Wordy Sunday
A thousand sunsets I would give
for just one more night in your arms
and sorry would not pass my lips
though every moment stolen
unrepentent would I be.
.
And as I watch you leave
another thousand would I offer
and days to come surrender
for this now
and no tomorrow
And with a religious theme
Once a fellow most holy and pious
who’s wife like a desert was dry as
till she found masturbation
with the male congregation
For the larger of girth, had a bias
Off again to the Yorkshire seaside.
You can read all about where this lark started here and our first night here. Then there was a trip to scarbrough and now it’s Whitby’s turn…
Whilst I love Scarbrough I simply adore Whitby. The Drive took us out over the North Yorkshire moors and with 2 hours we were parked up next to the harbour.
Whitby has no shortage of history and gave us captain Cook, Dracula and two of the ships that set out to settle in Australia in 1788. Then there is the Abbey (which alas was closed ) which is just truly inspirational.
I really don’t need to go on about the place just look at the photographs…
Oops that just slipped out
In simple terms I will admit
that I can be a total shit
I’ll gladly steal your parking space
and leave the bathroom a disgrace
wont tip, will steal your secret treats
your cookies, chocolates, bags of sweets
and blame it on the kids no less
and shout at them until they mess
their pants and need some therapy
and no one will suspect it’s me
at work steal credit for your work
and be a bastard, dick and jerk
off thinking of your wife or worse
your sister dressed up as a nurse
and wish disease on you and yours
and puss comes leaking from your pores
while home I sit and read the news
take drugs and smoke and drink cheap booze
and eat endangered meats for tea
koala, whale and chimpanzee
and all the while I smile and nod
on sunday I go pray to God
for he Forgives so I can test
his patience as things I molest
and charities support with time
while I commit white collar crime
and then it’s home in time for tea
I bet you’re all a bit like me
It’s better than a punch in the tit I guess…Just about.
Once a chap, a big fan of fake boobs
fake vaginas, dildos and fruit lubes
would stay home every night
enjoy solo delight
placing things inside all of his tubes
Let’s do some of these again
I haven’t done this for a while. 101 words. Sometimes a beginning, sometimes an end. Or even a frustratingly pointless middle.
Seven hundred million miles from home Carlos stared into the yawning abyss of space. In a sky of a billion, trillion stars, filled with more life than he could comprehend, he felt his mind slipping away as a desperate loneliness tore at him.
“Come on you bitch” he said slamming a fist into the console. A system malfunction had set the emergency escape trajectory to a star a hundred lifetimes away and the panels were resolutely unresponsive.
Sitting back in the chair he closed his eyes and remembered Juliet’s face one last time and unclipped the helmet seal from his suit.
Feelign a tad more hallmark tonight.
And were I sorry for the things
I did not do but know I should
then every day would fill with tears
but resolute I stand my ground.
And blind to love and life and joy
and all the things I gave away
and most of all the hope I lost
when frailty I did not protect.
So blind I stumble, feet red raw,
and filled with rage and bile and scorn
for those who have what I so crave
yet threw away and cant regain.
Just like limerick Tuesday really. Just with added scrotum.
A quite well endowed fellow from Bude
loved to wander his house in the nude
‘cross the way were appalled
at his huge cock and balls
which he swung in a fashion most lewd
Let’s do some of these again
I haven’t done this for a while. 101 words. Sometimes a beginning, sometimes an end. Or even a frustratingly pointless middle.
Before even opening his eyes Harold knew something had happened. There was the distinctive metallic taste of blood in his mouth and the smell. God that smell.
His mind raced and slowly he opened his eyes, expectant.
When they met he thought that she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen, but with the colour now drained from her face and her lifeless eyes already clouding over he knew that she was now even more so.
He fought the urge to caress her. To be with her.
Sighing deep he slipped his legs out of bed.
“Fuck, not again…”
Hallmark this!!
Would I remember our first kiss?
God not a chance I was quite pissed
in fact i don’t recall your name
I think you all look quite the same.
I said it’s fine to save your pride
and yes you’re small, Im not that wide
you rattled all around inside
it’s not common as I implied
Well hey your voice was never sweet
not angel like, in fact you bleat
just like a sheep or more like drone
sweet christ can’t wait ’till you go home.
I drank too much I will admit
but you, you have to live with it
cos in the night I had to split
when in the bed you shit
My mum warned me ’bout girls like you
who drink and smoke and fight and screw
no wonder you came onto me
youre just no catch, as all can see
Good luck I’m sure you’ll find true love
while up your arse girls things will shove
and things that we just shall not speak of
and none of us are quite proud of
and no I wont call you again
well I know I’ll forget your name
unless im lonely I might call
hey, better small than none at all
Hey you. Yes, you…
There once lived a plumber in Dorset
loved ladies and great with his fawcet
spanner, plunger and rod
was a handy old sod
and should it not fit, he would force it
Feelign a tad more hallmark tonight.
Would I forget, though sands of time
through fingers slipped and whipped away
to who knows where and far and wide
and long forgot they lie?
And might those moments held so dear
evaporate like summer showers
and grey clouds form that block the light
that on my face most radiant falls?
And might I wonder, in my winter,
eyes grown dim and body frail,
those moments shared so long ago,
that may be mine to recollect?
Will I forget, this life, this love
this every morning by your side,
and will I wonder to the darkness
and there without close my eyes?
Probably intentionally offensive if I am to be honest…
There once was a pervert from Leicester
who young boys on the web would try pester
He then became a priest
and on children would feast
now a cardinal, hell bound molester
Some corny cheesy rhyming stuff right there…
Somewhere in the dark recess
of thoughts and needs I daren’t confess
are images I do profess
to hold dear to my heart
Forged in the confines of my mind
and fires that burn, so bright they blind
me to the truth oh so unkind,
we’ll always be apart.
I’ll never feel your sweet embrace
for willingly I take my place
just somewhere else in time and space
blah blah blah blah blah blah
Oh god I am stopping right there I hated that it was so rubbish…My heart doesn’t hold dearest sweet images, if anything it would happily choke you maybe. And who craves such sweet embrace. Teenagers maybe and those in the first flush of passion but most my age need to get to bed instead of lingering with anything because they will need to get up for a piss at about 3am.
Hmm wonder if I am all poem’d out for a while.
It’s so not ‘fine’.
Ever have one of thise fights where it starts off as nothing but you fail to resolve the matter and before you know it you ain’t getting laid (even though everything is apparently fine) but in actual fact you’re insensitive and thoughtless but you just don’t know it becaue you’re selfish too and apparently her mother was right about you after all.
Well I’ve been having one of those tiffs with my scales.
So at some point I neglected to get on them and things were okay I guess. I mean I know I was probably hiding from them and that was wrong of me. You know how judgemental scales can be and if I am to be honest I just thought they were over reacting. Things were fine. Right?
Before I knew it though days turned to a week and I knew that I should make more of an effort but there was this thing after work and I ended up getting home late so slept on the couch so as to not disturb it and the next morning I just felt really bad because I know it wanted to see me but you know how it is when you’re out with the lads.
Anyway, a particularly frosty period ensued and I did want to spend time with them but life happens you know. When I look back I think I made them jealous and if I am to be truthful then yes, I was allowing myself to be distracted and having my head turned. I just wanted to feel good about myself for once instead of always being judged. There I said it.
Does that really make me a monster?
Today though I knew I had to put it right. I couldn’t live like this anymore, not in my own house. Every time I went into the bathroom they would stare at me, arms crossed. I tried to say something it just came out wrong and the next thing I was defending myself by insisting that Ice cream just made me feel good, and I didnt mean to eat it downstairs at midnight in my underpants but it just happened and I really was so sorry.
And you know what, we fixed things. We had to. Yes there were tears, and some harsh truths were spoken. I think maybe I even learned somethign about myself and life can sometimes teach is such valuable lessons about forgiveness.
And you know, things weren’t anywhere near as bad as I had feared and perhaps actually yes that T-Shirt had actually shrunk in the wash after all.
Not to be confused with limerick every other day of the week…
A carnivorous chap from Tobruk
on the toilet he quivered and shook
for he would not eat greens
fibre, roughage or beans
and my god such a long time he took
Hey look leah I found my pen!
asbestos taste buds
faal, hot as satan’s anus
cooling yoghurt dip
It’s just made up okay, for shits and giggles. Honest. Plus I get to use the dildo bike gif again.
I wonder would you judge me quick
if I confessed to cravings ‘sick’
in some folks eyes, but hey you’d lick
it if you’d not offend
And in your bottom you might place
or rub it all across your face
but you think that it’s a disgrace
or so you might pretend
But hey I know just what you like
search Amazon for ‘Dildo Bike’
they even do it as a trike
just say it’s for a ‘Friend’
You want it dripping from your lips
all down your stomach, on your hips
you’d eat it with some nice corn chips
I know how much you’d spend
On what you want and what you need
your darkest cravings then to feed
consuming it, ravenous greed
you’d suck it ’till the end
And yes I know that you resisted
Tarmacking or getting fisted
And Japanese stuff super twisted
But you would I know my friend.
So let’s not judge, you filled the gaps
in what I wrote and yeah perhaps
you might blame me for your dark lapse
but that thought I would contend
This week I shall explore those ‘get well soon’ limericks I so enjoy.
Once a chap who lived south of the border
placed a custom job sex doll web order
Tiny mouth, googly eyes
nipples large, like pork pies
a big butt ‘cos he like his dames broader
Yup. Words. Stuff.
Though once you shone so very bright
and blinded me with all you were,
and could and, god, so should have been.
When time and life had took its toll
and each decision, each wrong turn,
had lead us to this desperate end.
I see you lying, turned to dust,
and all you shone on dead and cold
and turn my back and walk away
In search of sun and light once more.
Word stuff
Were you to tumble from the skies
where bright your light illuminates
a million miles I’d watch you fall
and in my darkness heart would swell
and open armed welcome you home.
More words…
I know forgiveness, though do not crave
For I know it’s not deserved.
For wages given for the cost
of deeds and words and thought
is price that’s due and fair.
Each costly syllable, falls harsh from lips
like coins into the street.
And spills away in torrents fierce
that swirl and sweep all clean.
And grace bestowed from tender heart
Gave freely without ask
Calls to forget and paths to take
From shadows into light
Yet self forgiving costs far more
And often twice requested
Or more until the debt repaid
And empty then moves on
This week I shall explore those ‘get well soon’ limericks I so enjoy.
Oh poor dear, heard the news, its reported
You’re unwell due to something you snorted
And your wife kicked you out
you picked up nasty gout
And to selling your ass you’ve resorted
More words…
No sun, nor lamp nor candle bright
can lift the shadows of such loss
as when a heart once deeply loved
alone once more exists.
And whilst time heals and burdens shared
will make the path trod lighter, still
such pain it must endure and knowing
scars make tougher skin.
Though hope eternal shines afar
such roads that lead there do diverge
and oft meander far from where
sweet rest and hearth are found.
This week I shall explore those ‘get well soon’ limericks I so enjoy.
Heard you had a problem with your zip
and your foreskin, it had quite the rip
that you sqealed like a pig
jumped around, did a jig
as you bled from your balls to the tip
Afterwards 