A woman with breasts double D
A preacher man down on his luck
There once was a woman quite fussy

and how about a few endings…
and exploded all over her face
and a penis the size of a marrow
and collapsed into bed with her dad
and a clitoris the size of a grape
and removing a shoe from his anus

Enjoy