On a health kick this bloke from Mauritius
drank his own sperm, claimed it was nutritious
and so good for his skin
and it kept him quite thin
milked himself three times daily, delicious
Aah the joys of Saturday
Mmmm delish!
Tag: humour
Friday limerick!
Hey it’s nearly the weekend!
There’s this fellow who get’s most excited
in his trousers, his loins quite ignited
by the arches and heels
at the sight how he squeals
runs his tongue ‘twixt the toes quite delighted
Friday baby yeah!.
Here you go.
Romance rekindled
they think that they still have it
time’s taken it’s toll
A limerick especially for you.
Yes you. You know what you did.
Once a lass from the south of the Andes
got aroused on a couple of shandies
when on wine, lust devine
glass of port, 69
and my god what she’d do when on brandy’s
Hey, psst, got this for you.
Fancy one of these?
a slip of the tongue
as they slip between the sheets
flaccid and forlorn
This should tide you over until Thursday.
Sweet sweet middle of the week
Once a vet who her work loved intensely
got quite heated, loved gerbils immensely
hamsters so made her sweat
guinea pigs made her wet
and with rabbits gets quite over friendly
Happy hump day
No, too early for that !
Plump stockings filled up
with Cristmas Innuendo
It’s still November
Hey Tuesday, yeah you.
Have a good one people!
Much beer consumed
the bromance intensifies
and boundaries blur
Tuesday Limerick.
Never been a big fan of Tuesday I’ll be honest.
A posh fellow, high class and good breeding
Found himself with dark thoughts and much needing
Gets his kicks, such a treat
watching fat ladies eat
Get’s him really quite hot when he’s feeding
I would do anything for love…
But god no thanks ain’t doing that…
dating going well
she breaks the fart barrier
Arse like satan’s breath
Monday Limerick for you.
Nothing weird or dirty. Hmm actually it’s pretty rubbish because of that.
Once a fellow who so dreaded Monday
as twas nowhere as much fun as Sunday
against Friday it pailed
next to Saturday failed
even Tuesday was way better fun day.
Hmm that is pants so here’s another.
Once a cardinal, proud of his choir
found the lads set his loins quite on fire
he could just not resist
when his large ring they kissed
how his mind swam with sinful desire
A limerick for you. Yes you.
Just because you like them.
There once was a vicar from Chester
who would wear a long yellow sowester
not much else underneath
save perhaps a small brief
made it easier when out to molest ya
Finger licking good limerick perhaps?
Already had one? Go on try another 😉
Once a colonel who really loved chicken
went too far, well beyond finger lickin’
Their pale flesh he’d caress
juicy things, plump firm breasts
and you know what inside he was sticking
I would do anything for love…
But god no thanks ain’t doing that…
imagination
unleashed rampant and savage
in his head at least
What Teddy saw. 7.
The one where Mr H gets his anus wrecked.
Part 1 Part2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6
There are good days in this job and there are bad days. Today was a good day.
I was fresh from rather pleasant evening in the toy box with School Teacher Barbie when I was rudely dragged from her quite instructional embrace and tossed unceremoniously into a backpack. I recognised the insides from such previous trips as ‘just an evening at uncle Ralph’s and a ‘Long weekend at Aunty Carole’s’, both of which still cause me sleepless nights, so obviously I was immediately concerned about what lay ahead.
I can still remember how Ralph’s chihuahua Tyson spent much of the night rubbing himself against me and asking me to fetch his bone and that is not something a bear gets over easily. Chihuahua’s are notoriously filthy little blighters and I will admit that now just the sight of her putting on lipstick in the morning before she heads to work is enough to induce a mild panic attack.
A friend of mine was once forced to endure an extended weekend with a pair of them and a particularly horny dachshund and he hasn’t spoken since, the poor bastard. God forbid anyone should eat hot dogs around him he completely loses his stuffing…
Anyway, turns out I was due for an afternoon of fun over at the Hendersons. It was your standard playdate as these things go really. There was a rather glorious tea party and an assortment of cakes and I got to make a few new friends. Chad is a rather burly Steiff with the most fantastic German accent and whilst his right wing leanings may be a little out there he was pretty cool. I am hoping to see him again soon because I think we could be good friends.
Oh and I even got to listen to some gossip when I was left in the kitchen for a while. Turns out Mr Henderson is into ‘bears’ too though from what Mrs H was saying I wouldn’t want to be friends with them given what they did to his anus.
Still she got the house and the kids in the divorce so happy days all round…
Limerick this!
I mean if that’s your thing you know,…
Once a lass with a cavernous vagina
proclaimed there was none sweeter nor finer
went in search of a beau
made a smart choice you know
now shacked with a talented miner
Promiscuity in the eighties
Watch out for that poor bathroom hygiene!
Aids rampant ran wild
he insists he’s been faithful
dead now so guess not
Get well soon x
Oh you poor thing
Heard you’re under the weather and wheezy
and your bottom is really quite breezy
and you’re head’s thick and snotty
and your breath’s pretty grotty
lots of fluids and rest, take it easy
Oops
So terribly sorry
She, most unimpressed
a miscommunication
he pleads innocence
Barf
Dirty bastard
his inner caveman
the habitual scratcher
loves his own odour
No laughing matter
Close those curtains…
Neath the paint and the smiles, sadness deep
When the lights they go out they do creep
At the window stare in
with maniacal grin
cut you up in your bed as you sleep
Come on gents, we’ve all tried it right?
Right? Hello? Hellooooo???
thinks she’s losing weight
comes home early, discovers
why her pants don’t fit
The things beneath the bed
How about another perhaps…
Tell the children it’s fine, not to fear
that you’ve checked and there’s just nothing here
but when you turn your back
they emerge from the black
and from under the bed they appear
Welcome to the weekend
Might as well as commit fully to a dirty Saturday.
That’ll never fit
Measurements seem to confirm
yet seems insistent
Filth ahoy I’m afraid.
Eventually I decided to use Nantucket and just as god intended it to be used though I took a slightly less easy route and avoided the obvious. Kinda. Sort of.
Nympho cum craving lass from Nantucket
had a craving to ride, stroke or pluck it
and by Friday she ached
how she quivered and shaked
but by Sunday she’d filled half a bucket
Afterwards 