silly – Page 10 – Afterwards

Aah Sunday. How have I missed thee.

Let me count the ways.

Evil cross dressing grocer with candy

would lure kids to his van dressed as Mandy

Now he’s used by the felons

who adore his plump melons

and abuse him each night, ain’t that dandy

Something for the weekend sir?

In your face haiku!

Complacent lovers

Just going through the motions

minds wander elsewhere

Aah the joys of Saturday

Mmmm delish!

On a health kick this bloke from Mauritius

drank his own sperm, claimed it was nutritious

and so good for his skin

and it kept him quite thin

milked himself three times daily, delicious

Friday limerick!

Hey it’s nearly the weekend!

There’s this fellow who get’s most excited

in his trousers, his loins quite ignited

by the arches and heels

at the sight how he squeals

runs his tongue ‘twixt the toes quite delighted

Friday baby yeah!.

Here you go.

Romance rekindled

they think that they still have it

time’s taken it’s toll

A limerick especially for you.

Yes you. You know what you did.

Once a lass from the south of the Andes

got aroused on a couple of shandies

when on wine, lust devine

glass of port, 69

and my god what she’d do when on brandy’s

Hey, psst, got this for you.

Fancy one of these?

a slip of the tongue

as they slip between the sheets

flaccid and forlorn

This should tide you over until Thursday.

Sweet sweet middle of the week

Once a vet who her work loved intensely

got quite heated, loved gerbils immensely

hamsters so made her sweat

guinea pigs made her wet

and with rabbits gets quite over friendly

Happy hump day

No, too early for that !

Plump stockings filled up

with Cristmas Innuendo

It’s still November

Hey Tuesday, yeah you.

Have a good one people!

Much beer consumed

the bromance intensifies

and boundaries blur

Tuesday Limerick.

Never been a big fan of Tuesday I’ll be honest.

A posh fellow, high class and good breeding

Found himself with dark thoughts and much needing

Gets his kicks, such a treat

watching fat ladies eat

Get’s him really quite hot when he’s feeding

I would do anything for love…

But god no thanks ain’t doing that…

dating going well

she breaks the fart barrier

Arse like satan’s breath

Monday Limerick for you.

Nothing weird or dirty. Hmm actually it’s pretty rubbish because of that.

Once a fellow who so dreaded Monday

as twas nowhere as much fun as Sunday

against Friday it pailed

next to Saturday failed

even Tuesday was way better fun day.

Hmm that is pants so here’s another.

Once a cardinal, proud of his choir

found the lads set his loins quite on fire

he could just not resist

when his large ring they kissed

how his mind swam with sinful desire

A limerick for you. Yes you.

Just because you like them.

There once was a vicar from Chester

who would wear a long yellow sowester

not much else underneath

save perhaps a small brief

made it easier when out to molest ya

Don’t go touching my chicken!

I like to just keep my hand in now and again…

My most black sorrow

Like pitch it sticks to my insides

Lungs fill with it’s acrid darkness and I choke

Spitting and cursing your name as it cooks me from within

And so serves me up on a platter of regret and guilt

As the crows feast on my eyes, devouring my soft pink tongue

And the rats feast and rutt in my rancid entrails

Whoah….that’s all a bit much isn’t it.

Sometimes I like to see if I can write like other people and come up with some twisted dark shit but mostly I prefer stick figures being filthy. Guess it takes all sorts right…

You know this might be my first attempt at a political cartoon though to be honest I think the symbolism is far too obvious. Plus my eagle looks like a big chicken and I was a bit wary of actually drawing pictures of men having sex with gigantic birds then I thought the kids might see it and…well..so mostly the whole thing just gets a bit weird but hey, perhaps there is still a cause to be fought for out there. Some sort of anti American chicken fuckers alliance. Hmm.

Perhaps I should just go to bed.

Finger licking good limerick perhaps?

Already had one? Go on try another 😉

Once a colonel who really loved chicken

went too far, well beyond finger lickin’

Their pale flesh he’d caress

juicy things, plump firm breasts

and you know what inside he was sticking

I would do anything for love…

But god no thanks ain’t doing that…

imagination

unleashed rampant and savage

in his head at least

What Teddy saw. 7.

The one where Mr H gets his anus wrecked.

Part 1 Part2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

There are good days in this job and there are bad days. Today was a good day.

I was fresh from rather pleasant evening in the toy box with School Teacher Barbie when I was rudely dragged from her quite instructional embrace and tossed unceremoniously into a backpack. I recognised the insides from such previous trips as ‘just an evening at uncle Ralph’s and a ‘Long weekend at Aunty Carole’s’, both of which still cause me sleepless nights, so obviously I was immediately concerned about what lay ahead.

I can still remember how Ralph’s chihuahua Tyson spent much of the night rubbing himself against me and asking me to fetch his bone and that is not something a bear gets over easily. Chihuahua’s are notoriously filthy little blighters and I will admit that now just the sight of her putting on lipstick in the morning before she heads to work is enough to induce a mild panic attack.

A friend of mine was once forced to endure an extended weekend with a pair of them and a particularly horny dachshund and he hasn’t spoken since, the poor bastard. God forbid anyone should eat hot dogs around him he completely loses his stuffing…

Anyway, turns out I was due for an afternoon of fun over at the Hendersons. It was your standard playdate as these things go really. There was a rather glorious tea party and an assortment of cakes and I got to make a few new friends. Chad is a rather burly Steiff with the most fantastic German accent and whilst his right wing leanings may be a little out there he was pretty cool. I am hoping to see him again soon because I think we could be good friends.

Oh and I even got to listen to some gossip when I was left in the kitchen for a while. Turns out Mr Henderson is into ‘bears’ too though from what Mrs H was saying I wouldn’t want to be friends with them given what they did to his anus.

Still she got the house and the kids in the divorce so happy days all round…