Category: haiku

Colleen’s Tanka Tuesday: Bells & Past

I don’t take many things seriously but I am going to make a concerted effort to do Colleen’s challenges properly.

Colleen’s Tanka Tuesday

I don’t take many things seriously as you probably know but I am going to make a concerted effort to do Colleen’s challenges properly.  I have scant regard for the correct use of haiku and often do such beastly things to them but I think it is also important to show appreciation for the little blighters because they are so fabulous when done right.

 

This week the challenge was to use synonyms for BELLS and PAST.  I used ALARM and BYGONE.  And its about change so that is another box ticked, and it is in the first person so I am thinking I have the structure and subject just about nailed at least.

 

And I have not written about bodily functions, illness, politics or any such thing.  I have stuck to nature, just as our diminutive haiku masters intended.  Oh and this is a Tanka, so a haiku with extra lines because of reasons.

Natures morn’ alarm

Days bygone and days to come

The morning herald

Calling me to the day ahead

My sweet morning concerto

 

Ok so originally I had wanted to write the one below but as I said, serious stuff indeed!

 

Natures morn’ alarm

Days bygone and days to come

The morning herald

Calling me to the day ahead

Shitting all over my car

 

Michael 😊

Ronovan’s Haiku Challenge: Bold & Daring

Haiku challenge using ‘Short’ and ‘Sexy’. I feel I may be being set up…

 

It’s time for another of Ronovan’s haiku challenges.  Not done one for a few weeks…

 

Oh, Caps locks and Bold

Your point made. Very daring

come here I’ll punch you

 

You know the sort of person don’t you.  Uses Bold and Caps Locks.  Maybe even sneaks in a bit of an underline.   If you want to use CAPS LOCK to shout at me then do it to my face that I can punch you in your mouth because it’s bloody rude and believe it or not I don’t like rude people.

I guess that’s a cue for people to comment with CAPS LOCK AND BOLD.  I dare you, I will find you!

Maybe one more…

 

Fashion victims

A bold and daring outfit

you look really shit

 

Not eloquent I admit.  Theres just something about certain ensembles that leave you mostly unable to muster anything other that ‘you look really shit’.  I know this because I am that person who, no matter what they wear looks truly appalling.  I have a body that is not made for clothes but sweet mother of all things holy it needs to be covered as much and as often as possible.  Put me in a suit I look like a perverted child molesting penguin.  Shorts and tee shirt and my legs dangle out of the bottom like pale slabs of rancid pork.  Heaven forbid I should don a pair of jeans.  That is the point at which my arse cleavage makes a run for it and spills out just as you’re about to take a sip of your Latte making you wish you’d been born blind…

Anyway, happy Monday!

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/64808775/posts/1687416712

 

My final Fetish Haiku – Somnophilia

You can never unthink what you may think if you read this

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun. If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

Somnophilia

And I think most likely the last of these.   Too much of a good thing and all that business right.

 

Eyes closed breath gently

Hes watching through your window

Seems a bit rapey

 

Apparently some find it quite trouser stiffening to enjoy watching others sleep or when theyre unconscious.  It feels really ominous to me and I dont really envisage someone lying awake watching the love of their life sleeping peacefully.  I’m thinking more someone outside your bedroom window in the bushes masturbating furiously whilst you and your significant other sleep and then emptying themselves all over your hydrangas and ruining your well kept borders.

I think I said too much…

Fetish Haiku – Gerontophilia

You can never unthink what you may think if you read this

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun. If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

 

Droopy, saggy, pale

Pendulous appendages

Moist wrinkly crevice

 

Ooh god that’s quite bloody awful.  Turns out some folk go mad for old folk.  Older the better.  Like way older than your mum or your gran probably.  Think about it.

Did you?  Yeah? You can never unsee that now!

Anyway, sweet dreams x

Fetish Haiku – Oculolictus

I think you have something in your eye

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun. If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

 

Blue eyes like deep pools

Pink tongue caressing gently

Warm salty tears

 

Oculolictus, also known as worming is all about getting off by licking your partners eyeball.  It’s funny you know but when I was in the army a lifetime ago I recall being told that the best way to get dirt out of someone’s eye was by using your mouth.  Oh shit…

Fetish Haiku – Melissaphilia

I should tell the joke about the woman who asks her lover why is your organ so small. He replies “I didn’t know I was playing in a cathedral.”

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun. If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

Oh to feel your sting

Delicious striped temptation

Drink of my nectar

Melissaphilia is by all accounts the sexual attraction to Bees and Wasps.  I…well it’s…actually no I have nothing.  Not a sausage.

Fetish Haiku – Chasmophilia

I should tell the joke about the woman who asks her lover why is your organ so small. He replies “I didn’t know I was playing in a cathedral.”

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun. If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

 

Wide gaping empty

Beckons needing to be filled

Let me fill your holes

 

Eeuw that is actually kinda really dirty.  Sorry.

 

Chasmophilia, and I kid you not, is an attraction or arousal to or brought on by chasms, gorges, gulleys, valleys, caves and other geological forms of emptiness.  I’m guessing it’s all about filling those gaping holes…Hot!

Fetish Haiku – Xylophilia

Got wood?

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun. If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

Xylophilia

Oh sultry two by four

Hard length between my fingers

Knotty pine temptress

 

Xylophilia is an attraction to wood.  Not man-wood, I’m talking Beech, Birch, Oak and such. Whatever makes u happy I reckon…

Fetish Haiku – Metrophilia

This is apparently a thing too.

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun. If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

Metrophilia

Oh write me an ode

sweet verse to make me explode

Hot loins to unload

Poetry. Not apparently just dirty stuff but just poetry. Oh this is all frightfully confusing. I know haiku shouldn’t rhyme but I thought I would because of reasons.

Fetish Haiku – Maschalagnia

Musky appeal

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun.  If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

Maschalagnia

Head down inhaling

hot musky heady odours

tangy on the tongue

 

Armpits.  Some people are get all amorous for pits.  Fair enough I guess.

Fetish Haiku – Formicophilia

I am too scared to google this any more than I have

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun.  If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

Formicophilia.

Skin crawling, writhing

slowly up the water spout

delicious creepies

 

Look I’m not sure if I am being had here but the internet reckons its all to do with become aroused by insects crawling on you.  I know, I’m not sure about it but Im not researching any further in-case someone looks over my shoulder and sees what I am googling.  Give a new meaning to incey-wincey spider though right…

Fetish Haiku – Emetophilia

I will only do these for a week or so I promise.

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun.  If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

Emitophilia

Regurgitating

pulse racing, licking of lips

slow, breathless, retching

 

 

 

Turns out the idea of watching someone vomit is trouser stiffening for some folk.  I shit you not.  Who’d have thought eh.  Maybe your neighbours are emitophiliacs?  No?  You never know don’t be so sure.

Only another 4 to go after this dont worry.