Tag: sex

Happy Friday

Two for the price of none.

 

Once a fellow not straight, gay but bi

said why not he’d give most things a try

Feasts on penis and breasts

full round bums taut smooth chests

and sweet V made him happy and sigh

 

Another?

 

Its the weekend so try to relax

KKK?  maybe try befriend blacks

Jews and Muslims, break bread

bigots be kind instead

 

if a Donald then maybe pay tax

 

Hmm.  Not sure about those.  Oh well, not like you paid for them or anything is it.

 

Spasmodic Juice

Jillfax shuddered as Vor caressed his brunther with her blood red claws, his trill turning a vibrant shade of purple and his moistening mandalor quivering with delight.

This is in response to M’s prompts. Today it was ‘Spasmodic Juice’

Jillfax shuddered as Vor caressed his brunther with her blood red claws, his trill turning a vibrant shade of purple and his moistening mandalor quivering with delight.

Running her rough tongue the length of his thrombus, she placed a talon inside the entrance to his bare gaping bartex.   He gasped as she moved her claw in a clockwise direction, her full green lips revealing two rows of sharp white teeth in her warm wet mouth before pulling it out and licking the oozing fripple from it hungrily.

“Oh sweet snarx” Jillfax groaned as she wrapped her claws tight around his throat and pushed her body against him, her scales bristling with desire.  “Don’t stop…”

Her face mere millimetres from his she hissed in pleasure as her grampus began to swell and both of her zizz throbbed alternating greens and yellows.

“Do it” she urged him, “you know you want to.”

Jillfax rose to his full height, his thrombus now fully wet and glistening in the low light of the lair.  He took it in his hand, running it between his claws.  Vor looked up at him in desperation, her flictus now dripping and her scales in a full purple flush.

“Do it now” she begged rubbing her grampus frantically against her splosh as a sweet syrup leaked from her zizz and ran down her stomach, pooling in the creases of her charnock.

Jillfax took her by the hand and pulled her to her feet, spinning her around and forcing her to bend before him.  Vor looked back at him, her eye wide and her body shaking with pleasure.

“Do me like one of your earth girls” she begged.

 

Looking for Love

I’ve been here for some time now, and let me just say I am a big BIG fan of you earth girls. 

 

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Name: Darren
Age: 43 Terran years 
Relationship Status: It’s complicated
Pedal:Bi

I’ve been here for some time now, and let me just say I am a big BIG fan of you earth girls.  With the relaxation of the cross species breeding regulations I am looking to find someone who shares similar passions to mine.

I love musical theatre and long walks on the beach and despite all that nasty death ray business am really an old romantic at heart.   I adore late 18th century french poetry and I love to cook, and when it comes to wine have a great collection of Chilean reds which are just so fruity and a real treat.

When I’m not in the kitchen, immersed in Oklahoma! or enjoying the outdoors you’re sure to find me in the bedroom and if you’re a fan of probing then believe me, I am your guy.  With Calgarian College of Probing certificates in Entry and Exit Studies, Intermediate Intestinal Investigations and advanced Rectal Ruminations I am sure to delight you in every way possible.

If probing leaves you feeling a little violated then dont let that put you off, I have a ten inch throbulus and with a little yoga and a cheeky sense of adventure I am sure we could make it magical.

So if you’re looking for something a little different how about you swipe right, and let’s hook up and see whether I can make you see stars.

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In response to M’s prompt, ‘Meet you later by the flux capacitor.

Dribbles of delight – March Prompts 24/31

Not at all about ejaculation. Honest.

M’s writing prompts for March came with the following instructions:

“…set your timer for ten minutes and begin writing about one of the prompts listed below. Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, neatness, or anything like that; just write!”

Let us see what whimsical nonsense I can whip up in ten minutes…

You can see the prompts here.

 

There are times when a prompt will pop up ad I simply think to myself “No Michael, you know how this is going to turn out so just stop right there.”

I don’t have a particularly filthy mind, but I do like to say what I think.  I take a degree of pride in pushing boundaries, testing sensibilities and poking things that should not be poked.  I do however do my best to do so with a degree of humour and a modicum of taste.

I shall therefore leave this one be and just move along quietly because I do still have a certain amount of self control.

Just to be clear in case you were wondering though, it was going to be a toss up between a poem about a chap with an extreme case of premature ejaculation or a woman who discovers the joys of female ejaculation for the first time.

Problem was, for the latter at least, I would have needed to do some research and the wife and kids use my laptop quite regularly so I really did not fancy having to explain the content of my browser to either.

It’s a pity really because lush, rush and gush all rhyme quite wonderfully and you know I would have loved the opportunity to explain that “With shock and surprise, it flew into his eyes, and he screamed “help I think I’ve gone blind!”

But I won’t, because I am better than that…

Nonsensical Hodgepodge – March Prompts 23/31

Curtain twitchers beware

M’s writing prompts for March came with the following instructions:

“…set your timer for ten minutes and begin writing about one of the prompts listed below. Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, neatness, or anything like that; just write!”

Let us see what whimsical nonsense I can whip up in ten minutes…

You can see the prompts here.

Squirty McWhirty was really quite dirty

And Rodger her husband quite plain

He would dream of steam trains

They would fill up his brain

Whilst his wife quite love filth, kink and pain

 

Next door lived the Cooks she was obsessed with books

While her fella was quite into Cars

And they seemed quite at peace

The plain folk on the street

Though he also quite loved wearing bras

 

Down at house 22 there was Mr Rabu

Who’s wife disappeared last May

He said she was in Spain

But go check out the drain

You’ll find parts still not quite washed away

 

And they all quite suspect that there’s likely a sect

Who reside at the house near the park

Theres odd comings and goings

Nasty toings and froings

And oft candles and screams in the dark

 

Then there’s Darren and Paul who both work at the Mall

Vegans both, own a really nice home

But when push comes to shove

You know they’re so in love

Don’t like meat but they sure love the bone

 

A quite curious lot I assume that you’ve got

A good feel for the folk on this street

But don’t judge please be kind

We’re all different you’ll find

Smile and nod if you ever do meet

Sniffles and Snuffles – March Prompts 22/31

Vegetarians may object. The carnivores may not.

M’s writing prompts for March came with the following instructions:

“…set your timer for ten minutes and begin writing about one of the prompts listed below. Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, neatness, or anything like that; just write!”

Let us see what whimsical nonsense I can whip up in ten minutes…

You can see the prompts here.

Sniffles and snuffles

fat pigs that love truffles

And turnips and carrots and swedes

They’ll eat slops and scoff bread

Cabbage both green and red

And leftovers and all that you leave

 

They think wow what a life

With this farmer and wife

As they roll in the mud oh such bliss

Every day they grow fat

What is better that that

They insist what a great life is this

 

Then one day Truffles aint there

Snuffles, nose in the air

Does despair but’s distracted as hell

For aroma divine

Cooking flesh of the swine

Snuffles slavers oh my what a smell…

 

 

Fiddlesticks – March Prompts 21/31

Oh how very horrid.

M’s writing prompts for March came with the following instructions:

“…set your timer for ten minutes and begin writing about one of the prompts listed below. Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, neatness, or anything like that; just write!”

Let us see what whimsical nonsense I can whip up in ten minutes…

You can see the prompts here.

He dances round the subject

of just where he was last night

there is lipstick on his collar

and she hopes that he just might

this time tell her something honest

and perhaps he’ll see the light

but he says was with his mates so she replies

….

Fiddle sticks balderdash and a dose of nincompoop

Piles of twaddle loads of tosh and a massive load of bollocks

So much gubbins endless waffle and a steaming pile of nonsense

Pointless drivel stupid dribble and a total crock of shite

Fizzy Whizzy’s – March Prompts 1/31

In celebration at the end of a rather serious February

M’s writing prompts for March came with the following instructions:

“…set your timer for ten minutes and begin writing about one of the prompts listed below.  Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, neatness, or anything like that; just write!”

You can see the prompts here.

 

The night was cold

And creatures old

Came creeping from the deep

And to your bed

Dreams in your head

They come your soul to keep

 

Long fingers bone

Into your home

The knob they slowly turn

And they possess

The things you bless

And for your keepsakes yearn

 

They feed on lust

Deceit, mistrust

On hearts so black and busy

They see your lies

Your burning thighs

Here come the fizzy wizzy

 

And as dawn breaks

Their prey they take

And never to return

Bed empty left

Of life bereft

Take heed and lesson learn

Cupid’s Conspiracy – In the Dark 20

In celebration at the end of a rather serious February

Another month of M’s writing prompts lies ahead. I did them all in December but was less successful in January. Let’s see how we do in February shall we.

You can see the prompts here.

So cupid woke in quite a mood

thought, “no bugger this lark!

I’m of a mind to be quite rude”

And out he did embark

In search of those who go unloved

Mischievous now his quest

With arrow true, pulled back, take aim

And shoot to lonely chest

With temper foul, his aim not skew

“Just watch this!” he did gloat

And stuck poor Brian, made him love

Old Barnaby the goat

And Barnaby he quite bewitched

His goat loins filled with lust

For Brian in his corduroys

Man/goat love now a must

And cupid laughed and watched them both

Their eyes and bodies burning

A love affair, a passion lit

A tale of cross breed yearning

And to his home Brian did take

Barnaby, who gladly went

And frantic loving they enjoyed

Until they both were spent

And Cupid clapped his hands with glee

his mission quite achieved

he made poor Brian love that goat

and goat seemed rather pleased

And to this day together still

their love endures quite strong

and they take turns at who’s on top

‘cos Brian can’t last long