Category: Poems

Even more limericks on sombre topics.

Proof perhaps that a limerick can make even the darkest of topics more pleasant…

Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world.  

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects.  What do you reckon?

There once was a vet born in France

Gerbils caused quite a stir in his pants

Rabbits caused a cold sweat

And his trousers got wet

Fondles hamsters if hes given chance

 

Once a husband caught aids from a hooker

quite infected but still quite a looker

gave his wife it, she died

and their graves the kids cried

On his gravestone it read, “What a Fucker”

 

Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/

 

 

 

 

Screw you haiku 16 Jan 2017

Feel the balance baby!

 

Monday curry night

Bravado demands more heat

Hot toilet regrets

 

The haiku, so proud, tight, formal. So little saying so much.  Mostly though I like to defile them with the ridiculous.

 

More stuff from my brain meat…

Charlie’s Journey – OWPC Challenge

Deep and insightfully insightfulnessness

I tried to say goodbye.

 

Even more limericks on sombre topics.

Proof perhaps that a limerick can make even the darkest of topics more pleasant…

Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world.  

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects.  What do you reckon?

 

There once was a man from gelong

Who enjoyed to put on his wife’s thong

Slipped and fell, it’s no laugh

Cut his balls clean in half

now soprano at church sing along

 

A young fellow caught wifey in bed

with a big burly fellow called Ted

Who was quite well endowed

and incredibly proud

Took the house, car and both kids instead

 

Once a vicar who rather liked kids

and confessed of the bad things he did

seems that’s all that it takes

when you make big mistakes

guaranteed by the church to keep hid

 

Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/

 

 

 

 

Screw you haiku 15 Jan 2017

Feel the balance baby!

Sweet scent of young love

In full bloom, unwatered

withers to nothing

see I can kinda do a normal one…

 

smile creeps across face

others wear mask of disgust

each loves his own farts

 

Aah that’s better.  A little balance restored to the force…

 

The haiku, so proud, tight, formal. So little saying so much.  Mostly though I like to defile them with the ridiculous.

 

More stuff from my brain meat…

Charlie’s Journey – OWPC Challenge

Deep and insightfully insightfulnessness

I tried to say goodbye.

 

Screw you haiku

My first world white middle class problem.

I really was not in the mood for this today.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to find something to rhyme with ‘Shithole’.  Vole?  Mole? Pole?  They’re hard ly inspirational.

As if trying to rhyme with ‘Racist’ and ‘Orange’ isn’t hard enough now I have to put up with this.  The man has absolutely no consideration for people like me.  There are a myriad of derogatory phrases he could have used but no, he had to use that.

Thanks Donald, thanks a lot.

*EDIT ONE HOUR AFTER PUBLISHING

The ink on this is barely dry and now I have to work out rhymes for Stormy Daniels.  Honestly.  AS if my days arent busy enough without having to work out how to shoehorn the phrases “Dutch Steamboating” and “Golden haired sausage Gobbler” into a haiku.  They’re hardly light on the old syllables…

 

People I enjoy – Kindra M Austin

Each week I will share the blog of someone I enjoy.  This week I would introduce you to Kindra. 

Each week I will share the blog of someone I enjoy.  This week I would introduce you to Kindra.  She has a fab blog which is as real as you are going to find, she wears her heart on her sleeve and she isn’t afraid to bare her soul.  She wrote a piece this week here which was just…well just read it.  She’s also prone to a dare, and I know this because I once dared her to do one of her more sweary pieces as an audio piece and she recorded it was rather good fun.

She describes herself as :

Kindra M. Austin is an author (information on her book can be found here), artist, and a Sagittarius Valkyrie from the state of Michigan—Go Detroit Red Wings! She likes her drinks corpse stiff, music loud as fuck, and classic big block muscle cars. You can find her filing through the souls of the slain at poems and paragraphs.

Screw you haiku

The cat made it perfectly clear who runs the house.

I’ve not written much of late as have been laid up unwell.  The cat seems to approve of this and has spent more time on my duvet than ever before.  Perhaps it is because there is no heating on in the house during the day and I am a source of heat, I know not.

I do though find it difficult to move her once she is settled and fast asleep and have been attempting to negotiate my way around the bed so as not to disturb her.  Earlier today this failed and shivering and desperate to get back into bed after visiting the doctor I had to very carefully move her.  Well, you can just imagine how very miffed she was with me and I swear she gave me the dirtiest look.  Like how very dare I.

Took me 2 whole packets of wet food and a promise to run the heating a little more often just to get her back on side.

Screw you haiku

All things do not happen for a reason. They just happen.

Aah, those chipper people who always find something positive to say no matter what.  You know them right, the “everything happens for a reason” crowd.  Mostly I find that they say this because a world where terrible things happen just cannot surely reconcile with what they believe.  Not sure that catching aids from a blood transfusion happens for a reason myself,  and no there is surely no good reason that a kid gets molested or a suicide bomber blows up a bus.

All things don’t happen for a reason, that’s a load of bollocks.  Terrible things happen, that’s just part of life.  It isn’t part of some big plan so stop telling me it is because your belief system cannot explain how such terrible things can happen otherwise.

haiku10118

 

 

Screw you haiku

what a mess!

haiku9118Whilst I don’t dress up I do love me a great Con, and there is a quite wonderful feeling when you’re surrounded by people just like you.  There are round bellied bearded men as far as the eye can see and you cannot swing a Schrodinger’s cat without clobbering a bespectacled comic-based t-shirt wearing geek.

If you’ve never been to one you should go, because they really do embody the very best in people.  There is a distinct lack of wankers, twats, dicks, racist, -phobes or utter prats.

 

 

People I enjoy – Linda the Maine Paper Pusher

Each week I am going to reblog someone that I enjoy reading.  This week it is Linda who is always so fabulously positive and sparkly.  She has been a huge encouragement to me since I started doing this lark too, she’s just that sort you know.  Oh and she loves Pokemon.  And has some HUGE dogs, you should check them out.

Linda  – I tried to do fancier reblogs but nothing I do seems to work at all.  Very frustrating.

Check her out here

A few days away.

For the first time in nearly 6 months I have just spent more than a day away from my blog. 

For the first time in nearly 6 months I have just spent more than a day away from my blog.  In the past Ive had the odd spell away, but nothing like this.  For 4 days in fact I have not made a post, read a comment or read anything anyone else has posted.

It was at first rather frustrating but there were these Ikea cupboards that needed to go up you see plus others that needed moving from one side of the bedroom to the other.  Now, in order to achieve that they needed to be dismantled which I kind of managed but then the dismantling was followed by shouting, swearing, sweating and me then apologising to the family for being a complete dick and a quite awful human being.

The second night I repeated my performance, to somewhat of a lesser degree, but again I was a twat and I will admit that I am this point thinking that I have issues.  No matter how hard I tried the combination of my complete ineptness and the quite obvious evil nature of these wardrobes brought out my inner twat.

Another night of it and by the time I had done them all I simply had no joy left in me and found it rather hard to return and it has taken a couple of days of cocktails, Christmas merriment and festive television to get me back to some sort of place where I have both the time and the inclination to write again.

I have some catching up to do I think but just glad my wife didn’t make me sleep in the garden this Christmas really.  She’s a frightfully patient woman.

Merry Christmas

Michael x

 

 

 

Donald Monday – Part Deux.

Its time for more of your favourite urine stained vagina grabbing golf playing King of the US of A!

 

There’s this chap who this week in the News

bought the vote of American Jews

add to those of the right

cos he’s ever so tight

with the racists to fight off the Blues.

 

Another? That one was a little clumsy…

 

Alabama sweet home of the Skyn

to the polls and I think Moore might win

cos a paedo you see

beats a Dem quite easy

in GOPS eyes fiddling kids ain’t a sin.

 

Happy Monday 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

7 Days 7 Black and white photos – Day 7

And yet another from my phone.

If  read it right then no explanation, no people no something else.  Anyway I think I’m meant to do a black and white photo a day for a week.  Okay there’s a few people if you look closely.  I’m not great with boundaries you know that…

Day 7

20171114_1453151139410853.jpg

 

So I believe, after 7 days, I am now meant to nominate someone.  Lets go with Walt.  You should visit and read Walt.  He has stuff to say.