Diet o’clock 8th of August

Mmmm frosting baby yeah.

Now here’s a curious thing.  The longer I remain focussed on what I put into my body (no – this is a diet post not one of the weird posts I am prone to do so stay with me) the less interested I become on food in general.

Food for me was a comfort, a reward, a treat but five or six weeks in and I find myself not only considerably less hungry than I have ever been but also less fixated on the deliciousness of it.  Perhaps foolishly I watch quite a lot of cooking shows, and mostly ones that focus on desserts, and in the past these would have inspired me to chocolate and cream filled monstrosities of pure delight but now I am mostly filled with something of a sense of indifference.  Perhaps at the time I think I might whip up a triple layered mousse cake or a dozen scones to be savoured in the bath or in the middle of the night but it soon passes.

That said, I have been making some ice cream, but that’s just because I am not getting through the milk and don’t have the heart to tell the milk man to deliver less. Oh and there were those cup cakes with the vanilla frosting.  But those aside, I do feel generally less compelled to feed my face.

When I set out on this journey I wanted to love better, lose weight, teach my kids to eat better and to sort out my relationship with food.  I don’t think I am there yet and would probably still rub Nutella all over myself when the cravings strike but things certainly do seem to be changing.

 

 

Diet o’clock 30th of July.

Mmmm frosting baby yeah.

So the kids are enjoying their summer holiday and I am at home with them and am fast realising that that eating properly when at home all day is going to be quite the challenge.  Whilst I have been able to be particularly disciplined when at work those same boundries melt away at home.

I feed the boys pretty healthy stuff for the most part and they are enjoying what I make but I know my youngest rather fancies learning to bake and I am actually pretty good at it. Thing is, fingers and spoons and bowls need to be licked and when I baked cup cakes a few weeks ago I was up to my elbows in butter cream and before I know it I was fingering my own mouth with frosted digits without even realising.

I will do my utmost to resist but there is a lifetime of habits to undo and you’d be surprised how often I have found myself eating cake in bed when all I meant to do was put the cat out.

Should be interesting.

 

 

Diet o’clock 29th of July.

I just cant help myself.

I am continuing with the whole30 business because I am so enjoying it bit I think I have run into a bot of a problem.

Guacamole and Salsa.

Until recently I had only ever had the stuff you get from the store in small tubs, and it was only when I made it myself did I realise just what it could taste like.  I was completely blown away and I actually feel a bit obsessed.  For the last fortnight I have been making the stuff non stop and I find myself thinking about it rather more than I ought to.  The minute I see a tomato or an avocado it sets me off and I feel qholly out of control for the stuff.

Even right now I am tempted to head downstairs and have a quick finger full.

I guess it’s better than standing in front of the fridge eating cake and stuffing biscuits in my mouth in the wee hours.

How can it be wrong when it feels so right.  Right?

 

 

 

Diet o’clock 23rd of July. 30 days of Whole30

So, thirty days in let’s see what the scale has to say shall we.

So that’s it.  Thirty days of whole30 done and dusted.  It certainly has flown by and was nowhere near as difficult as I thought it would be.  Once I cracked the shopping bit and realised I might not meet absolutely every strict criteria on the organic front it was much easier.

Now there is so much I cold write about, and I will week by week, but for this post I think there are some high level goals that I would reflect on.

I wanted to generally feel better physically because I was feeling a bit rough and rather old and achy and you know what I do.  My knees don’t ache like they did, the walk up the hill to walk no longer leaves me out of breath and overall I just feel far more comfortable in my body.   Oh and my blood pressure seems to be improving so that’s a huge plus.

I wanted my family to eat better and they have.  They are also more aware of the effects of food and are making their own decisions about what is good for them and which isn’t.  They have both also lost a bit of weight whilst eating more than they ever did and seem happier and healthier for it.  That isn’t to say they didn’t gobble down the cup cakes I made for them yesterday.

I wanted to lose some weight and I did.  I need to lose lots more, and I now have some realistic targets, but losing weight was something I needed to do.  I am not getting any younger and fall into the morbidly obese category I think – I probably don’t quite look it but I am.  So how much I hear you ask?  Well as if this morning I have lost 11.1kg in 30 days.  That is just short of 25lbs I believe.

I know losing more wont go as quickly as this has gone and I am happy with that.  I am more concerned with changing my lifestyle and my families and losing weight for the last time.  I hope to lose another 45KG by the end of the year.  I know that seems a lot but I can afford to lose it.

I am going to do another 30 days of this because I have enjoyed it so much and at the end of that I plan to do it again but this time I am going to start introducing things back into my diet.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

 

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Did I mention I am addicted to Salsa?  Its been a revelation for me.  That and Guacamole.  I had only ever had stuff from the store and never made it myself.  Oh god how good is it and why did no one ever tell me its that amazing!

Oh that bottom photo…I made a kind of coconut milk Ice Cream.  Not particularly sweet but just cold enough to give me a bit of a desert when combined with pecans, banana and cinnamon.

 

Diet o’clock 22nd of July

The impact on my wallet has been noticeable.

Okay so four weeks in and just a couple of days to go until my 30 days is up.  This week’s been pretty easy for the most part and things are starting to feel very much habitual and as the cupboards and shelves have been emptied of the things I should not be eating and I have been shopping regularly for the right stuff it has become progressively easier.

I know I am not quite buying all the proper organic stuff and whilst I do so where I can I don’t intend to beat myself up over it.  I have eaten well and eaten lots and am starting to feel some real benefits.

I feel less bloated, which I noticed within days, but my energy levels seem to be much improved this last week and my knees are feeling much less painful than they were.  The wright loss is starting to show which is always encouraging.

On the downside I am noticing a change in my breath so having to keep an eye on that and I seem to have developed an addiction to homemade salsa which whilst not the end of the world feels rather foreign.

Today was actually probably the only day where I wilfully decided to not be overly strict.  We went to a food fair (bad Idea I know) and I ended up eating a slice of wood fired pizza an having a bite of our Toms burger and one of our Sam’s chicken wrap.  I rather enjoyed it though I was super chuffed with myself that I didn’t indulge any more and for the rest of the day was back on it (with the exception of I think 4 nacho crisps).

Ill give you the numbers when I do my final weigh in on Tuesday morning…

 

Diet o’clock 14th of July

The impact on my wallet has been noticeable.

Okay so three weeks in and still on track. Clothes fit better, my cravings seem to have gone and I am for the most part into the new routines of having to cook and wash up considerably more and go shopping far more than I ever did before.

I did find myself somewhat weary last week and I think my body has been getting used to not eating all the delicious stuff I used to put into it and is adjusting to something just wholly different.

One of the unexpected side effects has been how much I spend on food.  I had expected to spend more but because I am now shopping more carefully and throwing very little away I am actually spending less for the family than ever before.  I stopped shopping at Tesco (which I had been threatening to do for a while) and started going to Lidl and Aldi.  That alone reduced the bill by about 40% and I’m probably another 20% better off because I am far more focussed on what we all eat and planning meals more carefully.

I do find I am not quite able to get all of the grass fed or organic stuff I would like but I am not going to beat myself up over that – I think it is going well regardless.

You’re probably wondering how much weight I have lost right?  I will tell you I promise, just not today. 🙂

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Diet o’clock 4th of July

The dreaded social situation…

Well it’s a week and a half and still going well.  I accidentally ate a couple of chips off of my wife’s plate (fries for you Americans) which was just habit and I tell you they were awful.

Actually they weren’t they were bloody lovely.  They were all coated in salt and vinegar but I resisted shovelling them all into my gaping cake hole and pretending to Mrs Michael that they’d accidentally fell on the floor and needed to be binned whilst wiping salt from my lips.

 

As a family we’ve been a lot better about not buying things on the sweeter side of the spectrum though Mrs Michael was bought a huge bar of peanut and caramel chocolate by her sister and I went as far as opening the packaging (already opened) and taking a deep inhalation of the heady cocoa aromas.

I felt a bit dirty but again did not succumb orally.  Hmmm.  That sounds a bit Bill Clinton doesn’t it.

I also figured a way of battling the temptation at work as there is a tuck shop about 4 metres from my desk and I could often be found buying a mars bar and a packet of crisps mid morning.  To give myself a fighting chance I have stopped taking money to work with me and also purchased a load of fruit (enough for the whole team) which I have to walk past should I want some sweet chocolatey goodness.

So mostly a few days of resisting temptation but apart from that I am rather enjoying it.

Diet o’clock 1st of July

The dreaded social situation…

You can read my first part here.

So, a week in on the Whole30 thing and it seems to be going rather well.  As far as weight loss it’s been successful but it’s not really about that.  This is about my attitudes to food and trying to make a sustainable change.

I knew at some point I would have to face temptation and this a week in and there it was.  England vs Belgium and invited round to friends to watch the game, have a few cheeky beers and a quick BBQ for half time.  I said yes without thinking and before I knew it I am sat in front of the TV with an array of crisps and nuts before me and the offer of Beer, cider, wine or GnT.

Let’s just say that you know you’re fat when you politely decline explaining that you are on a diet and nobody tells you it’ll be ok, it’s just the one it won’t hurt.  Mostly I can see them thinking “Phew, that’ll save on the catering.”

Anyway I survived that and had a little meat and some sparkling water and enjoyed a thoroughly awful England performance but the sun was shining so happy days.

Friday was a far more challenging ask.  It was the annual charity golf day and our team was entered many months ago so there was no getting out of it.  If I did then it was likely an orphan or an animal would suffer some awful fate so I dusted off my clubs and turned up.  Now the thing about the day is that your ticket includes a free bar and as much food as you can eat.  There are burgers and sausages available all day long and the savage 29c temperatures were not to be worried about because the bar was fully stocked with more beer and cider than you could wish for.

I had 2 plain burger patties, which I was most pleased with because I think I had 6 burgers last year.  That’s over the course of a 10 hour day drinking but still a lot I realise. I took 3 apples and just ate those and despite sweating like a pig in the baking sun and wanting nothing more than the sweet fruity nectar of an apple cider  – I resisted the booze too.

I realise it’s only a week or so in but feels like a significant step because I am pretty certain that normally I would have buckled.

Onwards and upwards I guess

 

Asparagus made my pee smell funky

Never had it before…

So it’s been about four days since I embarked on the Whole30 eating plan thingy and so far so good.

I am not weighing myself or taking any sort of measurements just concentrating on trying to eat properly and I will see what happens.  Her are a few observations from my first few days.

Turns out my kids do not like asparagus, so not wanting to waste it I ate an entire bloody bundle which I had grilled with garlic and lemon.  It was rather lovely and it had the side effect of making my pee smell most fragrant.  I didn’t know about the effects but it is scientifically proven apparently.  Who knew eh.

I am spending a lot of time cooking.  Oh goodness like non stop.  I made ratatouille last night because I accidentally ordered about a dozen courgettes and as delicious as it was the mere sight of it made the family gag so I ended up doing broccoli and fish for the boys with a dill sauce and later on my wife made herself something that was neither full of courgette of smelled like fish.

I do feel less bloated.  I noticed that pretty quickly and I also think I have more energy.  Maybe I am just imagining it but I have found myself more keen to do things I might not have previously.

Almond milk is unpleasant though I will persist and am slowly acquiring the taste for it.  Slowly mind, it’s a work in progress.  You might as well make spinach milk or sprouts milk if you’re going to make milk from weird stuff.

Family quote of the week so far: “You smell like eggs and garlic get away from me!”

 

 

 

Diet o’clock

This feels more serious.

I have written previously on such matters as dieting and being fat, and as anyone who is overweight knows there is always the desire to do something about it but that desire is seldom more powerful than the lure of eating a pizza in bed or shovelling doughnuts into ones face in the middle of the night.  That’s just the way it is, and anyone who tells you different is wrong.

Apparently, from what I have read, it’s pretty easy to lose weight really and one’s motivation simply needs to be more compelling than the deliciousness of chocolate ice cream.

For me I am hoping that I now have that motivation.  I am not getting any younger but I am getting progressively larger and it doesn’t seem to take the effort it used to either.  I am 47 this year and probably at my heaviest ever and whilst I always felt pretty indestructible regardless of my weight this year I am starting to think that maybe I am human after all.

Bits of me ache that didn’t used to ache before, my knees particularly, and quite recently I did something to my back which persists still which I attribute to having a core mostly made of fudge and treacle.

So what am I doing about it?  Well I did some reading and am going to start whith this Whole30 thing.  Google it there are loads of sites about it. I think I need to change the way I think about food and understand more about what I am shovelling into my face and to understand the impacts of it beyond it just tasting delicious and giving me a rather full bottom.

I bought some books, did a monstrous £200 online shopping order and it seems it is now underway.  I will write more about it I am sure, but tonight I took the first steps and made turkey filled cucumber thingumabob’s which you can see below.   I even made some sort of dressing too.   Surprisingly the boys really enjoyed them (as did I) and that’s important because I fear I have passed my own food issues onto them so want to change it.

I will let you know how it goes over the next month.

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An ode to dieting

Why is it when I choose to diet
I crave red meat and choose to fry it
And sauces full of cheese – I’ll try it
My resistance sadly none

And when I start the day with bran
I go to work and where I can
Resist temptation, that’s the plan
…By ten I gorge for fun

And suddenly a man possessed
With little will power I’m obsessed
As cream bun crumbs fall down my chest
Devine drips on my tongue

By lunchtime I think, “No” renewed
And salad is my chosen food
Then crumble, custard, fruit well stewed
So weak yet god, so yum

Maybe tonight it will go well
As moobs and belly, jowls do swell
It seems today went all to hell
And god look at my bum

But tomorrow is another day
“I’ll do way better”, hear me say
Perhaps this time I will not stray
And surrender to my tum

Dieting. 7.

A new dawn?

So either I have absolutely no will power or I am possessed by a rather hungry demon who insists on eating crisps for breakfast and considers a slack handful of sausages and a coke a mid day snack.

I last wrote about dieting in December and I felt pretty motivated back then.  I still feel pretty motivated now to be honest, but I think it is important to not confuse motivation for actions.  I am motivated to do many things but that does not mean I act.  It took me thirty years to take up writing so stopping eating squirty cream from the can is not going to happen overnight.  Saying that overnight is normally when the squirty cream action takes place.

Today though I have woken up with a new motivation.  Mostly I have spent the morning lingering in bed or writing and as it came to lunch time I realised that I had not yet eaten so I figured that probably technically counts as abeing on a diet so yes, the diet is back on.

I have definitely put on weight since I last wrote, I can feel it in the way my clothes fit me even less than they did previously and I can feel it in the way I move.  Not a lot, but enough to tell me that at my age, and given that I spend a lot of my time at a desk, this weight loss lark is only going to get trickier and trickier as I get older.  I imagine having bacon sandwiches every Friday doesn’t help either, but mostly It’s probably down to age and metabolism.

Not the Chinese takeaway I had last night.  Definitely not that.

I love food so not eating is not an option, and having dabbled with dieting forever I think I am going to do my best to stick to Slimming World.  There are eggs, lean bacon and chopped tomatoes in the kitchen which I think I shall make.  I know its not as good as bran or some such but god have you eaten bran?  I’d rather die a bulbous monstrosity who has to wash himself with a rag on a stick than force that down my gullet.  I once took too large a spoon full of the stuff when I was trying to eat more of it to prevent myself dying from bowel cancer, something that kills a lot of men in my family, and it  actually made me gag so difficult was it to chew.  Like a proper eye watering “take it all” kind of gag.

No thanks.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

 

 

 

 

Dieting. 6.

really not my fault

Ok so it hasn’t been great over the Christmas period, I will start with that.  I would add though that it was nowhere near as bad as it could have been and I have most definitely not gorged anywhere near as I have done in previous years.

There was no starter at Christmas dinner, only one pudding (shock horror right) and there’s a quite magnificent stollen covered in cherries and almonds that has lasted nearly the entire Christmas week!

A real indicator of a victory, albeit a small one, was that I didn’t even have a selection box for breakfast when we were opening gifts.  That’s a bit of a tradition in our house you see.

Nonetheless it was something and over the last week we have all most definitely eaten a lot less.  There remain piles of all manner of things that will likely go unconsumed and I am going to take that and get back to trying even harder.

Once I’ve finished that trifle though because it’s so damned good…

Dieting. 5.

really not my fault

Just a quick update as I am rather full of meat and my eyes are slowly closing.

We took the kids to a comedy club thingamajig tonight as it is my eldest boys birthday next week, and they took a couple of friends with them.  The evening was pleasant enough, and afterwards we thought we would take them all for dinner to TGI Fridays.

I was convinced that I was in a good place upon entering, and despite the kids all ordering ribs, which I am rather partial to, I asked for the duck salad.  Duck salad right!  That is actually a thing.  Salad.  With Duck.  Whatever next.

Anyway, so there I am feeling great about the choice I just made, when the waitress heads back over.  They are all out of Duck Salad.

I do wonder whether they ever actually had any you know.  It really does not sound like something you should be making.  Salad with duck.  I think it is on there as a joke and they are convinced that nobody will ever take it seriously enough to order it.

I don’t really know how it happened, I think maybe I felt pressured into a quick decision as she was stood waiting for my  revised order, but I just blurted out ribs and before I know it I am licking Jack Daniels sauce from my fingers and picking succulent pig from my teeth.

I had done rather well all day up to that point too.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day.  Sleep well, I certainly will.

P.S. I ate the chips too.

 

Dieting. 4.

A piece in which I mention sweaty bottoms quite a lot.

So yesterday was somewhat more difficult given that I had a full day work event followed by Christmas Dinner and drinks.  But, I came away not completely disappointed in myself – quite surprisingly.

I did not indulge in any of the huge pile of biscuits and chocolates that were available on arrival which I thought was a real victory given that in the past I would have been the one that opened them and got stuck in first.

I cannot say the same of big fat Simon though, he rumbled into the room, reached across the table exposing his hairy arse crack, proclaimed “Ooh biscuits” and tucked in.  Perhaps that’s the key to appetite suppression.  Every time you’re tempted to eat squirty cream straight from the can you have to look at a picture of a large man’s hairy toilet equipment.

At lunchtime I ate only the same as a normal person, avoiding the cream cakes and sticking to a couple of sandwiches and the treat of a frightfully small piece flap jack for pudding.  I did get a queer look from a couple of people when I was spotted eating a fruit kebab thing and a couple of carrot sticks and some hummus.  Rather than admitting to being on a diet I explained that I was saving myself for the Christmas dinner later on.

All I really wanted to do was smash cream buns into my face in the toilet where no one could judge me.

Dinner was ordered months ago so there was not much I could do and I had a lovely pumpkin soup starter.  I seem to have then ordered a burger followed by Christmas pudding.  I remembered some of the encouragement I have received on here and decided to not eat the chips (fries).  This would have worked had they cleared the table sooner, but they took a while so by the time they did I had eaten half.  But not eating half is something I would never have done before.  I would have eaten all of mine and then coveted other peoples chips.  Pretty sure the bible has strong views on such things.  As good as I felt about it I could think of nothing else when I got home and had real regret over not eating them.

So all in all a way better day than I had expected.

This afternoon I am thinking of popping to the hypnotist to see whether they can help me get the image of big Simon’s dirty parts out of my head.

Have a good weekend!

Dieting. 3.

Let’s give it another go eh

Okay so I’m going to double up on the posts on this to get caught up so I can post daily on the matter if I so choose.

2 days in and the worse thing I have put into my mouth was a cheeky spoonful of that chicken pie I wrote about last time which my eldest had for his tea.  That’s not bad because a lot of you have done a damn site worse.

Yes you.  You know who you are.  Don’t make me add a winky face to make my point.

There have been natural yogurts, salads, omelettes and all manner of things that seemed in a relatively unprocessed form.  Novel I know.  I even resisted the work Christmas Dinner in the canteen today and had a salad box instead.

The salad itself was fine and I felt fairly full afterwards.  I was though really confused about something called QUINOA.

What the bloody hell is that.  As if couscous isn’t bad enough with its bland offensiveness they went and slipped this stuff in there.  I thought it looked okay, and hoped perhaps it might be a little spicy.  It wasn’t.

Four hours later I am still finding bits of it in my mouth and in my clothes as I was forced to try spit it out and got it all over myself.  What the hell is it?  It managed to absorb all the moisture in my mouth and left me really rather parched indeed.

I’m assuming none of you have eaten it as you all seem quite happy types.

Anyway, it was just a quickie tonight.  I think I am going to bed – I need to hydrate and get my strength up because it is the official Christmas Dinner tomorrow and I am assured there is no quinoa on the menu.

x

 

Dieting. 2.

Let’s give it another go eh

Okay, so I posted about my intentions with regards to weight loss and one day in it went okay.  I had more fruit than I normally would, I had a chicken Caesar wrap for lunch and for dinner pilchards on toast.   There was plenty of water and I had a small bag of nuts and seeds because I apparently need to get more good cholesterol in me.

So that’s all very positive.  I will admit though I so wanted to eat that delicious looking chicken pie sat looking at me whenever I open the fridge.  It just screams “eat me you fat bastard, ram me into your hungry hole right now and to hell with your high blood pressure because you know I am going to taste so damned good.”

Pies are awful creatures they really are.  I was once set upon by two sausage and tomato pies and a Cornish pasty and it took all my efforts to fight them off and devour them (all in self-defence I might add).

Aah good times.

Oh and how hard I had to resist buying a trifle when I popped to the shops.  If I had bought it I know for a fact that I would have found myself eating it wearing only my underpants stood in front of the fridge at 3am, waking with a custard moustache and wondered why I wasn’t in the mood for breakfast.

Custard moustache…ha.  Sounds like a sex act.

“Yeah man I took her back to my place and she gave me a custard moustache…”

Anyway, the struggle is real trust me.

But I didn’t, instead I did the things I know I need to do and have also started today with porridge.  I sexed it up with a few raisins and a sprinkling of coconut.  Rock and roll baby!

Wonder if I can now get into those jeans I haven’t been able to squeeze into for years.  It has been an entire day after all.

Dieting. 1.

Let’s give it another go eh

So it turns out that after posting about dieting here and here I did very little about the matter.   There were a few apples and some lighter lunchtime options enjoyed at work when I set out but there were also loose handfuls of quality street chocolates and overflowing plates of pie and mash washed down with mince pies and stollen.

Sadly it turns out a salad on a Tuesday will not in any way make up for a McDonalds Big Tasty on a Wednesday.  And yes, I went large.

In some ways that is almost enough to convert me from my atheist ways.  Only a force of pure evil would make a mouth watering burger total 1300 calories and a light ham salad with a splash of vinaigrette a mere 250.  If such evil exists then surely there is a balance of goodness out there somewhere.

Anyway I am thinking that if I write about it a little more then perhaps that will make me feel somewhat more accountable.   Or maybe a lot more.  I know you will all be frightfully encouraging too.

So keep an eye out for how it goes, might be fun.

I seem to be on a diet

I was tempted to toss the strawberries and a couple of meringues directly into my mouth and top it up with the can of squirty cream that’s in the fridge…

I wrote previously about being fat,  and since that post – despite great consideration – did precisely nothing about it.  Unless of course you were to count the two meals below, which I think may actually have had exactly the opposite effect of a nice salad and a walk in the park.  I am no nutritionist though, so cannot be absolutely certain on that point.

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The feast above was enjoyed (and shared) at Miller and Carter in Huddersfield, and whilst there is an abundance of Salad I imagine the benefits were likely undone by the lashings of dressing and the presence of an entire deep fried crab.  Again, I would welcome a steer on that point from someone in the know.

Now the next meal I enjoyed at the Bottomley Arms in Halifax, and the ultimate burger seems something they are rather proud of.

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After eating as much of it as I could, washed down with a cheeky gin and tonic or two, I realised that perhaps any item of food that has the word ‘Ultimate’ in the description is unlikely to prepare one for a lengthy session in the gym.

Equally, another indication as to its inappropriateness for exertion of any type other than the loosening of one’s belt and sweating on the way back to the car may have been the use of the phrase ‘…and even more onion rings and cheese…”

I’m pretty sure it had pulled pork on it.  I vaguely recall the use of the words ‘succulent’,  ‘juicy’ and ‘hand pulled’ at some point in the evening.

Anyway, I checked both Slimming World and Weight Watchers websites in the hope that perhaps I could pass them off under a few ‘healthy B’s’ or maybe they might come in under a daily ‘points total’ but alas not.  Both sites simply confirmed that not only am I big boned with a healthy appetite but I am also somewhat delusional.

So, that being said I awoke this morning and for some reason thought, “why don’t you get on the scale.”  You want to know the number don’t you.  Yeah well I think perhaps I’ll keep that for another day but what I will say is that I decided that I would have a go at not having bacon for breakfast and take it from there.  What I did have was this:

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It was ok I guess, for a breakfast that was not pork based.  What I will say is that I didn’t need a lie down after it so that’s something right?

Admittedly, I was tempted to toss the strawberries and a couple of meringues directly into my mouth and top it up with the can of squirty cream that’s in the fridge.  I was worried though that should I have a stroke and fall down dead at that very moment it would scar the kids for life when they found me lying there, clad only in my underpants,  Eton mess spilling from my mouth and looking like I’d succumbed to rabies.

So we shall see how it goes, and I will continue to share.  I may well have to change the featured image in this photo if I get a chance later because I feel like that woman with the fruit is just mocking me.