Another day another limerick.
This week…The lunchtime limerick subject will be desire or something kind of inappropriate.
A suicide bomber names Bert
So frustrated, his testicles hurt
Blew himself into three
For the virgins you see
He was promised – tall, short, round and pert
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
I set myself a challenge this week…
Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
This week…The lunchtime limerick subject will be desire or something kind of inappropriate.
Celibate, destined to be
Betrothed and in marriage set free
But it came to an end
When he banged her best friend
And said “join us babe, let’s make it three”
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
I set myself a challenge this week…
Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
On being someone’s prison wife…
A posh boy addicted to coke
Stole a car and ran over a bloke
When the cops found him out
“My dads rich” he did shout
pretty mouth like his, jail is no joke
Happy Sunday!
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
Okay, enough offending people. Back to life and stuff…
A cheeky young fellow from Rhyll
Thought his girlfriend was still on the pill
shed forgotten to take
What a costly mistake
Now they’re 18 with twins, what a thrill
Tomorrow…something else
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
One last one I think, as if I haven’t offended enough people already this week.
A Jewish lass, Emily fisk
put her eternal life greatly at risk
with shrimp mussels and cod
she’d offended her god
Now each day she eats hot lobster bisque
Bit ropey but it’ll do…
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Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
Continue my limericks on the fall from grace…
A Hindu lass hailing from Neath
caused her family much heartache and grief
and dishonour and shame
to the family name
As she sneakily gorged on roast beef
Back tomorrow with one last one I think
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Another day another limerick.
On the matter of losing one’s faith…continued
A Muslim chap hailing from York
had a secretive yearning for pork
so he gave up the life
shaved, de-shrouded his wife
gorging bacon and beans with a spork.
Tomorrow there will be beef…
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
On losing one’s faith.
A handsome poor priest name of Chad
Found that boobies they made him most glad
So he gave up the life
Found a super hot wife
With big lips, curvy hips and rich dad
Tomorrow…something about Pork…
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Another day another limerick.
It was suggested I do some saccharin sweet limericks…Ill give it a try I guess. Feels a bit weird to be honest.
To my children
Each morning I look at your smiles
even though you both put us through trials
how your mother she bore you
I simply adore you
so does mum though you did give her piles
that could be a hallmark moment!
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
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Another day another limerick.
A jolly fat bellied chap , Nick
Christmas Eve of the children got sick
so he went to the pub
had some drinks and some grub
cancelled Christmas next day, what a dick
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
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Another day another limerick.
A limerick, at lunchtime. The clue’s in the title really…
A hillbilly chap, quite obese
one day coverered his sister in grease
from her toes to her head
then he took her to bed
she gave birth to his daughter and niece
maybe another incest based limerick because they fun
I once went to school with a lad
who had a quite young looking dad
turned out his mums lover
was his hot older brother
that’s just wrong, quite disturbing and mad
Anyway, have a good Saturday, not going to be writing much else today got a lot to do…
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
A limerick, at lunchtime. The clue’s in the title really…
A sturdy young chap, Roger black
Hard liquor each night he knocked back
Young vibrant and bold
But then he got old
Now he’s fat and addicted to crack
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
A limerick, at lunchtime. The clue’s in the title really…
A cuddly bus driver from cleaves
was beset by a posse of thieves
stole his clothes, bus and phone
left him stranded alone
and his modesty covered by leaves
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
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Another day another limerick.
A skinny young postman called pat
Who could eat but could never get fat
Pies and cakes, buns and sweets,
vegetables, breads and meats
Had a tapeworm you see, fancy that
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
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Another day another limerick.
Proof that the limerick form can make sad things less so.
A chubby young fellow called Giles
Got a rather bad case of the piles
Doc said “Don’t be so glum –
pop this cream in your bum,
’till they’re gone just sit carefully and smile
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
Been a bit busy of late so best I can muster is …another lunch time limerick. Proof that the limerick form can make sad things less so.
Lovely fellow was left at the alter
loved her still So he just would not fault her
She ran off with her lover
then got aids from another
and then died late last year in Gibralter
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
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Another day another limerick.
Another day another lunch time limerick.
She’s quite gender fluid my gran
so this week she’s being a man
she looks ever so weird
with her moustache and beard
insisting we call her nan Stan
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Another day another limerick.
Another day another lunch time limerick.
A cheeky young lass from Djabouti
buxom, curvaceous, such beauty
she was caught in the park
with a ginger lad, mark
who brought sausage and whipped cream, so fruity!
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of pixabay
Another day another limerick.
Another day another limerick. True story and so sad but see how the limerick form makes it just a little less sombre…
A chap’s lovely young bride named Jane
had a tumor alas in her brain
she died, you can tell
he’d insured her quite well
bought a quite lovely villa in Spain
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
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Looks like lunch time limerick has become a thing…sorry.
What shall we look at today…hmmm
A church going chap who loved learning
one day felt a rather strong yearning
he’d enjoyed fifty shades
now feels wholly depraved
and wakes up every day with loins burning
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of pixabay
Looks like lunch time limerick has become a thing…sorry.
Yes, it is that time again…
A virginal groom of low worth
just 5 inches, got married in Perth
wedding night, all revealed
with delight his bride sqeualed
was not length that he’d measured but girth
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of pixabay
To enjoy with your lunch…
Jerome, a young fellow from Brugge
Had a passion for bobsleigh and luge
In Lycra he dressed
Ladies swooned most impressed
As his bulge was eyewateringly huge
That’s it…just one…already got a blinder in mind for tomorrow using the word “girth”
Get well soon.
To round off a day of mostly limericks one last post. Inspired by a comment by a reader at http://www.poetrummager.com who suggested limericks could replace traditional get well soon message. Thank you !
An infected promiscuous mate
Got aids from a lass on a date
He was once much much bigger
But now has a nice figure
Since infected he’s lost loads of weight
I saw your dad this afternoon
Heard your stomach looks like a balloon
And your bottom has leaked
But your temperature peaked
So I hope that you’ll feel better soon
Your mum said you just been for tests
For a lump that you found in your breast
Lets hope its not bad
Cos that happened to dad
And just after we laid him to rest
I saw your dad at the garage
said your scrotum is swollen quite large
Since you went to Bangkok
I bet it was a shock
When you saw the quite nasty discharge.
Right…that’s a lot of posts for one day, see you tomorrow perhaps.
Photo couryesy of Typographyimages@pixabay
This just slipped out…next post will be more grown up promise
A chap from school who Id forgotten
got a vegetable lodged in his bottom
But he chose to do nowt
And it simply dripped out
A week later when it had gone rotten
OK…thats enough posts for today. Just needed to get that out before I forgot it. Seem to be on a roll.
A quick dose of inappropriateness
I am away for a few days and the hotel is next to a rather rowdy beer garden whos patrons seem to be having a quite wonderful time. So in lieu of sleep I will see whether I can manage a few limericks on my phone.
A baker I know quite sublime
Made cakes pies and puddings most fine
Met a lass who he woo’d
with his sensual food
Said she “Your spotted dick is divine!”
A fellow with wife rather bland
For insurance he schemed and he planned
But his plot came to nought
By the cops he was cought
Now in prison he gets nightly manned
Amsterdam…drugs whores and beer
What a weekend he had but i fear
That his wife will discover
His large breasted lover
When the tests come back with gonorrhoea
A hubby his wife sadly binned
But not ‘cos she cheated or sinned
Such a flatulent hag
She’d eat chilli, he’d gag
As it gave her quite horrible wind
They seem a little quieter…perhaps they’ve gone for a kebab…
Sleep well!
Afterwards 