Death limericks…sad face.

Sad face emojo goes here

4 for the price of 1

A lass I once worked with called Jane

Had a tumour removed from her brain

She went to celebrate

Thinking yeah this is great

But got hit on way home by a train

…

My friend knew a girl, quite the dancer

Really hot so he thought he’d romance her

Woo’d her hard, they got wed

Had two kids then dropped dead

Nobody knew she had brain cancer

…

Mum loved chicken and steak, cheese and bread

Quite often ate cake in her bed

Scoffing chocolate and sweeties

Got real fat, diabetes

Lost 3 toes then one summer fell dead

…

Old dame lived alone in a flat

Had no family or friends fancy that

Fell, banged her head on the ground

Three weeks later was found

Decomposing, face chewed off by her cat

…

Feet loving poetry

One from the past

Theres this woman it seems, met the man of her dreams

rather handsome and quite well to do

and they went on hot dates and they stayed out so late

so exciting being with someone new

Over time things progressed, and one hight she confessed

“no more waiting, I think that it’s time

let’s go back to your place” and they set off at pace

she was ready for pleasure devine

As she watched him undress, buttocks firm rock hard chest

pulse it raced then he ripped off her clothes

ran his hand up her thigh, made her groan squeal and sigh

goosebumps down from her head to her toes

Then he kissed every inch, gave her bottom a pinch

worked his way north to south quite intent

then he stopped at her feet, remarked “Oh what a treat”

but too long way down there he then spent

“Bloody hell” she proclaimed, his loins somewhat aflame

as he tongued, toe by toe, each in turn

and he sucked every one but her passion was gone

though her feet he continued to yearn

Ran his tongue ‘twixt her toes, “Oh please stop” she then goes

on to say “get your mouth off my feet!”

but he gobbles and licks, groans and then slowly spits

“Oh please baby they’re just quite a treat”

“How about this ” he asks, and she’s taken aback

“A caress with your soles quite divine

I’ll lay back, use your feet, It will be quite a treat

up and down, and I’ll thrust up in time”

But she’s really quite shocked at the thought of his cock

‘tween her feet and she shouts “No, no, no!

How’d we get here so fast? I don’t think it will last

get your clothes please I think you should go…”

“Baby please dont’ you know, it’s quite normal and so

many people like licking of toes

It’s my thing no big deal, give it time and you’ll feel

quite at home with just where my tongue goes”

“Not a chance” she replies, realises and sighs

“this won’t work out”. Alas, such regret

As he dresses to go, “kiss goodbye?” she says “No!”

as his breath’s like old cheese, poo and sweat.

So quite sad, it’s the end and she calls up a friend

and explains that he’s gone and it’s done

and though he was very sweet his obsession with feet

not for her and just weird, not fun…

Stars – Room 101

quickie for u

101 words. Ish…

“You smell like strawberries,” Carl said smiling, running his hand through her hair.

Helen’s heart raced being so close to him, lying in the grass, head on his chest. They’d only been together for a few months but she’d never felt like this before.

He raised a hand and pointed to a cluster of stars. “See there, straight up from that tree, the three stars in a line? That’s Orion’s Belt.”

“Where did you learn about that?” she asked, sighing.

“My dad used to take us out camping as kids, he loved the stars.” He said wrapping his arms around her.

____________________________

I know, no twist or anything macabre or weird or twisted or offensive. I’m half way through this challenge I think and thought I would make the lack of a twist the twist. I could have had him be an alien, or murder her or have a satellite fall on them or worse but some days, it’s just nice to be nice 😊

Jupiter Glow – 101 words

Jupiter…you beauty

101 words. Sometimes a few more. Sometimes a start, or an end, or a middle…

No matter how hard they try they can never prepare you for the loneliness of space. The fellows in the white coats test you and explore the extent to which your mind can be pushed. but they really have no idea what true isolation will do to you.
You try to retain a degree of positivity but there comes a point when you lose all hope, and for me that point was when I flashed past Mars with my pod still accelerating. Mars was my last hope you see, my salvation. If anyone could have survived the Orion onslaught it was those tough bastards on the red planet, but with my emergency beacon out and navigation systems shot I simply sailed by into the inky black of space.
I doubt it mattered though because there were no signs of life on my scanners. In fact, there had been no sign in any quadrant since I jettisoned at the battle of Ceres Outpost. Whilst I had enough supplies to keep me going for a few months – assuming the hydro-recycle unit on my suit keeps functioning – I doubt that I will make it through the asteroid belt to see the glow of Jupiter.
It’s a shame really, because my god she is a sight to behold…

Harvest – Room 101

another quickie

101 words. Sometimes a beginning, sometimes an end. Or even a frustratingly pointless middle.

“Are they ready?” Drax asked as they passed silently through space in the shadow of the moon.

“They are” replied Altama. She spread her tentacles and began to purr as she bathed in the glorious warmth of the sun.

“Anything to be concerned over?”

She laughed and watched him unfurl, his flesh pulsing iridescent as he warmed after so long in the cold of deep space.

“No. They are ready to be harvested.”

So many lifetimes had passed in getting here, and now he felt suddenly alive. Suddenly hungry.

“Good” Drax replied as he turned towards Earth. “It’s time to feed.“

Date night – 101 words

A quickie before bed

101 words. Sometimes a beginning, sometimes an end. Or even a frustratingly pointless middle.

With rain running down her face Maria smiled as she remembered that first meeting. Mother said that she’d know when she met the one. Mother was right.

She loved his charm, that assured way he walked over and god, that confidence. Her pulse still raced at the thought, the way he looked at her with those dark eyes and the things she felt when he placed his hand unexpectedly on her arm. He was intoxicating and too delicious to resist.

“I wonder if he has a brother?” She thought, tipping the final shovel of soil over his face and walking away…

Adrift – Room 101

101 words only

101 words

No more.

Seven hundred million miles from home Carlos stared into the yawning abyss of space. In a sky of a billion, trillion stars, filled with more life than he could comprehend, he felt his mind slipping away as a desperate loneliness tore at him.

“Come on you bitch” he said slamming a fist into the console. A system malfunction had set the emergency escape trajectory to a star a hundred lifetimes away and the panels were resolutely unresponsive.

Sitting back in the chair he closed his eyes and remembered Juliet’s face one last time, and unclipped the helmet seal from his suit.

Six Sentence Story Prompt – Console

6 Words to paint a picture…

The prompt was: CONSOLE

Sunday’s Six Sentence Story Word Prompt!

________________________________

Tyrell punched the eject button on the console, lights blinking frantically and the earth coming up fast.

Nothing.

Breathing heavily he punched it again, the suffocating force of his descent pushing him back into the seat.

Still nothing.

“Fuck,” he said, darkness creeping in at the periphery of his sight, blotting out the last of the stars in the inky black above.

“I’ll see you soon Katie, ” he whispered, “I’m coming home…”

Waiting…101 word challenge

101 words to try create a wee something…

101 words. Sometimes a beginning, sometimes an end. Or even a frustratingly pointless middle.

Night fell, the full moon streamed through the slits in the ragged curtains. Jessica pulled the blankets over her face and waited. Adrenaline coursed through her, fear gripping her tight as she picked out cautious footsteps crunching through the coarse gravel outside her window.

“She’s inside,” she heard Monsignor whisper.

“We need to hurry,” came a reply. It was her father.

Floorboards creaked as she watched the moonlight crawl slowly up the bed towards her. Her heartbeat slowed, her eyes narrowed and she lowered the blanket, smiling.

“On three,” came her father’s voice outside the door.

Jessica was ready in two…

4-Some of Saturday night limericks

A bank robber from Toremelinos

stole to get cash for his penis

to enlarge was his wish

but the products are pish

now he’s locked up in jail with men, heinous

‘My Friend’ watches far too much telly

middle aged, double chins and round belly

legs and arms got quite thick

now he can’t see his dick

and his man boobs they jiggle like jelly

A husband one day proclaimed dead

seems his wife shot him right through the head

on his phone saw a text

“Banged your sister, you’re next!”

really made quite a mess of the bed

Farmers wife with a craving for men

got caught cheating again and again

hub quite angry threw fits

then he chopped her to bits

fed her parts to the pigs in his pen