haiku – Page 4 – Afterwards

Look a haiku just for you.

Oh Im just keep on giving don’t I

Love wains, they try to

keeps it fresh in the bedroom

risky and risque

Hey look a limerick

Get well soon!

Oh you poor thing I hear your unwell

seems it’s oozing and starting to smell

round the edge it’s gone crusty

and at night seems quite musty

and your girlfriend she has it as well

Haiku for you.

Because Im just the giving type

As time marches on

lifes toll shows in tired eyes

bodies grow weary

Limerick. Go.

Stuff happens…

Once a shepherd who loved his wife dearly.

When she passed, took the loss quite severley

As he tended his flock

they reacted with shock

he was lonely it seems, rather clearly

I shall persist with haiku

They’re mostly harmless

In suburbia

secrets abound and fester

until mardi gras

Let’s have another limerick

A tale of caution and precaution

Married fellow precautions foregoing

red light district, wild oats he was sewing

now he’s crusty and oozy

caught siph off of a floozy

which he gave to his wife without knowing

Another rubbish haiku?

Oh go on then

Stares at the mirror

Christmas excess took its toll

inhales and holds it

A Limerick

Just because I can

Once a couple in love but most chaste

He to her: “Love my seeds gone to waste

I wake up in the night

sticky mess, PJ’s tight

god won’t mind if you have just a taste”

Yup another awful haiku for you .

Why not….

Proud of his conquest

though the darkness holds secrets

by day shame abounds

Oh look a limerick.

Oh don’t go acting all surprised

Once a vicar, a spiritual leader

Like plump ladies turned into a feeder

feeds them sausage and pies

for round bellies, thick thighs

massive bottom? Oh he’d really need her

A haiku for you .

Don’t be that guy

The art of loving

often goes hand in hand with

the art of bathing

Yup yet another limerick….

I want them to stop too but alas I can’t seem to.

Master baker with quite tasty wares

rather handsome the ladies would stare

as his buns were most round

and his baguette profound

his iced finger was extraordinaire

A haiku for you .

Don’t be that guy

Ageless, he parties

time passes by and alone

he ends drunken days

Another limerick….

I know how you feel I really do. I’d avoid this one to be honest.

A young couple quite clearly in love

truly blessed loved the good lord above

then he watched too much porn

now her anus is torn

and looks awfully like a foxglove

Each to their own I reckon

Let’s not be judgy now…

Works hard at the gym

buttocks toned and abs of steel

Yet secrets he holds

Aah sweet limerick

Just for you because I know how you like them…

An industrious hobo from Kent

had no home, not a box nor a tent

sold his bottom for cash

round his mouth, nasty rash

on cheap liquor his takings were spent

It’s like a haiku just not.

No need to thank me. No, really I realise there is just no need…

Oh sweet liberty

Gang banged by a Donald train.

Wall’s to keep you in.

Lets Limerick shall we.

always a good way to start the year…

Once a hirsuite chap from old Bulgaria

had a lass though he wanted her hairier

arms and legs, butt and back

craved the hair in her crack

in fact liked her to look like a terrier

Haiku maybe?

All depends on how you say’desperate’ really…

Piss soaked Christmas socks

Desperate times call for the most

desperate of measures

A haiku just for you. Yes you.

No need to thank me.

Hot moment ruined

by poor personal hygiene.

Balls smell like tacos

Up Yours Christmas – 12 – The twelfth moan of Christmas

Next up, new year!

Christmas day comes at last to an end

dad’s been racist, your sis banged your friend

Grandad’s shit in his bed

“Gifts were garbage!” kids said

it was great though, let’s all just pretend

Up Yours Christmas – 10 – Out with the lads

Excuse the typo, I can’t be bothered to redo it…

When one becomes two

and two becomes too many

and judgement impaired

Up Yours Christmas – 9 – Oink Oink

And a pear martini in a pear tree…

It’s a slippery slope this Christmas period when it comes to dieting. If the scales are to believe then cocktails are the most calorific foodstuff known to mankind.

Now I know I have had a lot in the last few days with a work Christmas night out and a party at our home but it seems the olympic nutritionalists out there are missing a trick because if you want to prepare for a marathon race or the 10000m against a pack of Ethiopians then you need to be preparing by quaffing half a dozed porn star martinis and a jug of woo woo.

You dont need high altitude training if you’re plannign on taking on the Chinese on the high board – you need a chocolate martini and a couple of white russians. Need to have a crack at a couple of bulgarian wrestlers? A purple rain is just the tonic.

I am going to try and do better in the run up to Christmas I really am, but if I slip then you know what I will simply declare that I am in training and watch out Mo Farah, I’m coming for you you skinny bastard!