Category: limericks

Wealthy woman who’s husband had strayed

And enjoyed coital bliss with their maid

Now she irons cleans n mends

“Hes on business” pretends

As she smashed in their heads with a spade

Once a lonely chap ordered from china

A state of the art fake vagina

Came with booklet of tips

How to best use the lips

And he reckons he’s not had one finer

Once a bloke, for ‘the one’ he was waiting

spent his nights quite alone masturbating

Past his prime with regret

He went onto the net

Bought himself a girlfriend, self inflating

Once a lass who loved marvel most dearly

And insisted “beats dc quite clearly!”

Loves them now though i bet

Aquamam got her wet

Made her sploosh as she writhed quite severely

Wrote that one for the wife and her friends who have a film club and who normally enjoy highbrow kind of stuff and the good romcom but recently felt that they would rather enjoy Aquaman. For a bit of a change u know.

Funny they weren’t fussed about superhero stuff before.

A young lad with a craving for porn

Who would watch from late night until dawn

Please himself with such joy

Bought himself a large toy

Now his anus is tattered and torn

A young lady upset and quite sad

As her boyfriend had treat her most bad

‘Till revenge it was served

In short skirt and much verve

When she spent the whole night on his dad

Kinky couple, seems they had forgotten

‘Bout the veges she’d placed in his bottom.

Quite uncomfy as hell

And my god what a smell

Pretty nasty when they had turned rotten

Every year resolutions we make

Quite determined we vow not to break

But by late on day one

All resistance is gone

And I’ve eaten an entire cake