Tag: silly

A disturbing haiku before bed?

A most unpleasant image

Urine stained POTUS

masturbates into a sock

naked on his desk

I know it’s wrong and inappropriate but it might be true and I know this says a lot about me but I find the image hilarious and sometimes you just have to laugh you know.

It did originally read:

 

Urine stained POTUS

masturbates into a sock

On a pile of orphans

 

But the last line has one too many syllables.  I know, It’s a waste of a good sock too!

 

 

 

Oh go on then, it is Wednesday after all.

Go on you know you want to. It isn’t at all weird or anything,

 

Once a man who would give nought to charity

had a moment of soul searching clarity

gave up all he possessed

to the poor did divest

all his goods to try make up disparity

 

 

It’s getting personal now it seems.

A request of sorts. Or was it a promise? Or a threat?

There once was a woman from Maine

loved her dog but it drove her insane

ate her chairs and the sofa

soiled her husband Bill’s loafer

doleful eyes insist he’s not to blame

Again, and this is the second time I have had to clarify such a matter in the last few days, but it is the dog that insists it was not to blame and not husband Bill.  I am pretty sure Bill likes the dog and wouldn’t/culdn’t possibly pass solids into his own best loafer’s just to discredit the dog.  Thinking about it I am not sure how easy it would be to soil one’s own shoe.  It would take a serious effort to land anything inside it I am sure.  Well if anyone has any insights into such things please feel free to share.

Michael

 

 

 

 

An ode to dieting

Why is it when I choose to diet
I crave red meat and choose to fry it
And sauces full of cheese – I’ll try it
My resistance sadly none

And when I start the day with bran
I go to work and where I can
Resist temptation, that’s the plan
…By ten I gorge for fun

And suddenly a man possessed
With little will power I’m obsessed
As cream bun crumbs fall down my chest
Devine drips on my tongue

By lunchtime I think, “No” renewed
And salad is my chosen food
Then crumble, custard, fruit well stewed
So weak yet god, so yum

Maybe tonight it will go well
As moobs and belly, jowls do swell
It seems today went all to hell
And god look at my bum

But tomorrow is another day
“I’ll do way better”, hear me say
Perhaps this time I will not stray
And surrender to my tum

No really, I do hope you feel better soon

until then, a cushion might help

Heard you’re down in the dumps – hugs and smiles

seems you have a bad case of the piles

and they’re hanging like grapes

and your butt really gapes

eat more bran they’ll be fine in a while