FFfAW Challenge – A steaming mug of dark and silky goodness

“No, I am not drinking that!” Gordon insisted, forcefully pushing Colin’s arm away and turning his head in disgust.

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The challenge was to write about the picture above in anywhere from 75 to 175 words.


“No, I am not drinking that!” Gordon insisted, forcefully pushing Colin’s arm away and turning his head in disgust.

Howling with laughter he offered the cup again.  “Come on mate” he slurred, taking a drink from the beer in his other hand,  “It’s chocolate honest!”

Gordon gagged as it was again shoved in his face.  “Oh god get that away from me!” he demanded “I don’t care how drunk I am I’m not touching it!”

Colin drank more beer.

“And how the hell did a man of your size even get that in the cup?” Gordon continued most vexed but not really wanting to know.  “you better not have made a mess in there we’ve just had it decorated and the wife will bloody kill me!”

Barely able to contain himself Colin lifted the mug to his lips.  “Okay if you won’t then I will…“

“Nooooo!” Gordon screamed.

“Ooh lovely” Colin said, licking his lips and offering it again grinning. “What did you think it was?”

“You’re such a dick” Gordon replied opening another beer.


175 words


Fancy something else?

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

 

 

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge # 45 – #Tanka: Honey and Wine

The challenge was to write a Tanka (effectively a haiku with two additional 7 lines tagged on) and include the words “Honey” and “Wine”.

TANKA

The challenge was to write a Tanka (effectively a haiku with two additional 7 lines tagged on) and include the words “Honey” and “Wine”.  I think the first 3 are meant to set the scene and the next two express how I feel about it.  Not really cracked that bit yet…

I found this one rather tricky.


Sweet honey goodness

runs slowly into my mouth

No diet today

My inner Pooh bear unleashed

Wine fuelled hunger satisfied


Let’s try another


 

Wine poured, candles lit

Honey, let’s go to bed

Whipped cream, Ice, hand cuffs

This is not like fifty shades

the bloody sheets are ruined


 

Let’s try a more serious one…

 


Summer sun shining

Sweet scent of honey suckle

Warm winds on soft skin

Wilful seduction like wine

Warming caress on my lips

 

Meh…

 

Maybe I will try something different next week 😊


Fancy something different?

 

this people find funny…

and this is quite sad

 

 

My Donald limerick

Not had time to write today, so here’s a quick Donald limerick.

A day in the life of the Donald in limerick form.  

l am not particularly interested in politics at all but as far

as reasons to write the golden haired golf playing POTUS

is certainly good value for money.  

 


Oh Donald with golden hair you

must wake up with so much to do

But you sit on the shitter

Posting rantings to twitter

Like some mad man who’s been sniffing glue

 

This morning you’ll take on the press

Fake News!” blah blah blah…what a mess

And your staff organise

cover ups of your lies

but we know that you couldn’t care less

 

Then a snack and nap if you can

While you dream up your next foolish plan

“Build a wall!” hear him scream

as he wakes from a dream

Then he bans anyone with a tan.

 

Now it’s time to try sort out the health

care bill as its wasting the wealth

Of the rich on the frail

And the people who ail

If you can’t then you’ll kill it through stealth
Now some lunch as it’s been go go go

Then there’s pussy to grab don’t you know

“When you’re rich, don’t you see

It is pretty much free

And the women will never say no!”

 

After Lunch its some golf with your chums

As your right wing pals get out their guns

Pillow case on their heads

Wrapped in sheets from their beds

Picking fights with the cross lefty mums

 

For the rest of the day you’ll be rooting

For your very good friend Vlad the Putin

As he wrestles with bears

punches babies and hares

and gives puppies a right proper booting

 

Then pre dinner you’ll probably fire

Some fellow you’d chosen to hire

Just this morning “but hey

they’ve been here like a day

that’s the price for provoking my ire!”
After Dinner its time for some more

planning your own major war

just like George dubya Bush

(Who you secretly crush)

And whö’s father you really adore

 

Then tucked up in bed as you’ve been

Working hard at just not-being-green

The planet you’ll slaughter

you dream of your daughter

And of making Ang Merkel your queen


 

Fancy something else?

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

 


Photo courtesy of Haft

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/organize/

 

eh7@pixabay

Stream of Conscious Saturday – Guess

The challenge was to write, unedited, on the subject of “Guess”

Apparently this is the challenge…

“1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.”

There are other rules and stuff which you can find here:

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Aug. 12/17

I intend to give myself a minute to come up with an idea and then just type and see what comes out.  Starting…NOW!


Karl really did not like parties, he was awkward at the best of times and parties tended to make it worse, but Rachel had invited him, and Rachel made his heart beat faster and forget the most basic of words.

Kyle, who as wholly more suited to parties than he was due to his fabulous hair and skinny jeans had always advised him to play it cool with women and to try and make her laugh, though right now he wanted nothing more than to scurry off home and watch TV.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around.  It was Rachel.

“Hey you !” she smiled giving him a hug “I am so glad you came!”

She smelled like vanilla milkshake, and he loved vanilla milkshake.  Not as much as banana but it was right up there.

“Hey yourself” was the best he could muster, holding onto her for a little longer than he probably should have.

She brushed her hair from her eyes and handed him a red cup of what he assumed was beer.

“Oh Guess what” she said excitedly putting her hand on his arm.

This was his chance Karl thought, Kyle’s words ringing in his ears.  He needed to be funny.  Make her laugh, girls loved to laugh right.

“Guess you say” he replied smiling awkwardly “Okay, lets see.  You have me at a disadvantage but I’ll give it a go.”

Karl rubbed his chin feigning contemplation.  Rachel looked a little confused.

“You’re really an alien and you’re here to take over the planet!” he exclaimed grinning.  Oh god please laugh.

Rachel did’t laugh, mostly she looked even more confused”

“No I was going to say…” Karl interrupted before she got to finish.

“Oh no wait, I’m not ready to give up yet” Karl continued.  “I love a challenge.”

Rachel took a drink from her cup and looked past him towards the door.  Karl knew he needed to make her laugh now or he might blow his chance.

“You were going to say that you wanted to get out of here and go somewhere quiet” he said trying his best to be cool and funny and seductive at the same time.

“Er no” Rachel replied taking another drink.  She paused for a moment, and Karl could sense someone stood behind him.

“Hey babe” said a voice which he instantly recognised as Kyles.

Rachel smiled uncomfortably “I was going to say I’d started seeing your mate and he was also coming tonight.”

 


Hmmm

Not easy that lark, you don’t really know where you’re going…or I didn’t.  I knew I wanted him to crash and burn and it to be awkward and to actually guess when she said “Guess what ” but that was it.  That took about 20 minutes and a few more to correct the typos which I fixed afterwards.  I found myself typing a bit slower that normal though to give myself chance to think…


 

 

Musings

I  have lit scented candles and enjoyed long relaxing baths to the haunting calls of the blue whale…

I’ve not been on here long, but heavens there are a lot of musings going on.

Everywhere I look somebody is musing on something.  You will find many a musing for each day of the week, and months are well covered too.  The myriad of musable matters is rather mind boggling and there is no lack of quality musings out there.

New as I am to this blogging lark I have felt a pressure to muse myself at times.  Often I sit in the dark thinking that a good hard musing right now would be just the thing.   Perhaps I feel that I am missing out being relatively muse free as It seems I may well be.

Not only does it seem that I am not much of a muser but I may also be neither contemplative nor particularly deep, both qualities which it seems help in terms of ones quality musing ability .

I will admit that I have done my level best to find my inner muser, I am not lazy.  I  have lit scented candles and enjoyed long relaxing baths to the haunting calls of the blue whale and alas mostly I just end up  fancying getting into bed with a nice cup of tea and a couple of biscuits and having an early night.

I have pondered the deeper things in life,  the woes of society and the darkness that lies in the hearts of men and mostly the best i can manage is a haiku about Donald trump wanting to make love to that pudgy faced chap in charge of North Korea.

I think I once got close to an angst filled poem but it turned into a dirty limerick at the last minute.

Anyway, it’s quite late and I really shoulg be in bed.

Does that count as a muse I wonder?

 


Photo Courtesy of JSTARJ @ Pixabay

Weekend Away – Daily Two-Word Prompt #102 / Daily Prompt

Flo and Darren plan a dirty weekend away…

A couple I know, call them Darren and Flo

Decided some “them” time was needed

So they packed off the boys, with their books clothes and toys

to grand parents to whom they had pleaded

 

“Please just for tonight, they said they won’t fight

and we’ll set off back early to home

they’re really not bad, and we’d be oh so glad!”

half a weekend away – all alone!

 

To a hotel they drove, up the coast near the cove

lovely beach, seafood joint and big bed 😉

“This is just what we need!” Flo declared, he agreed

“Dirty weekend away!” Darren said.

 

Hand on thigh as they drive,  not too late they arrive

short trek, they retire to the bed

“in the mood?” he enquires,  but alas it transpires

Flo then asks for some pills for her head.

 

“Just unpack – in a while, I’ll be fine” Flo does smile

“Then I’m yours you can do as you will!

you can tie me and ravage, go to town get quite savage

but for now will you get me my pill?”

 

“Yes of course” he agrees… he would tremble her knees

just like when they first met way back when

and they’d make love all night – what a glorious sight

they’d skip breakfast and start it again.

 

But to his great despair, fast asleep in the chair

he awakes with a knock at the door

Knock, Knock, Knock  “it’s House keeping… you awake or you sleeping?””

The evening had promised much more!

.

Still a breakfast enjoyed as they talk of the boys

and how odd it is here all alone

“Do you think they’re okay?” Daz to Flo then does say

“Let me call them quick, pass me my phone”

 

It turns out they were fine, “slept from 8 through ’till 9

been no bother at all!” Gran does say

“Did you have a good night, was the hotel alright,

shall I tell them you’re now on you’re way?”

 

“So perhaps not quite bliss” Darren says with a kiss

and Flo smiles as he kisses her head

“at least we slept well, and were rested and hell

we woke up with no kids in the bed!”

 


Fancy something else?

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/


https://teresacreationsblog.wordpress.com/2017/08/12/daily-two-word-prompt-102/


https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/spicy/

Picture courtesy of espressoili @ pixabay

Hedgehog and Mole – 99 Word Prompt – Music and Berries

You need to be careful when you go into the woods…

The challenge was to write something in only  99 words and to include the words berries and music.  It is 99 words on the button. 

The challenge can be seen here:

August 10: Flash Fiction Challenge


 

“Do you like berries Mole?” Hedgehog asked, emerging from the thicket to the sound of Sparrow’s morning music.

“Oh yes, especially plump and juicy ones!” Mole replied licking his lips.

“Then follow me” said Hedgehog, “I know a place where the juiciest berries grow!”

Hedgehog led Mole to a clearing where the bramble bushes strained under the weight of the dark fruits.

“I can smell them!” said mole excitedly,  “Oh Thank you hedgehog!”.

As Mole devoured berries hedgehog crept slowly away, passing Fox at edge of the clearing.

“He’s all yours” Hedgehog snarled “I expect payment in full tomorrow.”


 

 

More?  Try this or this

Photo courtesy of pixabay


I also decided to tag this in a daily prompt because I think it’s a great fit…

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/Delivery/

Rehash Saturday

I’ve been doing this for about a month now, and there are some posts from the first few days which have not really been seen by anyone.  Now and again I think I shall share a few.

I’ve been doing this for about a month now, and there are some posts from the first few days which have not really been seen by anyone.  Now and again I think I shall share a few.

This one was one of the first ones I did in response to the daily prompt.

I loved writing this one – it was pointless and headed nowhere but I really enjoyed not having to have an ending or a beginning.   Just a middle…

Michael


More?  Try this or this

Photo courtesy of pixabay

End of days #writephoto challenge

Of life and death

Maleban the Elder stands alone, the last of his kind, remnant of all that was but that is no more.  His people are all gone now, returned to dust, and the final fiery moments of this world are his alone to witness.

A slow ascent into a hungry sun is his fate, and as proud custodian of the memories of a once glorious people he stands and calls upon his ancestors, the long forgotten ways of his people and the gods of old.

Eyes closed and arms wide he embraces the end of all days as lifetimes past, present and future disappear and are lost to the universe forever.


Photo courtesy of Sue Vincent


Want something different?  THIS is different and THIS is way different.  This is …well you probably shound’t read THIS

Ooh look at me being all topical!

Topical, insightful an getting to the heart of the subjects that really matter

If you’ve read any of me then you may well know I like to dabble in inappropriate haiku and limericks.  I know some of the subject matter is a little awkward but work with me…now and then I stumble upon one that’s actually quite good.

Michael

 

A few limericks to start…

Kim-Jun and Donald so hot

For each other though they insist not

But I reckon they would

If only they could

Not get caught making love high on pot

 

Single dad collects guns for a hobby

Had a son known as Bob, Rob or Robbie

But alas now he’s dead

Fatal shot to the head

From a gun he found primed in the lobby

 

Poverty, nukes, death and drought

Why leave home, I am not going out

At TV I sit glaring 

but I’m really past caring

Time for curry in bed with a stout

 

African crisis I never

have seen such despair no not ever

Drought, pain loss, Civil War

HIV, death and more

But hey, least they’ve got lovely weather

 

And a few haiku for good measure…

 

Eighteen convicted

North East children now safer

Pretty prison mouths

 

Head down crossed the road

He never saw it coming

Bus grill needs cleaning


 

More?  Try this or this

Photo courtesy of pixabay


https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/glaring/

What has gone before

The slow passage of time

My crack at a 75 word piece on the picture of that rock up there for Friday Fictioneers


Before you I watched and I waited.  Before trees and ice and flame I was alone and the world was silent and time passed without record.

I watched you crawl into existence with so much promise, and I witnessed fleetingly your true light and the beauty within.

But having everything was never enough for you, and you were consumed by your desires and the darkness that lurks in your hearts.

I do not miss you.


75 words!  Boom!

Photo courtest of , c.e. ayr

Mouse and Sparrow

Just a sparrow and a mouse having breakfast

…a story where nothing terrible happens written for my blonde haired son.


“Morning Mr Mouse” said Sparrow form the safety of  the high branches of the sycamore tree.

”Good morning sparrow” Mouse replied looking up, twitching her whiskers and wrinkling her nose.  “Why so high in the tree?” she asked scratching in the earth as she looked for bugs and worms.

“The cat’s about “ Sparrow answered, “you really should watch out Mouse” she warned “you don’t want to be cat’s breakfast now do you.”

“Oh I’m ok” mouse answered quite confidently “I know the cat that lives here and she’s old and slow and won’t catch me.”  Mouse tugged at a fat juicy worm she had uncovered at the base of sparrow’s tree.

“That worm looks delicious” Sparrow said eyeing up Mouse’s breakfast “it looks very plump and juicy.”

“Sure is” said mouse her mouth full, “why don’t you come and join me”.  She wasn’t a greedy mouse, and indeed it was a rather fat worm.  “I will happily share my breakfast with you” she said.

Sparrow looked about, her small dark eyes scanning for any sign of the crooked old cat.

“Sounds good to me” she chirped not seeing any sign of cat and she floated down to join mouse.  “Oh that does look good” she continued, tucking into one end of the chubby little worm as mouse munched hungrily on the other.

Mouse and sparrow ate a quite delicious breakfast together and washed their juicy worm down with the cool crisp water which lay on the fallen sycamore leaves following the storm the night before.

“So what now?” Sparrow asked, flying back into the boughs of the tree.

Mouse cleaned her ears and resumed scratching in the still wet earth. “Hopefully more worms” she laughed “It was delicious indeed!”

“Sounds delightful” Sparrow replied still scanning the garden. “I shall see you later perhaps ”she continued, and with a “thanks again for breakfast and watch out for that cat” she was gone.


 

Want other different stuff?

something terrible happens in this one

In this one there is a girl in the rain

and this might make you laugh but maybe you wont admit it

oh and this one i am rather proud of

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/shallow/

In the news this week…

Trust me these are all on the BBC website!  Kind of.  Okay, maybe not in limerick form…

Trust me these are all on the BBC website!  Kind of.  Maybe not in limerick form…


Zac Makwala, a Botswanan runner

Ran 400 in world champs this summer

But he got bottom squirts

And excluded “It hurts!

Its unfair, wrong and oh such a bummer”


A bastard it seems, name of Gus

Got quite fat and his wife made a fuss

So he went for a run

got upset and for fun

pushed a lass passing by ‘neath a bus


Kim-Jung and Donald you ought ta

Stop waffling on about slaughter

Cos the Donald will win

‘Leash his nukes with a grin

Then fondle Kim’s wife, gran and daughter


 

Want to read more of my stuff?

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

Partner – Daily prompt

No lies, it’s about precisely nothing

Upon seeing the daily prompt, ‘Partner’, I would imagine that I was not alone in thinking that this would be an ideal opportunity to write a piece on my relationship with my wife.  It would be insightful and honest and lay bare the ups and downs of a modern relationship.

I imagined that I would share wisdom and experience in a light hearted yet uplifting way and it would prove enlightening and encouraging for others as they would see their own relationship in ours.  I would talk about love and compromise and friendship and laughter and…

Okay…I’ll stop there.  I can’t type that with a straight face.

I was mostly going to write about the impact of going to the toilet in front of one’s partner.  I had also considered something humorous on how to be certain that the kids are asleep and not just pretending and instead hatching a plan to burst into the bedroom with a “Surprise!!!” at the most inopportune moment.

Both of those will not now see the light of day though as I mentioned the general ‘Partner’ subject to my wife and her reaction was “as long as you don’t write about me I don’t care what you write.”  There was no malice in it though she did, quite coincidentally, have a rather large knife in her hand at the time so I took her advice seriously.

Therefore, this is mostly a piece about what you will not be reading, so I posted it with a picture of a cat just because.


Want to read more of my stuff?

This is kinda funny

and this kind of sad

This was just fun


 

Https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/partner/

Photo courtesy of cocopasasienne @ Pixabay

Jeffrey and Cho – FFFAW Challenge

Just a poem about a couple of blokes on a tandem.

Jeffrey and Cho

Had a bike that was slow

Though two people it sure could convey

They would ride through the town

Knees go up knees go down

Every month every week every day

 

“I am sure out of breath!”

Said a quite knackered Jeff

As he pedalled from A to point B

“As am I ” said young Cho

“Not sure why we’re so slow?”

Because no one can pedal like thee

 

Now Jeff pondered the fact

He was thin, Cho was fat

And each day they would cycle non stop

They would eat quite the same

So that wasn’t to blame

He thought as they rode from the shop

 

It was only by chance

That Jeff caught a quick glance

Of how Cho chose to coast as they slowed

“My god!” he exclaimed

It was cho who’s to blame

For their leisurely pace on the road

 

And from that moment on

The Tandem was gone

And Jeff’s bought a bike of his own

Now cho spends his days

on the xbox he plays

And my, how his belly has grown


Photo courtesy of Dorothy


Want to read more of my stuff?

This is about kinda funny

and this kind of sad

This was just fun

An unexpected twist – #1linerWeds

It’s what it says really…just one line…

“I’ll See you tonight love” Colin shouted from the bathroom as his wife left for work, noticing a  moment too late that they were out of toilet paper.


 

Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

 

 

 

 

 

One-Liner Wednesday – An Unexpected Twist

The girl in the rain 

Just an idea about a girl in the rain. I worked backwards from the ending.

When he offered her a lift home she wanted to say no, but the weather was awful out and she really didn’t fancy a walk to the station in the rain.  “Go on then” she responded reluctantly, “but just a lift okay, nothing more.”

James grinned that stupid boyish grin she had seen too many times before in married around the office.   “Cool” he replied “I’ll grab my coat and we can get off, won’t be a minute.”

She watched him scurry over to his desk, throw his laptop into his bag and pull on a dark raincoat over his well fitting navy suit.

“Thanks for this” she said as he walked back over.  He was an arsehole, she knew that too well after last year’s Christmas party, but he was an arsehole with a car and it had been a long day and she really didn’t fancy getting soaked.

“I’m parked in the exec section” he said smugly, “we can get the lift down.”

She followed him to the lifts and they stood saying nothing waiting for it.  Once inside, doors closed he spoke again “So are you seeing anyone?” he asked “it’s been ages since we chatted.”

“It was the Christmas party” Sarah answered sharply.

“Oh shit yeah” he replied awkwardly.  “Look I’m sorry about all that really I am – you know how it is when everyone’s had a drink.”

For a moment she actually believed him then remembered what had happened “How are the wife and kids?” She asked.  It was a bit of a low blow but he deserved it.

He shuffled uncomfortably but didn’t get to answer before the lift stopped, the doors opening with a ding.

“After you ” he said, allowing her to get out before him.  “I’m just over there” he said pointing towards a rather nice silver car.  She didn’t know anything about cars but it looked expensive.  He clicked his keys and the alarm beeped and lights flashed once.

“Nice car ” Sarah remarked, opening the door and climbing inside.  A lot nicer than the bus she thought to herself.

He threw his bag onto the back seat and climbed in next to her. “You still up near the school?” he asked starting the car.

“Please” she answered pulling on her seat belt and clinging to her bag.

“Cool, it’s on my way not a problem at all.” He smiled again.

She had grown to hate that smile, he was so certain of himself, so confident.  It hadn’t always been that way though, she’d been out with him and a few friend after work a few times after she’d first started working at the practice and he was never an arsehole.

“They’re all arseholes” her mum would tell her, “especially the married ones.”  She really was not good at taking advice.

James turned on the radio as they drove through the rain heading up through the town centre. “So, you never answered my question” he said looking across at her.

“And you never answered mine.”

“Oh come on” he replied laughing “you aren’t still cross with me are you?”

“Are you serious?” She really wished she’d caught the bus.

“It was just a bit of fun” he insisted “you know how it is.”

“it really hurt ok, you shouldn’t have done that to me, not in front of everyone.”

“I know I know” he said turning down the radio as they left the business of town and turned onto the bypass.  “I just thought you wanted to you know.”

“Jesus James” she snapped “I was drunk – everyone saw us!”

“Sarah, I know I was wrong okay, I’m really sorry.”

She stared out of the window watching the lights of the passing cars stream by, rain running down her window.

“Forgive me” he asked gently, looking across to catch her eye.

“Fine ” she said looking back across at him, she smiled.  “You can give me a lift next time it rains as well” she joked “then we’re quits okay.”

“Deal” he grinned turning the radio back up a little “you can have a lift anytime you want.”

“Just next time will be fine” Sarah answered, for the first time loosening her grip on her bag just a little. “Take the next left” she instructed “it’s a bit quicker.”

“No problem” James replied indicating and taking the corner then pulling to a stop.

“What are you doing?” Sarah asked pointing up the hill, “It’s still a way up there.”

James turned off the engine.  “Can I be honest with you?” he asked, one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the back of her chair.

“James, can we just go please” she snapped “I need to get home.”

“Just let me say this, ”  he insisted “Ever since that night I’ve thought about you a lot okay.”

“Jesus Christ!” she exclaimed “are you serious?”

“Oh come on” he continued placing a hand on her leg “no one needs to know, it’s no big deal.”

Sarah quickly unbuckled her belt and slapped his hand away from her leg, grabbed her bag and climbed out of the car into the rain.

“You’re an arsehole!” she shouted, “an absolute arsehole!”

“Sarah, come back please” he shouted.  She stood staring at him saying nothing, watching the rain fall onto the car seat through the open door.  “You’re getting my car soaked!” he shouted “are you getting back in or not?”

He didn’t wait long for an answer and reaching across the passenger seat he pulled the door closed.  “You mention this at work and I’ll just deny it!” he shouted through the still open window.  “No one will believe you” he continued, his face angry and his eyes narrowed.  Without waiting for her to answer he slammed the car into gear and roared off, leaving her alone again in the darkness.

Sarah pulled the belt of her coat tight, watching the red lights of the car shimmer in the rain and disappear into the night.  This time, she decided, this time she wouldn’t cry.

 

 


Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

Https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/shimmer/

 

 

 

 

You absolute tanka!

I’m still not sure I’m truly embracing the spirit of these…

It’s TANKA time!

Note to self.  First 5 lines set the scene, next two express how I feel about said scene.  I’ll give it a try.  Not sure whether they will be serious or not yet…


How he hates himself

All night cavorting naked

Vodka fuelled hookers

This morning he has no pride

And he has crabs, poor fellow


Pride march, jubilant

See the hate on their faces

Those who disapprove

Get them an umbrella it’s

Raining men hallelujah!


 

How she hates his face

such pride, always being right

Her mum wasn’t wrong

She hid her joy when he died

And got herself a boob job


See him strut, such pride

Men hating as from the hot

Women, he chooses

Still alone night after night

4 inches is not average


 

Want to read more of my stuff?

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/


https://butismileanyway.com/2017/08/08/colleens-weekly-poetry-challenge-45-haiku-hate-pride/

Photo courtesy of Peterkraayvanger @  Pixabay

One Word Photo Challenge: Horse

Only occasionally did the fat bottomed girl come to ride him, so for the most part he was rather content.

“Good morning Horse” said Chicken, scratching around in the dry earth for something to eat.

“You’re up early” Horse replied curiously, ambling slowly to the fence and shaking his head. “I don’t usually see you around here.” He munched on a particularly sweet clump of grass at the foot of the paddock fencing.  Chickens usually stick to their own end of the farm he thought to himself.

“I didn’t sleep well” Chicken replied, “they stole my babies again yesterday, bastards they are!”

“Again?” Horse responded quizzically, “Do they steal your babies often?”  This sounded rather terrible he thought.

“Every time!” Chicken responded, quite upset.  “And it isn’t just me.  Every morning they turn up and take our babies away and there is nothing we can do!”

Horse considered this for a while.  “Nothing at all?” he asked still chewing.

“Not a thing!” Chicken replied.  “Have you seen the size of them?”

“They Don’t look that big to me” he replied slowly, swishing his tail.

Horse didn’t object to them particularly, they fed him when he was hungry and in the winter he had a blanket to cover him when it was cold.  Only occasionally did the fat bottomed girl come to ride him, so for the most part he was rather content.

“Obviously they don’t look big to you!” Chicken scolded “Look at you, you’re huge!”

“Hmmm.” said horse, he was not one to anger quickly but this sounded most wrong.

“Juliette once tried to give them a good scratch and she got her neck wrung” Chicken continued most animated “how would you like it if someone was stealing your babies and wringing your neck!?” she demanded.

“Most disturbing” Horse ruminated.  “Most disturbing indeed.”

Horse considered the situation for some time.  He chewed and he thought and he thought and he chewed.  “And it’s the fat bottomed girl that steals the babies is it?” he asked.

“Indeed it is, indeed it is!” Chicken replied most upset, “every day she steals my babies!”

“Hmmm” Horse said again.  “Not good , not good at all” he mumbled to himself.  “Stealing babies indeed.”

“But nothing can be done” said Chicken sadly, “nothing at all!”

Horse said nothing and resumed his breakfast as chicken wandered back to her side of the yard, pecking and scratching and muttering under her breath as she went.

Days and weeks passed, and weeks turned into months and Horse did not see chicken again, but he did not forget the story she had told him of the fat bottomed girl and how she stole Chicken’s babies.

A thin layer of snow lay upon the ground the day fat bottomed girl came to see him. It had fallen unseasonably early he thought as she fastened his blanket on nice and snug.  “I hope it isn’t going to be a long winter” he thought to himself.

The girl with the fat bottom only screamed ever so slightly as he kicked out at her as she walked behind him, and as she lay on the ground, blood pooling in the snow about her head he thought of Chicken and her babies before returning to his breakfast.

 


Want to read more of my stuff?

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

 

Photo courtesy of Jennifer Nichole Wells

One Word Photo Challenge

 

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/Amble/

Ichabod the first

Imagine if you will, London, 1887.

Narrator:  Imagine if you will, London, 1887.  Thick fog rolls in across the city, and somewhere down a back alley in Whitechapel, just a short walk from the Thames,  Enid Thickett has just finished servicing one of her regular customers.  

He is a portly fellow of good standing who goes by the name of Ichabod White,  and fortunately for Enid he has a thick purse and a penchant for grubby women of a particular girth.  He also has little stamina to speak of which in Enid’s line of work is a real benefit.

To be sure it is not a night for good people like you and I, this is a night when decent folk are safely tucked up in their beds.

“As ever my dear, it was a real treat!” Ichabod insists buttoning his britches.  “have you put on a little weight” He asks, playfully slapping her rather round bottom as she rearranges herself, “You look jolly good in this light I must say.”

“Cheeky Devil” Enid laughs, she knows how to keep her customers happy.  As foul breath and fuelled on cheap liqueur as they might well be, they were a means to an end, and regular customers like Ichabod White were becoming increasingly valuable.

“More of me to enjoy I reckons” she continues, fingering the cold coins in her pocket, the taste of him still on her lips. “Same time next week?” she asks, an awkward toothless smile breaking out across her face.

Ichabod reaches into his vest and from a bulging purse pulls out another coin tosses it to her.  “Afraid not my dear” he answers tucking his purse back into his vest, I am a man of many appetites and a chap I know from the Lieutenant General’s office has introduced me to a number of his acquaintances.”  He grins broadly.  “This was a farewell so to speak.”

Narrator:  It is at this point where our story takes a turn for the worse.  Or perhaps for the better, that depends entirely on your point of view.   Ichabod White was for the most part a good man, and as noble a gesture as a farewell might appear to him he was to discover that it was the very catalyst for what was to happen next.  

Enid always carried her knife for protection, and as she wiped it on her dress placing it back inside her coat, she considered how he Ichabod had screamed and how he  had insisted that it really was not his fault and that he would most certainly be back next week.

She did not care for his screaming or his promises, and she did not one jot care for those that would steal her business.


 

Want to read more of my stuff?

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

Photo courtesy of Webandi @ Pixabay

wp-image-2034442149https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/Foggy/

 

 

Sunday Photo Fiction

A short piece about stupid people…

“We need to back love” Colin insisted,  “we need to cross over then carry on on the other side of the road.”

“Jesus Colin” Carole replied tensely, “it’s like 20 metres, it will be fine – I am not going all the way back to the crossing back there!” she insisted, pointing back down the street.  “I’m not going to go all the way back and around for 20 metres!”

” We need to be careful” Colin insisted meekly, “heavens knows why they’ve out that sign up.  It could be dangerous honey.”

“It will be fine!” she insisted forcefully “I can’t see anyone working at all.  Typical really, I bet they’re all drinking coffee for the umpteenth time today!”  Carole had little time for most people, but layabouts – well they were a real pet hate.

Carole grabbed Colin’s arm forcefully “good god man, come on” she snapped.  “My feet are killing and I want to get home” she insisted, dragging him after her.

He was just about to insist that this was a rather foolish course of action when he was interrupted by Carole’s terrified scream and a gruff voice shouting “LOOK OUT BELOW!”

The very last thing that Colin would see would be the look on Carole’s face, one he had seen many times before.  it was the one that insisted that this was all his fault.


 

Photo courtesy of J Hardy Carroll


 

Want to read more of my stuff?

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

 

https://sundayphotofictioner.wordpress.com/2017/08/06/sunday-photo-fiction-august-6th-2017/

 

 

99 Word Challenge – Sound

From the forest into my room they creep…

Each night it starts with a scratch scratch scratch on my window.  I close my eyes and hope this it is just branches blowing against my window,  but it never is.

From the forest into my room they creep, scuttling across the ceiling, shrouded in darkness.  Skull less eyes glow red, foul hissing breath on my skin as they envelop me.  I lie frozen and unable to scream as their claws caress me, hungry tongues snaking out to feast on my fear.

With a full belly they return to the night and I am free to scream, too late.


 

Photo courtesy of RGerber @ pixabay

August 3: Flash Fiction Challenge

You did what to my Gran!?!?

Consider if you will, how easily a message is transformed by a casually mis-typed emoji.

I’m sure we are all familiar with the tale of the mother who assumed that LOL meant ‘lots of love’ and sent a message to her son informing him of the death of his Grandmother signed off with LOL.

Consider now if you will, how easily a message is transformed by a casually mis-typed emoji.

No?  Let me give you an example or two.

wp-image-1226434679

I saw your gran last night 🙂   is wholly different to  I saw your gran last night 😉

You accidentally add a winky face to that and it gets rather uncomfortable for me.  I’m suddenly wanting to know where you saw her because she should have been at bingo.  Then I want to know why you were hanging around her and why to god you added a winky face which can only mean something a little sexy.  I do not want you having any sexy time with my gran.  Good heavens.  Stick to a nice smiley and we’re still going to be friends.

God forbid that comes from like a parent or a sibling, that’s a whole new level of messed up and there is no way I can spend Christmas with you all.

More?

wp-image-1755908686

Now imagine you were to send the following:

I saw your sister and her husband at the park yesterday.

If you add the tongue out winky face instead of the regular smiley face then again I am wondering wtf, was getting sexy with my gran not enough for you?  I am then forced to ask what in the blazes happened with my sister and her rather dull accountant husband Greg that required any sort of tonguing?  They’re not the tonguing type of people.  Please stop.

At this point I am considering having to ask you to leave me and my family alone.

 

wp-image-1226434679 wp-image-1755908686  wp-image-1729823862

There are lines one should not cross, and I think careful typing is essential to ensure that you do not send the message below with the smiley icons above:

Hey stranger, popped round to your place but you weren’t in.  Was great to see your mum and dad after all these years  

That is too far, I mean sweet Jesus what sexy stuff did you do that made you go all winky face and then then cry?  Was it both touching and deviant?  Were there  cuddles?

I now want you to delete me from your phone and call the authorities.

So there you have it.  Just a few tips…be careful out there.  Next week I intend to explore the incorrect use of the abbreviation for ‘At The Moment’.

Michael

 


Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/casual/

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/casual/

Title photo courtesy of JohnHain @ Pixabay

Headline News – #Sunday Photo Fiction

“What you got in the box?” Thomas asked quizzically as Wednesday stepped from the car.

“What you got in the box?” Thomas asked quizzically as Wednesday stepped from the car.  He was dressed head to toe in black, which seemed wholly inappropriate for the desert.

“A head” replied Wednesday very much as if that’s exactly what he didn’t have.  “I cut it off of one Alphonso White!”

“Whoa!  That’s big money you got in there amigo!” said Thomas excitedly, taking the box and opening it to take a look inside.

“It is indeed my friend” Wednesday replied proudly.  “Biggest mobster on the Eastern Seaboard – huge bounty – and I have his pudgy wee head in a box!”

“How’d you bag him” Thomas asked looking somewhat panicked.  These were not the sort of people whose head you snatched willy nilly.  “His people know you took him?”

“No they don’t, it was a complete fluke” Wednesday grinned, “I was following him to get an idea of his security and the daft arses ended up in a big old pile up, everyone dead.  I managed to nip in and lop off his noggin!”

Thomas closed the box and handed it back, and pointed to a convoy of black SUV’s hurtling towards them.

“I think we may have a problem…”

 

 

200 words

photo © A Mixed Bag 2009

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/15441533/posts/1542925449

For more on Thomas and Wednesday take a look here

More miserable and inappropriate limericks – Not for the kiddies

Limericks about the darker side of life….Today I think I shall perhaps write about sexual harassment in the work place.

Limericks about the darker side of life….Today I think I shall perhaps write about sexual harassment in the work place, prison abuse and the evils of drugs.  All of which I know absolutely nothing.     Remember, It’s not big and it’s not clever…any of this.


A lass at our work called Tallulah

Approached a young lad with a ruler

proclaimed “Three and a half”

He:”You’re having a laugh, 

and it’s cold so do not let that fool ya”!


 

 

A young lad caught fiddling the books 

got locked up with the rapists and crooks

spent his days filled with dread

frightful thoughts in his head 

pretty mouth, lovely hair, rugged looks


A woman I knew, Enid Black

smoked some weed for an ache in her back 

then she dabbled in coke 

which she got from “some bloke” 

Now spends all day selling boobies for crack


 

There was another here but I think it goes too far but I struggle with boundaries…so if you choose to read it you have to scroll and scroll and scroll. 


 

Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Husband wants rape sex role play

“Bloody hell no!” says wifey “No way!”

“That the spirit!” he cries

all ‘Trumpesque’ grabs her thighs

Now hes single, in jail, wife turned gay