limericks – Page 27

A very Donald Christmas

A quick Tuesday shenannigan

I know I’ve written about this stuff before but it remains fun to challenge myself to search for the perfect limerickian expression to encapsulate certain subjects. I’ll miss them when it is all over I am sure.

I believe he likes watching parades

and with family plays cards and charades

now this might seem quite mean

and to some most obscene

but I hope he gets cancer or aids

Another Donald Limerick

You’d think I would be bored of these by now. Nope 🙂

The man who would make your wife wet

Is now stealing your free internet

then he’ll fire FBI

and hide every lie

and be crowned the greatest POTUS yet

Donald Monday – on Tuesday.

A quick Tuesday shenannigan

Anyway, given that its time for the Alabamians to potentially elect a serial molester to the senate here’s something a little longer. Limericks ahoy!

There’s this POTUS with wandering hands small

Seems he’s fondled women one and all

So watch out here he comes

Fondling grans, daughters, mums

‘cos he’ll grab yours fat, thin, short or tall

Young girls he gives to Roy his mate

Thinks at 14 they’re ready to date

He prefers them much younger

Such a vile paedo hunger

And soon could be in the Senate

Ron I bet Don would love Alabama

Cos he’d spend all day fondling your gramma’

And he bring round some teens

And you’d cream in your jeans

And then head off to church with your Mamma

But it’s fine, the GOP say its forgiven

By the saviour, apparently risen

And besides they’re just men

Least they’re not a damned Dem

It’s the Clinton’s who should be in prison…

A get well soon limerick

A weekly Limerick to help you with those get well soon cards

Heard you had quite a tiff with your Zip

And the skin on your knob it did rip

And you screamed like a child

And your eyes they bulged wild

Left a rather deep gouge in the tip

photo courtesy of pixabay

A couple of rather rude limericks.

I am easily influenced, so here are some of the limericks you certainly don’t want your kids to read and to be honest – are rather crude.

Okay…a few of the ones that make me chuckle that I often avoid writing because they go too far in some regards but I am in the mood for going too far today.

There was a young fellow from China

Met this lass with a massive vagina

he would rattle inside

she would say “It’s so wide,

but was tighter when I was a minor”

For every vagina based limerick I feel it should be balanced out with a penis based one. Just for good measure.

A well endowed fellow called Scott

has a dick he could tie in a knot

animals he could make,

dogs, swords flowers or snake

some girls found it incredibly hot

And just because I can one about anal sex.

lad I know, poor thing – anus quite wrecked

he hit forty so prostate got checked

turned out loved it so much

craved it poked, drilled and touched

far more pleasure that one might expect

You should be shocked at all of these and roll your eyes and tut. If you dont then you are part of the problem 😉

It’s Donald Monday!

Just a few thoughts on everyone’s favourite tangerine molester.

A fellow called Donald, well travelled

Took to twitter as shit it unravelled

Makes no sense, spewing rage

His brains gone, it’s his age

Leaves us wondering, sad and quite baffled

Shall we have another?

There once was a Potus, Don T

Who its rumoured has showered in pee

Let it run down his back

Twixt his legs, through his crack

Hence the tone of his skin don’t you see?

Happy Monday!

A Final Late Night Limerick

Need a hand with that get-well-soon card? Perhaps feeling a touch on the gassy side?

This week they will be on the matter of getting well soon, so if you know someone who ails you are more than welcome to borrow them if you’re thinking of sending a nice card and some grapes perhaps. Let’s ease in nice and slow with something pleasant shall we. There’s plenty of time for it to go awry I assure you.

Heard your suffering, and poorly my friend

How I hope that you’ll be on the mend

pretty soon feeling fine

itll heal up in time

told you never to pierce your bell end

Photo courtesy of pixabay

I hope he gets prison aids.

I feel like I should be throwing rocks at something but all I muster is a bloody limerick

Wicked Donald presides from his perch

Leaves his country alas in the lurch

Muslims, gays, blacks will feel

Twitter wrath, don’t you kneel

But its fine if you gun down a church

Should you like young kids like his pal Ron

Fill your boots cos he says that’s not wrong

and hell grab your wife’s V

cos he likes it you see

and he’ll have Ivanka’s before long

Then his wall he will build and what’s more

Taking health care away from the poor

The right wing he’ll embrace

And he sees no disgrace

giving tax breaks to friends all the more

So fake news will not slow his progress

As America sinks but I guess

the whole world cannot cry

cos we idly stand by

But that’s life, well done us, what a mess

A Late Night Limerick

Need a hand with that get-well-soon card? Perhaps feeling a touch on the gassy side?

I heard you’re quite bloated today

And you stomach’s all growly you say

Just give in, let it out

Unleash hell have no doubt

You’ll feel better quite soon, fart away

Ha that picture with this poem made me chuckle. There must be a fetish haiku in it surely…

photo courtesy of pixabay

A Late Night Limerick

Need a hand with that get-well-soon card?

You got whiplash? Oh dear that’s a shame

Though I hope that you know who’s to blame

Cos you’re sure to cash in

And you’ll most likely win

When you call up and submit your claim

photo courtesy of pixabay

Late Night Limerick – Get well soon and hope the Gonorrhoea clears up

Oh bloody hell no amount of get well soon cards are going to help with this one.

Oh poor lamb heard you’ve got gonorrhoea

And the symptoms they seem quite severe

Now it burns when you piss

You’d not bargained on this

When you paid for that hooker, oh dear

photo courtesy of pixabay

A Late Night Limerick

Need a hand with that get-well-soon card?

Sprained Wrist *wink wink*

Hurt your wrist now you’Re feeling forlorn

Is it twisted or ligaments torn?

Now you know that we all

think its not from a fall

But from wanking all night watching porn

photo courtesy of pixabay

Donny and Roy love the ladies

Just a few limericks thrown together whilst I was having my lunch today. Chicken salad, was quite good.

This occurred to me earlier and made me chuckle.

Theres your POTUS, loves grabbing vagina

now insists Roys a good man, none finer

seems he’s rather quite keen

of young girls of fourteen

doesn’t matter to him, loves a minor

Late Night Limerick – So you’ve got syphilis

Oh bloody hell no amount of get well soon cards are going to help with this one.

So you’ve got syphilis

This is as far as I got. Just the title. I started researching it right and oh my bloody hell it’s frigging awful. I can happily write a stupid poem about it with little knowledge but I confess to never having really understood fully just what it entails.

I tell you it is quite awful. It effects you for like forever and some of the things that happen to you are quite chilling. Let’s just say that you could indeed look back at the day your dick nearly fell of and think “Aah, good times.”

Bloody hell, I’m stopping writing now and having a rum and going to bed. Maybe 3 rums actually.

photo courtesy of pixabay

A Late Night Limerick

Need a hand with that get-well-soon card?

Heard you ate something dodgy oh dear

and your stomach is feeling quite queer

Stay hydrated then rest

you’ll be back to your best

it’s not pleasant at all diahorrea

photo courtesy of pixabay

A Late Night Limerick

You really should know better. You know who you are.

This week they will be on the matter of getting well soon, so if you know someone who ails you are more than welcome to borrow them if you’re thinking of sending a nice card and some grapes perhaps.

Young and single and sexually free

Unprotected you play cos you see

You were really quite thick

now you’re grabbing youre dick

STD feel’s like fire when you pee

photo courtesy of pixabay

A Late Night Limerick

A variation on yesterday’s theme for you …

Heard you had something dodgy to eat

Now your stomach’s not feeling so sweet

You just threw up your lunch

And your arse packs a punch

Get to toilet and please please don’t tweet

photo courtesy of pixabay

A Late Night Limerick

You know this is what you really want to say

Saw on facebook you’re not feeling good

Please indulge me this thought if you would

Get you’re arse off to bed

If you’re feeling so dead

‘stead of posting dumb updates, I would!

photo courtesy of pixabay

A Late Night Limerick

Not sure what to put in a get well soon card? I’ll sort you out worry not.

Oh poor thing I’ve just heard you’re quite ill

With a sneeze and a cough and a chill

I think stay tucked in bed

Chicken soup and some bread

if not better then perhaps take a pill.

See. Not weird or anything. Admittedly the first version ended with “and watch porn all day long, what a thrill.” But no, that’s not unnecessary.

photo courtesy of pixabay

A Late Night Limerick

And just like that we have a wholly inappropriate limerick about sailors.

I have wanted to use the phrase ‘gobbling on cocks’ for ages. I think the picture makes it.

An alpha male type, macho guy

One day realised he may well be bi

Now he’s down on the dock’s

And he’s gobbling on cocks

Sailor three ways and all sorts he’ll try

photo courtesy of pixabay

Dear Donald

Just a thought, you know, a bit of advice…

How I wonder if you ever thought

Of the lessons your parents once taught

To be good kind and sweet

To the people you meet

stead of showering in piss, water sport

A Late Night Limerick

Okay back to more pleasant things!

Normal stuff again, nothing weird to see here thank heavens.

There once lived a lady named Jane

Who so loved to dance out in the rain

Got a cold, then a sniff

then pneumonia, quite stiff

now lies dead and no coat was to blame.

photo courtesy of pixabay

A Late Night Limerick

Okay back to more pleasant things!

After the last two days limericks I feel the need to just step back a touch and calm things somewhat.

There once was a gran who made mittens

Tiny things that you put upon kittens

Super cute, fluffy sweet

They’d cavort at her feet

If you see them you’d ‘Awwwww’ rather smitten

photo courtesy of pixabay

A Late Night Limerick

You people out there doing this…STOP! It’s just wrong!

This might make you gag a touch. It’s apparently a real thing. I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean it but I will probably publish it anyway. It’s not my fault people are weird. I just write about it.

A young chap who worked at the zoo

Had an odd fascination with poo

He would take hand fulls home

Have a sniff, gasp and moan

Cavort naked, all caked such a thrill

photo courtesy of pixabay

A Late Night Limerick

Somewhere in an alternate reality

Somewhere in an alternate universe…

There’s this chap, tangerine with such plans

Made America great now he stands

There atop his great wall

Bares his ass to you all

Then he grabs your wife’s V, with small hands!