Tag: dieting

Haiku for you

Aah welcome weekend indeed

Selective smelling

father claims did not realise

baby leaking shit

aaaaaaaaaaaaastink

Aah this takes me back to those selective moments when we first had kids. She would apparently not hear the middle of the night crying and I in turn would seldom realise that a nappy had just been filled. Must have been her motherly super senses I reckon that she just noticed first.

Haiku Tuesday !

The one where the fat bloke danced naked and made another man feel rather unwell.

Exhibitionist

and a great lover of pies

vomit inducing

 

aaaaastick

I think perhaps the picture came first well before the haiku.  I don’t know why I chose to draw that, perhaps it is some sort of repressed angst.  Maybe I just find the idea funny.  Maybe I just happened to draw a fat bloke with a big set of balls and a curiously positioned penis.  I don’t know.  I do know that it made that other fellow decidedly queasy to the point of throwing up.

Probably a true story.

 

Seems to be Wednesday suddenly. Well I never.

Better do a limerick then hadn’t I.

A poor chap with a weak constitution

spent much time on his daily ablutions

he would wipe, scrub and clean

’till his bottom did gleam

and was free from unsightly pollutions

 

 

 

 

 

Haiku Tuesday !

Which is mostly the same as all the other days of the week to be honest.

I have a list you know

and crave the apocolypse

I know who I’d eat

Ooh that was a bit dark wasn’t it. Okay so I wouldn’t go eating people willy nilly this is worse case scenario you know. All the tinned goods would need to be gone and I would probably have even eating some of the dry cat food and the stuff at the back of the cupboard that is well past it’s use by date. Not the wet cat food though – god no thanks I would rather munch on one of the neighbours before I eat that. Makes me gag at the thought.

Anyway, I’m sure it won’t come to that…

Diet o’clock 26th of August

This week there was curry.

As weeks go this was considerably better than last and I found myself generally not thinking about food much after I ensured I did the shop and made sure there was plenty in to prevent myself feeling peckish.

And then a friend of mine brought around the curry.

He worked for me a couple of years ago and I supported him through some pretty tough times when he had cancer and thankfully he is in remission.  His mum was always grateful of how I supported him too and has often expressed that gratitude through the most delicious medium of food.

Given that it was Eid this week she sent what I can only describe as a box of pure bliss.  There was no way that I was saying no to any of it and I will happily have my life shortened for the goodness that was inside.

In the first box  were the most delightful pieces of chicken, samosas, kebabs, mushroom rice, lamb chops and chicken pasta.  The second held a quite fragrant and spicy Thai green curry and in the third was one of the most delicious things (that I had never had before) in sweet rice.

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He was barely out of the door before I had the kids downstairs and we were tucking in.  We had already had dinner but like hobbits we were most keen on the idea of second dinner and tucked in.  All thoughts of calories and points and whole food went out the window and instead I simply enjoyed a meal as delicious as any I have had in a long time and you know what?  I am most glad I did.

It would be rude not to right!

Don’t think that’s in the bible…

This was before the internet probably. Or maybe his dad is just old school.

A quite pleasant young Christian Chap Quincy

found a mag ‘neath his dad’s bed one day he

read from cover to cover

oh the things he’d discover

Now cant stop craving boobs ever since see

He’s not the son of god he’s a very naughty boy…

Offence to some incoming…

Once a charlatan, not reverential

said “I’ll tell folks god’s quite existential

and that yeah, I’m his son

had a thing with my mum

it’s sure to make cash, has potential”

 

 

 

 

 

Diet o’clock 19th of August

You gonna eat that or can I have it?

Well I am nearing the end of another month of Whole30 and whilst the weight loss has not been as good as the first I continue to enjoy it immensely.  Well apart from last week at least.

I neglected to go shopping on Sunday for reasons I cannot recall but before I knew it I was running short of all sorts of stuff and time seemed to get away from me.  I also started a new job on the Monday so things were just pretty hectic.  I wasn’t eating badly, just cobbling things together or compromising here and there and I quite suddenly found myself thinking about food more than I had been.

Well, by Friday I was like a man possessed.  By the time I got home from work I could think of nothing but eating.  Everything.  I didn’t care what it was, I was ready to eat it.

Salsa from the belly button of a syphilitic tramp?  Yeah count me in.  Horse scrotum hot dogs in week old buns?  Yes freaking please.  Flame grilled just-about-anything from a sexual deviant’s food truck smothered in his extra sticky ‘special sauce’.  I’ll take two with some of those really really dirty fries.

Anyway I think you get the picture.

Fortunately the fridge was empty apart from some past its best garlic bread, a bottle of champagne and some Tiramasu,  Now I may have been desperate enough to wolf down a milkshake made with Bridgette Nielsen’s 54 year old breast milk but I have to draw a line somewhere – I’m not a bloody animal and that stuff I cannot abide.

Anyway, by the time I had eaten 6 chicken thighs cooked with chorizo and a packet of Mr Ben’s quite delicious spicy rice the red mist faded and as I licked the last pickings from my fingers a sense of sanity returned.

I have since been shopping and have some fabulously yummy and healthy stuff in and all planned out for the week and feel it was a valuable lesson learned about myself and what triggers me.

Bon appetit!