WHat goes on tour apparently did not stay on tour
So a businessman based up in Libya
from his trip brought home crabs and chlymidia
and a vase from Phuket
from a trans chap he met
and a rash from this lass from Namibia
Shall we? It is nearly Friday after all.
One beer won’t hurt
wakes up spooning a hobo
may be time to quit
Got one of these for you if you fancy it…
A scientific young chap from the States
compiled stats on each one of his dates
compared each on a chart
to find what set them apart
still a virgin unlike all his mates
Let’s hear it for hump day everybody!
Once a kinky young fellow from Crete
got turned on at the sight of the feet
lost his mind at nice heels
arches so made him squeal
the aroma…he exploded…so sweet!
maybe because they don’t move much
Left eldest at home
first time all day on his own
I don’t think he moved
Offence to some incoming…
Once a charlatan, not reverential
said “I’ll tell folks god’s quite existential
and that yeah, I’m his son
had a thing with my mum
it’s sure to make cash, has potential”
I might be wrong about this but I bet I’m not!
Behold Bald Eagle
Great winged symbol of freedom
And lunch in Beijing
Who fancies Tuesday then?
Boastful fellow from Just south of Perth
Boasted he had great length and such girth
But it ended in tears
Dropped his pants on the beers
“Hey it’s cold” he protested to mirth
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Thought the headline might catch your attention.
Once a premature fellow from France
met a lovely young lass at a dance
with a touch of her hand
it went not quite as planned
He exploded all over his pants
As if I actually know what that means
Once a fellow, tight bodied and ripped
on his torso worked hard but legs skipped
His top half was gigantic
though a breeze made him frantic
as unbalanced he wobbled and tripped
So be careful okay. Don’t say you weren’t warned
Pyromaniac nympho Melinda
snagged a willing young fellow from Tinder
as she reached for the lube
candle fell on his pubes
burnt his scrotum and knob to a cinder
Actually nothing to see but thanks for taking a look anyway.
At winters first chill.
nipples kindly remind me
must get some coat hooks
Wednesday, well that came around rather quickly. Let’s start by being inappropriate shall we,
Once a frisk young beauty called Mandy
quite insatiable always quite randy
had two fellas most days
her loins always ablaze
and toys for in between, rather handy
Who fancies Tuesday then?
Once a chap with a craving for harlot’s
had a Julie, a Kate and a Scarlet
on whom he spend all his cash
and picked up quite a rash
which he gave to his poor girlfriend Charlotte
Why not eh
Curly haired scots lad, Mackenzie
red hair, freckles put the girls in a frenzy
Bed sweet Jane all weekend
Thursday, Friday her friend
Monday Tuesday hot Belle, rest on Wednesday
It is here at least…
Once a lonely young fellow from China
on the net bought a plastic vagina
alas counterfeit wares
suffered bad penis tears
should have gone to Flesh Light, there’s none finer.
I now have a search on my laptop for best fake vagina. Bloody hell. Actually I also have one from this morning for symptoms of gonorrhoea. I think perhaps I may need to flush my cookies and search history just in case the kids have a go on my laptop. Or my wife.
It will clear up probably maybe.
On a business trip to Tanzania
chap I know came back with gonorrhoea
which he gave to his wife
now lives the single life
Oh the things that come from just one beer
Or maybe. Possibly. Actually it’s up to you I’m not the boss of you.
needs to go shopping
Ate the contents of the fridge
shared it with Jesus
Fancy one of these to start the day?
Once a lady of grace poise and style
with a wink and caress would beguile
round her finger she wrapped
foolish men, quite entrapped
and the things she could do with a smile
Breakfast bagel perhaps?
Once a quite splendid baker, a Brummie
lovely baps, light croissants oh so scrummy
met a girl who get wet
at his wonderous baguette
and his muffin, dear god so so yummy
Sorry Japan. Really.
diagnosis aids.
silver lining and all that
At least you’ve lost weight
I have no idea why.
Now a chap I knew could not contain the things he daily ate
no matter what he had and piled so high upon his plate
He’d gorge and feed his hungry face, sweet scollops, cakes and trout
then suddenly without fair warning it would come back out
He’d dine on steaks and fries and eat a pizza with meat on it
then forcefully with gusto great came forth projectile vomit
A meagre mouthful would result in gagging and some retching
one time he even soiled his trousers, brown on cream – quite fetching
Okay so I will stop there. I recognise that sometimes I go a little far but this is just a bit weird. I think it was funnier in my head than I can actually do on paper. I then also got to thinking just what might make him so very unwell and think maybe he might just have a nervous disposition rather than it being an eating disorder. At that point I now find myself thinking that he would probably then just have stayed home which is pretty sad and the likelihood of him having a wife or girlfriend is pretty slim so it’s really just descending into a pretty sorry tale and all a bit depressing.
Seemed a shame to waste a good title and picture so I guess I will just leave it there. Feel free to finish it if you like.
Plus, there isn’t really a word that rhymes with hungry and even puke and barf are pretty limited so it was never going to end well.
It will be over in no time at all I assure you.
Till death them do part
though death comes in many forms
like the hot neighbour
Seems a suitable way to sum it up.
A young fellow in Bangkok did wonder
why the ladies packed hot trouser thunder
grew up Christian, protected
so he never expected
but too late, went ahead, pleasant blunder
Look, if I don’t write them down they go round and round in my head and that really is not a good thing at all.
A young couple loves garden were tending
every moment each day they were spending
and their love grew and grew
oh the things they would do
though she drew a clear line at rear ending
Afterwards 