dieting – Page 2 – Afterwards

It’s like a haiku just not.

No need to thank me. No, really I realise there is just no need…

Oh sweet liberty

Gang banged by a Donald train.

Wall’s to keep you in.

Shall we? A filthy limerick perhaps?

All mostly inappropriate…Sorry. No really I am…Honest…

Once a christian chap from Uganda

caught a glimpse of gay porn, took a gander

soon large cocks he devoured

had his anus deflowered

And got Aids from a bloke in Rwanda

Haiku maybe?

All depends on how you say’desperate’ really…

Piss soaked Christmas socks

Desperate times call for the most

desperate of measures

A haiku just for you. Yes you.

No need to thank me.

Hot moment ruined

by poor personal hygiene.

Balls smell like tacos

Here, a haiku for you.

well it has a 5/7/5 syllable thing going on…

Thinks he still has it

mostly she is wondering

if she dropped a stitch

Limerick?

Just the one perhaps

Once a suave self confessed lady killer

met a lady boy when in manilla

soon the roles were reversed

penetrated he cursed

though he went back for more, such a thriller

Friday haiku anyone?

One day to go!

Counting down the days

November still, she rages

a long month ahead

Friday limerick.

Make Friday rhyme with Heidi, that’s how I speak.

Body builder, Chad, Monday to Friday

when the weekend came, big busty Heidi

he’d perform cabaret

with his cock tucked away

and a back, sack and crack to stay tidy

Thursday. Limerick. Go.

It’s something I guess

Once a fellow not great at biology

should have researched ‘fore attending proctology

Turned out quite the surprise

when doc said, open wide

for his cold hands, offered an apology

Thursdays need haiku

They do, they really do

How do I love thee

Doting, heart full of passion

reciprocated?

Aah a Wednesday limerick

That’ll teach you to forget to floss!

Once a dentist with cravings malicious

found his knocked out patients quite delicious

he would then go to town

with his trousers pulled down

you’d come round, mouth stretched wide, unsuspicious

Hey its a Wednesday haiku for you

There’s no hurry according to my wife

Filled with yuletide joy

Sleighbells and snow balls delight

have patience perhaps

Tuesday limerick goodness.

Just say no to drugs! Bit filthy this one…

Once a chap with a nasty sore back

took some weed for pain which lead to crack

now sells ass for a high

pay, he’ll milk you quite dry

for a tenner he’ll empty your sack

A warning as the season of excess approaches

It’s not clever to have eight pints and a leftover turkey curry okay…

Excess indulgent

and without constraint consumes

loses all control

Monday is nearly over here, still time for a limerick though.

Just a quickie…but you know it’s coming soon don’t you.

Christmas looms very near on horizon

and the kids make their lists, things they’re prizin’

let the feeding begin

’till I grow a new chin

and my waist it increases in sizin’

Monday. Haiku.

Hallelujah!

Realisation

emerges, charade no more

looks fab in gold shorts

Diet o’clock 26th of November

What a perfectly normal post. feels odd really. Even a little dirty, like I’m role playing being an adult…

Right so there’s just about time to do another month of whole30 before Christmas give or take a day. The last few months have been a bit on off for all manner of reasons but I am feeling motivated to have another round and get things back on track.

Looking back I feel so much better that I did when I started in July with my energy noticeably improved, I am sleeping better and obviously weight wise it has been a winner too. I have discovered all sorts of things I enjoy to eat (I’m looking at you here guacamole) and my family are enjoying some of the benefits too but I do think I could have done better.

So for the next 30 days I am going to do my damnedest to give it one big push and I shall share the experience more often that just weekly…Might be tricky in the run up to Christmas but if I can do it until the 24th then I know I can do it any time.

So how has today gone? Well I missed breakfast as was on the school run and straight after I popped to do some grocery shopping. I decided to stay away from red meat but did stock up on fish and a little chicken too. I bought a ton of vegetables and already had lots of fruit in too.

For lunch I made a salad with mackerel, tomoatoes, onion, salt and pepper and a squeeze of fresh lemon juice and you know what, it was bloody gorgeous. For those that like to count calories the fish was about 330 and the other bits take it to maybe 500 in total. I also had an apple, a pink lady, which is my favourite. The mackerel is just the sort that is vacuum packed so probably not perfectly whole30 but meh, I was shopping at LIDL it’s hardly the easiest place to shop…

Anyway, taste wise it was fabulous and as I have half a pack of the fish left I am going to have it for my tea tonight too.

The biggest challenge today has been resisting the rice pudding sat in the fridge that I made yesterday. I did it with paella rice and oh god it is so delivious, especially this time of year when its so chilly out, but resist I did 🙂

Michael

Farewell sweet weekend

Screw you Monday

Once a chap with a loin stiffening craving

for large women with beards, he’d start raving

Hed explode with a splash

at a chick with a tash

hairy chins get him badly behaving

Diet o’clock 24th of November

When temptation rears it’s cheese covered head

Okay so it’s going to be a challenging day. I am afraid to head downstairs right now…

Last night I had a few friends over to play poker and have a few drinks. I was mostly restrained and had a small pizza, thin crust, and just two beers and a couple of rum and ginger ales. Oh, and a few snacky things, but nothing major and whilst not Whole30 I was kind of finished with the last 30 days so for the most part I felt good that I hadn’t gone crazy.

Alas though there is a ton of pizza leftovers in the fridge right now and I do not know if I am strong enough to resist it. It doesn’t help that there is little else in the fridge as I need to go shopping. If I go downstairs right now I think it will all go to shit and I will be eating cold baked bean pizza (yes that’s really a thing at our local place) and making dirty groaning sex noises before you know it.

I dont think I can even take a photograph to show you it’s that tempting…

Perhaps I can get dressed and just head out the back door and avoid the kitchen completely as I need to go into town. Oh bugger no I cant, the keys are in the kitchen.

I think I shall ask the kids to fetch them for me. That might work…