Your lunchtime limerick 18/9/17

Another day another limerick.

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It was suggested I do some saccharin sweet limericks…Ill give it a try I guess.  Feels a bit weird to be honest.

To my children

Each morning I look at your smiles

even though you both put us through trials

how your mother she bore you

I simply adore you

so does mum though you did give her piles

 

that could be a hallmark moment!

 


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Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

Image courtesy of  me

Your lunchtime limerick 17/9/17

Another day another limerick.

A jolly fat bellied chap , Nick

Christmas Eve of the children got sick

so he went to the pub

had some drinks and some grub

cancelled Christmas next day, what a dick

 

 


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

Sparrow and Snake #writephoto

Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

Image courtesy of  me

Your lunchtime limerick 16/9/17

Another day another limerick.

 

A limerick, at lunchtime.  The clue’s in the title really…

 

A hillbilly chap, quite obese

one day coverered his sister in grease

from her toes to her head

then he took her to bed

she gave birth to his daughter and niece

 

maybe another incest based limerick because they fun

 

I once went to school with a lad

who had a quite young looking dad

turned out his mums lover

was his hot older brother

that’s just wrong, quite disturbing and mad

 

Anyway, have a good Saturday, not going to be writing much else today got a lot to do…

 


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

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Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

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Your lunchtime limerick 15/9/17

Another day another limerick.

 

A limerick, at lunchtime.  The clue’s in the title really…

A sturdy young chap, Roger black

Hard liquor each night he knocked back

Young vibrant and bold

But then he got old

Now he’s fat and addicted to crack

 


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Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

 

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Your lunchtime limerick 14/9/17

Another day another limerick.

 

A limerick, at lunchtime.  The clue’s in the title really…

A cuddly bus driver from cleaves

was beset by a posse of thieves

stole his clothes, bus and phone

left him stranded alone

and his modesty covered by leaves

 


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Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

 

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Your lunchtime limerick 13/9/17

Another day another limerick.

A skinny young postman called pat

Who could eat but could never get fat

Pies and cakes, buns and sweets,

vegetables, breads and meats

Had a tapeworm you see, fancy that

 


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Faeries: The long winter

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Your lunchtime limerick 12/9/17

Another day another limerick.

Proof that the limerick form can make sad things less so. 

 

A chubby young fellow called Giles

Got a rather bad case of the piles

Doc said “Don’t be so glum –

pop this cream in your bum,

’till they’re gone just sit carefully and smile

 

 


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

Sparrow and Snake #writephoto

Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

 

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Your lunchtime limerick 11/9/17

Another day another limerick.

Been a bit busy of late so best I can muster is …another lunch time limerick.  Proof that the limerick form can make sad things less so. 

 

Lovely fellow was left at the alter

loved her still So he just would not fault her

She ran off with her lover

then got aids from another

and then died late last year in Gibralter

 


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Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

 

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Your lunchtime limerick 10/9/17

Another day another limerick.

Another day another lunch time limerick. 

 

She’s quite gender fluid my gran

so this week she’s being a man

she looks ever so weird

with her moustache and beard

insisting we call her nan Stan

 


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Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

 

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Your lunchtime limerick 9/9/17

Another day another limerick.

Another day another lunch time limerick. 

 

A cheeky young lass from Djabouti

buxom, curvaceous, such beauty

she was caught in the park

with a ginger lad, mark

who brought sausage and whipped cream, so fruity!

 


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

Sparrow and Snake #writephoto

Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

 

Image courtesy of  pixabay

Your lunchtime limerick 8/9/17

Another day another limerick.

Another day another limerick.  True story and so sad but see how the limerick form makes it just a little less sombre…

 

 

A chap’s lovely young bride named Jane

had a tumor alas in her brain

she died, you can tell

he’d insured her quite well

bought a quite lovely villa in Spain

 


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

Sparrow and Snake #writephoto

Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

 

Image courtesy of  pixabay

Your lunchtime limerick 7/9/17

Looks like lunch time limerick has become a thing…sorry.

What shall we look at today…hmmm

 

A church going chap who loved learning

one day felt a rather strong yearning

he’d enjoyed fifty shades

now feels wholly depraved

and wakes up every day with loins burning

 


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

Sparrow and Snake #writephoto

Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

 

Image courtesy of  pixabay

Your lunchtime limerick 6/9/17

Looks like lunch time limerick has become a thing…sorry.

Yes, it is that time again…

 

A virginal groom of low worth

just 5 inches, got married in Perth

wedding night, all revealed

with delight his bride sqeualed

was not length that he’d measured but girth

 


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

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Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

 

Image courtesy of  pixabay

Sombre limericks 6

These seem to be, quite accidentally, on the matter of the oddities of marriage and such…

I know I know, they’re inappropriate and I probably do too many but theres a lot going on in the world so it gives me food for thought.

 

 

A lonely chap I know named Dom

bought an internet bride, it went wrong

because when she appeared

big hands, penis and beard

he’d clicked ladyboybrides.com

 

Not that I’m judging you know, I went to Bangkok many years ago and had a fabulous time and honestly, how was Dom to know.

 

 

A woman’s rich husband was boring

Old, obese, dull with bad snoring

said “just do what you will

and Ill pick up the bill”

so she shopped drank and spent her days whoring.

 

I must have read something on arranged marriages because there’s a theme developing here.  I did go for dinner the other night with a chap who’s family arranged a bride for him.  Maybe it was that.  It dd not last if you’re wondering.

 

Carl does not like condoms he says

and convinces the ladies he sways

“Im catholic you see

withdrawal method for me!”

6 kids, 4 mums, one on the way

 

Carl is foolish.  Do not be like Carl.  I’ll give you one more shall I.  4 is plenty, I want you to come back next time you see.

 

 

Young lovers eloped and got hitched

after time his desires they switched

Now it’s gone really bad

and he fancies her dad

‘cos his big hands they have him bewitched

 


 

Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/casual/

 

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/enamored/

More tea vicar ? 

I should warn that should you read further you could find my post somewhat inappropriate, though that could also be down to you.  I am not one to judge.


I have written on the matter of tea twice already this week, and as a proud Englishman and Yorkshireman I believe that it is a subject worth revisiting.

Not that I am particularly fond of the stuff, I am not.  But seeing the daily prompt I was reminded of something of a running battle that has raged in our house for a number of years now.

I should warn that should you read further you could find my post a little inappropriate, though that could also be down to you.  I am not one to judge.

My wife insists on insisting, much to my frustration, that on a hot day a nice cup of tea will cool one down.  Now before you rush off to Google to see whether it has a voice on the matter I will confess that any answers it may provide could possibly be construed as confirming that fact.  There are posts on the science of heating one’s core to trigger the bodies natural cooling mechanisms.

I do not care one jot what Google says on the matter, if you are drinking a scalding cup of anything on a boiling hot day it will inevitably make you feel somewhat sweatier than a nice pinacolada will.

Despite pointing that out to her, the merest mention of sunshine and she is ready to trot out her well worn offering of a nice cup of tea knowing that I will both refuse her not at all kind offer but also rant and rage much to her pleasure.

I do however get to occasionally exercise my revenge, which is always best served cold, unlike tea.   It’s important to note at this point that my wife likes to leave the tea bag in the cup as she drinks her tea.

If we have visitors then I like to ask her, loudly and in front of as many of them as is possible (and if children are about even better), “Do you want ‘teabagin’ hun?”

The pleasure is amplified if I can get my 9 yeah old to shout it.  “Mum, dad wants to know if you want teabagin.”

At worse I will be the recipient of a withering look, and if I am lucky I will be on the sharp end of rolling eyes and a “god, what are you 13 years old!”

I may not win them all but when I do, the sweetness of battle is oh so delicious…

 


https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/Tea/

 


More? You could see if you like any of this

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/24/screw-you-haiku/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/tea/