Tag: travel

Just some random photos from March

No theme, just things that caught my fancy this month…

Another month of cold miserable weather here and a lot of rugby watching freezing my backside off but there is just something about live sport which I love.  I dont care the level, I would always choose a live game over anything on the TV.  I just adore being out in the cold all wrapped up watching other people knock lumps out of one another.

 

I is for i-spy

You can shove your i spy!

Before I get into this I would make the point that I love my boys very much and would do just about anything for them.

If in doubt understand that I will regularly unclog their toilet –  which they seem to prefer to only flush every third or fourth visit – with only minimal shouting and threats.  Look closely and you will see that the bonds of love are such that I have been known to tidy their rooms for them and only remind them once or twice that the option of adoption remains on the table until they are 18.

Still to be convinced?  My heart overflows with love so abundant that only recently I was witnessed preparing them 3 meals in a single day.  That’s true human kindness right there…

That said, there are limits and those limits come in the form of board games.  I really do not enjoy one bit sitting down with the family for an evening of board games and frivolity.  It takes almost no time at all for me to upset somebody because I refuse to let somebody win because they’re ‘only little’.  Play against kids of your own age if that’s how you want to roll but as far as I am concerned you want me to play, I will play to crush you.  Ideally I will make you never want to play board games with me ever again.

I know it makes me a terrible person.  I will pay for their therapy when they are older.  Might also explain why we have a cupboard full of unused board games.

The wife likes to play with the boys when I am away though, which is nice.

And don’t get me started on bloody i-spy.  As if driving in this country isn’t hard enough with it’s constant roadworks and sheer weight of traffic…I travel miles and miles having to try and guess the quite ridiculous things my youngest apparently spies.

Get lost Thomas you didn’t spot Batman, T is not for “Tornado” and you can get stuffed if you believe that you saw a clown in the car that went past us 5 miles ago.  You’re a liar and your lies make baby Jesus cry!

And don’t go crying to mum when I insist that Psoriasis begins with a P, and you’re no doctor so the dry skin on my elbows could well be something more serious and your diagnosis is worthless because you are only 9.

😉

 

 

 

Screw you haiku

Just a little something to lighten the mood…

The serious art of the haiku defiled with everyday shenanigans.  Or is it senryu?  Meh…

 

Brown boats in the sun

Slowly I watch them pass by

Sewer overflow

 

Gold summer showers

Trickling down orange skin

hospitality

 

Still drunk eyes open

the stranger in the bed wears

the face of regret

 

Eighties Hub insists

Got aids from a toilet seat

A likely story

 

My rather oblivious travel diary

Ever been to Portugal? You should go – the weather is lovely, it has great food and the people are frightfully friendly.

I thought perhaps I would have another crack at a bit of a travel post being in Portugal as I am.  I read a couple of other travel post and saw the mix pf photos and descriptions of places and restaurants and so on and figured yeah give it a go.

I then realised the slight flaw in my plan.  I don’t actually really know where I am. Okay so I am in Portugal, I know where that is.  It’s near Spain.  And I know that I am in the Algarve, because my wife told me and best I can muster on that is that it is at the bottom.  That aside I don’t have a bloody clue.  I think the place has the word “Agua” in and there is a beach nearby but that is hardly a help.

We did go out for a walk down to the beach earlier today and spent the morning there and it was pleasant enough I guess.  It’s kind of out of season so it’s rather quiet but still warm enough during the day.  I still have no idea where I actually was though, like on a map.

Wherever it is I am I have nothing but good things to say about it.  The people are lovely, great weather, good food.  I’d recommend you go yourself but that would mean me knowing where I am.

I know I should look it up but what’s the point now that I am already here, and besides all the cocktails are free so I don’t actually care that much.  I will probably just sit around the pool for a few days and then get back on a plane and go home looking all tanned, somewhat fatter and feeling quite relaxed.  People will ask how it was and I will make something up that makes me seem well travelled.

BON VOYAGE!

 

 

 

 

 

Screw you haiku

So when is a haiku about a disease you picked up overseas not actually a haiku?

When I started this writing lark I was rather conscious of befouling the wonderful art of the haiku.  Mine are rather non traditional and as far as haiku go really only conform to the syllable construct.  Thanks to Colleen I have since discovered the senryu which is probably more akin to what I’ve been writing,

Senryu (also called human haiku) is an unrhymed Japanese verse consisting of three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables (5, 7, 5) or 17 syllables in all. Senryu is usually written in the present tense and only references to some aspect of human nature or emotions.

So without further ado a few senryu.  Given I’m enjoying some time in Portugal I thought I would write about diseases picked up whilst abroad.

 

Oh throbbing red lump

Wriggling underneath the skin

Bursts spewing spiders

 

Delights of Delhi

Arse on toilet head in sink

Don’t drink the water

 

Ladyboy surprise

Guess I;ll try anything once

Sphincter quite destroyed

 

Amsterdam delights

Toasted,  red lit buxom wench

Need penicillin

 

Who would be so stupid?

Proof that there the stupidity of some people knows absolutely no bounds.

I am quite sure you have asked yourself this question at some point.  let me show you how it works.

Surely millions of Americans will not vote for Donald Trump to become President, who would be so stupid?

The UK could feasibly vote to leave the EU, but surely not – who would be so stupid?

Makes sense right?  The Seemingly impossible and illogical happening because you simply cannot begin to understand what people are capable of despite what you yourself might think.   If the last few years have taught me anything it is never to be surprised and what people are capable of.

Let me give you another example.  I am currently writing this from Portugal, having headed off with the family for a late holiday.  Great place Portugal, lovely people, fabulous weather and only about three hours flight from the UK so perfect for a week away.

Imagine my surprise when, as we are checking in a family discover that they have come to the  wrong airport.  Serious.  I mean how the hell do people with enough brains to book a holiday to the Algarve manage to get all the way to the airport, laden with luggage, boarding asses in hand to discover that they have gone to Manchester airport instead of Leeds/Bradford airport.

Not only did they turn up at the wrong airport but so organised were they that they had booked a hotel nearby so that they did not have to travel to the airport the next day but were instead close by to allow them to sleep as late as possible and not face into getting up in the middle of the night to get there for the early flight.

On top of the hotel they had also made provision for parking for the week at the airport.  At which point did they not think to be absolutely certain which airport they were flying from.

Honest, what sort of people must these be?  The type that would vote for Brexit or Donald Trump?  Truly they must be a special kind of thick right?

I shall tell you what sort of people they are if you have not already figured out where I am heading here, they are people like my wife and I because that is exactly what we have done.  Instead of heading to the airport close to where we live we simply assumed that we were flying from the airport that we have used for our last 3 holidays and went there instead.  We printed off all the boarding passes and holiday documentation and at no point actually checked it.  We simply knew we had booked and paid for a holiday, that the flight left at 8.15am and that we needed to be on it.

It’s an expensive to make trust me, and £600 of new tickets and a few tears later we were on an alternate flight and despite missing our transfer we still managed to get to the resort just as the shuttle we would have been on arrived at the hotel.

You just never know what people are capable of do you…

 

UP – a 6 sentence challenge

In space no one can hear u flush

Commander Jinn looked through the shuttle portal and watched the dark wave of night creep across the face of the earth. The exit from deep space really took its toll on his these days but no matter how many times he looked down on his home world it always took his breath away.

He pulled himself across the room with the handrail that ran along one wall and lowered himself onto what looked like the top of a small bar stool, removing his suit bottoms as he did so. A green light on a small panel in front of him flashed green indicating that a successful vacuum had been achieved.

He sighed deeply and watched the carousel of satellites spinning slowly around the earth as his com burst into life into life, “Commander, your presence is required on the bridge immediately”.

“On the way” he barked impatiently, “and get engineering working on the artificial gravity immediately, up and down still matter for some things up here”.

 

A Donald inspired tale of madness

Abandoned – Daily prompt

photo courtesy of skeeze@pixabay

 

 

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/32812974/posts/1607802534

A day out in the lakes

The 35 Minute ride across the lake provides some rather lovely views of unspoiled coastlines and magnificent houses which you will never be able to afford…

I have only once ever before tried my hand at sharing something one might class at travel, which you can read here.  it is not my strong point, so in the interest of self improvement here’s a little something else covering a recent trip with the family to the lakes.

Departing Lakeside on a grey yet pleasant day in the English Lake District we boarded the Tern, built in 1891, and headed out across Lake Windermere for the town of Bowness where we hoped to take in the World of Beatrix Potter exhibit and feed some ducks maybe.

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The children were quick to confirm that the Tern does not in fact have on board WiFi and that in the middle of the lakes there is  little or no 4G connection which is apparently ridiculous, stupid and completely backwards and likely to ruin your a previously rather pleasant morning.

 

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The 35 Minute ride across the lake provides some rather lovely views of unspoiled coastlines and magnificent houses which you will never be able to afford and that may leave you feeling just a little dissatisfied with your lot in life.  On the upside, the boat had clean toilets and a bar, which was nice.

 

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The view from the stern of the boat offered fantastic views across the tranquil waters and also kept us away from the family who seemed set on allowing their screaming child to spoil said tranquillity with his monstrous howling inside the covered decks.

 

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Historical and picturesque Bowness greets it’s visitors with a typically English understatedness and an array of row boats lined up which you can apparently rent but that most folk just take photos of because they have their good walking shoes on and don’t want to get wet.

 

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A short walk through Bowness will bring you to the rather lovely Beatrix Potter attraction where you can enjoy an interactive 40 minutes with the wonderful characters of her books whilst liberal hippy looking types ram into the back of your legs with their prams and children named Sebastian and Bella run wild whilst their floppy haired father sips on his Starbucks and celebrates his children’s uniqueness.

 

 

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What better way to pass time waiting for the boat back than a quick tootle on the land train.  This was made extra special by the chap who seemed more content on playing candy crush and wishing for a different life that preventing his kids from hanging out of the carriage windows.

 

Throw in a packed lunch and a spot of shopping and It was back on the boat headed back to Lakeland for a quite magnificent afternoon tea.  With magnificent waters edge views, sumptuous clotted cream and damson jam and the lightest of scones it was a quite perfect end to the day.  It was also perfectly overpriced, just enough to keep the riff-raff out.

A perfect end to a lovely day.

 

here’s a few more photos if you’re still reading 🙂

 

 

 

 

Happy Yorkshire Day!

A place of never ending happiness where you can always see the sun…

I don’t really write about stuff like this.  I’m no travel blogger, I’m not very good at photography but I am a proud Yorkshireman.

I will not though make this about Yorkshire pudding, flat caps or whippets.  Indeed, I will also avoid all and any references to Geoffrey Boycott, Sean Bean or the Yorkshire ripper.

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Instead I will simply share a few photographs of the Piece Hall in Halifax which reopened this morning after 3 years or so or renovations.

As you can see from the photo below, it has a really big door which is ideal for ingress and exit.  Useful.

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Above you can see smiling Yorkshire people who I can assure you will do their best not to tell you why Yorkshire is better that wherever you are from.

 

Dating from 1779, when it was built as a Cloth Hall for the trading of ‘pieces’ of cloth (a 30 yard length of woven woollen fabric produced on a handloom),

The Piece Hall was the most Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah blah  – who cares really…It is just pretty cool and a great place to waste a few hours.

 

Below you can see some of the many places to sit, useful if you are tired from standing or walking, or just like sitting.

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As glorious as it is mostly I just like to go there and have an ice cream with the kids and watch people go by.  More restaurants, cafe’s and bars have been added now so even more reason for me to visit.

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In the photograph above you can see people doing stuff.  As people do.  I think that man is looking for a toilet, of which the Piece Hall has many.

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The piece hall has fabulous accessibility, with ramps as far as they eye can see and loads of lifts.  Perfect for people with mobility challenges as well as lazy folk who do not like taking the stairs, of which the Piece Hall also has many.

So if you’re in the Yorkshire area, and looking for something a bit different then it certainly is well worth a look, even if only to have tea and cake or perhaps some lunch or to get hammered in the gin bar and tell your wife what you really think of her mother.

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See why I stick to fiction.

If you found that dull but prefer to read about things I would surely never eat then take a look here.

Michael

 

Fly me to the moon – Sunday photo fiction

When Yako spent his food-creds on the lottery he knew it was their last chance of escaping the bleak existence of Earth. 

The Series 3 transporter hurtled through the inky darkness, ion propulsion drive humming as it devoured the empty miles.

“Dad, dad, look!” Tovi shouted. pointing out of the port side windows as the earth disappeared,  the moon racing towards them..

When Yako spent his food-creds on the lottery he knew it was their last chance of escaping the bleak existence of Earth.  “This is going to be a new life for us!” he said gently, “Not many poor folk like us get a second chance of a real life on the moon you know!”

“Will we be happy dad?” Tovi asked, still uncertain.

“It’s going to be wonderful” he grinned, “We’ll have an apartment, food, you’ll go to a real school and I’ll have a job at last!”

Tovi’s face lit up in delight.  As the transporter doors Tovi pushed through the crowd desperate to get a glimpse of their new home.

“CHILDREN LEFT, ADULTS RIGHT” boomed the tonoi.

The last time Tovi remembered seeing his father was as he turned and momentarily caught sight of him looking panicked and calling his name.

He wasn’t sure how long ago that was though, time escapes you in the mines of the moon…

https://sundayphotofictioner.wordpress.com/2017/07/23/sunday-photo-fiction-july-23rd-2017/

Photo courtesy of © A Mixed Bag 2009