I had a lot of these rattling around in my head. Feels like maybe the avalanche of them is over. But we shall see eh 🙂
Once a chap with type 2 diabetes
Disregarded advice so much so he’s
Gone and lost all his toes
And the tip of his nose
As he just cannot stay off the sweeties
ouchy
Get well soon hope it really stops swelling
Heard the pains pretty bad can’t stop yelling
Doubled up in such pain
From your toes to your brain
And its weeping and pretty bad smelling
Ill run out soon. Maybe.
Once a fellow with vague recollection
From a night out brought home an infection
Blamed it all on the booze
As it started to ooze
“Looks like herpes” said the doc on inspection
its not my fault words rhyme so deliciously
“Check your prostate” my friend’s wife insisted
so he went pants dropped face, red and twisted
he enjoyed it so much
and went home and begged such
that each night he’s oiled up, roughly fisted
Something for the weekend sir?
Geriatric old artist called Jude
liked to walk round the house in the nude
paint still life’s in the buff
neighbour cried, “Please, enough”
close the curtains, your plums look most stewed”
Oh happy day
Veterinarian fond on iguanas
gazed with lust at frogs monkeys and llamas
he’d come over all queer
at the site of a deer
and just couldn’t be trusted by farmers
though nothing much to see
There once was a singleton, Kate
met a tinder lad, went on a date
she felt rather aggrieved
his pics seems, did deceive
Cos a headshot didn’t show his huge weight
Don’t let the bed bugs bite!
Once a fellow who defeated cancer
said “I’ll be an exotic male dancer
loving life is a must
I shall work on my thrust
a spray tan and gold thong is the answer”
One about internet hook-ups and massive disappointments in the trouser department.
A deflated young lass she did snigger
tinder date, she had hoped for much bigger
she persisted and tried
but was unsatisfied
Barely started, then over, hair trigger
Short and not at all sweet
Gravity my foe
claims pendulous body parts
sag like melted wax
Take two of these and call yourself in the morning.
Hypochondriac doctor call Steven
In good health but he was not believin’
caught a cold, said the flu
dysentery, just a poo
claimed TB, just a chest cold, some wheezin’
Not much I know…
Once a boastful, unkind type of chap
who made others feel small, piece of crap
but then fell on hard times
sells his anus for dimes
and has picked up aids, syphilis and clap
you’d think I’d get bored wouldn’t you…
A hot blooded young baker called dicky
had a thing for hot bread and so quick he
would fondle baguette
blush and stammer and sweat
and his fingers would end up quite sticky
Blink and it’s gone
Presentation, go
confident and feeling good
Oh bugger, zip’s down…
Childish insults
Once a president mouth full of lies
fond of grabbing women twixt the thighs
One of the world’s greatest turds
cant remember song words
No matter just how hard he tries
Oh sweet crassness, thy name is limerick
A mechanic with spanners quite handy
Steve mid week but at weekends fair Mandy
some would say he looked weird
in a dress, cock and beard
though to some well he looks pretty dandy
Why not eh…
Once a scholar of highest esteem
Oxford dean and old friend of the Queen
though behind the closed doors
a purveyor of whores
big fan of being spanked and whipped queen
It’ll be over before you know it I assure you.
I best get to bed
soon, just one more episode
Dawn…curse you Netflix!
nothing to see move along…
Pervert caught, got a tip off, quite handy
outside school with a van full of candy
how they loved him in jail
every night he would wail
passed around, all dressed up, called him Mandy
All creatures great and small
Good lord’s creation
all things bright and beautiful
a spider, kill it!
Its been a long time since I allowed myself to stray to thoughts of the D
Oh Melania seems you’ve gone missing
Is it ‘cos you hub loves shower pissing?
maybe ‘cos he hates facts
poor, sick, needy and blacks
and spent fortunes on porn stars french kissing
I know I know, day, day and day but hey live a little 🙂
A gym goer who so enjoyed Monday
lycra clad, pulse would race such a fun day
he would get little done
open mouthed, drooling some
for the ladies you see, it was buns day
It’ll be over before you know it trust me.
Monday back to work
Wake up hoping that I’m ill
Oh damn it feel fine
It actually surprises me that you’re surprised after all this time.
There’s this vegetable seller Lynette
who sees marrows, goes red starts to sweat
gets embarrassed and flustered
be they red, green or mustard
lost control one time with a courgette
then its bed time…
A cross eyed young dentist called Steven
had teeth that stuck out, most uneven
he could not understand
when he smiled, shook their hand
why they suddenly up’d and were leaving
Afterwards 