Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.
This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle. Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.
There once was a waiter named skip
tried so hard, customers did not tip
paid the bill, left and sneered
got run over, car veered
ran them down, both now dead, what a trip!
Remember, always tip!
photo courtesy of pixabay
Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.
This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle. Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.
As it is Saturday I will, rather than do full limericks as I have been doing all week, just give you a taste of the opening lines I did not use this week. I don’t think they need explaining…
So your penis got caught in your zip. (I’d lined up rip, snip, bleed and seed to go with it)
What this gun? Oh don’t worry it’s fine
Heard you got back from hols and have aids
Saw your wife wow her butt has got huge
Anyway…have a nice Saturday wherever in the world you are!
photo courtesy of pixabay
There once was a lady called Mary
Who’s back was incredibly hairy
and her arms legs and tush
shoulders chest neck and bush
in a two-piece was really quite scary
Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.
This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle. Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.
Heard your wife ran away with your brother
and your father changed sex, extra mother
and your sister got nicked
down the docks sucking dicks
you caught an STD from a lover
Such bad luck you poor thing I feel sad
oh no wait, I dont feel slightly bad
cos you bullied at school
were an absolute tool
hope it’s syphilis and it drives you mad
photo courtesy of pixabay
Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.
This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle. Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.
Such a shame that you’ve lost all your cash
on the markets, who knew that they’d crash
I cant lend you some, no
and this just goes to show
just be careful with that kind of stash
photo courtesy of pixabay
Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.
This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle. Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.
Heard your kids been excluded, the fool
broke the pesky no strong liquor rule
when young yours were devine
so much better than mine
as you said every time outside school
photo courtesy of pixabay
Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.
This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle. Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.
There once was a lovely young lad
found his missus in bed with her dad
said he “Babe it’s quite gross”
she replied “were just close”
that they never had kids he’s quite glad
photo courtesy of pixabay
Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.
This week my mind turns to revenge and perhaps, for that special someone who has slighted you and has now finds themselves in a pickle. Maybe you want to send them a nice card with a limerick expressing how sad you are that they have had such a lousy spell of bad luck.
Heard you’re no longer with John my ex
it tuns out he just used you for sex
you poor thing you must hurt
you’re just boobs in a skirt
loves young dream all now totally wrecked
photo courtesy of pixabay
Inappropriate and just a bit…meh
There once was a chap who loved cake
so much so that for sponges he’d ache
for panache he would pine
for gateau most sublime
fell in love with a lass who could bake
It’s saturday…not my best day for limericks.
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
I don’t have a dog called Caper – Daily prompt
Image courtesy of me
Once a prudish young woman named Jude
Had a belly that seemed to protrude
It turned out to be gas
Cos she not let her ass
pass wind as he found it quite rude
I once worked with a woman called Cath
Didn’t shower and seldom did bath
god the stench from her pits
Tits and rank naughty bit
It’s not funny you so shouldn’t laugh
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
I set myself a challenge this week…
Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies
Image courtesy of me
Limericks? In the middle of the day? Surely not…
There once was a teacher named Tash
Who one day she did sprout a moustache
Cross her lip it did wend
And curl up at the end
Joined the circus and made loads of cash
There once was a farmer maned Bert
Loved his milk cows so much that it hurt
Went too far, made me shudder
What he did with that udder
Let’s just say that it caused quite the squirt…
There once was dancer called Shirley
Who’s pubes were quite thick and most curly
It was full and so plush
A most seventies bush
Who’d have thought for a creature most girly
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
I set myself a challenge this week…
Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies
Image courtesy of me
Seems this is my 500th post…
Well this is my 500th post. Not sure how that happened, I was only really popping in to see what this blogging lark was about. Oh well, better write something deep and meaningful. Let’s do one of M’s prompts. ‘Pinches of positivity’.
Lying strapped to the bed Malcolm looked around the room. Harsh chrome spots reflected on the cold white walls and floor and a single door at the end of the room seemed to be the only way in or out.
He struggled against the wrist and ankle straps but there was no give.
A woman’s voice crackled into life over a speaker, .it was calm and smooth like liquid sugar
“All things are good” it said slowly. “All things are good.”
Malcolm instinctively tried to ignore the voice but it resonated deep within his mind and filled his senses.
“Everything will work out.” it continued as the words bounced around his head and filled him with calm. The room drifted into nothing as he closed his eyes.
“This is all you need and you need nothing more.” iIt said and Malcolm began to mumble the words phrase after phrase.
“This is where you belong and what you need.” The words left his mouth almost synchronised with voice from the speaker. He felt warm and safe.
“Everything is fine”
Phrase after phrase flowed into and over him, repeated word for word as he slowly passed into sleep, the words of comfort still dripping from his lips.
As the speaker crackled into silence two orderlies emerged from the door at the end of the room and wheeled his bed back out towards the exit.
“Think he’s nearly?” a barrel chested man asked. His colleague pulled the door closed behind them.
“Just a couple more sessions and he will be ready for his wedding.”
Isn’t it great when bad things happen to terrible people.
For that special someone who your husband ran off with…
Heard you’re pregnant and feeling quite ill
happy days, eat for two what a thrill
Once you’re big as a horse
he’ll skip town, well of course
he’s a dick, should have stayed on the pill
Or on the same theme…
Heard the test came back, it’s gonorrhoea
and a pretty bad case, you poor dear
still I’m sure your new new life
with your whore of a wife
is quite great. ***Sits back opens a beer***
Oooh this could so be a new thing. Might do a range of greetings cards.
photo courtesy of pixabay
The things that hold us back…
Let’s do another month of M’s prompts shall we.
I’ve a tale I would tell, and it might do you well
To pay heed and perhaps give some thought
To the things that constrain and the things that we blame
And on which were eternally caught
They’re the things in our heads, that live under our beds
And that lurk when we wake late at night
Paralysed by the doubt and the voices that shout
they defeat when we just cannot fight
Or you think you’re no good and that one day you could
be redeemed if you just do not stray
so you live only just and you hope pray and trust
that divine you’ll be carried away
so we stop in our tracks and we always look back
never trying to push on ahead
and were tangled in thorns and our minds they get torn
cant make sense of the thoughts in our heads
and you’re lying there scared and your wholly ensnared
to the things you believe are the truth
now perhaps they are not but you’ve sadly forgot
how to look for a sign or some proof
Unencumbered you’d find that the world can be kind
and there’s joy to be found and much more
we can live, love and learn and eternity spurn
for there’s hope here and now, life galore
The old clock in the hall struck seven as George sat down at his writing table as he did every night.
Let’s do another month of M’s prompts shall we…this one is in response to the Weaving Words prompt.
The old clock in the hall struck seven as George sat down at his writing table as he did every night. He opened the drawer and took out the pen she had given him on their 25th anniversary, then carefully took a sheet of the finest paper from a sheath and placed it on the desk in front of him.
He rolled the pen between his fingers and smiled as he read the inscription:
“My heart remains yours always.”
He pulled his chair to the desk, made himself comfortable and began to write.
My dearest Alice
Winter has come at last it seems, and the days grow shorter and we have had the first flakes of snow this evening. Fortunately I have a good store of wood this year, and the new people on the Henderson farm have assured me they have plenty to spare should I run short. They seem very nice, though I am not quite sure they are cut out for this life. Time will tell.
I took a walk by the river this morning, the air cold and crisp and the skies blue with the feintest whisper of cloud. Sadly the old bridge we built at Millers crossing has collapsed, and I fear age would insist that I am now well beyond repairing it.
Such memories it brought back and I remembered the yellow dress you wore the day we finished it. It seems like only yesterday, and the smile you wore with it remains with me to this day. As time passes it’s funny the things we remember and those we forget. The smallest details of our life together I still recall and yet major events now seem like a story told to me by someone else.
Sometimes I do wonder whether I have forgotten days we spent together, yet my heart remains full of those that are still so clear to me.
My heart remains yours always
George
Gently placing the pen on the desk George then folded the paper and placed it in an envelope that he pulled from the bottom drawer. Sealing it he then took a bundle of identical envelopes and slowly unknotted the string that bound them together.
Taking up the pen he wrote ‘Alice’ on the front and then bundled it with the others, refastening them together with the old coarse string and placing them back in the drawer.
He smiled as he stood from the desk, pushed the chair back in and turned out the light.
It had been a good day, she would have enjoyed it he thought smiling to himself as he climbed the stairs to bed.
Another day another limerick.
This week the lunchtime limerick subject will be desire or something kind of inappropriate.
I seem to hate Trump, ghastly man
And I write of his deeds when i can
I should really relax
but he seems to hate blacks
and the poor and the sick and Islam
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
I set myself a challenge this week…
Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
This week the lunchtime limerick subject will be desire or something kind of inappropriate.
Orange faced oaf of much note
looks to hide how he’s stolen your vote
picking fights, talking shite
big applause from the right
“Crooked Hilary lost” hear him gloat.
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
I set myself a challenge this week…
Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
This week the lunchtime limerick subject will be desire or something kind of inappropriate.
A house wife from Bradford called Jess
Caught her hub one day wearing a dress
How it made her eyes pop
So he’s having the op
Now her Trevor’s becoming a Tess
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
I set myself a challenge this week…
Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
This week the lunchtime limerick subject will be desire or something kind of inappropriate.
There once was a kid, quite forlorn
Found a stash of his fathers best porn
Now he’s happy and glad
but his father’s quite mad
Cos the pages are sticky and torn
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
I set myself a challenge this week…
Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
This week the lunchtime limerick subject will be desire or something kind of inappropriate.
There once was a chap from Japan
loved a lady but also a man
got the best of both worlds
when he found this Thai girl
called Petunia, but used to be Stan
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
I set myself a challenge this week…
Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
This week…The lunchtime limerick subject will be desire or something kind of inappropriate.
A suicide bomber names Bert
So frustrated, his testicles hurt
Blew himself into three
For the virgins you see
He was promised – tall, short, round and pert
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
I set myself a challenge this week…
Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
This week…The lunchtime limerick subject will be desire or something kind of inappropriate.
Celibate, destined to be
Betrothed and in marriage set free
But it came to an end
When he banged her best friend
And said “join us babe, let’s make it three”
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
I set myself a challenge this week…
Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
On being someone’s prison wife…
A posh boy addicted to coke
Stole a car and ran over a bloke
When the cops found him out
“My dads rich” he did shout
pretty mouth like his, jail is no joke
Happy Sunday!
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
Okay, enough offending people. Back to life and stuff…
A cheeky young fellow from Rhyll
Thought his girlfriend was still on the pill
shed forgotten to take
What a costly mistake
Now they’re 18 with twins, what a thrill
Tomorrow…something else
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
One last one I think, as if I haven’t offended enough people already this week.
A Jewish lass, Emily fisk
put her eternal life greatly at risk
with shrimp mussels and cod
she’d offended her god
Now each day she eats hot lobster bisque
Bit ropey but it’ll do…
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Afterwards 