Tag: fun

Once a man with legs crooked and bowed

staggered drunk late one night down the road

when he started to vomit

got flung over a bonnet

and a semi squished him like a toad

Well I dont know where that came from but it’s somethign I guess.  It’s only a dodgy limerick after all, not like Im out luring kids into vans with puppies and sweets.

There’s this butcher, finds piglets appealing

turns him on, curly tails and hot squealing

how it makes him flip out

when he touches their snout

rubs their bellies, gets hot at the feeling

Epileptic priest had a dark twisted feeiling

found the choir boys quite cute and appealing

Touched himself, had a seizure

and like a yellowstone geyser

Ejaculated and splattered the ceiling

Married lass with a terrible habit

A few drinks and well, she would grab it

She just could not resist

Wild affairs when she’s pissed

Now divorced sits at home with her rabbit

Thetes this chap I know with diabetes

Still insists on his cakes and his sweeties

With delight he’ll devour

Chocolate bars every hour

Gangetene struck, no toes on his feeties

One a chubby young fellow from niece

Had a craving for lard, fat and grease

A desire for cake

For fried foods he did ache

Now his stomach hangs down to his knees

Once a big strapping fellow called andy

Saw his wife’s thong n thought “that looks dandy”

He perfected the look

With a shave and a tuck

Now on weekends prefers to be Mandy

A young fellow who’d never been kissed

Felt aggrieved at the things he had missed

So went out on the town

A few shots he drank down

Humped a tramp n got aids rather pissed

_______________________

Okay so I realize that escalated rather quickly. Limericks have a way of doing that though. Lines one to four flow just fine and before you know it this poor virgins giving hand jobs to homeless people under a bridge.

And all he wanted was some love.

Dirty bugger

🙂

Swedish vet took a couple of kittens

Turned them into a pair of warm mittens

Sewed his dogs into hats

Made a scarf with 12 rats

Perfect wares for cold winter conditions

Once a butcher who’s marriage had soured

Killed his wife and her liver devoured

Made a pie with her thighs

And kebabs with her eyes

Fried her heart lightly spiced, dipped and floured

Wealthy woman who’s husband had strayed

And enjoyed coital bliss with their maid

Now she irons cleans n mends

“Hes on business” pretends

As she smashed in their heads with a spade

Once a lonely chap ordered from china

A state of the art fake vagina

Came with booklet of tips

How to best use the lips

And he reckons he’s not had one finer

Once a bloke, for ‘the one’ he was waiting

spent his nights quite alone masturbating

Past his prime with regret

He went onto the net

Bought himself a girlfriend, self inflating

Once a lass who loved marvel most dearly

And insisted “beats dc quite clearly!”

Loves them now though i bet

Aquamam got her wet

Made her sploosh as she writhed quite severely

Wrote that one for the wife and her friends who have a film club and who normally enjoy highbrow kind of stuff and the good romcom but recently felt that they would rather enjoy Aquaman. For a bit of a change u know.

Funny they weren’t fussed about superhero stuff before.

A young lad with a craving for porn

Who would watch from late night until dawn

Please himself with such joy

Bought himself a large toy

Now his anus is tattered and torn

A young lady upset and quite sad

As her boyfriend had treat her most bad

‘Till revenge it was served

In short skirt and much verve

When she spent the whole night on his dad