humour – Page 6 – Afterwards

I think I fancy yet another limerick.

what a cruel man though rather cosy and warm…

Swedish vet took a couple of kittens

Turned them into a pair of warm mittens

Sewed his dogs into hats

Made a scarf with 12 rats

Perfect wares for cold winter conditions

I think I fancy a limerick.

Tasty…mmm

Once a butcher who’s marriage had soured

Killed his wife and her liver devoured

Made a pie with her thighs

And kebabs with her eyes

Fried her heart lightly spiced, dipped and floured

A limerick.

Go on you know you want to

Wealthy woman who’s husband had strayed

And enjoyed coital bliss with their maid

Now she irons cleans n mends

“Hes on business” pretends

As she smashed in their heads with a spade

Another one about sexual aids

Think he got it on wish…

Once a lonely chap ordered from china

A state of the art fake vagina

Came with booklet of tips

How to best use the lips

And he reckons he’s not had one finer

A limerick about sex dolls

Squishy

Once a bloke, for ‘the one’ he was waiting

spent his nights quite alone masturbating

Past his prime with regret

He went onto the net

Bought himself a girlfriend, self inflating

A limerick about Aquaman

Sploosh!

Once a lass who loved marvel most dearly

And insisted “beats dc quite clearly!”

Loves them now though i bet

Aquamam got her wet

Made her sploosh as she writhed quite severely

Wrote that one for the wife and her friends who have a film club and who normally enjoy highbrow kind of stuff and the good romcom but recently felt that they would rather enjoy Aquaman. For a bit of a change u know.

Funny they weren’t fussed about superhero stuff before.

Oh look yet another limerick

Blah blah limerick blah

A young lad with a craving for porn

Who would watch from late night until dawn

Please himself with such joy

Bought himself a large toy

Now his anus is tattered and torn

Oh a limerick

who left that lying around?

A young lady upset and quite sad

As her boyfriend had treat her most bad

‘Till revenge it was served

In short skirt and much verve

When she spent the whole night on his dad

Look a haiku just for you.

Oh Im just keep on giving don’t I

Love wains, they try to

keeps it fresh in the bedroom

risky and risque

Haiku for you.

Because Im just the giving type

As time marches on

lifes toll shows in tired eyes

bodies grow weary

What Teddy saw. 8.

The one with the teletubbies.

Part 1 Part2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Well the Christmas season came and went here in somewhat of a blur, I am sure I speak for all of the other toys when I say thank fuck for that. As I am sure you can imagine the holidays brings a real nervousness to the toy box as you never quite know whether youre going to be usurped by this years newest fad.

A couple of the old timer hand me downs still speak with a real fear of the Christmas of 1997. There was a real blood bath once all the new toys were in the box and when the dust settled mid January all that was left were those Teletubby bitches, a few toy cars and a couple of books. You couldnt move for a bloody lala or a po wherever you went it was hell I tell you. Oh and trust me that Tinky Winky…nasty piece of work. He came across all sweetness and light but he was a real twisted bastard and had a thing for Barbie’s smooth bits. #MetooBarbieSmoothBits.

Another plus was the great time the children had as Mr dressed up as Santa for them though Mrs seemed pretty keen on the whole thing too and couldnt do enough to help. I even heard her asking him to empty his sack for her one night though from all of the noise they were making I am surprised they didn’t wake the kids up.

Happy New year from the toy box.