Tag: man boobs

So either I have absolutely no will power or I am possessed by a rather hungry demon who insists on eating crisps for breakfast and considers a slack handful of sausages and a coke a mid day snack.

I last wrote about dieting in December and I felt pretty motivated back then.  I still feel pretty motivated now to be honest, but I think it is important to not confuse motivation for actions.  I am motivated to do many things but that does not mean I act.  It took me thirty years to take up writing so stopping eating squirty cream from the can is not going to happen overnight.  Saying that overnight is normally when the squirty cream action takes place.

Today though I have woken up with a new motivation.  Mostly I have spent the morning lingering in bed or writing and as it came to lunch time I realised that I had not yet eaten so I figured that probably technically counts as abeing on a diet so yes, the diet is back on.

I have definitely put on weight since I last wrote, I can feel it in the way my clothes fit me even less than they did previously and I can feel it in the way I move.  Not a lot, but enough to tell me that at my age, and given that I spend a lot of my time at a desk, this weight loss lark is only going to get trickier and trickier as I get older.  I imagine having bacon sandwiches every Friday doesn’t help either, but mostly It’s probably down to age and metabolism.

Not the Chinese takeaway I had last night.  Definitely not that.

I love food so not eating is not an option, and having dabbled with dieting forever I think I am going to do my best to stick to Slimming World.  There are eggs, lean bacon and chopped tomatoes in the kitchen which I think I shall make.  I know its not as good as bran or some such but god have you eaten bran?  I’d rather die a bulbous monstrosity who has to wash himself with a rag on a stick than force that down my gullet.  I once took too large a spoon full of the stuff when I was trying to eat more of it to prevent myself dying from bowel cancer, something that kills a lot of men in my family, and it  actually made me gag so difficult was it to chew.  Like a proper eye watering “take it all” kind of gag.

No thanks.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

 

 

 

 

Ok so it hasn’t been great over the Christmas period, I will start with that.  I would add though that it was nowhere near as bad as it could have been and I have most definitely not gorged anywhere near as I have done in previous years.

There was no starter at Christmas dinner, only one pudding (shock horror right) and there’s a quite magnificent stollen covered in cherries and almonds that has lasted nearly the entire Christmas week!

A real indicator of a victory, albeit a small one, was that I didn’t even have a selection box for breakfast when we were opening gifts.  That’s a bit of a tradition in our house you see.

Nonetheless it was something and over the last week we have all most definitely eaten a lot less.  There remain piles of all manner of things that will likely go unconsumed and I am going to take that and get back to trying even harder.

Once I’ve finished that trifle though because it’s so damned good…

Just a quick update as I am rather full of meat and my eyes are slowly closing.

We took the kids to a comedy club thingamajig tonight as it is my eldest boys birthday next week, and they took a couple of friends with them.  The evening was pleasant enough, and afterwards we thought we would take them all for dinner to TGI Fridays.

I was convinced that I was in a good place upon entering, and despite the kids all ordering ribs, which I am rather partial to, I asked for the duck salad.  Duck salad right!  That is actually a thing.  Salad.  With Duck.  Whatever next.

Anyway, so there I am feeling great about the choice I just made, when the waitress heads back over.  They are all out of Duck Salad.

I do wonder whether they ever actually had any you know.  It really does not sound like something you should be making.  Salad with duck.  I think it is on there as a joke and they are convinced that nobody will ever take it seriously enough to order it.

I don’t really know how it happened, I think maybe I felt pressured into a quick decision as she was stood waiting for my  revised order, but I just blurted out ribs and before I know it I am licking Jack Daniels sauce from my fingers and picking succulent pig from my teeth.

I had done rather well all day up to that point too.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day.  Sleep well, I certainly will.

P.S. I ate the chips too.

 

So yesterday was somewhat more difficult given that I had a full day work event followed by Christmas Dinner and drinks.  But, I came away not completely disappointed in myself – quite surprisingly.

I did not indulge in any of the huge pile of biscuits and chocolates that were available on arrival which I thought was a real victory given that in the past I would have been the one that opened them and got stuck in first.

I cannot say the same of big fat Simon though, he rumbled into the room, reached across the table exposing his hairy arse crack, proclaimed “Ooh biscuits” and tucked in.  Perhaps that’s the key to appetite suppression.  Every time you’re tempted to eat squirty cream straight from the can you have to look at a picture of a large man’s hairy toilet equipment.

At lunchtime I ate only the same as a normal person, avoiding the cream cakes and sticking to a couple of sandwiches and the treat of a frightfully small piece flap jack for pudding.  I did get a queer look from a couple of people when I was spotted eating a fruit kebab thing and a couple of carrot sticks and some hummus.  Rather than admitting to being on a diet I explained that I was saving myself for the Christmas dinner later on.

All I really wanted to do was smash cream buns into my face in the toilet where no one could judge me.

Dinner was ordered months ago so there was not much I could do and I had a lovely pumpkin soup starter.  I seem to have then ordered a burger followed by Christmas pudding.  I remembered some of the encouragement I have received on here and decided to not eat the chips (fries).  This would have worked had they cleared the table sooner, but they took a while so by the time they did I had eaten half.  But not eating half is something I would never have done before.  I would have eaten all of mine and then coveted other peoples chips.  Pretty sure the bible has strong views on such things.  As good as I felt about it I could think of nothing else when I got home and had real regret over not eating them.

So all in all a way better day than I had expected.

This afternoon I am thinking of popping to the hypnotist to see whether they can help me get the image of big Simon’s dirty parts out of my head.

Have a good weekend!