Tag: funny poetry

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects.  What do you reckon?

There once hailed a priest from Manilla

who turned out was a serial killer

Though on Sundays he’d rest

with the saved and the blessed

Then on Monday, kill whores, what a thriller

Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?

There once was a butcher from Crete

had a love of fish, poultry and meat

gorged on legs, wings and chops

haggis eggs and roll-mops

burgers, sausage and steaks such a treat

Fan of X-Files insisted he’d been

by some aliens, sucked up in a beam

stretched his bottom quite wide

as they probed deep inside

the poor chap what they did was obscene

Once a POTUS who claimed “It’s fake news”

hates the poor and the blacks but likes Jews

grabs your wife by the V

then he showers in Pee

supports racist right wing and their views

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects.  What do you reckon?

Ballet dancer who got rather plump

so much so that she barely could jump

All the cookies and pies

they went straight to her thighs

when she did she came down with a thump

Once a Gent with a craving for women

went to watch them and spied on them swimming

he emerged ,they screamed “Weirdo!”

at the bulge in his speedo

didn’t help, the lip licking and grinning

Once a Donald with cravings for females

banged a porn star, ensuring no blackmail

paid her off, hundred K

“Doesn’t matter” he’ll say

“Not as bad as Clinton and her email!”

I haven’t had much time write anything today as I have been rather busy doing stuff, but I did have a wee gap when picking the kids up from school and had the words Denise and Cheese rattling around in my head and needed to get them out so even more limericks.  I think the second may be my one of my best ever.

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects.  What do you reckon?

Friend of mine met a woman, Denise

Super hot but alas smelled like cheese

Tried quite hard, could not bed her

As she smelled just like cheddar

Gorgonzola, blue Danish and Bries

There once was a chap quite humongous

Never bathed, in his rolls he grew fungus

In his chins you’d find mould

Sweat would pool in each fold

In his crack nasty filth in abundance

There was a woman called Kate

Who would eat every crumb on her plate

She would nibble from others

From her parents and brothers

Now quite round and she cant find a date

Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects.  What do you reckon?

Saw your dad, says you’re suffering a spell

raging fever and sweaty as hell

spent all day on the loo

from both ends, as you do

hope you’re soon on the mend and quite well

You’ve a rash and the pustules are welling

and a discharge that’s green and now smelling

Maybe go see a nurse

‘fore it gets any worse

could explode if it carries on swelling

Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/

Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world.  

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects.  What do you reckon?

Stay in bed as I know you’re unwell

there’s a discharge, a rash – must be hell

get some shots, you’ll be fine

it will heal up in time

and perhaps it will no longer smell

Oh poor poppit I hope you’re less sick

as the discharge, I believe, is quite thick

hope the swelling goes down

and it’s no longer brown

and it’s no longer oozing, quite slick

Heard you caught something nasty my friend

take your pills you’ll be soon on the mend

next time just be aware

take precautions and care

cos it seeping and all red at the end

Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/

Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world.  

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects.  What do you reckon?

A financier born in Sri Lanka

Who wrote poems, quite odd for a banker

he would take such delight

in his form oh so tight

how he revelled in Haiku and Tanka

There once lived a farmer called Phil

bought a bride on the web from Brazil

when she landed such shock

massive balls and a cock

it worked out though, shes hung, what a thrill

There once was a Vicar from Cannes

who when drunk went to bed with a man

Hes now happy it seems

with the man of his dreams

left the church, toured the world in a van

Okay lousy last line there but I wanted them to have a happy ending.  

Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/

Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world.  

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects.  What do you reckon?

There once was a vet born in France

Gerbils caused quite a stir in his pants

Rabbits caused a cold sweat

And his trousers got wet

Fondles hamsters if hes given chance

Once a husband caught aids from a hooker

quite infected but still quite a looker

gave his wife it, she died

and their graves the kids cried

On his gravestone it read, “What a Fucker”

Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/

Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world.  

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects.  What do you reckon?

There once was a man from gelong

Who enjoyed to put on his wife’s thong

Slipped and fell, it’s no laugh

Cut his balls clean in half

now soprano at church sing along

A young fellow caught wifey in bed

with a big burly fellow called Ted

Who was quite well endowed

and incredibly proud

Took the house, car and both kids instead

Once a vicar who rather liked kids

and confessed of the bad things he did

seems that’s all that it takes

when you make big mistakes

guaranteed by the church to keep hid

Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/