“>>>CONNEXION>>>”

You should just skip by this one I reckon

This was a prompt that goies with the pics at the bottom

Prompt here:

Countless suns blazed across the inky night sky as the city below held it’s breath,  twenty million inhabitants watching as the royal wedding party descended slowly in a small silver pod, the gigantic form of the orbiting class 1 Pleasure Craft an imposing and regal backdrop. 

The pod travelled slowly towards the iridescent high towers of the State palace, the twin moons looking on like a heaving pair of breasts, and the pod seemingly slipped between them before disappearing from sight.

Whilst the crowds waited, hungry for the confirmation that the bonds between the two warring peoples had been cemented, crimson clad handmaids whisked the Prince Aurorus from his silent carriage towards the bed chamber.   High vaulted ceilings and pristine marble floors reached out before him, the wedding train floating behind.

Wide eyed he gasped at the beauty of the palace, he had always imagined them so savage and base, but this spoke to something more beautiful and advanced. His heart pounded at the closeness of the alien handmaids, for as long as he could remember sworn enemies of her people. But now, through this bond, peace might be restored to the universe.

At least that is what father had told him in those moments before he had been whisked away by the high priests. He remembered how the ground had shaken as the low orbit bombers strafed the citadel back home. Beyond the blast shields that kept them safe, the world burned, and mother sat and watched, tears streaming down her face. She didn’t look as he was escorted from the room. Wouldn’t. Couldn’t.

And now here he was, surrounded by grandeur once more.

“Make yourself comfortable,“ said one of the handmaids as they passed through large ornate doors into a dimly lit room. He could make out the glitter of gold and precious stones on the walls as he walked towards the large bed that sat in the middle of the floor.

“Here?” he asked.

The handmaid nodded and hissed a command in her own tongue. The others all left the room leaving just the two of them. The handmaid motioned once more to the bed, nodded again and smiled a wide mouthed smile, eyes flashing and her scales catching the light. She then backed slowly out of the room, pulling the heavy doors closed behind her.

Aurorus knew what was next. Simple, painless and necessary he had been told. The priests spoke of duty, of tradition, of oaths that needed to be upheld, of the need to...

“My Prince,“ came a voice from the shadows. “Welcome once more,” it continued.

Barl stepped from the darkness and stood before Aurorus. He seemed larger now that he had during the ceremony.
Aurorus tried to speak but the words caught in his throat. Barl walked across to him, his yellow eyes deep set in his head, flashed as he looked at him there on the bed.

“They are waiting for us you know?” he said, “For our people to be united through our union. For light to return to the universe on this most glorious of days.”

Aurorus nodded. He knew. The priests had prepared him, assuring with hand wringing and much nodding that their people were not so different in so many ways.

Barl stood fully eight foot tall, the light reflected on his scales and they flickered with purples and reds, thick horns running the length of his arms and his long tail swishing around behind him, the tip curling as it rose and fell with his breathing.

“What is that?” Aurorus asked, motioning to the thick appendage that he held in his hand. It started in the middle of his chest, curled around his arm, and sat comfortably in his palm.

Barl look confused. “Did they not prepare you? It is my Schlem-na”

Aurorus felt uneasy. The priests had not mentioned that, he was quite certain. That was not something you would easily forget.

“Never heard of that,“ he said, pulling his knees tight to his chest. He watched him hold it towards him, almost as an offering.

Aurorus shook his head.

“The end comes off,“ said Barl, as if that might be some comfort.

Aurorus watched as the end opened up.

“You can fuck right off,“ he exclaimed, shifting back on the bed.

Barl tilted his head to the side, unsure of the words, they weren’t ones he was familiar with.

“And look, from inside the Schlem-na you can see the galtob,” Barl continued. He seemed very proud of his galtob. The galtob snaked from inside the Schlem-na, a full foot long, as thick as a finger and a bright blue. Like the sky at home, Aurora thought, only far more terrifying.


But it was nowhere near as pretty as the skies at home, and when the tip of the galtob hissed and bared a hundred pin like teeth he screamed, recoiling.

“My Prince,” said Barl looking to assure him. “Is it not a most regal and princely thing? Is it not the mightiest galtob across a thousand worlds?”

He seemed to be of a mind that it was, though Aurorus – being no expert in such things, was wholly unprepared to make any sort of qualified assessment as to the majesty of Barl’s Schlem-na, galtob, or anything else for that matter. The bed sheets were quite nice, and he had quite enjoyed the wedding robes and the ceremony, but right now they seemed somewhat secondary considerations. 

Barl’s galtob let out a shrill scream.

Aurorus let out one too.

The galtob reared and darted towards him. Barl felt his Schlem-na vibrate in his palm and he groaned with pleasure.

“Galtob approves,” he declared jubilantly, and crawled onto the bed next to him. Galtob did indeed approve and schlem-na backed up his affirmation with another girthy pulse.

“What do you say my prince?,” Barl pressed.

Aurorus recoiled as he stretched out the hand that was not holding his hissing collection of matrimonial hellishness.

Aurorus closed his eyes.

Once more Barl pressed, and the galtob snaked slowly towards Aurorus, swaying hypnotically. The teeth seemed to smile as it neared him and he could have sworn she heard it call his name and tell him what a pretty mouth he had and such slender hips.

“No,“ whispered Aurorus.

Barl leaned in. The Galtob now just inches from his face, pressing once more.

“Are you ready to make the universe whole again? To bring unity and peace and to cease this chaos?” Barl asked.

The galtob trilled sweetly and the pulsing of the schlem-na quickened. Barl smiled, rows of razor sharp teeth in his thick scaled face. A broad aperture opened in his forehead and a second galtob snaked out, though this one was thicker and pink and dripped a thick white liquid.

Barl saw Aurorus' eyes widen..The mouths of the galtob opened in unison.


---------------------------------------------

Does Aurorus:

A) Gently wrap his fingers around the First galtob, giggling as the Schlem-Na flushes pink with anticipation, the second galtob whispering sweet promises in his ear. Don't knock it until you try it, right? It is for world peace after all...

B) Bite off the head of the galtob as it darts from his forehead to his mouth, crush the schem-na in his hand, screaming wildly that the universe can burn for all he cares, whilst he grabs the second galtob, pulling it free and swinging it around his head like a tiny-mouthed lassoo...
-----------------------------------------------

Hey I was just pissing about with this. It reminded me a bit of one of those choose your adventure books I had when I was about ten (at least one of which I actually still have)
Anyway...it’s something...

Some utter filth…a reminder of just why. And how. meh…

Somethign from the archives

If you’ve read me for any length of time you know I love limericks. Why? Because they’re such whimsical fun.

Mostly they just kind of appear in my head you know, without much effort. I will think of a theme, find a couple of words that rhyme and they just magically appear. Or maybe I have a start or an end line that makes me chuckle and I take it from there.

Now, there are a lot of limericks I do not write that rattle around brain. Some are just awfully filthy and/or just go too far in terms of good taste and seem rather crass. The English language is somewhat to blame too, because how am I supposed to not think of the obvious when suck, luck and fuck all rhyme.

You try not to write a limerick about Donald trump having his bottom fiddled with when famous and anus also go perfectly well together. it is not an easy thing and I am a weak man. Mostly I like to write those ones on public lavatory walls or teach them to other people’s young children.

Alas I must though have some sort of filter because whilst I don’t mind offending people it should never be done just for the sake of offence.
Anyway, here are a few of the starting or ending lines from some of them them – feel free to perhaps make up your own using them.

Some starts
A well endowed teacher called Rick
An uncle quite fond of incest
A woman with breasts double D
A preacher man down on his luck
There once was a woman quite fussy

and how about a few endings…
and exploded all over her face
and a penis the size of a marrow
and collapsed into bed with her dad
and a clitoris the size of a grape
and removing a shoe from his anus

Enjoy

Limerick. Enjoy.

One about how to work out your manhood volume.

A perverse math’matician of note

to work out his cock volume, he wrote

“Times the length by the girth”

He reported with mirth

And then published with pics and did gloat.


Okay so I know that isn’t the calculation for working out the volume of one’s manhood. But no way am I googling that on the laptop the kids use from time to time. What sort of monster do you think I am.

Anyway, everyone knows you multiply the smallest radius of oval (minor axis) by its largest radius (major axis). Just not easy to get that into a limerick.

Though I did once read that it should be calculated using socks as a measure of volume. Ankle, sports, knee high. You get the general idea. Actually I once knew a chap who was an eye watering European size 12 Knee high. But that’s another limerick completely.

Happy Thursday !

A Limerick. Because it’s…actually I have no idea what day it is…

Ooh Brian you dirty, dirty little imp…

A virginal fellow called Brian

To get laid, he was tryin’ and tryin’

Efforts all came to nought

Then “eureka!”, a thought

Now each week, big boobed hooker’s he’s buyin’

A Limerick. On a Sunday. It is Sunday right?

February had 29 days, March 200 and April has 625. I have no idea what day or month it is to be honest…

This poor lad I know, self isolated

Spent his days watching porn, masturbated

Till his bits were quite raw

And his arms were real sore

And his balls were all red and inflated

The limericks I don’t usually publish

Move along, nothing to see and certainly not for kids.

For every limerick I write there is usually another I discard because it is inappropriate, childish, vulgar, twisted or just not the sort of things I would want my kids to stumble upon.

Today I will publish a few because I am in the sort of mood, and it’s the weekend and what are weekends for if not inappropriate limericks.  I had something of a request for more erotic asphyxiation stuff earlier this week.  I know I know, but there’s no accounting for the tastes of people.  

 

A conservative preacher, John Stead

Man of god but quite kinky in bed

by the cleaner discovered

bound, naked and buggered

Purple faced, plastic bag on his head

 

A plumber from Goole well endowed

love to take off his clothes in a crowd

and the ladies he’d please

as it hung to his knees

hand on hips, legs akimbo, so proud

 

A vicar from Grimsby most hated

spent a celibate life most frustrated

unless you count the young boys

who he used as his toys

’till they caught him and now hes castrated

 


Something more pleasant?

Ooh look at me being all topical!

Faeries: The long winter

Fences – FFfAW Challenge – 11th of July

 


photo courtesy of hypnoart at pixabay