I find the withdrawal method the best way to end the week and prevent unwanted weekend hangover.
A free loving hard drinking lass Mandy
would go down for a bottle of brandy
would dry hump for white wine
for 6 beers, 69
and a hand job for two pints of shandy.
The one with the dirty toothbrush.
Wife wants a divorce
she caught him with her tooth brush
enjoyed how it buzzed
Reminds me of the joke told by Prince on the Batman album…
I was encouraged to do a post containing the words ‘Cavernous Vagina’.
Serious.
WTF people, control yourselves. 😉
no pants, bends over
wind, cavernous vagina
echoes like a shell
Kind of me eh!
Once a hirsute Chap hair thick and black
had his pubes waxed, his back and his sack
Felt he ought to protest
when she then did his chest
but he loved being smooth, “Do my crack!”
Reminds me of the joke told by Prince on the Batman album…
Things sure seem different
she swears she’s been true indeed
loves well endowed dwarfs
I didn’t mean to make it about dwarfs, but my drawing went all to shit scale wise so it was either dwarfs or kids hiding in the bushes and I took the less offensive/illegal route. I mean there are boundaries I wouldn’t cross. At one point it had the words ‘cavernous vagina’ in there too which was again, wholly unnecessary and rather crass. Sorry.
You cheeky little monkey
Once a chap, infidelity loving
who’s dear wife caught him pushing and shoving
to his bits took a knife
now she’s locked up for life
but that’s fine, least he can’t do no loving
Oh how most unfortunate.
ardent naturalist
flatulent, taco Tuesday
soiled their new settee
Well this is going quickly
An old lady who so loved her cat
Lived alone, tripped and fell, in her flat
rather dead what a smell
cops broke in, cat looked well
as it ate off her face, fancy that
Not one of my favourite days I will admit.
New neighbour it seems
inspire his bird watching love
dirty bush rustler
Well I say that but sometimes you need a lawyer. or penicillin.
Once a chap with some erectile woes
Bad sleep walker as well, as it goes
One night took Viagra pill
down the stairs he did spill
Broke his shoulder, his cock and three toes
Not that it’ll help much but it’s something I guess.
Dark revelation
husband’s craving for vege’s
used sexually
As the seasons begin to change you might find yourself in need of a get well soon limerick. Well you might. Maybe.
Oh poor thing heard you snuffling and sneezing
and your chest sounds quite tight and you’re wheezing
so stop smoking, you dick
I don’t care that you’re sick
and not smelling you would be quite pleasing
Well okay that was rather rude wasn’t it. As an ex smoker I do still miss a cigarette from time to time, especially in the winter. Oddly less so in the summer. I enjoyed vaping for some time too but eventually got bored of the whole lot and packed it in. I do miss all the smoke breaks I used to take at work…
Sunday shenanigans. Today I shall ponder the road that lies ahead.
mind slowly searches
Memories of yesteryear
Nope. Shit my pants too.
Got this for you if you’re in the mood.
Once a fellow woke up scared n screamin’
as he thought that he’d ran out of semen
with a groan and a thrust
just a moan and some dust
double checked, such relief, only dreamin’
Well it’s kind of a haiku. In form at least but beyond that, well less so. 🙂
sweetest desire
pursued, rebuffed, he persists
restraining order
Well it’s Saturday here…
Once a couple in search of some spice
thought that swinging might maybe be nice
turns out wasn’t for him
though his wife, with a grin
partakes every weekend, sometimes twice.
Aah welcome weekend indeed
Selective smelling
father claims did not realise
baby leaking shit
Aah this takes me back to those selective moments when we first had kids. She would apparently not hear the middle of the night crying and I in turn would seldom realise that a nappy had just been filled. Must have been her motherly super senses I reckon that she just noticed first.
You get what you pay for I guess.
A Slovakian chap of poor breeding
could not quite find the bride he was needing
so he plumped for mail order
and he shipped ‘cross the border
makes her cook, clean, some gardening and weeding
The one where he gets fisted by Ken.
Part 1 Part2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
Oh. My. God. Today was so damned hot.
That kid from next door came over for a play date and he was so much fun. Have I not mentioned him before? Oh he is one of my favourites. He’s the sort they think just needs to take his medication and to play with other normal kids to help him with his behavioural issues.
Trust me when I tell you he there is no helping him and one day he will appear on your television screens and you will be warned that he could be hiding in your out house, trouserless, and there will probably be an octogenarian on there shaking whilst she describes what he did to her cat when he was meant to be cleaning her gutters.
No, no, before you jump to conclusions I am not hot for him nor what he will likely do to animals one day but damn, that freaky little miscreant knows how to make us toys play doctor and nurse.
As soon as he was alone he made Barbie give up what I’ve been itching to taste ever since she got that new two piece and I was barely done buffing her smooth parts and he had the Lego Princess Leia give me an internal examination the likes of which a bear like me only dreams about.
I can see why Jabba liked to keep her on a short leash if you know what I mean.
I will even admit that by the he had Ken out of his boxers I was game for anything and as lacking as he might be south of the border anatomically he more than made up for it with those tightly balled fists of his.
God I cannot wait until they have him round again…
Seems his tastes have changed.
Convinced he was a boob man
One day she caught him looking
Turns out likes bums more.
Because the day has a ‘Y’ in it that’s why.
a chap, gullible, from Billericay
has a girlfriend quite sneaky and tricky
she would sneak off at night
slip back in by day light
and her hands, mouth and thighs rather sticky
The one where the fat bloke danced naked and made another man feel rather unwell.
Exhibitionist
and a great lover of pies
vomit inducing
I think perhaps the picture came first well before the haiku. I don’t know why I chose to draw that, perhaps it is some sort of repressed angst. Maybe I just find the idea funny. Maybe I just happened to draw a fat bloke with a big set of balls and a curiously positioned penis. I don’t know. I do know that it made that other fellow decidedly queasy to the point of throwing up.
Probably a true story.
Better do a limerick then hadn’t I.
A poor chap with a weak constitution
spent much time on his daily ablutions
he would wipe, scrub and clean
’till his bottom did gleam
and was free from unsightly pollutions
Which is mostly the same as all the other days of the week to be honest.
I have a list you know
and crave the apocolypse
I know who I’d eat
Ooh that was a bit dark wasn’t it. Okay so I wouldn’t go eating people willy nilly this is worse case scenario you know. All the tinned goods would need to be gone and I would probably have even eating some of the dry cat food and the stuff at the back of the cupboard that is well past it’s use by date. Not the wet cat food though – god no thanks I would rather munch on one of the neighbours before I eat that. Makes me gag at the thought.
Anyway, I’m sure it won’t come to that…
Don’t act surprised. It’s not even medically accurate but that never stopped me before.
Once a student, a fellow from Harrow
A urethra quite long but so narrow
he could go all damn night
with no ending in sight
sixty nine, doggy style and wheel barrow
Afterwards 